Totem

Wanting to love someone and believing in your ability to love someone are completely different things.When Wang Maoyun returned to Beijing, he thought back to himself three years ago and lamented that he was not mature enough.Occasionally in the past three years, she would also think, what would she have done if Cao Mingzi had really accepted her?Maybe Cao Mingzi would accept the current self.

But what's the use of that?

In the past three years, she was just working hard and never inquired about Cao Mingzi.When I first arrived in Beijing, my residence was undecided and I was busy with work. The immediate boss said that he would arrange for you to live in Liz next door.Walking out of the room during the daytime on a rest day, there are very few people in the financial street that has not yet become prosperous.With her hands in the pockets of her woolen coat, she walked aimlessly along the way, and finally stopped in front of the window of Lane Crawford, which had just opened for a long time.

Wang Maoyun is very beautiful, with the smartness of the southerners and the uprightness of the northerners.If she dresses up, she is also a beauty, but she is too lazy, her dressing style is still simple, her hair is always long and straight to the shoulders, and occasionally tied up.She has excellent aesthetics, but she doesn't like shopping and has a weak desire to shop.What made her stop in front of the window was not the luxurious clothes and handbags displayed inside, but another person in front of the window.

She had only returned to Beijing for less than half a month, and she was still thinking about when and what opportunity to inquire about Cao Mingzi, or whether to inquire about it, but she ran into her here by chance.

The hair of Cao Mingzi in front of me is still the same long, but the tail is slightly curly, and it seems to be dyed, the brown hair and black hair are mixed; the long black coat on her body is tailored close to the body, with exquisite curves, and the price can be seen at a glance Not cheap; on the forearm of his left hand is a handbag with black leather and gold hinges——

Wang Maoyun didn't look down because he couldn't move his eyes away from the familiar corners of his eyes and the bridge of his nose.Light makeup, big bright eyes, and a small and delicate nose.Cao Mingzi is still the look Wang Maoyun would like, always will be.

But this obsession only lasted for a short dozen seconds, and Wang Maoyun, who was afraid of being discovered by Cao Mingzi, turned his eyes away.In the struggle of fleeing or staying, silent or disturbing, Wang Maoyun stayed where he was, standing in a dilemma with Cao Mingzi and Cao Mingzi at both ends of the window. In the window were a few items that were a bit expensive for the two of them at that time. But soon there won't be such an expensive winter coat.

In his memory, Wang Maoyun saw that his back was straight, while Cao Mingzi's neck seemed to be stretched forward slightly.The distance between the two of them cannot be reached with one hand. If one person falls down, the other person will be knocked down.

Hope it never happens, hope it all happens, hope it stays stuck for a while and doesn't leave.

About 1 minute - or less? ——After that, Wang Maoyun finally didn't have the courage to speak, so he turned and left.After walking two steps, he heard the phone ringing, guessing it belonged to Cao Mingzi, so he walked even faster.However, the phone was not answered, but someone called her with a familiar soft voice: "Huh? Is that you, Vast Cloud?"

Best practices don't exist.Stopping her steps is tantamount to admitting; turning around and pretending to admit her mistake, she has not changed at all, and she can't be deceived at all; what's more, once she turns her head and sees the other person, and sees Cao Mingzi's eyes, she will throw away her armor and armor in an instant.

Even just thinking about those eyes, even just thinking about them.

Freezing the separation may not kill the pain and heartache, it may just delay its onset.

I wish I never met you.But then I would probably lose something very important and beautiful in my life.

"It's me." Wang Maoyun turned around and said with a smile, "Long time no see."

"Don't tell me when you come back!" Cao Mingzi smiled and reproached him as he walked in, looked him up and down, "You haven't changed at all."

Maybe the time is not long enough, Wang Maoyun thought.

"When did you come back?" Cao Mingzi didn't ask her where she went.

"It's only been half a month." Wang Maoyun didn't know if he should ask a question.

Cao Mingzi wanted to ask her where she lived and what she was doing, but there were so many questions, so he suggested that the two of them go chat while drinking coffee.

"I thought you—" After exchanging information about each other's current jobs, residences, phone numbers, etc. so that the other party would not disappear again, Cao Mingzi hesitated to speak, and after thinking about it, he continued: "At that time Also very suddenly, I was busy for a while. If I call you again, I won’t be able to find you. I only found out that you have gone to Seattle after asking. It’s really..."

