To my dear Mr. Meng

I didn't sleep a wink for two days.

As soon as he closed his eyes, his eyes were filled with large groups of red and green light spots, and the nerves in his brain were tense, and his scalp felt painful when pulled.It is hard to tell whether you are nervous or excited. These two emotions are easy to confuse people. They both make people's blood hot and cold, body joints tremble slightly uncontrollably, the stomach in the middle of the torso is sunken, and the stomach acid is overwhelming. Corrode the entire body from the inside out.

After more than 30 hours, all feelings completely disappeared.The hallucinatory excitement, the palpitations that make people clenched their fists, the constant noisy voices in the ears, the burning pain caused by the unrelieved thirst in the throat, and even the heavy sluggishness of the brain after fatigue The tide receded.The weather has suddenly warmed up in the past two days, and the thick quilt has not had time to change. The whole person has become a beach after low tide, damp, heavy, and cold and salty.

Mr. Meng came back on the weekend afternoon.

It was not yet three o'clock, and I lay in bed and forced myself to close my eyes.Because of the broken sleep for several days, the blood vessels in the whole brain swelled with a dull pain when going up the stairs.I heard the sound of him entering the door, but my eyelids were still tightly covered.

"He Yujun."

I sat up, and the blood vessels and heart began to gurgle again.Mr. Meng was only wearing a shirt, and his suit jacket might have been thrown on the sofa when he entered.He went straight into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed in the deepest shadow. The blood vessels looming under the skin on the back of his hands were green and blue, like a monster in human skin in a strange story.

"Why didn't you answer my phone?"

"busy."

He looked at me quietly for a while and said, "If Wei Qiao hadn't told me, I wouldn't know anything about it. You didn't tell me anything."

"Aren't we arguing?"

I smiled and looked up at him, making sure my tone and expression didn't convey any ambiguity other than mild banter.

He stared at me, didn't smile, but he wasn't angry either, it could be said to be calm, like a decent and beautiful painting hanging somewhere.

"You wrote that post on your BBS?"

"Yes." I couldn't help laughing again, but my muscles didn't keep up with the command, and the expression was more like an uncomfortable twitch.

"The report letter has also been handed in?"

"handed in."

"Who did it all go to?"

"The Office of the Commission for Discipline Inspection, the departments... anyway." His eyes moved, and I guessed what he wanted to ask, "I handed it in yesterday, and I will go to the department to handle it later."

He looked at me for a long time in silence.

I don't understand why he is so silent today, like a strangely uncomfortable wind blowing in the dead mountains.

"I haven't got my degree and graduation certificate yet, what if Cha Pengyi threatens you?"

"Isn't that more evidence?"

"When do you go to school?"

"04:30."

"I'll accompany you there."

I think his face is so cute and funny: "Can the school eat me?"

Mr. Meng smiled and said, "You are indeed bold."

I leaned in front of him and carefully looked at the subtle movements of every part of his face: "Are you not angry with me?"

He put one hand on the back of my neck, moved forward, and our foreheads touched each other lightly.This is a habit of his intimacy, just like those lazy felines in animal documentaries.

"Sorry." I said.

He didn't look at me, his eyelashes drooped down: "Huh?"

"I shouldn't have scolded you that day."

He didn't respond and kissed my face.

Most of the bedroom windows are closed, and the thick cotton curtains reflect a faint greenness in the room. The sunlight escapes the shackles of the curtains and comes in with difficulty. , like Zhuyeqing taking a nap under the banana leaves, with a cold yellow eye.The heat of body temperature came from under the clothes, and I smelled the faint fragrance behind his ears, and I couldn't help rubbing his forehead, trying to relieve the rampant anxiety in my heart.

"You don't feel wrong, do you?"

He was puzzled: "What?"

"Zha Pengyi took my manuscript and published it alone."

He patted me on the back and said, "I didn't say he was right."

"But you don't feel wrong either?"

"There are too many things like this, and you're not alone."

"Is more right? Existence is reasonable?"

Mr. Meng stopped talking again.Like a mother coaxing a child, he combed my back once and for all.Time passed slowly, the slight anger subsided, and a trace of sleepiness hit the eyelids.

