Totem

Wang Maoyun spent a long time thinking about what happened.

Sometimes she thought of the way Cao Mingzi hugged her and refused to let her go when she got up in the middle of the night and was about to take the plane. She did this to Cao Mingzi too, and the warmth of his lover was really nostalgic; Sitting at the table, it looks like I am working, but I am actually thinking about "what do I want?" The answer to this question is always changing; sometimes I think of the mutual friends or classmates, seniors and sisters who they have discussed. Unfortunately, compared with their current situation; sometimes I think of the various efforts made by each other to make up for this relationship, the apologies I made, the good things I said, what is wrong, and what made Cao Mingzi finally choose to give up first?

Cao Mingzi's phone was always turned off.Wang Maoyun asked Cao Mingzi's colleagues, only to find out that Cao Mingzi resigned to go to the funeral.She didn't know if she should go or not.Finally did not go.

She was afraid that Cao Mingzi would appear again, even if she wanted to see her, she didn't know what to say; she was even more afraid that Cao Mingzi would never appear again.From then on, Fang knew that falling in love was a hundred times more painful than being rejected.She didn't even know when the breakup happened, so she couldn't die at that moment on time as the song sang, and use death to deny the fact of the breakup.

At this time, I know that the marriage is good, because if there are other factors in the marriage, at least there is no need to lose it now and immediately.

Wang Maoyun once thought that one of the cruelest things in life is to live on no matter what happens, that is, "it will pass"; later found that what is crueler than this is that the same pain may hit again and again, and it is his own pain. The only responsibility is to "repeat"; now she finds it cruel that nothing else matters except life and death, but when she understands this, there is nothing left in life.

That winter, she didn't know anything about Cao Mingzi, let alone dared to inquire.Because all the people who can know the news are close friends and know their affairs well. Every time they ask, they must mention the breakup of the two, and then there will be a bunch of explanations. to tell someone?

Cao Mingzi’s shadow is on the car, Cao Mingzi’s shadow is at home, and Cao Mingzi’s shadow is on the road; the two of them once walked together around the corner, full of Cao Mingzi’s shadow; they have been to this restaurant, bookstore, cinema, shopping mall together, It was full of Cao Mingzi's shadow; she didn't even want to pass by the building of Cao Mingzi's former employer, she had to take another road to drive to and from work; she didn't know if Cao Mingzi had returned, but she didn't go all over the city to look for it, she went to hide all over the city .

I don't know where the news came from, but after a year, she already knew that all her mutual friends with Cao Mingzi knew that they had broken up—maybe everyone was very sorry, because almost everyone regarded them as gods Couples look at it.But she didn't ask, she would rather not know anything.After all how to explain love?can not explain.She didn't hide all over the city anymore, she closed herself up, covered her eyes with a white cloth called crazy work, and started grinding.

The vigorous, young and promising Wang always has a weakness.Then she seemed to have made her own god, and had the ribs removed and incinerated into ashes.

She was busy and busy, so busy that she forgot to pay attention to the decorations and furnishings at home, forgot to think about it, and once again frozen this part of her life, quietly accepting the reality of living alone.Dinner alone, watching movies alone on weekends, shopping in the supermarket alone, it seems that they have never been two people.Shi Shiran divided the world into two halves, and she came to this plane from that plane.The only thing missing is a Cao Mingzi who stayed over there.

2008 was romantic, 2009 was sweet, 2010 was exhausting, and 2011 was exhausted and quiet.When the news of the so-called end of the world in 2012 spread like a joke around the world, Wang Maoyun didn't feel it, and even felt a little disgusted when he heard it—the cruel thing is that we still have to work hard to survive.Because of this brutality we still have a lot of work to do.It is widely rumored in the circle that Wang Maoyun, who was born in the financial industry, is a madman. He is strict with his work, his opponents are strong, and his subordinates are strict. At the same time, he seems to have too much energy and no private life.This lack of private life is judged from the fact that he is never absent from overtime for entertainment, but his clothes are rarely updated.The company’s PR colleague pointed out this point later, and tactfully suggested to Wang Maoyun to enrich her wardrobe, otherwise, it was not a problem of her personal image, but a problem of the company’s image.

