Totem

The first few years of the 21st century are probably the most suitable time for young people to struggle in Beijing.The cost in all aspects is not high, and there are many opportunities. Even if the upward channels are not clearly visible, they really exist, and there is no need to deliberately wait for some outlets. Basically, there are outlets everywhere, and anyone can go to the sky.Cao Mingzi's entry into a foreign company is a way of catching a bit of the tail of the golden age of foreign companies; Wang Maoyun originally intended to enter an Internet company in the cold winter full of adventurer spirit, but was finally persuaded by Cao Mingzi to choose a foreign company as well, and ended up stepping into the most Good one.

Cao Mingzi smiled and said to Wang Maoyun, I am really inferior to you. You will be our biggest partner now, and I will call you the boss in the future. "No, I have to call you." She said with a smile.

Wang Maoyun's reaction was to take half of the first month's salary and send it back to his adoptive mother, and then went to find Cao Mingzi for dinner.Cao Mingzi is now a little more stable, but is actively pursuing promotion.Seeing the surrounding houses being demolished and newly built, everyone wants to buy a house while they have money, so that it is tantamount to staying in Beijing.Wang Maoyun knew that once he was promoted, Cao Mingzi would have more money left in his hands, although he still needed a loan—she had even thought about it this way, she could lend Cao Mingzi money, hers, her family’s, It's hers.

Every time she saw Cao Mingzi working hard, this word would come to her mind, but she still didn't say it in the end.She knew that she was not qualified to take the initiative to say this.Who is Cao Mingzi himself?Speaking of which, Cao Mingzi has a lot of friends and classmates in Beijing, but he is just a school girl who has a good relationship with Cao Mingzi, who is always shining in the crowd.She didn't even know her number among Cao Mingzi's many friends.It wasn't a question of whether she could get on the bus if she squeezed, but that she didn't want to squeeze the bus with other people. She wanted to take a taxi with Cao Mingzi alone.

If you give me the same as everyone else, I may choose not to, I want unique.Cao Mingzi lacked understanding of other people in their class, and probably felt he had nothing to say, so he rarely asked Wang Maoyun questions such as "other people in your class", not to mention that Wang Maoyun often came to see She came to accompany her to turn down dates with other people.

If there are not many good ones, why not give them to you?She even brought Cao Mingzi a Japanese CD of dubious origin.

At that time, it was very rare for single women to buy a house.The common situation is either to get married or to get married, and it is very rare to bring parents to Beijing.At first Wang Maoyun was also skeptical, but he didn't dare to ask. What's more, he knew that Cao Mingzi had a lot of people who liked her all the time, and he knew that Cao Mingzi didn't agree to anyone.She had never discussed this issue with Cao Mingzi. She was afraid that it was inconvenient for other people to inquire about it, and she also felt that she was not very close to Cao Mingzi, so she was not qualified to inquire.

If I ask, of course she will answer, she has always been so nice; but she may also continue to say, how did you think of asking this?

Or what if the answer is not what I thought?

I want to reach out, but I dare not, I'm afraid that once I say it, I will lose you.I will lose you.

Wang Maoyun struggled to get up from the first-class seat, took out the small medicine bottle, and walked to the toilet.

After closing the door, she looked at her emaciated self in the mirror, opened the medicine bottle, poured out two pills in the palm of her hand, thought about it, and finally took only one.The doctor said that you can take two tablets, and you can take three tablets if it is too uncomfortable.But she just wanted one slice.Two pieces may fall asleep, how can I remember the past when I fall asleep?

Different stages of life have different moods, and the memories of the past will wear different colored glasses.I used to think that some fragments could not be recalled, but after a few years, I may feel that I can think about them; if something else happens in a few years, my vision may change again.Willing to think, unwilling to think, able to control, unable to control, and so on and so on.At this moment, Wang Maoyun feels that everything, good and bad, and everything that has changed from bad to good later, are just fleeting glimpses of life, like gold dust on the river.

Chasing the flowing water, it disappears where all the rivers flow into the sea.

Going back to the seat and opening the window, it was pitch black outside the window.Like a winter night in 2004.

Wang Maoyun suddenly remembered that it seemed that he hadn't seen snow in Beijing for a long time. The snow was as heavy as before, and the snow covered everything.Not as much as before.When did it start?I can't remember anything.