"I'm sorry about Qu Nan." He whispered in my ear, "I don't know why she—"

"Do not blame you."

He touched the back of my head and asked, "Sleep for a while?"

I agreed, but my body was still on top of him.He put me down, put my head on the pillow, and shook off the quilt again, my hair was blown by the breeze in a haze, slightly itchy.The thick quilt fell on me, I touched his hand and said, "You are like my mother."

He smiled and said, "I am your mother, who are you?"

"Leading the fucking kid in The King's New Clothes."

He seemed to be smiling again, but the sound was far away.

"That kid was brave, and so are you."

I have thought more than once that if this is an epic story about a hero fighting a dragon, there must be tens of stanzas of twists and turns in the middle, but in the end the hero will always behead the dragon without exception, so that the Later generations have used this as proof countless times, explaining that "evil can never defeat justice".But the problem is that I've never been a quick-witted hero, but a Quixote-esque idiot.

The leaders of the school came to me one by one, saying that they would actively investigate after receiving the letter of report, and never allow anything to tarnish the honor of the school. But at the same time, they hoped that I would take the initiative to delete the article on the school BBS exposing that Cha Pengyi had once Sexually assaulted and coerced Qu Nan while he was in school, which indirectly caused Qu Nan to commit suicide, and stole my unsigned post on my thesis.

I refused without thinking, saying that it would make people think that I was maliciously spreading rumors.

"The matter has not been investigated yet, and we can't believe your words too much, and your post is too influential, which will have a negative impact on the reputation of Professor Cha and the school. There are already voices outside talking about it."

Qu Nan's parents arrived a few days after hearing the news. Because they were in the countryside, the school and the police had a hard time contacting them.Before that, I sat at school almost every day from morning to night, from one office to another, talking to different teachers and leaders non-stop, and I was even forced to sign a guarantee that I was not allowed to take any of the conversations. Content leaked out.Before entering the room for an interview, they would confiscate my mobile phone and not allow paper and pen to take notes.

When I arrived in the conference room, it was not long after noon, and several policemen and school leaders were sitting on both sides, and a middle-aged couple with thick, short, dark skin sat in the middle. The hair that slipped out of the rubber band fluctuated up and down with the movement, and the pink floral shirt reflected the bright red light in the white eyes of her.The middle-aged man was wearing a black coat that had been washed out, and his exposed forearm was shaking back and forth in the air like a sickle.

"You must be responsible! People died here! I have raised my daughter for more than 20 years and spent money and effort. You must give me an explanation."

The people at the school just kept saying: "Please calm down, please calm down, we will definitely investigate clearly."

It had been raining that morning and stopped just after noon, but the sky was still thick with lead clouds.I sat on the soft chair next to Qu Nan's mother. Whenever she puffed up her chest and inhaled vigorously, there would be a faint smell of poultry in the air.One of the policemen didn't know what he was writing, maybe he was taking a statement, but I couldn't tell.He wrote very fast, and looked up at the speaker from time to time. When it was my turn, he turned his face away, and the light from the fluorescent lamp cast down his nose and cheeks.

For many nights later, I often dreamed of this conference room, dreaming that I myself became a sand tower, and the howling cold wind kept pouring in from the windows, cutting me into pieces.

I can't tell when the change started.

At first, everything seemed to be going well.The school cooperated with the police to investigate and collect evidence, and contacted Qu's former unit leaders and colleagues, and then contacted his classmates one by one when he was a graduate student.Only Cha Pengyi did not show up because he was attending a seminar in other places, and it is said that he is on his way back.I also successfully found the colleague who shared the rent with Qu Nan, and found the notebook that Qu Nan originally intended to give me at the time from the relics she sorted out, and the police took it away as evidence.Walking on the road between Zhengzhou University and the University of International Trade next door, you can hear the names of Qu Nan and Cha Pengyi at any time. The discussions and speculations on the BBS forums of the two schools are overwhelming. The person who hangs the press card.

On the third day after Cha Pengyi came back, I met him in the office.

It is said that he was entangled by the police and Qu Nan's parents for a whole day. He was sitting behind the desk at this time, not in a rage, but he had a thick blue color like me.As soon as he saw me, he immediately asked: "He Yujun, how can I be sorry for you, you want to stab me in the back like this?"

