【Liai】Horizon

BERLINGER2013.9.4

Levi stood in front of the French window, a cup of instant coffee in his hand.The drop in temperature seems to happen in an instant. Maybe the next time you pay attention casually, you will find that there are already fallen leaves on the street.

He didn't want to drink black tea today, he chose the bitterness of coffee.He swirled the cup of half-cold brown liquid, but put it back on the table.He thought of the coffee that Alan Yeager made for him—the young man chose the best Arabica beans, ground them and put them in a coffee pot with an appropriate amount of water to boil slowly.In fact, he did not cook well at the beginning, too thick or too weak, and it was difficult to grasp the amount of water to add.But he is really serious about doing all this, and every time he casts expectant eyes, he will be delighted by Levi's little bit of approval, and Levi's daily tasting is also enjoyable.Later, Allen became more and more proficient in making coffee, and finally Levi's taste was finalized, and he could no longer drink other coffee.

He found it all incredible.isn't it?

He's Levi, and he's got a habit because of one person, the only one that has to do with Ellen Yeager.Habits are a terrible thing. If you are not careful, you will be subdued and attached.There can be a lot of similar words in the back, none of which seem to be associated with Levi.He is not a cold-blooded person, but he needs a sufficiently independent and strong spiritual world.Independent, inextricably linked.Since the accident at the age of 15, things that are too warm have seemed to him like handouts.And now he has subverted his past habits, he kissed the boy because of impulsiveness or premeditated.

Moreover, in order to avoid Alan Yeager, he sat alone in the office with little business and dared not go home!

what are you hiding

After Allen returned to China, the inspection report from the hospital was lying on the table, and the cold data was printed crookedly on the form.The boy's eyebrows began to cross the wound on his temple, the blood he bled, and the bruises on his wrists and ankles from being strangled by the rope all became Levi's burden.On the bound reports, the words in the middle of the last page - "Minor concussion".

Eye-catching, the man turned it face down, not wanting to look any further.

At that time, what kind of mentality did he have to pull the trigger?Levi thought of Erwin's question that night, Hanji's silence and Petra's distressed eyes when she looked at the boy.All the restless emotions finally point to one sentence: Am I wrong?

I thought that keeping him by my side was the best protection, but the fact was just the opposite.The closer he was to himself, the more dangerous he was. This was the second time. He wanted to give Alan the right to ease that he didn't have, but he restricted the other's true freedom.

It won't be what he wants.

Terrible adults.Driven by some inexplicable emotions and impulses, I did something, and then I had to do something to redeem it after my reason caught up.

——Then let’s decide.

Many times afterwards, Levi would still think of this afternoon in early September.He stood alone in the empty office, looking at the sunny city of Berlin outside the floor-to-ceiling windows.The traffic on the ground has shrunk to a thin line of ants, everything is going on in an orderly manner, and various stories are staged silently.The teenager who was so important to him had just arrived at the subway station, passed through the gate, and approached where he was with snacks and coffee.Petra, Hanji, Oluou, Gunda, and Elder have been busy all night taking over the affairs of the nearly collapsed Miller family.In front of the floor-to-ceiling windows of another high-rise across the ocean, Erwin took a stack of documents that had just been faxed and was still slightly warm, and stared at the name "Grisha Yeager" in deep thought.

All the pulses, thoughts, struggles, emotions, and the sighing prophecy of the old Ukrainian man beside the green ripples are mixed together and involved in the huge river of time.

Who do you think of when you close your eyes?

Levi lay on the sofa, gradually falling asleep.He hadn't had any dreams for a long time, but when he saw the yellow sand rising up, he seemed to be familiar with this scene.He sat alone in the middle of the barrenness, with no strength in his body.He stared silently at his tattered clothes and cloak, bleeding from large and small wounds everywhere.There is a feeling that here is the end, he gave up and waited for the final darkness to come.

At this time, the wound on the palm felt warm and humid.

It was a small juvenile leopard with the sharp teeth of a beast and a pair of clear green eyes.It licked his wound, slowly and carefully, every place, every corner of the pain can be found by it.

