tempting

"I'm going, I can't do it, I have to throw up."

A friend blocked Su Tang from pouring wine and hurried to the toilet.

Su Tang raised his eyebrows, and drank directly from the bottle without even pouring into a cup.

He recently passed the volunteer assessment for an international public welfare project, and he will leave for Africa tomorrow, and he may not return for more than a year. Eden found a group of bad friends to give him a farewell party. As a result, Su Tang drank like drinking plain water, and at least three of them were knocked down on the wine table.

"Come on, I know you can drink." Seeing that the situation is not good, Eden stopped him from taking a second sip, "If you drink any more, you will be poisoned by alcohol, and you will have to fly tomorrow afternoon. If you drink too much and miss the flight, it will be miserable."

Su Tang didn't argue with him, and let go, like an old cat lying on the bar and half-closed his eyes.

He has been in this state recently, clubbing whenever he has time after work, he looks like a normal person, joking and making trouble with everyone.But once he calmed down, he closed his mouth tightly, stared at a certain place for a long time without any purpose, and didn't know what he was thinking.

Eden could see that Su Tang was not in a good mood, but he also knew that his tough temper and self-esteem would not allow him to be embarrassed publicly, so he only pointedly said: "It doesn't matter if you leave. Relationships are a process of trial and error. You are very good." , sooner or later you will meet the right one.”

Su Tang didn't expect that Eden, who was usually less serious than him, could say such philosophical words, so he looked up at him after a while: "Well, I know."

Eden is not serious again: "So, let's catch a foreigner, blond hair and blue eyes are fine."

Su Tang smiled indifferently: "Okay, I'll help you find a good-looking blond boy, and I need a contact information."

"I'm talking about you, why did it involve me?" Eden put Su Tang on the shoulder, and continued earnestly, "Come on, brother, let me tell you something serious, hey, love is eternal, it has nothing to do with the person you love , it is only related to your inner belief and enthusiasm for love, so as long as you don’t give up on loving others and invest in different love relationships, you will always be in love in this life.”

Su Tang picked up a box of condoms from the bar and hit him, and scolded with a smile: "That's why you gave me this as a leaving gift?"

"Enjoy yourself in time, this life is not in vain."

Eden smiled cheaply and put the condom in Saisutang's arms.

He didn't know that Su Tang could no longer touch strangers.After sleeping with Cheng Zhiya for a long time, he also became a picky and sharp person. He began to dislike the filth of people outside, and completely denied his previous concepts of spirit and desire.So during the days after they separated, when he took a bath in the bathtub several times, he thought of his wonderful hands, and when the climax came, Cheng Zhiya's face jumped out of his mind at an inappropriate time.

His hands were suddenly wet, and so were his eyes.

He watched in a daze as his hot tears splashed onto the water surface of the bathtub in big ones, sparking some splashes, which couldn't be stopped.It seemed that his lacrimal gland and his rationality were two completely separate systems. Tears poured down like rain, but he didn't feel the slightest bit of sadness.

How could this be?

Cheng Zhiya and Shen Ling talked to him together, Cheng Zhiya chose to break up, and he dragged his luggage and left Cheng Zhiya's house... He accepted countless moments that should be terribly sad, and then turned around without feeling any pain. Live and work like you've never loved.At the same time, he kept telling himself in his heart that it was just a matter of moving from one house to another to change a bed, and if he did those things, it would be predicted that something would happen one day, and the happiness he got was doomed to come to naught sooner or later.

What is there to be sad about something that can be expected early in the morning?

Love will come and go, just as normal as flowers bloom and fade, life gets old, sick and dies.

Thinking about it this way, he broke up with Shen Ling a few years ago, and he broke up with Cheng Zhiya a few years later, what is the actual difference?

When she was in love with Chenling, she didn't know farts, she was lonely and infatuated, and she tried to cross the boundless sea of ​​love, but she almost drowned before she got halfway.

As for Ai Cheng Zhiya, he waited patiently, attacked boldly, and did everything he could to catch the flowers in the mirror.

But the days are wasted no matter what, he has to vomit blood for one person, and then have a heartbreak, doesn't he?

Su Tang closed his eyes and held his breath, soaking himself completely in the bathtub, the water flooded his whole body in an instant.

Tears melted into the water and disappeared.

*

Afterwards, Su Tang changed his contact information, and while following the volunteer team to support education in Africa, he went to the various places that Cheng Zhiya mentioned to him in his free time to see for himself. Published several articles in magazines.

Being exposed to the scorching sun of the African continent every day, Su Tang's skin darkened by more than one shade, his hair became shorter and shorter, and he became thinner. When he passed by Ethiopia to visit Zhou Shang who worked here, the other party almost fell asleep. Can't recognize him like this.

There was still gossip every sentence, and during the conversation, Zhou Shang somehow mentioned that Shen Ling and his wife had a small quarrel for three days and five days of quarrel after marriage, and they got divorced within a year.His wife also revealed his chaotic private life, and the terrible words forced him to resign and go to another city.

After hearing this, Su Tang felt neither sad nor happy, as if he had forgotten Shen Ling's surname, lit a cigarette and looked into the distance, his eyes blurred in the smog.