I was stunned for a while before I gradually understood, and I almost laughed out loud at how shameless this man was.

"Teacher Cha——I still call you teacher. Are you a thief calling catch a thief?"

"Watch your wording!" He slammed the table and stood up, "Who is the thief? What shameful things have I done?"

"Why Senior Sister Qu committed suicide, you know very well."

"What do I know? All I know is that the school called me and said that my students reported me and charged me with trumped-up charges, and everyone knew about it! Didn't Qu Nan treat you badly, my junior? I feel sad for her sudden death, but you still want to smear her reputation here!" He stopped his hands and took two steps, "I know what you are for, because I didn't sign your name on that paper, and you want to retaliate Have you forgotten, who revised your manuscript word by word? If it wasn’t for me, you are a graduate student who has not yet graduated, and the content of the thesis is mediocre. What qualifications do you have to publish in a journal of that level?”

"Senior Sister Qu and papers are two different things. What are you trying to confuse when you confuse them? You have the nerve to mention Senior Sister Qu here. What dirty things did you do to Senior Sister Qu? Do you really think no one knows? Call her every day and night , prevent her from getting a job, threaten her with a degree and graduation certificate, and even go to her unit to harass her after graduation, you are also worthy of being a teacher!"

"He Yujun, let me explain to you for the last time. Listen clearly: Qu Nan is my proud student. She likes to discuss academic issues with me. She respects me as a teacher, and I also respect her as a student. I like her spirit of studying academics. I just don't know what's going on in your mind all day long, your intentions are sinister!"

I couldn't bear it anymore, turned around and opened the door, and said with a sneer, "I'm not talking nonsense here, the police and the procuratorate will give everyone a result."

He also sneered twice, gritted his teeth and said, "Indeed. A treacherous person like you will definitely not have a good result."

I hadn't surfed the Internet for several days, and it was only on Sunday night that I belatedly discovered that the post that had been popular on the front page had been locked and deleted by the administrator three days ago.Before I could figure out who to contact, my mother called and said that there was a colony of cockroaches growing in the kitchen at home. She had cleaned it all afternoon, and her back hurt so much.

"Ask your dad to buy a plaster to stick it on, but he bought some kind of medicine, he has never heard of it, and it stinks to death."

"You lie on the bed, don't move things these few days. Just let the nanny come to clean up."

"You don't need to say, I'm not a fool!" She smiled, "Let me tell you, Xinxin is talking about her boyfriend! Her boyfriend works in the National Taxation Bureau, a civil servant, and there is a car at home. Your fourth aunt is so happy." I can’t even close my mouth. I invited us to dinner yesterday, and I think the young man looks good, but he is a little short, not even 1.7 meters.”

"Fine," I said. "Are they settled?"

"Where is it! We all think it's better to settle down early, but Xinxin didn't want to talk about it for a while. Do you think she is a silly girl! She doesn't know how to cherish the treasure she found. She didn't even go to college. In the last class, I also fished for three days and dried the net for two days, is it easy to find someone with such conditions? But she is quite sensible, and she came to see me and gave me a box of ginseng."

"It's normal to think about you. Don't you always say that Huang Xin kisses you?"

"That's right. When I was young, her mother didn't care about anything. I always took it with me. Isn't it right now?" She sighed, "It's you, you are already 24, and you can bring me back sometime to see ? Huang Xin is one year younger than you."

My eyelids jumped, and I fell back on the bed: "Where am I free, this kind of thing depends on fate."

"Yuan fart, don't talk about this with me, are you talking behind my back? That Guan Ting, isn't it?"

"Hey, Mom, how many times have I told you that Guan Ting and I are not what you think. And she already has a boyfriend now, and I just have fun with her."

"Yo, it's just 'it's just fun'? Let me tell you, men and women don't have friends. I heard from your dad that her family's business collapsed two years ago, and she sold houses and cars, and she still owes money. You have a lot of debt. Don't get too close to her, borrowing money is absolutely forbidden, do you hear me? The society outside is very complicated, you are about to graduate soon, so you have to be careful when you come out..."

She rambled on for a while, and didn't hang up until my dad came home.

Before I put down the phone, it rang again. I thought it was her who hadn't finished speaking, but when I saw it, it turned out to be Mr. Meng.

