Social phobia

When going to school again, the head teacher separated the seats of the whole class, Chu Ze still sat in his small corner, Gu Ai still returned to his first row, the two were separated by a diagonal line of the classroom, everything seemed to be back to normal. At the beginning, those days together seemed like a dream, leaving only a little bubble, which burst with a poke.

Compared with Chu Ze's self-blame and suffering, Gu Ai didn't seem so lost. To him, it was just a disillusionment in the past, and the days were still the same, without increasing or decreasing. Even Gu Ai thought it was better to stay here Chu Ze has to suppress his liking all the time, it is better to separate, so he doesn't have to worry about being exposed one day.

But... I still feel sad, still hurt, and have some feelings that cannot be ignored.

One day, when Gu Ai came home, he found that the door of the house was open, and there was a big suitcase in the living room.

Gu Ai was a little stunned, the woman on the sofa was still dressed plainly, her face was a little timid from a small city, but she was a little more confident than before, her complexion was also very rosy, Gu Ai didn't know what mood she was in for a while, Shouted "Mom" timidly.

Cao Hong's tears welled up all of a sudden, she stood up and wanted to hug Gu Ai, but felt that she was not qualified, so she stood there helplessly, covering her face and crying.

In the end, Gu Ai still couldn't bear it, and took the initiative to hug his mother who was already much shorter than him.Gu Ai can't forget his own pain and disappointment after being abandoned, but he also can't forget the beatings that his mother took to protect him in his arms. He can't talk about hatred or forgiveness, but the hug came slowly.

"I'm sorry, it's my mother's fault, my mother was too cowardly at the time, I'm sorry..."

"No, no."

Gu Ai is not good at organizing the language, but Cao Hong can understand what he means, hugs him hard again, and starts to tell him what happened in these years, some things Gu Ai can actually guess, but still can't imagine these years Cao Hong had such a difficult life, but even though she had to rely on the strength of a woman for so many years, she did not want to return to this place full of grief.

Cao Hong's life has only started to get better in these years. She saved some savings and mustered up the courage to come back again, wanting to give Gu Ai a better life, and also wanting to give herself a chance to redeem her sins.

"Xiao Ai, would you like to go with your mother?"

Gu Ai fell silent, lowered his head and did not answer.Cao Hong also saw Gu Ai's reluctance, and felt that it was inappropriate for him to take Gu Ai away from the place where he was born and raised as soon as he came back after being away for many years, so he didn't mention it again.

However, what Cao Hong said caused Gu Ai's heart to turmoil. He couldn't help but think of Chu Ze. Thinking of graduation, they would part ways. I can't even meet each other.

Thinking of this, Gu Ai felt even more depressed, but in Cao Hong's eyes, it was her abruptness, she couldn't bear to touch Gu Ai's hair, and turned to cook for him.

After many years, Gu Ai tasted the meals made by his mother again, and the depression in his heart was also reduced a lot. In the next few days, Gu Ai felt the warmth of home for a long time, but he always remembered that he lived with Chu Ze before. days together.

Those times were like uncut jade that had been put aside. When Chu Ze was not around, Gu Ai found them bit by bit, cleaned them carefully, and savored them carefully, even more enlightened than the original ones.

Gu Ai thought that he might have to live on these memories in the future, and no matter how good people he met, he would never be Chu Ze again.

"Xiao Ai, do you... have someone you like?"

One night, Cao Hong looked at Gu Ai who was eating absent-mindedly, and asked suddenly.

Gu Ai was taken aback at first, but after thinking about it, he nodded.

Cao Hong's throat choked, and she continued to ask, "Is that the boy?"

Only then did Gu Ai raise his head in shock, with his mouth open, not knowing what question to ask first.

Cao Hong sighed, "It's that boy who follows you every day, he takes you home and stands at the door for a long time before leaving, and you are depressed every day, is it because of him?"

"He follows, behind me every day?"

Gu Ai only extracted the most critical information from Cao Hong's words. He was sure that it was Chu Ze. He was a little happy and distressed for a while. He didn't know why Chu Ze was there, but when he thought of Chu Ze, he still missed him. , he is very happy.

Gu Ai wished he could run in front of Chu Ze right now, but he also knew that this would bring him trouble. What he can do now may be to continue to pretend that he doesn't know, and continue to be a stranger to him.

Seeing Gu Ai's appearance, Cao Hong didn't say anything, but her expression was a little troubled.

After dinner, Cao Hong plucked up the courage to knock on the door of Gu Ai's room.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"Mommy like you talk about that boy thing."

"No, no, we, we have nothing."

Gu Ai's eyes wandered, and he tried his best to avoid this topic.

"Xiao Ai, mom doesn't know what happened between you, but I can see that you like him very much."

"mom……"

Gu Ai didn't expect Cao Hong to say this to him, he thought he would be shocked, disappointed, disgusted, and cursed like those people in the school, but he didn't expect to be so calm, astonished, his eyes were slightly hot.

"Mom has seen many things over the years. I know that homosexuality is not a disease. Mom won't scold you, and she has no right to blame you. Even if you fail to learn, it's mom's fault."

"Mom, don't do this."

Cao Hong lowered her eyes and spoke slowly. Gu Ai didn't want her to say that, but was interrupted.

"Xiao Ai, there is nothing wrong with liking someone, but you have to understand whether you have the ability to manage this relationship. You have to understand whether you want an unforgettable love or want to go on with him forever. You can last for a long time with passion, and you may experience more in the future, especially if the other party is a boy, you must be prepared to face everything, and you must have the courage to defeat those who are malicious to you. You have to remember that you are a man and you should take on your responsibilities."

Cao Hong paused and continued, "It's not easy to meet someone you like. Mom is very happy that you can meet such a person. No matter what the other person is, it is a good experience for you. Mom doesn't want you to get hurt. But I don’t want you to regret it later. You have grown up, you can choose what you want, and I hope you can afford the consequences of your choices.”

Cao Hong smiled.

"Mom doesn't want to be in your way."

Cao Hong turned around and closed Gu Ai's door.Gu Ai sat there thinking for a long time, not only moved by Cao Hong's words, but also reflected on his cowardice and timidity.

But in the end he found that no matter what he became or what the future would be, he still wanted Chu Ze, he wanted Chu Ze to be by his side, he wanted Chu Ze to be in every place in his blueprint, even if Chu Ze Ze would refuse, and he didn't want to give up one percent possibility.

Because if there is no Chu Ze, then he will never have a future.