What is your choice? ?

You have chosen [C. Call Ye Zi]

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You don't really want to confide your inner pain to others.

You think you deserve the tears on your face and the pain in your heart that feels like it's being clenched tightly.After all, the old man is gone, no matter how much you repent, the mistakes you have committed are done and cannot be made up for.

You even feel that this extreme regret makes you gratified, because as long as you cast aside endlessly, Teacher Yu will always live in your heart.You deserve to be condemned by conscience, this is your sin, and no one can relieve your worries.Asking for help is like desperately looking for a fig leaf to turn your stomach.

But at this moment, a strong desire to confide hits your heart without warning, disrupting your originally dead heart.

Can you really let yourself get into this state?Are you going to keep all your pain and struggle inside your heart for the rest of your life, even if it rots and rusts?

——Are you really so strong?Strong enough to take it all on your own?

At that moment, you seemed to be overwhelmed by countless questions, so you began to be at a loss, and your originally steadfast heart began to waver again.

You want to answer that everything is retribution and that you are solely responsible for everything.But whenever you want to respond to those doubting voices, you can't make up your mind.

At that moment, you realize that behind the self-criticism, you still have selfishness.

It turns out that you long for someone to take care of you... It turns out that you are not strong enough to bear all the pain alone.

It turns out your self-condemnation was just sanctimonious.It turns out that selfishness is your essence.

Your heart feels like a knife is twisting, and your chest is so oppressed that you can hardly breathe.You don't have the courage to continue to contradict yourself, because you are afraid that the idea that sprouts in your mind is another self-deception-a brand new fig leaf, pressing the old one underneath.

You start to get confused and don't know what it is you want.Is it to live in condemnation all your life, while being tortured, enjoy the peace of mind brought by self-spite?Or do you try to seal this matter in the deepest part of your memory, completely lose your conscience, but escape from the shackles of morality?

You originally planned to choose the first path without hesitation, but unexpectedly, in a second, your toes turned around and completely deviated from your original intention.

When you come to your senses, you have dialed Ye Zi's mobile number.

Listening to the music on the other end of the phone, you feel dazed, but you can't hang up the call no matter what.It wasn't until Ye Zi finally picked up the phone that you were separated from the frozen state, trembling all over, and your slack eyes focused again.

"Hello?" Ye Zi's voice was distorted on the phone.

You opened your mouth, and it took a while to ask dryly, "I'm sorry...are you busy now?"

You hear your heart beating wildly, and your Adam's apple subconsciously rolls back and forth.If Ye Zi said that he is busy now, then you don't have to continue to speak. The more you think about it, the more nervous you become, but you can't tell what kind of answer you want to hear.All you know is that your mind is a mess, a mixture of sadness, self-blame, and confusion that's blinding you to the path ahead.

So you decide to let go of your clenched fist and let fate decide everything.

You hear the sound of tea being poured on the wall of the cup from the other end of the leaf, and it gradually dies down after a few seconds.You thought he would answer the question you just asked, but you didn't expect that he didn't mention whether he was busy or not, and his tone of speech was understated.

"Would you like to come with freshly brewed white tea?"

You arrive at Ye Zi's house by car, and you can see Ye Zi's slender figure standing under the night light from a distance.Just as you were about to wave to him, you saw him raise his eyes and meet yours.The moment he looked at you, you saw that the silence on his face melted away like spring snow, and there was a kind of sour tenderness in his eyes.

He walked towards you with the light on his back, and lightly put the thin shirt on your shoulders on your shoulders, and carefully stroked the loose hair on your forehead with one hand, and gently pinned it behind your ears.You raised your head, and Ye Zi happened to lower your head, so now you look at each other, and the distance between each other is suddenly drawn closer.

Looking at Ye Zi's calm and soft eyes, your impetuous heart suddenly calmed down, and the whole person seemed to have found a pillar. Once the tense shoulders were loosened, the beating frequency of your heart became much more stable.At this time, you realize that although you have never seriously thought about the relationship between yourself and Ye Zi, unconsciously, you have already regarded him as a dependable existence, not a friend who just met by chance.This kind of dependence is silent, but it penetrates into your bone marrow bit by bit, so that the moment you see the leaves, your body will relax reflexively.When encountering difficulties, his figure is always the first thing that comes to mind.

