dizziness

Owen stared at the sink without squinting, repeating the movement mechanically with one hand, but he could vaguely feel Ruan Miaomiao's slightly chilly gaze out of the corner of his eye. Owen was a little confused and didn't understand where his unhappiness came from.

"I have hands and feet, do you think I'm a child?"

Ruan Miaomiao's tone was indifferent, but she couldn't hear any anger. Looking at Owen's embarrassed profile, Ruan Miaomiao shook her head, as if she didn't want to say anything more, she picked up the toothbrush and stuffed it into her mouth helplessly.

"I really want to use it myself, just by the way," Owen brushed his teeth more vigorously, and said vaguely, "I didn't treat you as a child, let alone my son..."

Owen didn't care whether Ruan Miaomiao could hear clearly or not, and he didn't know who he was covering up with the explanation he said to himself. Ruan Miaomiao stopped, glanced at Owen, and then brushed slowly again. The two were in a stalemate. It seems that only the breathing and rhythm of each other's different frequencies can be heard.

"...Then what do you think of me? Do you really think I'm your man?"

Just listen to puff!With a sound, Owen spewed out all the foam in his mouth, turned his head to look in shock, and saw Ruan Miaomiao spitting out clear water with a calm face. The extremely vague voice just now made Owen feel like he had hallucinations. .

Ruan Miaomiao wiped her mouth after rinsing her mouth, looked at the frothy Owen with a slight smile in her eyes, and gave him the porcelain cup in her hand, without saying anything, she squatted aside and washed her face with water in a basin.

Owen looked at Ruan Miaomiao's back dumbly, and then looked at the porcelain cup in his hand. There was still Ruan Miaomiao's lip print with foam on the edge, which was particularly glaring on the dark porcelain cup. Owen's heartbeat was a little unsteady, so he couldn't guess Knowing what Ruan Miaomiao meant, she just looked at the lip print on the porcelain cup, hesitated for a moment, and couldn't help covering it.

At noon, the aunt in charge of the kitchen put out one after another rare good dishes. Although the cooking is not exquisite, but it has a strong local flavor and human touch. I am very happy to say that Owen is a good teacher. Not only has he never disliked the poor conditions here, but he also considers the children in every way, which makes Owen really embarrassed. He can only smile and nod silently, and look around intentionally or unintentionally. Ruan Miaomiao, saw that he didn't say a word from the beginning to the end, but just ate some vegetables in a gentle manner. Owen didn't want him to be too cautious, and wanted to bring him vegetables, but he was a little bit wrong in front of so many people. Come, hesitated for a long while, and didn't even bother to take a few mouthfuls of his own bowl of rice.

Just when Owen couldn't hold back and was about to try, as soon as he started, he saw an extra piece of braised pork in his bowl. Ruan Miaomiao withdrew his hand, looked at Owen's slightly surprised face, and quickly looked away.

"Eat more, it's uncomfortable to hold."

Ruan Miaomiao's voice was not loud, as if the two of them could hear it, and there was no obvious expression on his face. Owen felt a little hot in his head, and looked around the people around anxiously. Fortunately, no one noticed anything unusual. Owen lowered his head and moved the bowl and chopsticks When I eat it, my heart feels warm for no reason.

Owen didn't know what was wrong with him, as if he suddenly realized that he didn't want much, Ruan Miaomiao's seemingly unintentional care was enough, really, enough.

After school in the afternoon, Owen came out of the classroom and saw Ruan Miaomiao leading a group of children to play football on the open field. The children seemed to be having a lot of fun with Ruan Miaomiao. Owen played with them, and Ruan Miaomiao also felt a little unfinished. Seeing that it was getting late, he had no choice but to take the children to play with the ball and send them down the mountain.

Ruan Miaomiao's sunny smile made Owen dazed several times. He didn't even notice the ball rolling out of his feet. He kept chasing the ball in a panic, which made the children laugh. A little embarrassed, but seeing Ruan Miaomiao's smiling face when he looked at him, Owen felt willing.

It was hard to send the children home one by one. On the way back to the mountain, it was almost sunset. Ruan Miaomiao was still playing with the ball and walking on the rugged path in the mountains. Owen followed him slowly, looking at the young and energetic For a moment, I felt that Ruan Miaomiao was not only interested in painting, but also had the same playfulness and fun as boys of the same age.

Ruan Miaomiao stopped the ball under her feet, looked back at Owen, and said softly, "You seem to send them home often. Xiaojia told me about you all the way, saying that you will teach everyone how to draw when you come, and give them back. The school bought a lot of things, Xiaojia seems to like you very much."

"That's right," Owen smiled, "These children are really likable, and I want to help them more unconsciously."

Ruan Miaomiao nodded noncommittally, her eyes fell on the ball under her feet, and the corner of her mouth slightly pulled: "You seem to have changed a lot."

"Oh? What changed?" Owen asked with an interesting raised eyebrow.

