Crush Diary

11.

For a long time afterwards, Li Ranxing and I did not see each other again.

He is a year younger than me, and the chance of meeting him is very small.

Only occasionally when the school organized a flag-raising ceremony, a group of us stood on the playground, and I could see him in the flag-raising team.He was a freshman at the time, but he was already tall, estimated to be 1.8 meters. He was wearing a very ceremonial military uniform, and his young face was still a little immature, but he stood tall and straight, like a green bamboo.

I can only see him from a very distant crowd, his face is a little blurry, but I can still see his more delicate and three-dimensional facial features than others.

Looking from a distance, where he is now, it seems that the people around him have become his foil.

Li Ranxing is of Chinese-English mixed blood, which makes his facial features more three-dimensional and profound than that of Orientals. Although he is only a young man, his temperament is something that others can't learn even if he wants to. It is a superior and prominent family background. Precipitated unique charm.

12.

When the red flag was raised, I met his smoky eyes from a very far away place.

In the alley before, probably because of the light, his eyes were almost gray-black, so that I only found out that he has a pair of gray eyes under the sun now.

The red flag is like the scorching sun, under the rising sun, his eyes are like mist, like thin dew.

13.

That night, I had a dream.

I dreamed of those smoky eyes.

It wasn't a bright color, but I always felt like it was the color of the stars that shone faintly behind the twilight.

I think, probably many people have praised Li Ranxing's eyes.

Later, I wanted to praise it too, so I told him that his eyes were like stars.

In the twilight, the stars that accompany me.

14.

People can be very changeable.

Obviously that time, he saved me, and I ran away, unwilling to say thank you to him, but then I always thought that I should say thank you to him.

What I did that day didn't seem right.

I woke up for a long time. Grandma said that one should distinguish between gratitude and resentment, and I felt that I owed him a thank you.

15.

It is really not easy to find the time to be alone with Li Ranxing.

Li Ranxing is a very good person. Whether he was a child or a teenager, he is like a shining diamond, always attracting the attention of all kinds of people.

I know that he may have forgotten about that day long ago, but I always remember in my heart that I owe him a thank you.

I waited for a long time and finally got an opportunity.

16.

The physics league in the city was held in our school. Li Ranxing was a member of the student union, and they were the organizers. I signed up for it and wanted to find a chance to meet him.

But I didn't expect that Li Ranxing also participated, and we were even assigned to a group.

This is really luck that I didn't expect.

Li Ranxing's participation greatly mobilized everyone's enthusiasm for participating in the league, but in the end only after the preliminary rounds did teamwork be required for the finals.

I'm actually not that good at physics, and I managed to pass the preliminary competition after studying all day and night.

Before entering high school, my grades were always excellent. After I came to high school, my homework was heavy, and I felt more and more powerless. Maybe I am not a very smart person, and only by working hard can I achieve the grades I want.

I got the first place in our high school entrance examination, so I was able to enter this high school and get a lot of money. After I went to high school, I didn't dare to slack off at all. I was afraid that I would fall behind. Compared with ordinary boys, I don’t seem to be that good at thinking in mathematics, physics and chemistry. Since high school, my grades are no longer in the top wave of people. There are always people who are better than me.

In the second class of senior high school, I chose science. In fact, there was only one reason. They said that it would be easier to find a job in the future.Liberal arts seems to have always been a bit discriminated against.

I study for the purpose of earning money in the future. I don’t have any high ideals, just for my own well-being, so even though I am not good at science and have no talent in this area, I still choose to study science.

And now, I'm incredibly grateful for my decision.

If it wasn't for my choice of science, it would be impossible for me to sign up for this league. If I didn't study physics, I wouldn't be able to pass the preliminary round.

17.

In the finals, Li Ranxing was in our group. Although he was only a freshman in senior high school, he was very good at physics. It must be watertight.

It is said that he has been interested in this field since he was a child. He followed his mother in the UK when he was a child, and the education in the West is not like the exam-oriented education in country A. It pays more attention to cultivating people's way of thinking. Li Ranxing shines in the league .