Cao Mingzi sighed, Wang Maoyun was speechless, luckily the coffee was served at this time. "I shouldn't have done that at the time." Cao Mingzi looked into Wang Maoyun's eyes and said, Wang Maoyun wanted to say "no need to do this", but he didn't say it, Cao Mingzi continued: "Especially when your mother passed away... I really should Call you sooner."

"You don't know, so I can't blame you." Wang Maoyun said, not knowing what expression he should put on.

Cao Mingzi could only smile apologetically, and said, "You saw me just now, but you didn't call me?"

"I—" It's all right now.Wang Maoyun has always been known for his quick response, but in some interactions with Cao Mingzi, his response was slow because he thought of too many options and didn't know which one to choose. "I'm not sure that's you. It's been a while since I've seen you, and I don't even know—"

Are you still in Beijing, what has changed, have you met new people——

"It's also my fault. I left without telling you." Wang Maoyun had no choice but to change the subject, "I left nothing behind. It's really not good to leave."

"You know that too." Cao Mingzi scolded, "How is it? You are no longer a white-collar worker, but a gold-collar worker. Hey, this word is also outdated."

"It's not bad, it's just..." Cao Mingzi asked while Wang Maoyun confessed.Both sides of the question and answer were curious about life in the past three years and answered in detail, but avoided the matter of love life.We are all hiding, Wang Maoyun thought, but what should we do?

After talking about herself, she asked Cao Mingzi again, "Are you still in the old place?"

"It's changed, how can I get promoted without changing jobs? It's only been three years, and the changes in these three years have been really big. Old Fu, do you remember? It's just Fu Han from our fifth class." Wang Maoyun nodded. She had already forgotten what that senior looked like, and only roughly remembered the rumors from the past.Cao Mingzi continued: "The year you left, he got married. It was with his childhood sweetheart. The result? They divorced last year. We were all very surprised, because the two of us have always been in our circle since the beginning. A representative of love than gold."

Wang Maoyun asked why they divorced, and Cao Mingzi said, "Why? Because the business failed."

This answer was a bit unexpected. In order to avoid silence, Wang Maoyun asked many other people. She knew the name or knew a little story.Cao Mingzi opened up his chatterbox, talking endlessly, apparently relaxed, and Wang Maoyun also felt relaxed.

In the end, Wang Maoyun asked no questions, and sighed: "Actually, think about it, it's all a thing of the past." Then he lowered his head and drank coffee.

"Yeah, people don't need to let the past hinder and bind the present."

Wang Maoyun raised his head and met Cao Mingzi's eyes.Cao Mingzi watched her tenderly, taking in everything.

"Yes. It's all over."

Then Cao Mingzi asked Wang Maoyun about how long he would stay when he came back.Wang Maoyun said, "I shouldn't be leaving in the short term."

"Long term?" She remembered that Cao Mingzi was smiling when he said this.

"Shouldn't be leaving."

She did not leave Beijing again.The person who left later was Cao Mingzi.Wang Maoyun really wanted to think that Cao Mingzi's departure had nothing to do with him, just as Cao Mingzi hoped.But she can't, she can't.It's a thing in her life.A thing that was as rooted in her life as concrete ruins are to the earth.

Wang Maoyun's employer did not change, and Cao Mingzi did not bypass this cooperative relationship even if he changed careers, even though Wang Maoyun's current partner was not Wang Maoyun.Cao Mingzi showed kindness to her that day, and continued to act afterwards.According to Cao Mingzi himself, he did this because he missed her.How nice, she missed that statement.Only Cao Mingzi's longing can bring her heartfelt happiness.She is not very close to most of the people who care about her, maybe because she knew that she was an orphan since she was a child, even though she was not lacking in love since she was a child.The only exception is Cao Mingzi.

That winter was especially good for her.Not long after returning to China, I met Cao Mingzi again, and then seemed to return to the state where I left off overnight. The two spent their free time together, watching movies, eating and shopping.Wang Maoyun will be with Cao Mingzi, Cao Mingzi will be with Wang Maoyun, it is a period of time when each other's activities and interests are best balanced.On Wang Maoyun's birthday, Cao Mingzi said that he would celebrate Wang Maoyun no matter what, "We should celebrate it!"

