My stepmother's burden is my ex-girlfriend.

"Shall we take a walk?"

Kawanami grabbed my hand and started walking forward. I didn't understand what was going on, so I could only follow him.

There are many houses nearby, and the lights illuminating the night streets all have a sense of life. It's a completely different scene, the night sky above my head and the gradually fading noise, yet it forced me to recall what happened that night.

Recalling the night the whole family went on a trip, the two of them sneaked out of the hotel that night.

And... a childish promise that, as you can imagine, couldn't be kept.

We walked for a long time, avoiding crowded places, until we reached the shore of Lake Biwa.

It was just a concrete floor with a few benches, a desolate and lonely place. Because it was a lake, you couldn't even hear the sound of waves. In the dark, windless distance, you could faintly see the city lights flickering on the opposite shore.

After Kawanami let go of my hand, he put his hand in his pocket and looked out at the vast, sea-like lake.

"I heard there will be an even bigger fireworks display in August. But if I travel from Kyoto and back in one day, I might get home too late."

"...What do you mean by that, Kawanami?"

Why did you bring me all this way to this deserted place to chat?

When I gave him a suspicious look, Kawanami shrugged nonchalantly.

"It doesn't mean anything special, Xiaoxiao."

...What time is it? Do you still want to play the punishment game? You already know... Using this term now is just empty talk and hypocrisy.

"I just... think it might be a lot of fun."

"...Huh?"

"At this time of year, no one would come here, would they? Doesn't the deserted Lake Biwa at night make one feel a little excited and exhilarated? It also seems to have given the two Irito a chance to be alone—but judging from Higashito's personality, he probably didn't know better than to avoid it; they just really got separated."

I don't understand... I've been with him since we were little, I should know everything about him... but now I have absolutely no idea what this guy is thinking.

I recalled the scene from earlier that day, when he saw through my clumsy attempt to cover it up. I remembered his silent departing figure.

Didn't you already give up on me back then?

Haven't I already realized that I'm no longer the "more interesting than my girlfriend" Nan Xiaoyue...?

"...Is that uneasy look on your face real, or are you faking it?"

The sudden cold voice startled me, and I looked up.

What I saw before me was no longer that intimate expression from before... but a completely expressionless face.

"The you I've watched grow up, are you 'Nan Xiaoyue'? Or 'Childhood Sweetheart'?"

do not know.

You're asking me? Who can I ask...?

It wasn't like that at the beginning. Because children who are still between being sensible and innocent can't be called childhood sweethearts. I was with you back then not because of that relationship... Logically speaking, it should have been like that.

But at some point, we became like that?

You said I'm more fun than your girlfriend. So, I really want to become someone who can have even more fun than her. I want to be like that destined love interest in anime. That's all, just that... who knows...

I felt that Kawabata's expressionless face had turned into a black hole of darkness.

The hypocritical and pretentious self, the layers of masks worn to conceal the superficial true self, one by one, is absorbed into it... In the end, even I, who am left with nothing...

"—Well, who knows?"

Kawanami's expression suddenly turned into a self-deprecating smile.

"Which are genuine feelings and which are just part of the character—nobody can really tell, and besides, it doesn't really matter. So, we should just try to be happy, don't you think?"

I suppressed my emotions...

That guy's expression has now become as dazzling as the sun again...

"Let's stop arguing about these pointless things. It was my fault earlier; I shouldn't have gotten angry over such a trivial matter. I'm just in a bad mood—it's not your fault, don't worry about it."

do not do that.

Please don't be nice to me.

"But actually, pretending to be a couple is kind of fun, isn't it? -- I'm starting to understand how people who've been ROM'd feel. Although it's still pretty embarrassing to call you 'Xiaoxiao' even in high school --"

I'm melting. My heart is melting, I'm about to want to be spoiled. I want to... go back to how I was in junior high.

I've always liked this kind of small personality.

You always seem to understand my feelings so perfectly, and even after we argue, you try your best to make up. Even though you have many other friends, you always put me first in important moments. You're so considerate and a real joy to be around; just being by my side can dispel any gloom I feel—I love you so much, I'm crazy about you.

but……

Therefore……

"—No apologies allowed!"

◆ Kawamura Kogure ◆

Xiaoyue's scream sharply shattered the silence of Biwa Lake at night.

"Please don't apologize...! Don't say it's your fault! It's clearly my fault! I'm the one who's crazy! I never considered what you really wanted...! Clearly, clearly, why are you the one apologizing...! Why are you the one apologizing after being treated like that, after getting a perforated stomach! You can't apologize! Otherwise, I don't know what to do...!"

Xiaoyue wept uncontrollably and roared as if vomiting blood.

"You're too nice! Why did you come to my house to clean?! You could have just cut ties with me...! Even if we're classmates, even if we live next door, even if my mom asked you to! Just ignore me! Why are you being so hypocritical! Why are you acting like nothing happened! Just tell your family the truth...! Just tell them that dating me caused you to be hospitalized! It's all your fault for not saying anything, your parents still think we're just childhood friends...! Clearly, clearly it's my fault... Clearly it's my fault that you were hospitalized during the important time of preparing for your entrance exams, causing you so much trouble...! How am I supposed to face them! I don't know anymore! Because I don't know, I can only continue like before! The same goes for when I almost caused trouble for Jie...! I don't understand why you're helping me clean up my mess! You should be trying to distance yourself from me! I'm a crazy, landmine-like woman, you know that better than anyone! You're not afraid of getting into trouble too!!"

It's like squeezing yourself out completely from the bottom of your stomach and deep in your chest.