He and several other high school seniors won the first prize. It is said that he has won many awards, large and small, in various fields, and some are even internationally renowned awards.

This kind of award is actually nothing to him, he has long been used to this kind of occasion.

For the first time, I felt the gap between me and a person so clearly.

In front of him, I became more and more inferior, even ashamed.

I didn't expect that Li Ranxing would take the initiative to talk to me.

That was the first time anyone praised me in high school.

After he received the award, he praised me for doing a good job just now and said that I was very careful.

I just corrected a data error in the same group. My calculation ability is not bad. My grandma opened a small shop. I often went there to help when I was young, and I also exercised my sensitivity to numbers.

I won the second prize this time. Although it was not the first prize, in the entire second year of high school, there were only three winners this time, most of whom were in the third year of high school.

Because the finals adopt a group mode, it is actually thanks to Li Ranxing that I won the award. With him, our group really took advantage of it. Other groups are still analyzing the problems in a mess, and our group has already been arranged by him. Start to do things in an orderly manner.

In that group, besides me, there were two other people who won the award, including Li Ranxing, a total of four people, which can be said to be the group with the largest number of winners.

18.

I was a little embarrassed to be praised by him at the time.

Li Ranxing is really a good person.

He is obviously so good, but there is no youthful frivolity in him. Compared with most ignorant high school students, he already has his own principles and methods for dealing with people. He is very calm, and he just gets along with him in the league. After a while, you can see that he is very calm and very rational.

He's the nicest guy I've ever met.

As I looked at him, the words "The Proud Son of Heaven" slowly flashed through my mind.

After he stepped down, he took the initiative to find me. Not only did he not blame me for being impolite that time, but he also praised me without any grievances.

At that time, there were a lot of people in the audience. After the finals, everyone was in a mess, and no one noticed us.

I clenched my fingers, and my knuckles were white from the moment he approached me.

I just wanted to thank him, but for some reason, I suddenly wanted to go further.

I'm taking the boldest step I've taken since high school.

I want to invite him to dinner.

19.

Throughout my sophomore year in high school, nobody paid any attention to me.

That original child—the real young master of the Wang family, he has too many ways to make it difficult for me here.

The fact that my mother was a third child spread throughout the school along with the scandal of my theft.

At that time, I was a freshman in high school, and I was criticized by the whole school.

When I read such a long self-criticism to the whole school on the stage where the flag was raised, I heard the people in the audience whispering, and I could feel the eyes of the people below on me like needles.

I read the review as calmly and without emotion as possible, maintaining my last ounce of self-esteem.

I feel like a hedgehog whose shell has been peeled off. Those words and eyes made me feel extremely shame and great pain.

"I heard that his mother is a mistress..."

"Mum is San'er, son is a thief, what a family."

"How did this kind of person get into our school?"

"That's right, be careful when you see him in the future."

I don't know how I finished reading that manuscript that morning. Under the disgusting eyes of everyone pointing and nowhere to hide, my pain and shame finally turned into endless exhaustion and sadness.

Everyone hates me so much.

After reading the manuscript, seeing the undisguised disgust of everyone, I stood on the stage and my mind went blank for a moment.

I want to say, I didn't do that thing, I didn't steal anything.

But no one will believe me.

I felt like I was on the opposite side of the world, I was abandoned by everyone.

For a long time, I obviously wanted to change something so seriously, and I was so serious about living a good life, why my life is getting worse and worse.

For a moment, I even wondered if I really did something wrong.

So what am I doing wrong?

It seemed that there was a dense net pressing down on me and I couldn't breathe.

Facing the dark people below, my hands and feet were cold and I felt dizzy for a while.

Since I was a child, I have been trying to change something, but I have not been able to change anything.

If I was born to suffer, then what is the point of my life?

20.

The whole school knew about that incident at that time. At that time, I was a freshman in high school, and Li Ranxing hadn't come yet.

I'm glad I'm a class taller than him, so that he didn't see my embarrassment and ugliness.

A year has passed, and I don't know if Li Ranxing entered this school as a freshman. Has anyone mentioned my past to him and told him to stay away from me.

I dare not ask.

21.