What Cao Mingzi said is true. Wang Maoyun is an employee of the company's most important partner. The two often work together. It can be said that they talk on the phone on Monday and Friday for business affairs, and face-to-face on Saturday and Sunday for private matters.Cao Mingzi felt that it was much more convenient for Wang Maoyun to communicate, and Wang Maoyun was happy to know almost everything about Cao Mingzi's life through work. In the winter of early 2004, when the north wind howled at night, she was off work normally. Cao Mingzi had just been promoted and was still working overtime.She suggested that she wait for Cao Mingzi to get off work and then the two of them go eat hot pot together. Cao Mingzi said that he was very tired today and just wanted to go home, so she said that she would buy some good food and go to Cao Mingzi's house to wait.

Cao Mingzi didn't refuse, Wang Maoyun waited for a while, and then went to the vegetable market on his own.Walking to the door, when it was time to decide whether to buy or not, Cao Mingzi finally agreed, and said that he was about to finish the battle, so he should be able to catch up and do it together.

"Don't keep doing it to you."

After reading this, Wang Maoyun rushed into the vegetable market in a hurry.

When walking back with both hands full of bags, Wang Maoyun took a shortcut—the alley was not very windy, so he hid for a while—thinking of this, he worried whether Cao Mingzi would wear enough clothes today, would it be cold, There is no need to add another scarf.When it comes to scarves, the ones who buy wool are——

Ah, the corners of Wang Maoyun's mouth formed a gentle smile under the mask, and she saw Cao Mingzi pass by the alley.You're back, so early.how nice.

Let's go home together, no matter whose home it is, who signed the lease contract, or who owns the property rights, we will be together.

She was quickening her pace to keep up, when another man walked past the alley.He was dressed in black and held something like a short stick in his hand.Wang Maoyun had a bad intuition, so he clenched the bag in his hand and quickened his pace.Sure enough, when the opponent exposed the iron rod in his hand and lifted his arm into the air, he hit the opponent hard on the head with a bag of stick bones.

Cao Mingzi turned around and exclaimed.She was probably the same as the police who arrived at the scene later, thinking that the red dirt on the back of the suspect's head belonged to a person, not from a pig bone.

Wang Maoyun got into a fight with someone, but fortunately he was dressed thickly, so he was not injured anywhere except his dirty body.Sitting in the police station, Cao Mingzi just helped her wipe the stains off her body without saying a word.She thought she had let Cao Mingzi down—whether it was a rough beating or even more rude swearing—so when she walked out, she said to Cao Mingzi helplessly and apologetically: "It seems that we still have to go to a restaurant for dinner. "

Cao Mingzi looked at her, but Cao Mingzi's expression could not be seen clearly in the dim light.

"Sorry, I--"

Wang Maoyun was bowing his head, but was hugged into a fragrant embrace.

"Thank you."

Cao Mingzi said "thank you" to her many times, this time was the most gentle and calm, without any unhappiness or fatigue.

At that moment, she felt that this person was hers, and for the first time in her life, she wanted to take full possession of him.

Saving someone's life—at least Cao Mingzi said so—maybe gave Wang Maoyun a certain qualification, and now she can feel that she is a little different from others.However, she did not propose to live with Cao Mingzi on this ground.She felt that she knew that Cao Mingzi not only still thought of her as a school girl in his heart, but also thought that if there was any unexplainable danger, it would be bad if he dragged her down.But who is that person?The only thing they know is that no matter how much they interrogate, that person will say that they followed him randomly, without any prior planning, and just followed them beautifully.Cao Mingzi didn't have time to delve into it, but Wang Maoyun couldn't believe it.Because she saw the man's eyes when she hit him.That man didn't look like a wretched follower, but more like a personal enemy.

She didn't ask either.She even thanked the man a little bit.Her good life is still passing. "The Rhinoceros in Love" is about to perform for the 100th show, and she has bought a ticket for the 100th show, and she wants to go with Cao Mingzi.

After so many years, in retrospect, she seems to know Cao Mingzi very well, but it seems that she has never understood him before.It's like she thought that Cao Mingzi would like drama, like herself.We have known each other for almost 20 years, and she is still guessing.Not to mention what core value system Cao Mingzi bases his decisions on.