I turned over and lay on the bed: "What are you doing?"

"Who are you calling? The line is always busy."

"My mother. What's the matter?"

"It's nothing. I just finished eating. I'm on my way home now. I wanted to call you."

"Dinning so late. Working overtime again?"

"Colleague treats guests and drank some wine." He cleared his throat, "I plan to come back for a stay in two days."

"Why? It's inconvenient for you to come back to live and go to work. It's too far for me to go to Wenjin International because it's half as close as you."

"I want to revise my thesis, so I can chat with my tutor. I haven't been so busy recently, so I don't work overtime much."

"That's good." I turned my belly up happily, "We can eat at home. On the way back from work, I bought vegetables at the small vegetable market on the other side of the commercial street. I'm tired of eating nearby restaurants. Expensive, waste of money."

Mr. Meng laughed straight: "Did none of you fire?"

"It's too difficult to make a meal for one person, and I eat leftovers every meal, which is not fresh."

"You're getting better at living."

"Or I'll just starve to death." I suddenly remembered, "By the way, just now my mother called and said that my cousin brought her boyfriend to meet the parents, and asked me if I was in a relationship with Guan Ting. I was really convinced." her."

Mr. Meng also laughed: "What did you say?"

"I'll just say no, my mother is always suspicious."

"Is your mother trying to introduce someone to you?"

I was taken aback: "I don't know... probably not."

We fell silent in unison, and for a moment the only sound on the phone was the car horn coming from his end.Mr. Meng suddenly said "Hello", and I quickly agreed, and he asked, "Why are you silent all of a sudden?"

I said vaguely: "Think about things."

"Don't think so much about what you have." He said with a smile, "I'll get off the car right away."

I hummed twice: "You hang up."

He had just finished saying "good night" when I suddenly called him again.

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

"If... I mean, if your dad wants to introduce you to someone, what will you do?"

"I haven't thought about it," he said honestly.

I was secretly relieved by this answer.

He asked, "What about you?"

My heart was raised again, and I was scratching my head when I heard him say: "To be honest, don't lie to me."

This inexplicably made me want to laugh, rolled on the bed, and said, "I don't know. I really don't know."

He seemed to smile and said, "Me too."

When Qu Nan's parents found me, I had just finished eating in the cafeteria.They blocked my way from left to right, and asked me if their daughter was mentally ill, regardless of the curious eyes from the students around me.

"The teacher at your school said that she has something wrong with her brain, that's impossible! She's always been very normal, she can't be a lunatic!"

"Senior Sister Qu was indeed diagnosed with depression and stress disorder, but that was after she was sexually assaulted by Cha Pengyi—"

"What, what are you talking about!" Her mother interrupted me sharply, "What nonsense are you talking about, my daughter is very innocent!"

"Let me tell you, don't insult my daughter's innocence here!" Her father blushed and stepped forward to push me. I was unprepared and took two steps back. "She always calls on time. And send money back, never said this! Don't fucking spread rumors here, believe it or not, I will ask the police to arrest you!"

As he spoke, he rolled up his sleeves. The security guards led by the dean of the Faculty of Arts jumped out from nowhere and stopped us. However, Qu Nan’s father’s fist had already swung over. Teng moved to the right, and said seriously: "Calm down! Mr. Qu, please calm down! No hands are allowed, let's sit down in the conference room and talk!"

Qu Nan's mother covered her face and howled, "Oh, my daughter—" Qu Nan's father pointed at me through the two tall security guards: "You fart, my daughter is very good, innocent Yes, if you dare to talk nonsense, I will kill you!"

"what happened to you?"

When I came back to my senses, the buzzing sound stopped immediately. Mr. Meng scooped a spoonful of shrimp into my bowl and asked, "Is it going well if you don't say anything when you come back in the afternoon? What did the police say?"

"Some contents of that notebook have been torn out." I said, "Probably Qu Nan was in a bad state of mind in the last few days, and many pages were painted over. Although she can still recognize it, a few pages were torn off by herself. Yes, perhaps it happens to be the most critical piece of evidence."

He frowned: "The evidence is not enough now?"