The cafeteria in our school is well built. The third floor is a small kitchen. The chefs in it are of a high level. As long as you have money, the fried dishes are no worse than those outside.

I counted the money in my pocket, it was enough for me to eat this meal in the small kitchen.

Since the incident in the first year of high school, the school has withdrawn my bursary. I have had a hard time, but I dare not tell my grandma that she is getting old, and I don't want her to worry about me.

Tell her she might want to comfort me like she did when I was a kid, and I might feel better because of her caring, but I think I'm grown up.

I had to learn to take it all on my own.

22.

When I made the invitation, Li Ranxing was a little surprised.

"You want to invite me to dinner?"

I pursed my lips and nodded: "I... want to thank you for what happened that night."

He looked at me and didn't speak for a moment.

God knows how nervous I was.

At that time, I was afraid that he would have forgotten what happened that night, and I was afraid that he would remember my impoliteness too clearly, and I was also afraid that he would reject me, worried that people like him would not eat in the cafeteria, and worried that he would think that I deliberately curry favor with him.

I don't know if he has heard the bad things about me from others, and I am worried that he will hate me after hearing those words like others.

Also, he is very busy, I don't know if he thinks eating with me is a waste of time.

I had a lot of thoughts in my head, and I almost felt the same suffocation and tension that I had on stage that day.

Li Ranxing finally just nodded and agreed to my invitation.

At that moment, I met his slightly smiling eyes with a pale face, and really heard my heart beating fiercely in my chest.

23.

Li Ranxing did not laugh at me like others, he is obviously such a proud man, but he agreed to my request and went to the cafeteria to have dinner with me in order to take into account my little self-esteem.

He said later that he didn't want to say yes, but I looked like I would cry if he didn't.

At that time, I thought I hid my emotions well, but I didn't know that he had already seen everything.

24.

For a long time afterwards, as long as I thought of Li Ranxing, I felt happy.

My heart seems to be out of my control and I am happy for him.

My eyes can't help but chase him.

I would even pass by his door pretending not to care, just to have a look at him.

I feel a little hazy and messy about my own mind, but I dare not dwell on it.

25.

I have learned since I was a child to wrap my heart under a thick shell, something as soft as the heart, only in this way can I not be hurt.

If love is to smash one's own shell and send your heart to him, should I do it?

26.

I began to consciously tell myself not to think about Li Ranxing anymore.

I didn't have much contact with him in the first place, if I didn't meet him on purpose, I wouldn't have met him at all.

I thought my hazy thoughts about him would disappear quickly.

But I miss him more and more, he almost occupies my whole free brain.

Those thoughts forced me to face up to my heart. I felt panic and started dreaming night and night.

That day, it was another flag-raising ceremony, and I looked at him without any scruples, my eyes almost burning.

Li Ranxing seemed to have noticed my sizing up, he actually saw me in the crowd, I knew he had seen me when his eyes crossed, he gestured to me with his eyes.

I almost subconsciously twitched the corners of my mouth and smiled at him.

27.

That night, I dreamed that in a large gray mist, there was a star twinkling behind the mist.

28.

When I woke up the next morning, I found the wetness in my pants.

I stayed for a while, but suddenly felt a little relieved.

I said to myself, you like him.

I don't think it's weird to like someone of the same sex.

Because of my parents, I never thought about getting married or who I would fall in love with.

For me, there is not much difference between men and women.

It's just that my childhood experience has made me unable to learn to trust others.My mother's love is so crazy and humble, her ending is enough to remind me how terrible love is.

I fear the so-called love.

I said to myself, you like him, so are you willing to bear the consequences of this liking?

Would you still like him if you could be hurt?

The morning light was faint, I stayed in bed thinking for a long time.

I think of those gray eyes, that handsome figure in the alley, and the star behind the mist.

I have to admit, I couldn't resist the joy and joy he brought me.

After all liking him is such a beautiful thing, I don't even need his response, I never thought about his response, I never knew just the word liking was enough to make people happy.

In my gloomy and miserable life, my liking for him was like a little flower blooming in my heart.

Like, itself is such a gratifying thing.