"You can have fewer clothes," said the head of the PR department, "but be trendy. Otherwise—"

"Then do you have time to go shopping with me?" Wang Maoyun replied, "I have been working for too long and I can't keep up with the trend."

She knew that she was inviting, but she was really just trying to save trouble and didn't know that this colleague was interested in her.

The person in charge of the PR department with exquisite makeup was stunned for a moment, and immediately agreed with a stylized smile that is often used at work.The two agreed on a time, and the colleague would conscientiously accompany Wang Maoyun to go shopping, and Wang Maoyun rewarded him with the best French food.Colleagues were expecting something to happen, but it didn't happen.Fortunately, I am used to this way, so I invite you again and again.However, several dates between the two ended in goodbye and good night, and the colleagues felt a little depressed.

It's not her problem, it's Wang Maoyun's problem.She hadn't thought of Cao Mingzi for a while, but when she got home and opened the closet to pack her clothes, everything came back again.She froze for a moment, then put aside the clothes she bought when Cao Mingzi was there, to make room for the new ones, then closed the closet, walked silently to the refrigerator, took out a bottle of wine, and stood alone in the living room Drinking at the window.

After finishing a bottle, it was one o'clock at night, and there were still lights nearby.Why not go out?Why not drunk?

Putting the annual plan there, especially the goal of going public in 2013, Wang Maoyun knew that his life would go on.If she guessed right, based on her understanding of Cao Mingzi, she knew that Cao Mingzi would return to Beijing sooner or later, to another Internet company, and to her social circle.When she meets Cao Mingzi, what will she say?This is life too, and it will go on, the fact is the fact, and she has to accept it; the fact that may appear in the future or what is happening now is also the fact, and she must accept it.

Cao Mingzi is gone, the closest pursuit of happiness this time is a failure, and the Cartier ring is placed deep in the drawer of the wardrobe.

What the female colleague didn't know was that every time she approached, she was reminding Wang Maoyun and Cao Mingzi to leave.Wang Maoyun felt the ambiguity of another smart and beautiful woman towards him, and at the same time kept thinking about all kinds of things in the past.She wants to fall, she wants to stand, she wobbles.One day to bid farewell to this female colleague, she found her college roommate for a drink.The roommate knew about her affair with Cao Mingzi, and told her over a drink, everyone will leave, there is no need to be obsessed with one, there are 70 billion people in the world, we conservatively estimate, there are 70 people who are suitable for you, right?It doesn't matter if you don't know or not, you have to move forward.

Wang Maoyun said yes, but never did it.

She sometimes thought of that long-sleeved, skillful and indomitable female colleague, knocking on the door when the two of them were on a business trip together.Did this person feel that Wang Maoyun suddenly seemed to let go that day?Relaxed and unpredictably cooperative even without a drop of alcohol.Why?The female colleague didn't ask, but just threw herself into her arms.

Wang Maoyun lives in Shanghai. She can’t fall asleep at three o’clock at night. There are no meetings, no plans, no hypocrisy, and everything during the day has come to an end. The founder of a certain company came back together, the two got married, and now he is one of the co-founders.What a natural, what a good arrangement, in line with the requirements of all laws and regulations.She seemed to be watching Cao Mingzi walk into a city she least wanted to see, and closed the thick gate on him.

She was in a daze in the dark, opening her eyes to remember.No one wakes up in the middle of the night and stretches out her hand to ask her, why don't you sleep, are you insomnia, come and hug and relax and we will fall asleep.And no one had a nightmare in the middle of the night, uttering a slight cry, which woke her up.

She didn't have a single tear.

Why wasn't it like this at the time, it wasn't you who cheated on me with others and got caught by me?Or I cheated on someone and you caught me?In this way I can hate you or hate myself, how can I feel wronged?I have no hatred at all, I only have regrets.Back then, I was so afraid that you were unhappy, how I was afraid that I would not be good enough to let you live well enough, I was afraid that I would not be worthy of you, I was afraid that I would not be able to protect you, I was afraid that I would not be able to make you love me, so at that time I'm so brave and strong because I'm actually very scared.

I probably won't be afraid anymore.