You have mixed feelings, and you can't tell what it's like in your heart. The heartbeat that was originally restored to stability suddenly intensified, and the eyes that looked at Ye Zi also looked aside guiltily.

"Thank you for taking the time." You murmured softly, your voice dissipated in the night breeze, "I always come uninvited, please listen to my chatter, I'm really sorry..." But you haven't finished the sentence yet , the two fingertips stagnated in the void above your lips.

Your opened and closed lips suddenly froze, and Ye Zi saw that you finally swallowed back the words you wanted to say, so she lightly withdrew her fingertips.

"You are always too polite to me." Ye Zi paused, as if trying to figure out his words, "Is it because I'm not familiar enough with you?"

You hesitated for a moment, then shook your head hesitantly after a few seconds: "It's not like that, I'm just... just a conditioned reflex."

Ye Zi nodded slightly, looked at you quietly with downcast eyes, and took a long time before opening her mouth.

"But I don't want to."

You turned your head, and your eyes met Ye Zi's eyes again.

"I hope...you can be more willful in front of me."

Your heartbeat trembled suddenly, but Ye Zi didn't continue talking, turned around and walked towards the villa without saying a word.The night softened his facial features, and his turning speed was too fast, but at the moment when he opened his mouth and tilted his head, you could see a bit of embarrassment from the usual silence.

You feel that Ye Zi's attitude towards you is gradually becoming clear, and some trembling feelings are flowing out little by little.But you dare not confirm it, because you are afraid that you will be passionate because of your emotional instability, so you restrain your gradually raging thoughts, and silently follow Ye Zi to the direction of the villa.

The moment you stepped into the living room, all your previous complicated thoughts disappeared completely, and the matter of Teacher Yu occupied your whole brain again.So your shoulders tensed, the depression on your face surfaced again, and your whole person exuded a dull and gloomy atmosphere.

Ye Zi silently pushed the freshly poured tea towards you, looked at you who was looking down at you, who was looking down and wagging your fingers calmly, and didn't urge you to speak.You didn't make a sound until the mist around the rim of the cup disappeared.

"Do you still remember the last time I swore to you?" You said calmly, "I went to him today, thinking that as long as I apologized sincerely, everything would be back to normal. But when I went to him, He's gone."

When you say this, your voice suddenly becomes soft and calm, like a knife glowing with white light in an operating room, precise and cruel.

"He slit his wrist and killed himself, and it's all my fault."

You thought it would be extremely difficult to recount the whole thing, but it turns out to be the opposite.During the retelling process, you don't have any pauses, as if you are a student who memorized the manuscript in advance, telling the most boring lines with the most stable voice.That kind of commonplace makes you feel absurd, but powerless to the extreme.

You begin to understand that even the most painful memories will lose their original temperature and become icy cold after they are turned into the most straightforward statements.After all your personal emotions have faded away, your narrative will eventually become pale and useless.

You begin to doubt whether it is meaningful for you to tell Ye Zi everything, after all, he is not you - he will never be able to personally experience the entanglement and pain in your heart.But you finally kept talking, and told Ye Zi the whole story, including the master-student relationship between you and Mr. Yu.

You don't understand yourself, why you are so honest when you don't want to.But maybe it's because it's hard to turn off the faucet once it's turned on, and the words in your mouth keep pouring out until there's no more than half a syllable left in your throat, and you're completely quiet.

"So you think things are going to be like this because you're not selfless enough."

You raised your head, and found that Ye Zi was looking at you steadily, without a trace of warmth in her eyes.You choke at his sudden aggressiveness, but before you can respond, he continues.

"So you want to perform for him and bear all the pain, even if you have no obligation to be responsible for him from the beginning to the end?"

Your eyes wandered for a few seconds and then focused again, and you replied numbly: "Yes, if everything can be done again, I will choose to replace Teacher Yu, so that he will not die."

