My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

The office was silent except for the rustling sound of snowflakes turning the pages of a magazine.

Thinking about it, I realize I haven't had a moment's peace lately. It was just the two of us, Yukino and me, and we remained completely silent. Even when we did speak, it was mostly just insults at each other.

Although it was only a month or two ago, it evoked a strange sense of nostalgia. I stared blankly at the entrance to the clubhouse, and Yukinoshita, as if reading my mind, spoke up:

"If you're waiting for Yui-hama, she's not coming today. She just texted me."

"Oh, I see... I... I wasn't worried about Yuihama!"

"What kind of tone was that? It really made me uncomfortable..."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my attention shifted from the doorway to Yukinoshita.

A soft sigh escaped beneath the snow:

"Is Yuigahama-san no longer coming...?"

"You can go ask them."

Yuihama is still in contact with Yukinoshita; if she were to ask, she would likely receive an answer.

However, Yukinoshita shook her head helplessly.

"There's no need to ask. If I asked, she would definitely say she'd come. Even if she didn't want to... she would probably still come."

"Hmm...that makes sense..."

Yui Yuigahama is that kind of person. She always values ​​other people more than herself, so she's willing to talk to a lonely guy, and if I text her, I'll get a reply.

However, that was her gentleness, and also her compassion. To be honest, it was just out of a sense of duty. But for a guy with very little experience, it was enough to make him misunderstand, "Huh... she... she might like me, right?" He really hoped she could improve a little and not be so unpredictable.

Wouldn't it be great if there was software that could automatically convert text messages from girls into polite language? That way, I wouldn't have any undue expectations... Wait, this seems like a great business opportunity!

As I fantasized about making a fortune, Yukino stared at me silently. Her serious gaze made my heart race. How terrifying…

"W-What is it?"

"...Did something happen between you and Yuigahama-san?"

"nothing."

I answered without even thinking.

"If nothing's wrong, I don't think Yui-hama would suddenly not come. Did you two have a fight?"

No... I don't think so.

The question posed by Yukinoshita left me speechless.

But I wasn't lying, and I don't know if that counts as arguing.

My relationships with others have never progressed to the point where we could argue. The Lone Ranger has always been a pacifist; let alone non-resistance, we don't even engage with each other. From a world history perspective, he's exactly like Gandhi.

The only arguments I imagine happen between siblings, but those were in elementary school. Besides, my sister would usually summon Dad, knocking my HP to zero and ending the round. If Dad wasn't around and she couldn't summon him, she'd use a trap card to bring Mom out, so in the end, I'd still lose.

I would get a scolding, but then at dinner time, everyone would sit happily at the table again, and the siblings' argument would come to an end.

Seeing me deep in thought, Yukinoshita spoke again:

"Yuhihama is inconsiderate, careless, speaks without thinking, intrudes on others' space, tries to brush people off with jokes, and is incredibly noisy—"

"It sounds more like you're arguing with her right now..."

If she heard this herself, she would probably cry.

"Please let me finish. It's true that she has many flaws, but... she's not a bad person at heart."

Yukinoshita listed so many flaws that it's hard to imagine Yuihama's nature wasn't bad. However, seeing Yukinoshita's flushed face and averted gaze, her voice so soft it was almost inaudible, one could tell it was her greatest compliment. If Yuihama herself heard those words, she would probably cry—cry with emotion.

"I understand all of that. We didn't argue. Besides, you need a certain level of intimacy in your relationship to even be able to argue, so that should be considered..."

I scratched my head, trying to find the right words. Yukinoshita also stroked her chin, lost in thought.

"...An argument?"

"Ah, somewhat similar, but not quite the same. It feels like it's entering firing range."

"So...war?"

"It doesn't resemble it at all, and it's off-range."

"A war of annihilation?"

"Are you even listening to me? You're getting further and further away!"

Why is the battle becoming increasingly fierce? Her thoughts are just like Oda Nobunaga's.

"So it's... friction, right?"

"Oh, yes, yes."

