My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Hiratsuka-sensei's calm voice eased the tense atmosphere (or rather, it had been on the verge of exploding from the start). She was all smiles, seemingly overjoyed.

"It's getting more and more interesting. I love this kind of development; it has a real Shonen Jump vibe."

For some reason, the teacher seemed quite excited. Although she was a woman, she had the eyes of a boy.

"Since ancient times, when justice clashes between different parties, they must fight to the death. This is a tradition of shonen manga."

"But this is the real world..."

The teacher didn't listen at all. She burst into laughter and loudly announced to us:

"Alright then, from this moment on, you will guide those lost sheep, saving them in your own ways, thus proving yourselves right. Who truly knows how to serve? GUNDAM Fight Ready Go! (The starting signal for the Gundam tournament in the anime 'Mobile Fighter G Gundam'!)"

"I do not want."

Yukino refused without hesitation, her gaze as cold as when she had looked at me earlier. However, since we shared the same opinion, I nodded in agreement, and besides, I didn't grow up watching G Gundam.

Seeing our reaction, the teacher bit her thumb in regret.

"Damn it, wouldn't it be easier to understand if I said 'Badge Warrior, Battle'...?"

"That's not the issue..."

Badge Warrior? That's too niche...

"Teacher, please stop behaving inappropriately for your age; it's very unseemly."

Yukina's sharp, merciless words, like icicles, calmed the teacher down, and she instantly blushed with embarrassment, coughing a few times to cover it up.

"In short! Only concrete actions can prove our justice! I tell you to compete, so compete; you have no right to refuse!"

"That's too domineering..."

She's basically a child, only her chest is like an adult's!

Oh well, I can just throw the competition around and say something like "I accidentally lost, hehe☆" to sound cute. "It's about participating, not winning"—that's a really nice and useful saying.

Yet this mature woman with a childlike face and large breasts, who has the mind of a little girl, continues to spout nonsense.

"To encourage you to fight with all your might, I'll prepare some rewards—the winner of the match can manipulate the loser as they please, how about that?"

"Do whatever you want!"

Do whatever you want... which means you can do whatever you want, right? *Gulp*

Suddenly, with a click, Yukinoshita moved her chair back two meters, adopting a posture of self-defense against physical assault.

"Please allow me to refuse; this man makes me feel like my virginity is in danger."

"That's prejudice! High school boys don't just have dirty thoughts on their minds!"

I could think of many other things, like... I'm thinking about it now! Hmm... world peace or something? I haven't thought of anything else in particular.

"It seems Yukino Yukinoshita has a weakness after all... Aren't you confident you can beat her?"

Hiratsuka-sensei said this with ill intent, which made Yukinoshita look displeased.

"...Alright, although I'm not willing to let the teacher provoke me like this, I agree to participate in the competition and help deal with this guy while I'm at it."

Wow~~ Yukinoshita is so stubborn! If I had to pinpoint her stubbornness, it would be her deliberate emphasis on "I already saw through the teacher's intentions." Also, what did she mean by saying "deal with me"? Please stop, it's too scary.

"Then it's decided."

Hiratsuka-sensei grinned, completely ignoring Yukinoshita's gaze.

"Huh? Why didn't you ask me..."

"Seeing your sly grin, I knew there was no need to ask."

That's it...

"I decide the outcome, and the criteria are, of course, my subjective and biased. You don't need to think too much about it, just do whatever... Good luck!"

After saying that, the teacher left the classroom, leaving me and a rather unhappy Yukinoshita behind. It was obvious that there was no way we could have a conversation. A crackling sound, like a malfunctioning radio, filled the silent space—a prelude to the tolling of a bell.

As the synthesized melody began, Yukina slammed her book shut with a "snap." It sounded like the school bell ringing to signal the end of the school term.

The next second, Yukinoshita immediately began packing her things. After carefully putting the paperback into her bag, she stood up and glanced at me.