Levi raised his hand and rubbed his head.

Little guy, do you want to share some of the burden for me?

He hugged the little beast, and it nestled against his neck in his arms.He fell into a dreamless sleep, and the overlapping heartbeats made people feel extremely at ease.

The man opens his eyes.The freshly hot coffee exuded a familiar aroma. He sat up and looked at the teenager who was leaning against the end of the sofa and sitting on the carpet.He quietly hugged his knees, as if a little sleepy.On the coffee table is a lunch box from home, which seems to contain toast and potato lattices.

Alan Yeager, his warm brown soft hair melted in the sunlight at 01:30 in the afternoon, and his outline could no longer be seen clearly.

The boy woke up instead, green pupils facing him.At the same time, the heart that had nowhere to rest seemed to finally see where it belonged, and was so excited that it almost forgot to beat.

"Ah, Mr. Levi..."

But—the man subconsciously interpreted this as being out of control, out of touch, and dangerous.The biological instinct of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages made Levi's eyes cool down, pretending not to see the boy's froze smile at the corner of his mouth.

Forgive him, he never, never—

"go out."

Never fell in love with a person like he loved Ellen Yeager.

<<

It's not that I haven't seen him angry.

Uncleaned rooms, ill-trained recruits, annoying gendarmerie envoys.There are many things that will displease him, he must not be a good-tempered person, he knew that from the beginning, but he is very controlling.

In my impression, the biggest anger he got angry was because of——

"Do you think you are strong?"

"When the wings are stiff, they fly around, right?"

"Because a broken arm can grow back, so you can ignore the value of life and do whatever you want?"

He stood by the window and said this with his back to me, in a tone that would make ordinary recruits cry.I lay on the bed, staring at the bandages on my arms in a daze.

"Shouldn't the soldiers answer the officers' questions?!"

"...Yes, Captain Levi."

He came over and sat down beside me.He looked at me, and I couldn't avoid his gaze.But in fact, I didn't have the slightest fear. On the contrary, I made an action that would scare others when they saw it.Leaning slowly in his direction, she wraps her arms around his neck in a painful hug.

"... Your courage has really grown."

"Yes."

"It is not allowed to play with injuries in the future."

"Yes."

"Go to Han Ji's place for an examination tomorrow."

"Yes."

"Don't die."

"Yes!"

That's it?Indeed, the anger of the strongest human commander can be resolved with a hug.

There is a kind of adult who doesn't know whether to say bad or not bad, and will choose to express his thoughts with an opposing emotion.I'm glad that after years of getting along, I can understand Levi's strong and gentle heart behind his cold and stern face.That's acceptable, every pain he's given me, from that first necessary gig up until now.

I secretly laughed.He ruffled my hair and let me hang on to him.

"why are you laughing?"

I shook my head and didn't speak.What else do I need to say?And then that night, Captain Levi was probably by my side until I fell asleep.His voice is the best painkiller, even when angry.Being able to be cared about in such an awkward way, I have obtained happiness that I couldn't even imagine in the past.Just like a child looking up at the starry sky, suddenly has the sun.

So, before the end of the war, I secretly wrote a letter and put it in his drawer.I laughed at myself a bit when I started writing. If the captain knew what I was doing now, he would be angry, just like writing a suicide note:

"If I am lucky enough to give my last life for the sacred counterattack of mankind, I will also ask the commander to watch the most beautiful scenery instead of me. The last thing I want to say, and what I have always wanted to say is——"

BERLINGER2013.9.4

"You are the illuminant of my world."

The teenager wrote down this unclear sentence on the paper. It was exactly four o'clock, and the agreed partner hadn't come yet.There was tear-jerking piano music playing in the coffee shop, and the most peaceful song usually sounded different for some reason.

It's really like a child, scribbling and drawing on the white paper on the order board with the drink that hasn't touched a few sips.As if afraid of being seen through, he quickly tore off the piece of paper after realizing what he was writing, and rubbed it into the palm of his hand.

What a mess.