Later, I accidentally saw the introduction of "The Rhinoceros in Love" on Douban, which said "find a wise balance between emotion and practicality, and avoid falling into a situation where you suffer and others laugh at you."At first, she felt that she was talking about herself, but later she felt that it was even more painful that others may not laugh at you in real life, because everyone’s pain is similar, but they can’t share the same pain—it’s so private that it’s hard to talk about it, so she prefers to be isolated from each other.

Walking out of the Beiguo Theater, Cao Mingzi held her hand—she felt that all the hair on her body was ironed comfortably—the two discussed which line they liked the most among the lines.

"I like the phrase 'God will favor those who are brave, strong, and passionate'." Cao Mingzi said, in the golden autumn of October.

"I like..." Wang Maoyun began to hesitate.In hindsight—when she could remember, and bear the burn to remember—she still didn't like her hesitation and apprehension at that moment.But what could she do?

"Which one?" Cao Mingzi asked nonchalantly.

"'I want to give you everything, but I have nothing. I want to give you everything, but I have nothing to give up.'"

Wang Maoyun felt that his voice was almost trembling.Probably not actually.I am also afraid of my heartbeat being heard, and I am eager to be heard.

"That's too cruel." Cao Mingzi said, "Don't put such a burden on love, love should not be a burden."

Wang Maoyun almost suffocated when he heard this.How much I wish to be consistent with you, and if I am a little inconsistent with you, I am afraid that I will lose you.

"What about this line? 'Love is no different than comedy, sports, or pop music. It's about making life easier.'"

Cao Mingzi smiled, "You don't need to do this for me, it's what you like, that's what you like."

Wang Maoyun really wanted to say "I like you, do you like me?" But that would be too silly.So she said: "Then I still like 'If I were a judge, your likes and dislikes are my highest law. If I were a priest, there is no better heaven than you. If I were a sentinel, every word of yours is My password.'"

Just walking to the side of the road, Wang Maoyun turned to Cao Mingzi and said, "This is what I want to tell you, do you understand?"

She didn't like the wrong person after all, she thought, Cao Mingzi understood immediately.

But she still liked the wrong person, and Cao Mingzi refused, even a little incoherent and flustered.

The worst mistake was probably herself. She apologized on the spot and sent Cao Mingzi home. After that, Cao Mingzi didn't take the initiative to contact her, and she didn't take the initiative to contact Cao Mingzi either.In November, when she couldn't sleep at night, she lay on the bed thinking why Cao Mingzi rejected her.scare?Maybe there or maybe not.Impulsive?Maybe yes maybe not.Another suitor?Maybe there or maybe not.She resents it?Maybe yes maybe not.

I am not good enough?

Yes.

After a month of silence, at the beginning of November, Cao Mingzi finally wanted to find Wang Maoyun when it came to work.After the communication, on the phone, Wang Maoyun proposed to have dinner together in the evening, and then took the opportunity to apologize; Cao Mingzi refused.Wang Maoyun could understand from Cao Mingzi's tone that this was not refusing a meal, but a question that had not yet been answered.

Cao Mingzi wanted to say something else on the phone to make amends, but Wang Maoyun immediately interrupted, saying yes, it doesn't matter if it's okay.Then hung up the phone.Never hit again.Not even the work that should have occurred to compel them to connect with each other.

Whether the winter was particularly cold that year, Wang Maoyun forgot.At the end of November, her adoptive mother passed away. After going home to finish the funeral, she felt that she had nothing to worry about in this world, so she accepted a new task and went abroad.After leaving, she didn't come back until the end of 2007, that winter in the south was too cold.

On the plane, Wang Maoyun, unable to sleep, took out his earphones to listen to the program on the plane.I found "If I Have To Go" by Tom Waits in European and American music.Listening, tears filled my eyes. It was already very cold in Seattle in the autumn of 2007, and she heard this song by accident.It stands to reason that this is a song that should leave after listening to it.She has been gone for a long time.When she left, she didn't say a word to Cao Mingzi, and she didn't know whether she wanted Cao Mingzi to forget or remember herself.Leave as if suddenly frozen.However, it was not until she heard this song that her parting was fully completed in late autumn in a foreign country.

Her misfortune ended there.So she thought she could go back.

At this moment, her temples were wet with hot tears.

Would everything be different if I didn't go back?

Probably not.Every time she saw Cao Mingzi's figure, she would get carried away.No matter how old she is or how old Cao Mingzi is, Cao Mingzi will always conform to her aesthetics. She is not always loyal to a style, but to a person.