However, she just glanced at me and didn't say anything—not even "thank you for your hard work" or "I'm leaving now"—and just left gracefully.

Yukinoshita's indifferent attitude left me no opportunity to speak.

In the end, I was the only one left.

Why am I having such bad luck today? First, I was called to the faculty office, then I was forced to join a mysterious club, and then I was verbally abused by a girl who was only cute in appearance, which caused me great emotional trauma.

Talking to girls should be more exciting, right? Why do I just feel frustrated? It's better to just talk to my toys like usual. Those toys don't talk back, and they always smile at me. Why wasn't I born a masochist?

Not only that, why do I have to participate in this inexplicable competition? And my opponent is Yukino, I have no chance of winning at all.

If the club organizes any competitions, I just need to stand quietly on the sidelines and watch. For me, the ideal club activity is watching a DVD of a group of girls playing in a band.

Are we trying to build a friendship through a competition? That's overthinking it. That woman would probably order me around without even thinking, "You have bad breath, can you stop breathing for three hours?"

Youth is indeed full of lies.

She shed tears to glorify the game she lost that summer in her senior year of high school, and to comfort herself for not getting into university, she declared that setbacks are life experiences; because she didn't dare to confess to the person she liked, she pretended to be considerate of the other person and took the initiative to withdraw.

There are other examples, such as encountering a girl with a bad attitude who is annoying, and then saying that she is arrogant and expecting a romantic comedy that will never happen...

I don't think the essay needs to be rewritten.

Youth is indeed distorted, hypocritical, and full of lies.

Volume 1, Chapter 2: Yukino under the snow always embodies herself.

Graduation Development Survey

Zongwu Senior High School, Class 2F

Full name

Hikigaya Hachiman

Seat No. 29 ○ Male/Female

Please write down your beliefs.

Beliefs, principles, and mottoes don't need to be proclaimed to the world; they can simply be kept in one's heart. That is my belief.

What dreams did you write in your graduation yearbook?

I'm the only one who has nowhere to write.

What efforts are you making now for the future?

Forget the traumas of the past.

The teacher suggested:

That half-hearted belief is indeed very much like your style, which puts my mind at ease.

Is your graduation yearbook also one of your traumas?

I see you tend to create trauma at school all the time, it's bound to go on forever, I advise you to give up as soon as possible.

Chapter Two: Yukino Under the Snow, Always Adhering to Her Own Self

After the class meeting, I walked out of the classroom and saw Ms. Hiratsuka waiting outside.

The way she stood with her hands clasped together resembled a guard; if she were dressed in a military uniform and carrying a whip, she would be perfectly suited for the role. Anyway, the school was essentially a prison, so my imagination wasn't too far-fetched. This place felt a bit like Alcatraz (a former prison in San Francisco Bay) or Kasander (the prison in the manga *Fist of the North Star*). Why isn't my savior here yet?

"Hachiman, it's club time!"

Upon hearing those words, I immediately felt my face turn deathly pale. This is bad; I'm going to be taken away!

If I get taken to the clubroom again, I'm really going to despair of school life. Yukinoshita is a born contemptible person; her words don't even deserve the cute description of "sharp-tongued"—they're practically rude. Is that considered tsundere? I think she's just an annoying girl.

However, Hiratsuka-sensei showed no sympathy for me, grinning with an emotionless smile.

"Let's go."

She tried to grab my wrist, but I dodged immediately. She reached out again, and I dodged once more.

"Well, I think... from the perspective of school education that respects students' autonomy and promotes their independence, forcing students is definitely questionable."

"Unfortunately, school is a place to train students to adapt to society. Once you enter society, your opinions will not be effective, so you should get used to it now."

Before I could finish speaking, Hiratsuka-sensei's fist flew over and struck me squarely in the stomach, the pain making me forget to breathe. Seizing the moment I froze, she grabbed my hand.

"Now you know what will happen if you keep running away, right? Stop bothering me with your fists."

"It's confirmed to be a fist..."