Before further attacking his heart, the small wind chime on the store door rang in due course.Mikasha spotted him sitting in the corner by the window at a glance, and Armin was holding a big paper bag, presumably this was their big project this afternoon.

"Hey, Alan, have you been waiting long?"

"No, no."

Of course he wouldn't say that he had been sitting here for nearly three hours, and it was only three hours ago that he felt what it meant to flee in a hurry.Mikasha and Armin in front of them put down their bags, ordered drinks and small pastries, and chatted in uplifting tones, seeming to be in a good mood.Allen forced himself to fix his eyes on the piles of photos, trying his best to make his expression less serious.

The top one is me, with my back to the camera standing on the beach in Stonehaven, playing in the water, then Arnie holding a golden retriever dog, Mikasha sitting on the side playing with her straw hat, and Christa picking stones , and Jean and Connie who were soaking wet standing on the beach.Without exception, the background of this group of photos is the unbelievably beautiful blue sky, and the sea water with waves, which is extremely peaceful.

Allen sorted out the first group of photos, then slowly pushed the paper bag in, and asked casually, "It's a great shot, who took it?"

"Mark brought a DSLR, but many of these photos are taken by tour guide Han Ji. She packed them up and mailed them to me."

Allen hummed slowly, and continued to unseal the second small paper bag.As if feeling Mikasha's scrutiny, Allen twitched the corner of his mouth, "So, how should these be divided?"

Mikasha paused for a moment, "What's the matter with you?" or "Allen, are you in a bad mood?" She just wanted to ask, and took it back.She will pay attention to every subtle expression of his, and she will always find out whether he is worried or not at the first time, just like the most intimate relatives who have a tacit understanding - she defines it like this.But at the same time, he will also be on guard against pretending at the first time, so as not to be seen through by her.

There is always something that I don't want anyone in the world to know.It is enough for him to understand, or let it rot in his heart until it is completely irrelevant, until he can say it like a self-deprecating, like telling embarrassing things and jokes when he was a child.

can you do it

Allen flipped through the photos with repeated smiles in his eyes.Nice, he thought.Mikasha took out the form for sharing photos, and after dividing the work with Almin, started to sort it out.There were too many copies, so the two of them moved to the empty table next door, and Armin indicated to Alan that he could sit on the side and finish browsing the photos.The CD in the coffee shop was played over and over again, but those faint melodies slowly receded, and what remained in Alan's ears was the inaudible sound of the sea breeze.

Do you remember where the stars were at that time?

The man was standing on the edge of the reef, his hands were wrapped with strips of cloth torn from the boy's clothes.Neither of them spoke, and words lost all force in that moment of silence.It was not the first time that he would carefully stare at the man's back in a daze.

He is a very cherished person.But he said to him mercilessly, "Get out."

"Yes, but..."

"And but?"

Totally, totally out of control, worse than the worst scenario expected.He opened his mouth to say something, but was finally blocked by the man's cold, emotionless eyes.

"I brought snacks and hot coffee, if Mr. Levi is hungry..."

"anything else?"

"never mind."

What a shame.

"Ellen."

Having already run away to the door, Levi suddenly slowed down and stopped him.

"In the future, without my permission, you are not allowed to enter or leave here at will... No, there is no future."

He looked at the trembling boy, his indifferent eyes seemed to say, you'd better not take yourself too seriously, brat.

You've crossed the line.

When he turned to go out, the man probably didn't see the hot tears rolling down from the corner of his eyes, and he had no chance to see the red marks on the man's palm that he had pinched out by himself.

Who crossed the line?

"Ellen?"

"Ok?"

Armin turned back and put his arm on Allen's shoulder, holding up a photo in his hand.

"Well, I think it's enough to wash one out and give it to you?"

Allen glanced at the photo, turned his head to hide his red eye circles.

"……what."

What he saw was the horizon at sunrise, and the backs of himself and someone by the sea.The light source of the world has just leaped out of the horizon, and it is close by him.

Favorite scenery, favorite people.

—Is that so?

Alan Yeager discovered that he fell in love with someone in the early autumn of his 17-year-old. It has been 160, [-] years since the last time he discovered this.