Ruan Miaomiao picked up the ball thoughtfully, walked to the side and sat down on the tall grass, played with the ball in his hands, thought for a while and said: "I don't know what to say, I always feel that I am not as domineering as before, and I am much more approachable. .”

"Perhaps," Owen also sat down beside him, "in a peaceful place, the human heart can also be at peace."

"Well, it's indeed a lot cuter than before..."

The tone of Ruan Miaomiao's self-talk made Owen almost choke. He looked at the slightly flushed face of the person beside him with a stiff expression. He didn't know if it was because of the exercise or something else. Owen restrained himself from making wild guesses. , but the voice was a little unnatural: "You... seem to have changed."

"How to say?"

Owen didn't look directly at him, picked some weeds and played with them in his hands, and said calmly, "There are more words than before. People grow taller and grow up."

"Really," Ruan Miaomiao chuckled, "People always grow up, don't they?"

Owen nodded, and after a moment of silence, he said, "How long do you plan to stay this time?"

"About a week or so, after all my dad..."

Ruan Miaomiao hesitated to speak, bit her lip, and her expression became serious. Owen took a deep look at him and said with a helpless smile, "What you want to tell me is related to your father?"

"...You may not believe it when you say it," Ruan Miaomiao sighed with a bit of desolation, looked at Owen and said, "You know, my dad actually likes men too."

Owen's heart tightened when he heard the words, and he didn't know how to respond, let alone what expression to use to face Ruan Miaomiao. I know, it's just a matter of time.

Seeing Ruan Miaomiao's obviously injured face, Owen could only press his lips tightly and remain silent.

"You didn't think of it, did you? I didn't think of it either, no, I should have thought of it a long time ago..."

Ruan Miaomiao fell on the grass, surrounded by dense and towering weeds that almost covered him. Owen didn't look back at him, but heard Ruan Miaomiao's trembling voice vaguely: "When my mother was alive, I remember They never lived in the same room. When I was young, I always asked my mother why other students’ parents lived together, but you always slept with me. My mother told me that my father worked. I'm very busy and tired, and I don't want to bother him and affect his rest. Although I am very puzzled, my dad is really good to our mother and child, so I naturally didn't think about it. I brought it with me, and I also thought that he did this because he loved my mother, but now it seems that maybe it is not because of love, but because of guilt towards my mother.”

"Then... what are you going to do now?" Owen asked so powerlessly that his fingers became cold, "If your dad also likes men, then you don't..."

"It's too late, my dad likes men, but he doesn't like me."

Owen could hear the sourness in Ruan Miaomiao's words, because he understood Ruan Miaomiao's feelings at the moment, and Owen was like this. When you looked at that person, you found that his eyes reflected the voice and smile of another person. How lonely and lonely, even as long as I can appear in the peripheral vision of that person's eyes, I will feel satisfied.

"How did you know?"

"I only found out when I heard my dad call by chance. That person is my dad's student. I've met him before." Ruan Miaomiao paused, then smiled sullenly. Dad found out that I like men, and during the college entrance examination this year, I found out that my dad also likes men, do you think it's funny?"

Owen couldn't laugh at all. After a short year, what he missed was the impossible eternity.

"Miaomiao..." Owen peeled off the weeds and looked at him. He didn't see Ruan Miaomiao's eyes were red as he expected, but the face of the person in front of him was pale and tormented.

"That's why you called me then?"

Ruan Miaomiao nodded slightly: "I was also in a mess at the time. I didn't know what to do, and there was no one to talk to. After all, the friends around me didn't know that I liked men, and then I thought of you. In fact, I don't know what happened. I just want to hear your voice. When I heard it, I felt much better even if I didn’t say anything. Do you think I’m naive and self-willed?”

Owen smiled wryly and shook his head, lying on his back beside him, separated by the bustling grass, unable to see each other's expressions clearly, Owen swallowed his throat and said: "There are always too many unsatisfactory things in life, and it's not a good thing to hold them in your heart. Besides, everyone has a different way of relieving their emotions, and it has nothing to do with childishness or willfulness.”

"Oh, you really look like a teacher."

Ruan Miaomiao's tone seemed to relax a lot, and Owen also smiled and said, "Please, I am a teacher."

"So, your solution is to paint, right? I seem to understand why you burned that painting in the first place. In fact, what you burned was not the painting, but the mood when you painted it."

Owen didn't make a sound, and those shattering pictures appeared in his mind deeply and shallowly. Although Ruan Miaomiao was right, he still didn't understand what kind of mood he was in, because maybe he didn't hurt enough at this moment.

The two just lay there without speaking for a long time, separated by the grass, listening to the sound of the breeze, Owen closed his eyes lightly, those messy pictures seemed to fade away from Ruan Miaomiao's calm breathing, what Ruan Miaomiao was thinking at this moment He didn't know, and didn't try to guess, but Owen felt that this was already very good. The passage of time seemed to slow down, and even the world became wider.

