Totem

When you're busy, days off are precious and weekends are almost sacred -- and fade away as you get busier.But when there was a weekend, Wang Maoyun and Cao Mingzi's favorite way to rest was to watch movies at home together.Watch what they like without bowing to theaters.I have watched many films many times, such as "If Love".The song is so good, I can't stop.Even if the film is very sad.

Once the ending song played, Cao Mingzi suddenly said: "'Who is the true love in my life that should not be missed', what exactly is missing?"

She asked with a smile, so Wang Maoyun leaned forward and hugged her and said: "Missing means that the two people who want to love each other are not together, they just passed by." The implication is that fortunately they did not.

It seems that the waiting in the middle of the night has never happened, the confusion and tears have never happened, and the past has been erased.

Cao Mingzi didn't delve into it, but just closed his eyes and enjoyed the tenderness.

In the winter when the heating has not started, the best rest is to hug each other with the quilt to keep warm.Reading their own books, leaning together, the body temperature is both necessary and nostalgic.

Wang Maoyun asked, what do you want to do, shall I go with you?Cao Mingzi might say, what do you want to do?So Wang Maoyun said cleverly, I want to accompany you to do what you want to do.Cao Mingzi would smile and open her hand, and then say what he wanted to do.So they went shopping all over the exhibition, so they love imported food supermarkets, so they are happy to occasionally spend money like land to buy clothes together—Cao Mingzi dresses up herself and Wang Maoyun, and Wang Maoyun loves being dressed up by her.In fact, the most satisfying thing to think about is shopping, in this era of consumerism.So they are keen to exchange gifts.Cao Mingzi easily saw through Wang Maoyun's preferences, and gave her watches, bracelets and necklaces; Wang Maoyun gave them all in return. At one time, the most useless things in the house were shopping receipts.

But Wang Maoyun always wanted to give Cao Mingzi something big enough: a house.

At that time, the view of "if you don't buy a house, you will lose your chance" was prevailing.Cao Mingzi was born into a scholarly family, but he had no power, power or money, and she was the one who supported the family all these years.Unlike Wang Maoyun, she does not have a considerable amount of inheritance there.If you don't buy it now, you may lose the tail of the opportunity.

Wang Maoyun really wanted to help Cao Mingzi, just like back then.But now that she has learned how to behave, she knows that she can't force Cao Mingzi, she can only wait for Cao Mingzi to make a request.But Cao Mingzi never said anything.In the end, she became anxious for Cao Mingzi, so she pretended that she wanted to buy it, and the two went to see the house together.In the sales department, Cao Mingzi sighed.Wang Maoyun couldn't say it directly, so he had to dig out his heart and said softly: "What's mine is yours, and this is ours."

The owner of the hand she was holding smiled, but didn't speak, just shook his head.

Under the economic crisis, thanks to the large amount of bailout funds from various countries, both of them are very busy with their work.But no matter how busy she is, Cao Mingzi is willing to get up early to make breakfast—if Wang Maoyun wakes up, Cao Mingzi will ask her what she wants to eat—and Wang Maoyun is happy to send Cao Mingzi early in the morning, even if it will affect her going to work.But after get off work, we gradually became unable to be together, because we couldn't unify the time.Sometimes Wang Maoyun came home very late, and Cao Mingzi would wait for her, work overtime with the light on, and read after work.Sometimes Cao Mingzi came home very late and Wang Maoyun was still working overtime, so Cao Mingzi would lean on Wang Maoyun's shoulder and persuade her to go to bed.

"Look at your dark circles." Cao Mingzi said as he took off the glasses that Wang Maoyun finally started wearing.

"Okay... you carry me."

"How can I hug you? If you want to do this, move the computer to the bed next time."

"You lazy abacus..."

She was indeed tired, so tired that every breath was exhausted.Finally one day when Cao Mingzi came back at eleven o'clock, Wang Maoyun lay down on the table and fell asleep.

She remembered that she woke up when Cao Mingzi entered the house that time, but she was too tired to move.As a result, Cao Mingzi came over and kissed her temple lightly.She didn't move, so Cao Mingzi watched her quietly for a while.

What a wonderful moment.

No matter what happens later, I sincerely believe that you love me, at least at that time, you love me.Because you love me, I am willing to do everything you ask me to do for you.That's the way to go, right?It's not because I love you that I do everything.But if that's the case, love is like some kind of transaction again, it's not supposed to be like this, is it?

Wang Maoyun always felt that Cao Mingzi's voice and tone of voice were very similar to an American singer, Alison Krauss.Sometimes when I hear Alison's song, I can't help thinking that it is Cao Mingzi who is talking.At this moment, the Air Canada flight was halfway through, and she began to listen to Alison Krauss' cover of "You Asked Me To".

"Knowing how much I love you/And after all that I've been through/I'd turn and walk away from you/Just because you asked me to."

Love someone, hate someone, forgive someone, and forgive yourself.Every step is tough.