"No need." She sincerely refused, not wanting Cao Mingzi to spend money.

"Why not, after all—" Cao Mingzi's voice on the phone softened, "You have no other relatives in this world."

Wang Maoyun was shocked and even saddened when he heard the words. Fortunately, Cao Mingzi said "OK" almost coquettishly, and she just woke up like a dream and blurted out her promise.

On the plane, Wang Maoyun suddenly started to have a fever.It stands to reason that she has already gotten used to it, and when she touched her head and it felt hot enough, she knew that there was enough time; but she was cold all over, so she had to ask the flight attendant again for a blanket.

The person who came to deliver the blanket this time was actually the chief purser. I don’t know if he felt that this passenger looked like he was seriously ill and needed special care.Wang Maoyun half-closed his eyes, heard the kind words of the purser in the dark, and felt her gentle movements, and his olfactory nerves became disordered in a trance, thinking that he smelled the perfume of a certain ex-girlfriend on the purser.Yes, a woman like the purser in front of me is the kind who will like her, and the kind she will like.

Just like it.

In a half-asleep dream, she saw herself sitting in the restaurant with Cao Mingzi, and the gift Cao Mingzi gave her was placed on the dining table.The two were talking and laughing, and the crowd and lights behind them were blurred.She saw Cao Mingzi say that he used to eat boiled meat for your birthday, and he even ate fried belly at the earliest.Then I saw myself saying that the belly burst is very good, is that store still open?Cao Mingzi replied that he moved to the south of the city, which is far away, and he will go next time.Then say yes to yourself.

"Actually, I owe you a thank you for all these years." Seeing Cao Mingzi say, she nodded and shook her head, as if contemptuous of herself.

"What are you talking about?" She saw herself saying, as if she was also ashamed of the unknown wrong thing she had done, she squinted her eyes and shook her head, trying to grin a half-drunk wry smile. "With-"

With...

What am I talking about?She could almost hear her own inner workings, it was so loud.

With...

"After all, with such a thing, I still have...what qualifications do you have to thank me?"

People who are evenly matched are the best love objects, because it is easy to cultivate a tacit understanding.And of course the worst.After all, it's a completely different and unrelated matter for the other person to understand what you're saying, decide whether to respond, and whether to respond in the way you want.

"Don't think like that." This seemed to be one of Cao Mingzi's mantras from this day on. "Actually, that... can't be considered a bad thing." In the dream, Wang Maoyun saw himself raise his eyes a little. "If you want to say, it's because I didn't handle it well. It makes you unhappy."

"No, no, it's me, I shouldn't bother you—"

"I told you, don't think so. Don't all of us. Love..." She saw Cao Mingzi's slender fingers lightly touching the long neck of the red wine glass, and heard her heart beating frighteningly, "Love is here The thing—sometimes I think—is there really a right or wrong? Is there really a right or wrong to loving someone, apart from its extensions, all the things that come out of it? Of course Not everyone can handle it well, everyone will have their own way of handling it, but this matter itself is right, love itself should be an emotion that has no right or wrong, it may be the best emotion we can have.”

Cao Mingzi glanced at her.

Whenever she recalled it, she felt that those eyes had no meaning, and she hoped there would be.

"Don't feel guilty, maybe I shouldn't have it, so we won't have it, so we can continue to live a good life."

Cao Mingzi stretched out his hand to her, as if he didn't know anything about the magma boiling in her heart at the moment.

"OK?"

Of course, she said yes.From that day on, she began to pursue Cao Mingzi again.Since she wanted to love, she was even more sure that she could.

Wang Maoyun once thought about the responsibility involved in this, who came first, and then he didn't think about it, and then he thought about it, and he didn't think about it again.After all, even if she doesn't agree with many things Cao Mingzi said, she agrees with the argument "There is no right or wrong in love".Does it make sense whether she acts first or Cao Mingzi seduces first?Will it change the whole thing?It was a Serb who shot first in World War I, and then what?

It's like the tumor in her brain first grew here, and then spread there. Could there be a difference if the location of the left and right brain is changed?No, it won't.

What people have is always in front of them.