"Well, it seems so. It is said that the content in the notebook can only prove that Cha Pengyi was harsh on her thesis, including touching and kissing her, but it does not constitute sexual assault. The most ridiculous thing is that they said that they cannot prove that Cha Pengyi and Qu Nan's death has a direct causal relationship, because Qu Nan was mentally ill, but the school, teachers and her classmates at the time didn't know about it, so they are irresponsible."

"Where's Qu Nan's cell phone?"

I shook my head: "I haven't been able to find it. The police said it might be lost. How is it possible? She called me that night." I put down my chopsticks and rubbed my stinging temple, "I've been dreaming When I answered the phone by myself, I woke up covered in sweat in the middle of the night. What if I hadn’t been drunk that day and received a call from her? Why was she at Zhengda University that night? Did Cha Pengyi threaten her again? What did she do? What's worse, she kept calling me, but I didn't receive it..."

Mr. Meng held my hand and said comfortingly, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You're helping her to the best of your ability. What do her parents say?"

"Now I really feel that Cha Pengyi may not have any effect in the end." The tiredness of emptiness welled up in my heart, and the rice in front of me was a bleak white shadow in front of my eyes. "He used to help Qu Nan repay some loans. All the students of that year and Qu Nan's parents knew about it, and Qu Nan's other classmates, including her roommate, said that Cha Pengyi only sometimes made intimate gestures, which is what the book said, pulling hair, hugging There is no other evidence such as hugging and hugging. And Qu Nan's parents... I really didn't expect it. They think that Qu Nan died in school, so the school should be responsible, but they don't believe that Qu Nan was sexually assaulted, nor It is believed she was mentally ill and prone to severe self-harm."

"Some older generations are conservative, and it is indeed difficult to admit mental illness." He touched my forehead, "Then what should we do now?"

"I don't know. Maybe it will be handed over to the procuratorate and continue to produce evidence." My eyes were so dry that I frowned in pain. "A teacher told me today that Qu Nan may have hallucinations due to mental illness, thinking that he was sexually assaulted." Invasion, in fact, doesn't exist at all. She also told me to apologize to Cha Pengyi earlier, don't make a big fuss, I can't take responsibility, what the fuck."

Mr. Meng stared at me silently for a long time.I don't know if it's because of the lights, but the eyes look a little sad.He gently pushed my bowl closer, and just said: "Eat first, it's going to be cold."

As expected, there has been no news since the first draft of my graduation thesis was handed in.

After that, I kept having nightmares for a lot of nights for a month, and I would wake up several times a night. When I woke up, my forehead was covered in cold sweat, and my heart was beating wildly. The sound hovered in the bedroom, like a hundred bloody The heart beat at the same time, and the sound was like thunder.I used the excuse of not being able to sleep well, and slept separately from Mr. Meng, but every time I woke up in the middle of the night, the dark shadows on the curtains and the door were like ghosts.

I don't know what I'm afraid of.

Obviously I have done nothing wrong, but I am full of fear at the sound of dust falling to the ground.There were a few nights, because I heard a long and dense crisp sound similar to glass beads rolling from the corner of the ceiling, I kept my eyes open and accompanied by the frantic heartbeat all night, until I heard the sound of Mr. Meng gently opening the door, I didn’t know It was already morning, so I turned over with my bent and stiff limbs, and waited until the slight sweat around my neck dried up before I got up to go to work.

I seldom go to school anymore. Who knew that Qu Nan's parents came to him, as well as a reporter who claimed he didn't know any newspaper.Mr. Meng got angry, and I moved with him to his house in the city center the next day.

The weather is so hot that it looks like it is preparing to roast all living things to death this summer.

The day the procuratorate decided to come out, the first dry rain fell.I stood on the small square brick floor of the ATM in the school, and saw that the sky was gray and dark yellow, with dark gray clouds around the edge like cracks, and it looked like the sky was about to collapse.

I was still thinking about those dozen or so words, and I felt that each word was like a hammer and a thorn, hitting holes in my body, and rancid black and red pus and blood flowed out of it.

——The facts are unclear and the evidence is insufficient, so it is decided not to prosecute.

The author says:

I forgot to say before that the personnel and personnel in the article are purely fictitious and have nothing to do with reality. Please let me know if there are any mistakes, thank you very much.