"Teacher Ou." Ruan Miaomiao broke the silence and peeled the grass with one hand.

Owen opened his eyes and saw those clear pupils, reflecting the afterglow of the sunset with bright light, Ruan Miaomiao drooped her eyelashes, hesitated for a moment and said seriously: "You know, actually... um... I know my dad likes men. , Even after knowing that he has someone he likes, I don’t seem to be as uncomfortable as I imagined. Yes, I have indeed been hit a lot. I have thought countless times that my dad might remarry. I thought I would collapse. Maybe I will still do stupid things, but now that it has become like this, I find that I can accept it, just like the iron chain that locked me for several years suddenly broke, the wound left is a bit painful, but more of it is relief, Even I don't know if I really love my dad..."

"Then let me ask you, if your dad didn't have anyone in his heart, would you fight for it?"

"I... don't know, I really don't know. After all, I always thought that being with my dad was impossible, and I never thought that I would have a chance to fight for it." Ruan Miaomiao frowned, and glanced at Owen anxiously, "But If I don't love my dad, isn't it weird why I have that urge towards him and all I can think about is him?"

Owen sighed and said: "Miaomiao, you are still young, it's normal to have impulses towards someone, you get along with your dad day and night, and you also know that you are not related by blood, that's why your feelings for him become distorted, you If you can’t untie it, you won’t let it go, if you really love him, no matter whether he has someone in his heart, why don’t you give it a try?”

"Maybe... I'm a little scared, I'm afraid my dad will ignore me from now on... If it were you, would you fight for it?"

Ruan Miaomiao asked sincerely, but Owen was suddenly speechless. He stared blankly at Ruan Miaomiao's hopeful face, as if he was reflecting himself in the same struggle through a special magic mirror.

"I can."

Owen finally answered simply, but omitted the word but. Yes, Owen will fight for it, but he is no longer young. If he is as old as Ruan Miaomiao, then the two words he said will become more determined.

Ruan Miaomiao smiled weakly and bitterly, stood up and said, "Maybe what you said is right, I should fight for it..."

The words that wanted to stop him almost blurted out, Owen quickly got up and followed, before he had time to regret, Ruan Miaomiao turned to look at him again and said: "But my mother said that love is a kind of sacrifice called fulfillment, if I really To fight for it, that also shows that I don’t love enough, doesn’t it?”

"I only know that giving blindly is not love, but dedication," Owen said seriously, "Love has always been selfish, and both giving and feedback are indispensable. Love should be a kind of balance. The so-called fulfillment will only Breaking this balance leaves love fragmented under a halo of hypocrisy."

Ruan Miaomiao looked at Owen for a moment, wondering what she was thinking about, and after a long time, she let out a sigh of relief and said slowly: "You know, I really admire you, and I admire you very much, whether it is your paintings or your paintings. What I have said will teach me a lot, if I had met you earlier, or had known about my dad earlier, maybe I would have fought for it as you said."

Ruan Miaomiao walked ahead with a ball at his feet, and Owen followed him a few steps. Ruan Miaomiao's tone of giving up obviously made Owen feel very uncomfortable. Maybe he should feel lucky at this moment, but Owen couldn't convince himself to be happy.

"Miaomiao."

"Um?"

Ruan Miaomiao dribbled the ball back and forth on his feet, and glanced at him indifferently, Owen gritted his teeth secretly and said, "Actually... I knew your dad liked men a long time ago, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you."

"Really," Ruan Miaomiao didn't stop, just smiled at him, "I know, you don't want to hit me, maybe this is fate..."

Before the voice was settled, Ruan Miaomiao couldn't control the strength of her feet for a moment, and the ball rolled out instantly, and Ruan Miaomiao also trotted to chase after it.

"Miaomiao!"

Ruan Miaomiao was bending over to pick up the ball, looking inexplicably at Owen in the distance, and saw that he was silent for a while, and then straightened up holding the ball.

The night gradually engulfed the last golden thread in the sky, and the fiery clouds seemed to be struggling for the last time, just like Owen's mood when he looked at that pure face at the moment.

He knew that what he wanted was never admiration and worship, what he wanted was simpler than these, perhaps even more difficult than these.

"I didn't tell you, not because I was afraid of hurting you," Owen took a deep breath and clenched his hands weakly, "It's because... I like you."

Unexpectedly, Ruan Miaomiao opened her lips slightly, opened her eyes wide, and the ball in her hand slipped down, bounced twice on the uneven ground, rolled slowly to Owen's feet, and hit the toe of the shoe calmly back and forth, It seemed that he was unwilling to stop, let alone return to the direction where Ruan Miaomiao was.

Owen looked at the ball on the ground and raised his foot to stop it.

The ball under his feet stopped, and the hesitant ball in his heart also stopped.

"Ruan Miaomiao, I love you."