Xiaoyue yelled until her throat was hoarse, her shoulders heaving, and she wiped away tears with her palms, saying:

"But...but..."

He spoke very softly, weakly... as if he were asking for help.

"...I don't want you to talk to me like I'm a stranger...!"

Her last whispered words... I immediately understood that after all that talk, this was what she really wanted to say.

Yes, this—it must be the unintentional truth that Xiaoyue revealed from the deepest part of her heart.

I knew it without thinking too much.

Because—we were childhood sweethearts.

"Are you finished speaking?"

I asked calmly, but received no answer.

In this case……

"Now it's my turn."

◆ Nan Xiaoyue ◆

"────What are you apologizing for?!"

Hearing this furious roar, I lifted my face, which was streaked with tears.

"I'm the one who yelled at you and made you cry so much! We've been together for almost ten years, and I still don't trust you at all! Yes, you're outrageous! You're a crazy, irrational woman! I never want to associate with someone like you again! But, I'm not much better! Ten years! We've been together for ten years, and I haven't noticed how outrageous you are at all! All I know is that you're kind of cute, and you always go along with me, that's all! I'm a billion times more outrageous than you, am I wrong?!"

I haven't heard him roar with genuine anger like that since that time in the hospital ward.

But... the content of the roar was exactly the opposite of what it was back then.

"Actually, I've been wanting to apologize to you for a long time! I've felt so guilty for saying such hurtful things! But you talked as if it was all your fault! I'm really angry, you're such an idiot! It feels awful to have girls apologize to me all the time! At least let me say sorry a few times!"

"Waaaaah... Waaaaah!"

What does this mean? What does this mean? What does this mean...?

"Stop talking nonsense! The problem lies with me! It's clearly my fault! Why is it your fault...!"

"I mean, if we really look at it, I was wrong too, you idiot!"

"How am I an idiot! From the beginning until now, I've always been the one teaching you your lessons, okay...!"

"You only judge intelligence by grades, that's why I call you an idiot, you idiot!"

"Shut up, you idiot! You're the idiot, you pushover! What do you mean by being slow-witted?! Even childhood friends can't know everything! You're the complete victim! How can you not even understand that?!"

"You're the one who doesn't understand, you idiot! It's precisely because you're an idiot that you don't understand, you idiot!"

"Idiot, idi ...!"

"Idiot idi ...

It's all meaningless.

They're even worse than elementary school students.

Naïve, inarticulate, stupid, foolish, and immature.

But—I can't stop.

A flood of words welled up inside me, like a burst dam, and I couldn't help but want to unleash them on the boy in front of me. Everything else vanished into thin air. I had no energy left for pretense or for playing my usual role.

Ahhh—I really miss those days.

How long has it been since we had a fight like this? I remember the last time was when you made fun of the cartoon I was watching. I cried so hard, and you got scolded by your aunt, and we both ended up wailing.

Was it the first time I beat you in a video game? You never expected to lose to me, so you underestimated me, and I just happened to win that game. I got all worked up, jumping and yelling, and then you started making sarcastic remarks and refusing to admit defeat, and we started arguing—

Why? Why?

I used to be your girlfriend, didn't I? We used to be a couple, didn't we? Even though it was only for a short time, we did some things that couples do. Didn't we have normal happiness and be a happy couple? We had a few bittersweet memories, didn't we?

But... why can I only remember these meaningless things...?

I cried my eyes out, snot streaming down my face, and kept swearing. I had so few words to swear that I started to regret not reading more books like Jie Nu did. As I kept swearing, I started to have trouble breathing.

"...Haa...Haa...!"

"Haa...haa...haa...!"

We were panting heavily, glaring at each other fiercely, and then we actually tried to squeeze out a sound—

Suddenly, Xiaoxiao pounced on me and pinned me down.

"Huh...! So tiny...!"

Even if there's no one else here, you can't do this in such an open space—wait, it's so heavy…!

I discovered that my small body had lost its strength.

I quickly steadied myself, supporting his weight on top of me. He was small and slender, with clearly defined bones, and his body was burning hot—burning?

I looked at his face; a bead of sweat trickled down his temple. His body was burning hot, yet his face was deathly pale. A chill ran down my spine as I looked at his arm, and sure enough—there were hives there.

"Little...Little...! What's wrong with you? You haven't been putting on a brave face all this time—"

"Sorry... please don't call me 'Xiaoxiao' right now, I can't handle it..."

I quickly shut up.

This guy's strange allergy—or rather, PTSD—isn't some kind of mind-reading ability that allows him to detect other people's romantic feelings. But... after how directly I yelled at him just now, of course he could tell. He could tell that deep down, I still harbored those feelings from back then...

Boys save a new file, girls overwrite the existing file—who's spreading this kind of misinformation?

How could it possibly be covered?

My heart is filled with too many memories. More memories than anyone else on Earth. How many years do you think it would take to erase them all?

It's said that as people get older, time seems to pass faster. It's also said that if we measure time by this perceived speed, life reaches a turning point in our teens. If that's the case, then if I were to erase all the memories of my childhood ten years, wouldn't the rest of my life simply not be enough?

There's simply no way to forget it.

(Illustration 012)

Because we... even if we meet a tragic end in the end... we will still be childhood sweethearts.

"...Although the time I spent dating you felt like living in hell..."

She was slightly out of breath, but she was still talking in my ear.

"But...didn't we make a Pythagorean device together for our summer homework when we were kids...?"

"……Um."

"To play the location-based mobile game, we even went all the way up the mountain..."

"Um……"