[Xunsi]May Be a Dream

"Why did you reject us?! Bastard!" Sitting opposite Shinji, Asuka raised her long legs and folded her hands, yelling in dissatisfaction.

Ayanami next to her sat on the bench without saying a word, watching Shinji's red pupils shining brightly in the afterglow that was constantly turning, and the afterimages of electric poles quickly flashed across the faces of the girls.

There were only three of them in the carriage.

Shinji, with an indifferent expression, sat on the bench opposite the two, holding a black Walkman in his hand, and his ears were blocked by earplugs.

"Hey, are you listening to me?" The fiery girl jumped up from the chair and rushed to Shinji, crossed her hips, and bent down.

The red ribbon on the neat and slim school uniform swayed on the girl's chest, and the youthful female body wrapped in the school uniform was close at hand.

impulse?desire?pain?trouble?reject?understand?pity?rely?Lonely?hope?

What are those, so confusing, don't know where to go.

Asuka ignored Shinji's silence: "If you are together, then you don't have to think about anything. You will know what the other person is thinking, and the other person will also know what you are thinking. There is no barrier, isn't that great?! You don't have to be around all day I yell in my ear, and there is no need to moan without illness."

"I don't know..." Shinji's voice was so small that it seemed that he was only lip-syncing.

"Then you go to die!" Asuka leaned into Shinji's ear and said coldly.

"No!" He answered resolutely, as if a veto from his body and mind.

"I don't want to be with someone like you!" Asuka glanced at Shinji resentfully, then walked into the depths of the carriage, and disappeared at the connecting door of the carriage.

Where are you going?stay!It seems safer here.

"Why are you here?" Ayanami asked.

"Can't you?" Crackling, the button on the Walkman popped up, Shinji stretched out his finger and pressed it again, the music in his ear repeated itself.

"In the end, what do you want?"

When there was no response, Ayanami continued: "I'm afraid of being alone, hurt, and frustrated. So wouldn't it be good to integrate into one body? What you're obsessed with is nothing but a gift from Zhu-kun."

"Is that true happiness?"

"You still don't understand anything."

Ayanami's emotionless voice pierced into his mind segment by segment.

As if stabbing a neuron, Shinji stood up suddenly, ripped off the Walkman with one hand, and ruthlessly threw the small black box towards Ayanami: "I understand!"

Missing Ayanami, the small black box was bounced off the bench and fell heavily on the floor, making a crisp sound.

Click, click, inside the damaged Walkman, the machine is still running.

The girl looked at him indifferently. At this moment, he finally understood that Rei Ayanami was not a girl's name, but a code name for infinite copies.

"I understand... I haven't been able to tell what kind of form it is, but I don't want to be together." Frowning in fear, he said: "It blends together like that, knowing everything is equal to nothing." No idea. Nothing has changed!"

It's not the same as "survive".

"Yes, a life form that is fragile but unable to break through." She added: "In a world with ATfiled, there is no single individual that is integrated into one, and it is even more fragile."

Shinji's expression was puzzled but he retorted clearly: "However, a little bit can last. You don't need much, you can do it according to your own will. Perhaps, because of fragility, there are so many things to endure, but Because of this, little things can keep them alive. Merging into one, it's just a living tomb, and inside, there's everything and there's nothing."

Ayanami smiled gently and asked, "This is your choice?"

She's kind of like a mother.

"Can I go back?" It seemed like he was laughing at himself, like asking a question.

Isn't that a dream?

"The truth is in you."

Shinji didn't hear what Ayanami was saying clearly, the slightly fishy orange liquid instantly poured into the compartment and drowned everything.

What is outside the window is not afterglow but endless LCL.

He could still feel the existence of his body, and his body seemed to be filled with something, so comfortable that he wanted to close his eyes.

There is a piece of orange in front of my eyes, and the shimmering light above is also glowing with the same color. Is this the return to the mother's body?

He couldn't hear anything, and the moment he was able to reach out his hand in front of him, there was incomparable joy in his heart.

"Is it comfortable?" Asked Asuka who was holding his left arm.

"Is it comfortable?" Similarly, Misato grabbed his right arm.

"Are you comfortable?" Ayanami swam towards him, pressing his shoulders.

He was sinking, looking back, there were countless Ayanami in the depths of the dark ICL sea, Asuka and Misato warmly extended their hands to him.

The crowded crowd was getting closer to him, but he couldn't struggle. If he fell into the spreading crowd, he would be disintegrated until he disappeared.

He opened his mouth to call, but his mouth was full of LCL, and he couldn't make a sound.

"Close your eyes." Two soft voices came from next to my ears, the voices of Ayanami and Kaoru.

The body fell onto the cold and hard object, bouncing weakly a few times.

"Stupid Shinji, wake up!" Asuka's voice was not arrogant and indifferent.

He calmly opened his eyes, stretched out his hands to look hesitantly, and stood up again.

How many people are there on the bottom of the sea of ​​LCL?

"It doesn't matter what you think about that kind of thing! Anyway, it won't change." Asuka standing beside her was still wearing her school uniform, but he was naked but didn't have any intention of covering it up.

"Everything is in your hands. If this is your choice, go on. It won't be just a dream." Ayanami said behind him.

"I see."

"Is it okay if I'm not here, Shinji-kun?" Kaoru Nagisa who appeared in front of Shinji still had his trouser pockets in his face, with a confident smile that never changed.

He wanted to cry, but was stopped by the LCL that was mixed with all emotions, his heart was empty, and the pain and sadness were about to disappear.

With trembling lips, he said: "It doesn't matter! Didn't Xun always like to say that I was born in this world to meet you, have I been waiting for you? This time, let me come. Back to the previous world , even though nothing has changed, I can follow my choice and live a good life.” Until now, I still haven’t been able to clarify what it was like to “I don’t want to die, I want to live”, but Shinji wants to go back to the past. The body, in the ATFILED world, is waiting for Kaoru's rebirth.

Even if it is out of reach, it doesn't matter if it is a misty fantasy.

"I need to wait by myself. Even if Kaoru can't come back in the end, and everyone is away, I still feel very scared and helpless. I won't run away, and I won't regret this choice."

A short white cross floated before his eyes.

"We will also remember our appearance and be reborn. I am waiting for you, Shinji-kun."

When his fingertips were about to touch the rippling water, Shinji heard Nagisa Kaoru's voice.

"Dreams start here and end here..."

The girl disappeared into the orange-yellow seabed, and the red spear was stuck firmly on the ground.