Wang Maoyun held his painful forehead and felt the temperature. It was not a low-grade fever, but the fever was going down, which was good.After arriving in Canada, she can no longer have a fever, at least not so obvious, she better be better, so that Cao Mingzi can't see that she is sick.

Sick, she smiled when she thought of these three words, yes, that's it, I'm just sick, so I'm here to see you?See you as a vacation.

Do not you worry.

She often said this to Cao Mingzi. Strangely, this may be the sentence she said to Cao Mingzi the most.

Cao Mingzi's colleagues and subordinates are very familiar with the car that picks her up every day after get off work.Even occasionally working overtime late at night, this car can still park at the door and wait.After all, people's private life has nothing to do with official business, so everyone just talks about it as a little gossip.As Cao Mingzi's former classmates became today's contacts, coming and going on official business, people gradually knew that it was Wang Maoyun.Wang Maoyun's reputation was so great that everyone discussed it more, mainly with envy and curiosity.

One day in June 2010, Cao Mingzi led a team to work overtime in the company.Suddenly, someone brought dinner over on time. Before Cao Mingzi could ask, the person who delivered the meal said that there was champagne for Ms. Cao Mingzi—everyone was amazed. Cao Mingzi remembered that today was their anniversary.Isn't Wang Maoyun also working overtime?No news at all for a whole day.

Walking out of the office building at ten o'clock, Wang Maoyun was waiting downstairs.As soon as Cao Mingzi got in the car, she asked if the champagne was good. Cao Mingzi said yes, and said, "But you are setting me up for drinking during office hours!"

"What are you afraid of? You are working overtime."

"Next time you have such a good thing, don't send it to the company." Cao Mingzi said, Wang Maoyun thought he had done something wrong, turned his head, and saw Cao Mingzi's smile was gentle and charming in the night: "Let's go back to celebrate Is it not good?"

"Okay, then did you prepare anything for me to celebrate tonight? For example..." Cao Mingzi stretched out his hand and pinched her.

It doesn't matter whether Cao Mingzi prepared a special gift for her, what Wang Maoyun cares about is what she should do for Cao Mingzi's birthday this year. It's 2010, and Cao Mingzi is 30 years old. Although she doesn't feel 30 years old at all, and she doesn't want Cao Mingzi to feel that way, she does think this is an important age limit, especially for relationships. She wants to give Cao Mingzi a ensure.

For this reason, she carefully planned how to celebrate Cao Mingzi's birthday and which ring to buy.Following this logic, it should be to buy a diamond ring for Cao Mingzi first, then buy a house for herself, and then change jobs—according to the current plan of her and Cao Mingzi, each go to a new Internet company, from the middle to the top ——Then go home with Cao Mingzi to meet his parents, and then the rest of his life.

Later, the house was bought, sold and bought again, which made Wang Maoyun's net worth considerable.The job-hopping was also smooth, and they even completed the second job-hopping each, completely ending the life stage of being a part-time job.Of course the ring was bought on time and delivered to Cao Mingzi on time, but in the end Cao Mingzi left it at Wang Maoyun's house and did not take it away.

"Your mom and I fell in the water" is a petty and meaningless question, but it reflects a major problem that can exist at any time: the people you love most can become opposites of each other, and even have irreconcilable contradictions .How to deal with this big trouble is especially challenging.Some people deal with it by leaving it to dry, some with people and mud, some people are not human inside and out, and some people cruelly choose between the two.Still others try hard to foster mutual understanding.

Whether the choice itself is correct or not can determine part of the result, only part of it, and sometimes it depends on whether the timing is correct.Sometimes it is suitable for procrastination, sometimes it is suitable for perfunctory, and sometimes it is suitable for working together.It's a pity that timing is out of human control, and neither Wang Maoyun nor Cao Mingzi had a choice.They probably thought they had.When they really had it later, they thought they didn't have it, and went on their own way.

Cao Mingzi’s parents urged the marriage for three reasons: the old couple saw their daughter struggling in Beijing for many years, and accepted the fact that her daughter would stay in Beijing, but they still couldn’t settle down, probably because they were too busy to take care of themselves They worried that their daughter would be lonely and lonely in old age; later, after learning about housing prices in Beijing, they felt that their daughter should quickly find a suitable person to marry and buy a house, so that they can work hard in Beijing with peace of mind.For this reason, the old couple came to Beijing to visit Cao Mingzi—which caused Wang Maoyun to go to war and temporarily moved for a while—and kept bombarding him with phone calls.Cao Mingzi and Wang Maoyun are already veterans, it's not difficult for them to perfuse their parents, it's just annoying.

When Cao Mingzi's father was diagnosed with lung cancer, she chose the start-up company that was expected to get a large amount of equity among two job-hopping candidates, so that she could support the family more.Wang Maoyun wanted to join her, but was rejected by Cao Mingzi. The reason was that it was not suitable at the moment, and she didn't bother to explain what was going on, and she didn't want to add trouble to her parents at a critical moment.