Ye Zi stared at you and never moved away. You saw a trace of obvious resentment and indifference in his eyes. The two completely different emotions intertwined with each other, instantly making you feel extremely strange.But in the end, he still suppressed those radical emotions, his voice was still steady, only his frown revealed his inner disapproval.

"The savior complex." He said lightly, "You think you can turn the tide and change everything. But you have to remember that you are only one person. You can't change Teacher Yu's past, and naturally you can't change the future. .”

"What about after replacing him? His depression has always existed, and suicide is only a matter of time. No matter what choice you make, his death is already an established fact." Ye Zi's voice is clearly the same, but it freezes you I felt cold all over my body and shivered all over.

"Your self-blame does nothing but cause you pain."

You suddenly widened your eyes, staring at the calm leaf without blinking.

"But if I don't take responsibility, who will be responsible for his death? Who can remember everything he carried on his body?" You questioned Ye Zi word by word, your voice trembling violently, and your whole body trembling uncontrollably with.

"Then it's all his own fault."

Ye Zi said unhurriedly, with a firm tone.

"It shouldn't be your fault, and the pain he suffered should not be inherited by you."

You stare blankly at Ye Zi, his words are like a sharp knife, cutting your heart bit by bit.You told yourself countless times that Teacher Yu's death should be borne by yourself, and you should naturally bear the pain that he carried.You condemn yourself all the time and criticize your own cowardice, but now Ye Zi said the exact opposite of what you thought in your heart.

His words cut open your original scabbed wound again, and the pus-filled blood flowed out again, dyeing the skin all over your body in a dirty color.

Have you really never thought of Ye Zi's words?Has it never occurred to you that you are innocent?Did you blame yourself for Teacher Yu's death from beginning to end?

No, you know what he said better than anyone else.

You just don't want to think about it, and you would rather be whipped by your conscience than use the simplest reason to excuse yourself.You are just too sad, too sad to be able to have a moment of peace without hurting yourself.

You've been a poor wretch all along, adrift on the waters of fate.You walk between emotion and reason, but always choose the former, even though you know everything well.

But you can't change yourself - you are cowardly, you are emotional, and you are vacillating.How can you paint your personality so easily?

You opened your eyes wide, and the scene in front of you became blurred. It wasn't until your eye sockets were sore that you subconsciously blinked your eyes, and the tears that had accumulated for a long time also flowed down instantly.

These are not tears of sadness, but tears of emotion.

I don't know when, the leaves have come to you.He pressed your tear-stained cheek into his chest and hugged you tightly.Your eyes darkened, and the feeling of having no place to rest in your heart suddenly seemed to have a fulcrum, and the tears flowed more and more intensely, wet the skirt of Ye Zi's chest, and flowed into your neckline.You can hear the muffled and suppressed cry in your mouth, but what you can hear more clearly is Ye Zi's strong heartbeat.

"No one is not selfish, that's human nature."

He sighed in a low voice, and gently stroked the long hair on your back with his fingers.

You cried for a long time, until the tears were all shed, then you lowered your head and gently pushed the leaves away.Although the haze lingering in your heart has not all dissipated, this venting has made you feel much better, and you are no longer on the verge of collapse all the time like before.

You know in your heart that you owe Ye Zi a favor again, and while feeling guilty, you also feel shy belatedly.

At this time, a hand gently landed on your dry cheek, which made you startled suddenly, and raised your head involuntarily.

"I said that people are selfish, and I am no exception." Ye Zi looked at you quietly, with suppressed affection in his eyes, "I tried my best to restrain myself, but found that I couldn't stay close to you. In my eyes, you It is more dazzling than anyone else and deserves to be cherished."

"Would you like to be with me?"

【A. willing】

【B. Not willing】

The author has something to say: everyone will post long comments and choices in the future, please be sure to post them under the chapter! !Because the comments directly below the article will be submerged in the vast comments immediately, and I can’t find it anymore qwq... [Storm Weeping] The "savior complex" in the article is a psychologically recognized term, which means to magnify the other party’s pain and need, at the expense of oneself, to satisfy the other