It was that feeling, the feeling of being able to get the Demon God Map Lv87 (Note 5 refers to the map obtained through Pass-by Communication in "Dragon Quest IX"). When I was in junior high school, I opened Pass-by Communication at school, which caused a stir in the class. Everyone was curious: "Who is this 'Hachiman'?"

Honestly, I hope game companies will stop adding online features. Online battles are fine, but games designed for "playing with friends" are clearly unfair to those without friends. Because I can't find anyone to communicate with, my Pokémon haven't evolved, and therefore I haven't been able to complete my Pokédex.

"I see. Then there's nothing we can do."

Yukino sighed softly and closed the magazine. However, her demeanor was completely different; she simply accepted the fact with resignation.

She stopped asking questions and maintained a distance between them.

My method of keeping my distance from people is probably very similar to Yukino's.

If there's a topic or casual conversation, we can chat with people for a bit, but we almost never touch on personal matters. We would never proactively ask questions like "How old are you?", "Where do you live?", "What's your birthday?", "Do you have any siblings?", or "What do your parents do for a living?"

There are several possible reasons for doing this, such as not being interested in others in the first place, not wanting to step on someone's landmines... Oh, and it might also be because loners aren't good at asking questions. Throwing out those kinds of questions out of the blue feels pretty strange.

Swordsmen probe each other's distance without ever inquiring about personal privacy or crossing red lines.

"How should I put it? This is a once-in-a-lifetime destiny. Since there is a meeting, there will also be a parting."

"Why did you use such a good sentence and leave it with only a negative meaning...?"

Yukinoshita didn't know how to respond. But life is indeed a series of such connections. Back in elementary school, someone in my class made a promise to keep in touch by letter before transferring schools, but I was the only one who never received a reply, so I stopped writing to him. That's roughly the feeling. Kenta clearly received a reply…

A wise person avoids danger, does not pursue the past, and does not reject the future; this may be the only way to avoid risk.

"However... the relationships between people are indeed unexpectedly fragile, and can be easily broken down by the smallest things."

Yukino murmured with a hint of self-mockery.

Suddenly, someone opened the door to the commune office, making a clicking sound.

"However, people can also be connected by small things. Yukino, it's not time to give up yet."

Who is this person dressed in white, speaking cool lines as they approach us? It turns out to be Hiratsuka-sensei, who never holds back when launching an offensive against me.

"Teacher, please knock first..."

Hiratsuka-sensei completely ignored Yukinoshita's complaints and simply looked around the clubroom.

"Hmm, Yuihama hasn't been to the club for a week... I thought you guys would figure things out on your own... It seems you're really sick."

I always felt that the teacher's words carried a tone of admiration.

"Teacher, what brings you here...?"

"Oh, right. Hachiman, didn't I tell you about the 'match'?"

Hearing the word "competition" reminds me of a "Robot Fight! Who can serve more people" contest I was having with Yukinoshita, but not as a mecha girl.

A while ago, Ms. Hiratsuka mentioned that she was going to change the competition rules, like what game companies do. So, she's here today to tell us about the new rules, right?

"My purpose in coming here today is to announce the new competition rules."

She crossed her arms and straightened her back, and Yukinoshita and I also straightened our posture, ready to listen attentively.

The teacher stared back and forth at us, carefully building up the atmosphere. Her unhurried movements only made us more nervous; the room was so quiet you could hear yourself swallowing.

Then, the teacher spoke carefully, breaking the silence that had enveloped the room.

"I want you to kill each other." (Note 6: This is a line from the movie "Battle Royale".)

"...cliché."

This film has become increasingly rare lately, even on Friday night screenings (Note 7: the original title was "金曜口ㄧドショㄧ," a segment on Japanese television that airs movies on Friday evenings). Speaking of which, airing "Castle in the Sky" every year seems a bit too frequent. I own the DVD myself, so could you please air "Tales from Earthsea" instead? I haven't bought that one yet.

