Mulberry elm twilight

In fact, Sang Jingyu also didn't know what to say. He wanted to ask "how are you" many times, but he knew that if he asked, he would only get "yes" in response.But in fact, how could Shen Mu's situation be better?He obviously asked too much, but he didn't want Shen Mu to know that he already knew everything.He was a little worried that if he said it, it would affect Shen Mu's condition.Of course he wouldn't say that they didn't meet by chance at all, it was because of his persistent search that the two of them seemed to have a little overlap somewhere, and he finally found it.None of this could be said, so he just kept silent.Now that Shen Mu is in front of him, Sang Jingyu feels that finding him is like a dream.

"How long have you been working here?" Sang Jingyu thought for a long time, and finally he could only ask this question.

"Soon, more than two months." It's useless for Shen Mu not to tell the truth about this matter. After a while, Sang Jingyu would know if he asked casually in front of the dean, so he answered truthfully.

Then, Sang Jingyu had nothing to ask.However, he was reluctant to leave. The person he had been looking for in the past six months was right in front of him. It was as if his feet were nailed to the door, and he couldn't even move a step.

After being silent for a while, Shen Mu weighed his situation and felt that he should be able to persevere, so he stood up again and said: "If there is nothing else, I will go back to work."

Sang Jingyu watched him walk in front of him, and then stepped out of the door and passed him. He immediately grabbed Shen Mu and said, "When do you have a rest? Can you come out on weekends? I want to talk to you."

"Yes." Shen Mu did not refuse: "I just have to go to the city this weekend to do some errands, why don't I come to you, in the coffee shop downstairs of your house, okay?" As he spoke, he seemed to think of something He asked with some hesitation: "You...didn't move, did you?"

"No." Sang Jingyu said quickly, "Then what time will you be there?"

"Around three o'clock." Shen Mu replied.

"Okay, I'll wait for you." Sang Jingyu said.

In fact, Sang Jingyu has already moved.The house that Shen Mu knew was bought after he became an actor. Because of the good location, he didn't think about selling it even if he didn't live there often.Selling is the latest thing, because he is ready to find Shen Mu desperately, no matter how long it takes or how much money it costs.But he can't speak too clearly at the moment, and he doesn't want to cause extra problems. For him, he just wants to use the weekend interview to clarify the matter to Shen Mu, but he doesn't know how to say it is the most appropriate. He is worried that Shen Mu will refuse. , also worried about Shen Mu's injury, and even more worried about his body.Except for the fact that Shen Mu has been chasing him for ten years, everything about Shen Mu is unknown to him. His head hurts when he thinks about it, and he can't sleep at night for three days. It's a mess, and I can't make sense of anything.

Before going out, he couldn't help but smile wryly at the mirror. In the mirror, he looked haggard like never before, even though he tried his best to tidy himself up.Because he was an actor, he also knew what to use to cover the dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping well. He felt that he had to look very energetic to face Shen Mu, because he wanted to persuade Shen Mu to accept his proposal. Taking on the responsibility of taking care of Shen Mu's daily life, so he must make himself appear more convincing, instead of looking haggard and disturbed.Although he was indeed very disturbed, because he knew clearly that Shen Mu had no reason to accept him at all.

It's just that Ren Sang Jingyu thought about all kinds of possibilities, but still missed one possibility, Shen Mu missed the appointment.

He couldn't sit still in the temporary residence that day, so he specially arrived half an hour earlier, but when the night fell and the clock pointed to seven, Shen Mu still didn't show up.At this time, Sang Jingyu finally realized that Shen Mu probably never thought of coming to the appointment.

He sat there in a daze, although he thought about leaving, but he still couldn't make up his mind, just because he thought maybe Shen Mu would still come to see him even if he missed the time if his heart softened.When he thought this way, he really understood the reason why Shen Mu had been waiting for so long. Shen Mu was not stupid, he just waited foolishly at the entrance of the restaurant with a little expectation in his heart.And every time in the past three years, Sang Jingyu didn't even know when Shen Mu would wait for him.

This... can be regarded as self-inflicted, Sang Jingyu drank the fifth cup of coffee with a wry smile, his empty stomach was already aching from the burning of the cockroach, but he ordered another cup as if nothing had happened, and continued to sit and wait until the coffee shop closed , Sang Jingyu went home.That night, he lost sleep again.After finally surviving until the next morning, he rearranged himself and drove to the orphanage.But he didn't expect Shen Mu to leave again, the dean told him that just four days ago, Shen Mu suddenly said that he was not qualified for the job on the grounds of his health, so he left in the evening of that day, leaving simply.

Four days ago was exactly the day when Sang Jingyu appeared.

Sang Jingyu came out of the orphanage in a daze. He drove around aimlessly. He knew that this blow was far less than one ten-thousandth of the blow he gave Shen Mu back then, but even if it was like this, he felt extremely uncomfortable. What about the twilight?