Wang Maoyun actually didn't like Cao Mingzi's use of the word "worrying" to describe their relationship in the eyes of Cao Mingzi's parents, but she later forgave this.What she didn't forgive was that when she was considering where to switch jobs, she also chose a promising but busy place.

If not chosen, maybe she will have a little more time?At least not so busy, at least a little more patience, at least able to become a sandbag that will not be punctured when Cao Mingzi is tortured by all kinds of pressure to be sharp and reckless.

There are no ifs in the world, she is just a sandbag that is tied and leaks sand everywhere.

Sometimes Wang Maoyun was on a business trip, and Cao Mingzi stayed at home alone for a while; sometimes Cao Mingzi was on a business trip, and Wang Maoyun was alone at home for a while; Got to be rotten.Most of Cao Mingzi's planes were early in the morning, and she woke up lightly. Wang Maoyun would wake up at first, but then he didn't know it at all. When he woke up, his surroundings were empty.And Wang Maoyun's plane involves going abroad from time to time, always at one or two o'clock in the middle of the night, and Cao Mingzi always falls asleep alone after saying goodbye to her.

There is more and more communication with colleagues and partners, and less and less communication with dearest people.I hope to rely on the existing tacit understanding to live on, but it causes quarrels.People, they are so cheap, and the tolerance for the dearest is always the least. We all want to be a child in a love relationship, play petty temper, have a petty temper, ask the other party to tolerate us and indulge ourselves, but we don’t necessarily realize it. Or be willing to be the guardian of the other party.

The sea otter analogy is both right and wrong; the mistake is that adult sea otters rely on aquatic plants to tie themselves, and only female sea otters hold their children's hands.

Both had returned late at night—either early or late—and the one who had stayed home was already asleep.

Wang Maoyun remembers that she had an argument with Cao Mingzi before setting off, the cause she had forgotten—like a self-protection measure about memory—anyway, she was very irritable and Cao Mingzi was also anxious, from Sesame Mung Bean It started with a small matter, and it kept quarreling until Cao Mingzi didn't want her to help Cao Mingzi's father with treatment. She felt very disappointed and unhappy, and asked Cao Mingzi why; Cao Mingzi always avoided this question, and was really annoyed by being asked. Don't need your money because money is not the problem, the problem is this is an incurable disease, I want him to live but I can't!

"I don't need your money! You can't give me what I need! No one can do it!" Cao Mingzi is rarely so angry.Wang Maoyun felt ashamed, indignant and lost, and couldn't find anything to say. Seeing that the time was coming, the plane waited for no one, so he had to set off.

At three o'clock in the night when she came back, she walked into the bedroom and saw Cao Mingzi's back.

I love you, why should I make you unhappy?

She stepped forward, put her arms around Cao Mingzi gently, kissed Cao Mingzi's forehead, and said sorry softly.Cao Mingzi fell asleep, but didn't wake up. She lay down beside her, feeling her heart peeling off piece by piece.

She said many sorrys in her heart, many, many.

Once a few years later, Wang Maoyun talked to Cao Mingzi about giving Cao Mingzi an oath with a ring attached, and how he broke the oath later.

"I said that I want to be good to you and be good to you all my life. I will work hard until one day we can live a carefree life, carefree and free until we die peacefully together."

Cao Mingzi nodded.Wang Maoyun lowered her eyes and continued: "I didn't do it." Even though what she really wanted to say was that we didn't do it.

Cao Mingzi shook his head and asked, "Have you ever said those words to others?"

"No."

"That's not a failure."

Of course Wang Maoyun knew what Cao Mingzi meant, so it was a kind of kindness, she thought.

But I can't do it, Akiko, we can all die peacefully, we've all been free, but we can't be together, I'm leaving.

At the end of 2011, the weather in early winter was not good, and there was always smog.Wang Maoyun and Cao Mingzi quarreled more and more frequently. She always wanted to help Cao Mingzi's father in this way, but Cao Mingzi refused, thinking that this was inappropriate and that it would be better to do it that way, so the two decided which way was better. Get rid of arguments and forget that this is a home and not a growth company.It fades into arguments about identities and relationships, into accusations about other little things, into pointless quarrels.Both of them cried silently after a quarrel, but they couldn't change this cycle, as if all the strength of persistence was put to work.

Finally one day, Wang Maoyun was going on a business trip, and Cao Mingzi's father's condition deteriorated.Wang Maoyun suggested what to do immediately, and impatiently said that it would be fine for her to come, but Cao Mingzi still refused her help.Wang Maoyun was furious, Cao Mingzi didn't bother to explain, the two had a big fight and broke up unhappy.Wang Maoyun went on a business trip without looking back.

International flight in the middle of the night, ten busy days, she was so angry that she didn't greet her at first, but she was so busy that she forgot to ask.

When I got home early in the morning, there was no one there. Cao Mingzi moved all his things away, and left a breakup letter on the table. The letter said the breakup, and said that he had gone home for the funeral, and there was a ring in the envelope.