In the past, he would occasionally take Shen Ling out to hate, to prevent himself from being soft-hearted or giving birth to unnecessary love for no reason, but now he doesn't even have the energy to do this.

What kind of retribution Shen Ling received, what kind of life he lived, even death or living, marriage and funeral, had nothing to do with Su Tang.

Zhou Shang borrowed his light to light a cigarette, and asked: "Then, have you and Cheng Zhiya given up?"

He remembered that Su Tang said that you have to love until you give up your heart before giving up.

Su Tang hummed lightly, took a few puffs before exhaling the cloud, and answered irrelevantly, "I lied to him, so I deserved not to have him. He wants to separate, so I stay away from him. This is the only thing I can do for now." He did."

"Then if he suddenly needs you again and comes to you, you won't be with him again, will you?"

Su Tang glanced at him, put out the cigarette, and asked seriously after a long time: "Do I have any other choice?"

Zhou Shang was speechless.

*

After the breakup, Cheng Zhiya’s life didn’t seem to have changed much. He continued to paint, read books, and exercise as usual. From time to time, he copied Buddhist scriptures or traveled alone to collect folk songs. In terms of experience, not only did I send some of the fruits of my own planting to Master Yang Qingce from time to time, but also talked about it in a clear and honest manner, which surprised the other party who had farming experience when he was young.

In this way, the days were passed smoothly and fulfillingly, and the creation gradually improved. The touring art exhibition held in the early spring received a lot of praise from the circle.Cheng Zhiya feels more and more that it is not bad to live alone like this, but there is almost no chance to talk when he is alone.

So, when the early summer was approaching, he adopted a newborn golden retriever from his elder brother's house. In the big house, there was another one who panted for a while, named Sugar, which really completely eliminated loneliness.

He thought that this way he would not think of Su Tang.

Su Tang is indeed very good at removing traces. He used to clean up what Shen Ling left behind, but now he doesn't show mercy to his own.Except for the painting that was still hanging on the bed, the few vegetable plots in the yard, and the heart that Cheng Zhiya gave, he has done everything that should be returned and erased.

Even if the daily life is crowded and art gives him enough comfort, Miss still has the ability to be seamless.Occasionally, he cooks rice for two people, and if he accidentally arranges the tableware, he will set two servings. He has to buy a magazine every week and wait for the report he writes to be published. In his dreams, he often sees Su Tang blowing smoke rings with his back turned to him. As soon as he was caught, he quickly pinched his tongue and pretended to be innocent, or stayed up all night writing manuscripts and became a puddle of mud, looked at him with open arms and waited for someone to hug him, or just sat there and simply smiled at him.

He resisted this kind of miss extremely, told himself repeatedly that he must be sober and rational, and once meditated by silently reciting Buddhist scriptures.

During this period, Shen Ling took the initiative to look for him, but Cheng Zhiya refused several times in a row, unwilling to get dirty in the quagmire of the past.

He finds it ridiculous, whether he and Shen Ling are old lovers or rivals.

In the end, Shen Ling came directly to his family, and Cheng Zhiya had to see him.

After knowing each other's past well, Shen Ling didn't bother to pretend, and asked him where he got angry with Su Tang when they met.He asked Zhou Shang, Eden and others who were close to Su Tang, but Yishui knew about it but refused to tell.

Cheng Zhiya said coldly: "I have already broken up with him."

Shen Ling hooked the corner of his mouth: "It's really ruthless, then he left Beicheng and disappeared, so you don't care anymore, right?"

Cheng Zhiya's heart was raised in an instant, and he remained silent.

Shen Ling caught a glimpse of his pale face, and his tone was even more sarcastic: "He will leave, I am indeed responsible, after all, I set up the trap, but if you don't jump in, it won't happen like this, after all, you can't stand it." test."

Cheng Zhiya clenched his fists and still insisted on his point of view: "Love is not for testing, nor should it be full of lies like you or him."

"Why are you still so naive and childish?" Shen Ling smiled meaninglessly, "Love in the real world is either you deceive me, or I deceive you, either you can deceive others, or you can deceive yourself."

Such a rational and vigorous attitude offended Cheng Zhiya, but he didn't get angry after all, and he didn't even bother to argue with Shen Ling.

The anger quickly disappeared, leaving only a deep boredom.

Why does he still want to get involved in that shitty matter of Shen Ling and Su Tang?Do you think you haven't been hurt enough, or haven't been played enough?

That night, he dreamed of Su Tang again.

This is normal, but it would be abnormal if there was no Su Tang in the dream.

In the dream, Su Tang and Cheng Zhiya were nestled on the sofa watching the movie "Suzhou River". After the movie was over, Su Tang straddled him and hugged his neck, stroking his hair and feet with his fingertips, imitating the heroine's Kiss asked: If one day I leave, will you look for me like a motor?

The bangs are messy, half covering a pair of black eyes, as black as the vast night sky, dotted with spots of starlight, which is the brightest one.

Cheng Zhiya remembered that he answered "yes" without hesitation at that time, and this time he dreamed, he also gave this answer almost reflexively.

After waking up, he thought, he might not be able to find the missing Su Tang like Ma Da did, probably.

Where did Su Tang who asked him the question go now?

After all, he couldn't resist calling Su Tang's phone, but one of them couldn't get through.