People always think things are simple, and they also see themselves simple.In fact, is the choice of people not the choice of the market? There are very few "yes" or "no" questions, and few people use a dichotomy to look at the choice, and "more" is the core of the choice.One option beats the other simply because of "better" vs. "good", not "good" vs. "bad".And sometimes, what people are looking for in a certain aspect may not necessarily be what is there, or even looking for a horse by riding a donkey.You never know what is the real purpose and what is the auxiliary means.

When Wang Maoyun decided to come to Canada this time, he realized a truth. It is useless to speculate on other people's hearts. People only control their own hearts, that's all.

I suggest you better not go.The doctor said.

doctor.She smiles at the doctor.

Well, if you insist.Take that medicine with you.doctor.

OKshe says.

Are you eating all these things?the doctor asked.

yes.she says.

You—I know you too well, let's get straight to the point, you know what it means to eat like this.The doctor said helplessly.

I know.she says.I do.

Is she... who are you?the doctor asked.excuse me, I--

It's my family.My only family member.she says.Although not related by blood.

Wang Maoyun happily enjoys the feeling of being loved by others.And become very talkative, so talkative to the point that even if the other party is very embarrassed, says with sympathy that he is in love with someone else, is going to leave, or that I can fall in love with someone else but I also want to break up with you, she doesn't care about it. agree.Those who admired her face and ability at first, and gradually fell in love with her humor, hesitated because of this weird behavior, and then couldn't leave her as if under a spell.People in love are always cheap, don't want those who are determined, chase after those who are indifferent, and cherish those who come and go when they are called.

This kind of behavior is not good at all, Wang Maoyun is very clear, what she is looking for in these women with different personalities and styles is just the feeling of being admired, and she is like a libertine.But speaking of it, she felt that she was not as good as a prodigal son, because she didn't even take the initiative to steal someone's heart—she didn't want it, she didn't want it, she didn't want it.

In other words, she didn't even want to love them, not at all.

Maybe it's worse behavior, maybe it's slightly better behavior.she thinks.Love is just a part of life, and it can take many forms.If it is impossible for me to love others, but others want to love me, why not do it?As long as no one gets hurt by it, as long as I can be as ruthless as possible.

Wang Maoyun is the best lover, she wants them to say this, she wants them all to be happy, and she is also happy, even though it has nothing to do with it.Some people think that drinking with her, and then dragging her to renew the deal after socializing, can always turn the official business into a private matter, and can always hunt her down when she loses most of her sanity.None of them knew that Wang Maoyun said at the wine table that she was not picky and could do anything, not because she was bold, but because she always felt that all wine was like water and tasteless.

She was just waiting for the other party to think that the two of them were almost the same and make a request.

Part of self-satisfaction can also be being liked.

Until a certain day in November 2012, a certain night, a certain dinner party that had to be attended, with the purpose of striving for a smooth IPO, Wang Maoyun completed the task with great purpose, and was about to leave when the person in front of him walked through the crowd. It's Cao Mingzi.

"I didn't expect to meet you here." Wang Maoyun acted first, and then he was about to say "but I still have something to do" and then ran away.

"You are too busy, have you forgotten that Zhang Yabin did it?" Cao Mingzi smiled, "He is also our partner."

Wang Maoyun got goosebumps when she heard "we", "Yes. I forgot." She wanted to look away, because Cao Mingzi in front of her was more mature and beautiful, with a neat and simple BOBO cut, dressed in black The clothes are matched with gold, low-key and calm, the diamond earrings are shining, and the eyeliner is heavy, making her look very elegant.

She has always been so beautiful, and the years left beautiful traces, Wang Maoyun thought.

From time to time, someone walked by and greeted Cao Mingzi, Wang Maoyun felt that it was not good, after all, their affairs were never a secret—but why should she care?But she just cares.If you, if I, if I could—

"Have you changed your phone number?" So she asked.

"It's changed, this one." Cao Mingzi took out his business card, and Wang Maoyun accepted it without looking at it.

"Okay. Then I'll go first, and I'll contact you another day."

"Alright, take care, Vast Cloud."

She walked away quickly, clearly feeling Cao Mingzi watching her from behind.

How could the world end?

The world might as well be the end.

The world cannot end.