His stomach started clamoring again because he didn't eat. Sang Jingyu calmed down. He knew that this matter should not be rushed, and he shouldn't ruin himself as soon as he was frustrated. No matter what, he had more important things waiting for him .So he went to the porridge shop to drink a bowl of porridge, went to the hospital to see the doctor and prescribed sleeping pills, then went back to take the medicine and had a good sleep, but when he woke up he felt light-headed and knew he had a fever, so he drove to the hospital again After hanging up the water, he called a teacher in Chicago, and he said to the teacher, "Help me, Alice, I found him, but I lost him again."

Shen Mu was bored and sat in the coffee shop across a big French window, he stirred the coffee unconsciously, but didn't think about anything.

He temporarily resigned from his job and was not prepared for a while, so he has been looking for a new job these days.Just because of his illness, he lost a lot of choices. Of course, not all orphanages are willing to take him in. Besides, how can there be so many orphanages in a city? In addition, Shen Mu doesn't want to be too far away from his parents. When the condition is good, it is convenient to go back and see them more.Sang Jingyu's appearance was really unexpected, but Shen Mu would say nothing if he wanted him to stay.His current peace is not easy to come by. When he saw Sang Jingyu that day, he even had a little secret joy in his heart. It turns out that time can really take away everything. When he sees him now, he will never be as crazy as before. Maniacal, almost obsessed, the other party obviously looked impatient, but he seemed to disappear, as if as long as there was a chance to get close to him, he would be happy.At that time, he probably could not have imagined that many years later, he would rather live a life without seeing that person, only wishing to have more peace in his heart.

Shen Mu didn't take what Sang Jingyu said he wanted to talk to him at all, because it was meaningless to talk more now.What's more, all his wishful thinking had already disappeared completely, even if he wanted to find it, he couldn't find it anywhere, so no matter what Sang Jingyu wanted to talk to him, there would be no result.And one thing Shen Mu is actually very clear about is that the time is not long enough for him to completely ignore the existence of Sang Jingyu, maybe in two or three years, when he sees Sang Jingyu again, he will be able to completely ignore the existence of Sang Jingyu. Completely treated him as a stranger.Originally, he didn't know anything about Sang Jingyu, and he didn't know how he became so crazy back then.At his current age, he wouldn't even do a single thing, and would only calmly accept the fact that that person didn't like him.In fact, once I accepted it, it was actually not as difficult as I imagined, because my previous self could not accept it all the time.Therefore, it can only be regarded as young and frivolous.Otherwise, how could he have the basis to be sure that what he did would definitely impress Sang Jingyu, and how could he have the confidence to think that if he liked someone, that person had to like him?Now it seems that he is so stupid that he can't be any more stupid.But it could also be his demons, his doom, his obsession, or even his own troubles.As it is said in Buddhism, the state of ordinary people is the state of distress of all sentient beings. When he can cultivate "Sang Jingyu" from his heart, his state may be slightly different. Alright.

Putting aside the illness, Shen Mu found that he liked the current state quite a bit.In the past, because the idea of ​​liking Sang Jingyu couldn’t be shaken off no matter what, but he always couldn’t get it, so he set many goals for himself, did a lot of things every day, and drowned himself in busyness. When he was free, he really thought about it again. , I asked myself again without giving up if I had a chance.Later, he gradually learned not to even ask, what can he do if he asks an obvious answer?It's a pity that no matter whether he asks or doesn't ask, a heart can't help but decide for itself, and it's a head not knowing what to do.Finally, he had a destiny with Buddha, and now he understands that everything comes from his deep-rooted "self". When he said he loved Sang Jingyu, it was just because he wanted Sang Jingyu's love.But he didn't think about whether Sang Jingyu needed it or not. In other words, he forced him what Sang Jingyu didn't want. Why was it necessary?

Time is now unknown to him.Maybe only a few days, maybe years left.On the contrary, this made Shen Mu see clearly that what he wanted most was peace of mind.He thought that if he got Sang Jingyu, he would be at peace, but that may not be the case.He still remembers that when he was a child, his mother bought him toys one after another, all of which he wanted, but soon after he got them, he fell in love with other new models.If Sang Jingyu's love is like a toy, too easy to get, things will turn into another situation.Looking at it from another angle, isn't it because he feels that he can't get it and always wants to get it, so he struggles endlessly, torturing others and himself?But if you put everything down, you will always be alone in the grave after death, and no one can really own or take away anyone, anything, or even your own body. Thinking about it, it doesn't seem to be so important whether you have gotten it or not.At this time, Shen Mu felt fortunate, in his current state, getting it would add to the pain.As a result, he never got it, but he was able to face it with ease.

The Buddha said "one thought", one thought can become a Buddha, one thought can also become a demon, it depends on how one thinks.

Now Shen Mu has nothing special to do, he just needs to manage his own health well, endure the pain occasionally, read Buddhist books more, and cultivate his realm, he feels as if As a bystander, you can sit leisurely in the coffee shop and watch the people coming and going outside the window, watching them either holding a mobile phone or hurrying, busy in their own lives.

Just when Shen Mu was doing nothing and unconsciously looking out the window, a person who shouldn't have appeared in his line of sight suddenly——

Sang Jingyu.