That said, high school students these days probably haven't heard of that movie. I turned to Yukino and saw her looking at the teacher with the same indifferent gaze she'd given to the trash on the side of the road.

The teacher, directly under Xuexia's gaze, couldn't help but cough a few times to cover it up.

"Ahem, cough, well, in short! Simply put, it's the rules of a 'battle royale' game! The three-way battle for supremacy is the key to prolonging the life of a battle manga! To put it even more simply, it's the Kaguya-sama arc of 'City Storm'."

"Another nostalgic work..."

"Since it's a battle royale where three powers vie for supremacy, it's perfectly acceptable to join forces. Your relationship shouldn't just be one of opposition; you should also learn to cooperate with each other."

I see. The guy who first teams up with others to solve problems is definitely a golden rule of battle royale.

"Wouldn't that mean Hachiman will always be at a disadvantage...?"

"yes."

Before I could even protest or refute it, its mouth had already readily admitted it. However, no matter what I thought, the competition was bound to result in a showdown between me and the other two.

Compared to me, who had already achieved complete enlightenment, Hiratsuka-sensei smiled confidently.

"Don't worry, I'll continue to actively seek new members. However, it's still up to you to recruit them. In short, you can use your own efforts to increase your membership. Let's go! Aim for 151!"

The teacher spoke with great confidence, but the number of her companions also faithfully reflected her age, and recently it has almost increased to five hundred (Note 8 refers to the number of "Pokémon" released by Nintendo).

However, she made it sound so easy for her to ask us to find a way to increase our companions.

"Anyway, the rules are very unfavorable to Hachiman. He's completely bad at winning people over."

"I don't want to be told that by someone like you..."

"Oh, didn't you already get someone added to the club? Don't overthink it."

The teacher's words do make sense, but no one can guarantee success every time.

The reality is that Yuihama, who was doing very well before, is now nowhere to be seen. Hiratsuka-sensei seems to have noticed this as well, and a hint of gloom has crept onto her face.

"That's true, but it seems like Yuihama won't be showing up again... This is a good opportunity for you to find new members to fill the gaps."

Upon hearing this, Yukinoshita looked up in surprise.

"Please wait a moment, Yuigahama-san is not leaving the club..."

"If she doesn't come, it's the same as her leaving the company. I don't need ghost members."

Hiratsuka-sensei's calm expression vanished, replaced by a chilling gaze fixed on me and Yukinoshita.

"Are you sure you're not mistaken?"

The teacher was neither asking questions nor offering reminders, but rather giving admonitions. Under the guise of inquiry, she was actually rebuking our sins.

We couldn't answer, so the teacher continued:

"This is not a club for you to build relationships. If you want to play youthful games, go outside. My requirement for the Service Club is self-reform, not to bask in lukewarm water and deceive yourselves."

"..."

Yukinoshita bit her lip and glanced to the side.

"The Service Club is not a playground; it's a legitimate club at Soubu High School. And you all know very well that showing concern for those who lack enthusiasm is limited to the scope of compulsory education. Since staying here or not is a matter of personal choice, those with weak willpower have no choice but to leave."

Enthusiasm, willpower...

"Teacher, I lack both enthusiasm and willpower. May I leave...?"

"Do you think prisoners have any choice?"

Ms. Hiratsuka glared at me and started cracking her knuckles.

"That makes sense..."

As expected, there was no escaping it...

After giving me a slight scare, the teacher looked at Yukinoshita again. Although Yukinoshita's face was expressionless, her attitude still revealed a hint of dissatisfaction.

Seeing this, the teacher smiled with a hint of worry.

"However, it was indeed because of Yuihama that we learned that increasing the number of club members would make the activities more lively. Also, it's easier to maintain balance with one more person. So... please find someone enthusiastic and determined to fill the club's position by next Monday."

"Finding someone passionate and determined before Monday... that's too much to ask... that guy'll probably get eaten by a lynx, won't he?" (Note 9: from the plot of Kenji Miyazawa's "The Restaurant with Many Demands".)

"You really like Kenji Miyazawa..."