I wouldn't be able to handle the pain if I had to go through it again.

As they walked, Hiratsuka-sensei seemed to remember something and said:

"Right, let's do it this way. If you run away again next time, your match against Yukino will be considered a forfeit, and you'll be punished as well. You'd better not expect to graduate in three years."

Whether in terms of the future or the spiritual realm, all my escape routes have been blocked.

Ms. Hiratsuka walked beside me, her heels clicking on the ground. Not only that, she was also holding my wrist. In a way, I felt like I was accompanying a hostess disguised as a female teacher to work and for business.

However, there were three differences. First, I didn't pay; second, my arm wasn't being pulled, but rather my elbow was being controlled; and finally, I wasn't happy or excited at all.

Even though my elbows could touch the teacher's chest, I felt no joy, because I was about to be taken to that community office.

"Teacher, I won't run away. Let me go alone. I'm always alone anyway, so I won't have any problems by myself. In fact, I get anxious if I'm not alone."

"Don't sound so lonely, I want to go with you."

Suddenly, the teacher smiled gently. Her eyes usually slanted upwards, but this time she looked completely different, and the stark contrast startled me.

"Rather than letting you run away and then regretting it, it's less of a burden for me to drag you there."

"That's a terrible reason!"

"What are you saying? Although I'm unwilling in my heart, I'm only staying with you like this so that you can be transformed! What a touching love between master and disciple."

"What kind of love is this? If this is love, I don't need it at all."

"Judging from those excuses you made before, you're being rather awkward... Wouldn't someone who's too awkward have their secret passage in the opposite position? Don't go building some kind of Holy Emperor Cross Mausoleum." (From the manga "Fist of the North Star".)

You seem to love reading comics far too much...

"Being more frank is more likable. You can't be happy if you always look at the world with a cold eye, can you?"

"The world isn't all happiness. If we held the value of simply being happy, we wouldn't be able to make movies that make Americans cry. Besides, there's always joy to be found in tragedy."

"These comments are very typical. Although we often see young people with distorted personalities these days, you've reached a pathological level. You really do suffer from 'second-year high school syndrome,' a disease unique to high school students."

I was diagnosed as sick amidst the teacher's very bright smile.

"Huh? Calling it an 'illness' is a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? And what exactly is 'second-year high school illness'?"

"You like watching anime and manga, right?"

I asked the teacher to explain, but she ignored me and moved on to the next question.

"Yes, I don't dislike it."

Why do you like it?

"Because...it is, after all, part of Japanese culture, and a popular culture renowned worldwide. It would be strange not to acknowledge it, right? Moreover, from an economic perspective, the enormous business opportunities brought by anime and manga cannot be ignored."

"Hmm, what about general literature? Do you like Keigo Higashino or Kotaro Isaka?"

"I do watch them, but to be honest, I prefer their work before they became famous."

Which light novel series do you like?

"GAGAGA Bunko... and Kodansha BOX, although I'm not sure if Kodansha's counts as light novels. Teacher, what exactly do you want to ask?"

"Hmm... On a bad note, you've completely lived up to my expectations; you're suffering from the quintessential second-year high school syndrome."

The teacher looked at me with a surprised expression.

"So what exactly is 'second-year high school syndrome'...?"

"High school sophomore syndrome is just that—high school sophomore syndrome. It's a common mindset among high school students. For example, they think being eccentric is cool, they often use internet slang like 'If you work, you lose,' which is very suitable for them, and when mentioning bestselling authors or comic artists, they'll say, 'I prefer their works before they became famous.' They look down on popular things and appreciate niche things. In addition, they also look down on otaku who are their fellow otaku, and often put on an air of enlightenment and spout some awkward truths. Simply put, they're a bunch of annoying people."

"You jerk... Damn it! I'm almost perfect in every way, there's no way I can argue with that!"

"No, I was praising you. The students lately are really good at compromising with reality, which makes teachers lose motivation and feel like they're just working in a factory."

"The 'recent student,' right...?"