To my dear Mr. Meng

I am emotionally polarized. When I am happy, I am more fraternal than the father of the gods, but when I am upset, I disown my relatives.According to my father's words, "it's all your mother's habit", but in fact, my mother beat me often to get rid of this strange disease.

It's a pity that the country is easy to change, but the nature is hard to change. After more than 20 years in the blink of an eye, they get used to it even if they are not used to it.It's rare for me to come back from school. The so-called distance produces beauty, and when I go home, they will naturally look more pleasing to the eye.Whenever I was in a good mood and circled my mother, my father showed a pair of eyes from the top of the newspaper, as if observing some rare and novel species through a microscope.

"I think he's gone crazy again."

My mother glanced at me and said with a smile, "I said yes."

There was laughter in the room.

But this homecoming clearly slipped to the other extreme.At six o'clock in the morning, I was still on my way to the station when my mother's call ruthlessly interrupted my drowsiness.The previous call was made at 11:30 last night.

I straighten my arms and keep the phone as far away from my ear as possible.The volume of the call has been turned to the minimum, but it's all because the taxi is too quiet, the master doesn't even stop broadcasting, when she raises her voice, the voice is like a thin and hard needle, suddenly pierced into the On the earlobe, but the eyelids are sour like overnight milk.

"He Yujun! He Yujun! Listen to yourself! Come, tell your son yourself—"

"Don't bother you! Are you annoying?"

After yelling, my first reaction was to clear my throat. My throat hurts like sandpaper. Then I realized what I said, and immediately hung up the phone.Just threw it into the pocket, then took it out again, pressed the exit button firmly, and the shutdown animation flashed by.

The master still drove with his neck curled up, and the iron railing between the front and rear seats stood there arrogantly, separating them into two parallel worlds that did not accommodate each other except for giving money.

I was sitting on the sofa, but I still felt like I was on a train, with the trembling ground underneath, and the muscles in my legs were numb from the long-term vibration.

My aunt, aunt and fourth aunt each occupied one side. My father and my mother stood in the center dancing and dancing. The shadows cast by the lights hit our faces densely, like countless insects crawling in and out.My mother opened her hands and made a big circle in the air: "He Guotao, you must let He Jianfang out of the hospital! She is not sick, what hospital is she in? I think she is insane again!"

The fourth aunt pursed her mouth: "Well, our uncle is hospitalized, why did she go to that hospital? Hey, let's figure it out, don't you think the incident wasn't big enough?"

"It's you who figured it out. She was hospitalized with stones, which has nothing to do with Pang Ruiguo. Is she not sick? Where is the doctor's diagnosis sheet? Are you blind?"

"Fart your mother! She runs to Pang Ruiguo's ward every day, serving tea and water and sticking it up, who should I blame? Our aunt is not dead yet!"

"Li Xiulin, keep your mouth clean. I've wanted to talk about you for a long time. Your mouth smells worse than a cesspit..."

"Hey, hey, Guotao, the more you talk, the more outrageous you are." The aunt shook her hand, and the aunt got ready to get up and sat back, "Second sister also thinks about our two families. We are a family now, why bother?" Such an unpleasant scene? The neighbors will laugh when they find out about Da Ya.”

Auntie's blank eyes suddenly fell on my face, and she answered, "That's right. So are you, Jun. You are such an adult, and you don't know how to persuade your parents. You need your aunts and aunts to come over. You need to be sensible. You only need to know how to read books." What's the use? Nowadays, there are many people who have a high degree of education and can't find a job. They don't understand the world at all. Which unit wants you?"

"Your mother said you were still yelling at her on the phone the day before yesterday?" Fourth Aunt also lost face, "It's not Fourth Aunt talking about you, anyway, it's your mother who raised you up so much, what can't be said properly..."

The air became jelly, moaning and wriggling in pain in the room.I blinked my eyes, which were sore from the heating, and everyone fell silent for a while, spinning around dully, or thinking about how to tear off the barb next to my nail without causing a big wound, or It is a floor-to-ceiling long-necked large vase that tries to trace corners with eyes with great interest.

I can clearly feel the smell of animal hair flowing in the air, which is mixed with the smell of dander, grease and parasites, just like the living things in this room, slamming on the glass, making an imperceptible sound There was a muffled sound, but the impregnable animal cage did not move at all.

A drop of sweat slid down my spine, waking up cold, and I wasn't sure if it was a hallucination.

"I'll go out for a while." I said.

They looked at me in unison, as if a deaf person suddenly heard a cockroach munching in the kitchen.

I bought a pack of cigarettes and lit it against the lee of the canteen, watching it burn bit by bit, taking a puff occasionally to show that I didn't waste money.When I was in college, the other two roommates loved smoking and mahjong. I spent a few times in the dormitory, but I only liked the smell of the smoke when it came out of my mouth.

The cigarette butts piled up to the fourth on the ground, and the phone began to vibrate crazily.

I've been really scared of the phone lately.

Before connecting, I cleared my throat and even stubbed out my cigarette unconsciously.

"Hey?"

"You don't have a house near Zhengda University?" Mr. Meng's voice sounded tired, almost inaudible.

"I'm home."

"Go home?" He raised his voice, "When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't I say, I texted you on Thursday night."

There was no response for a long time, and finally he sighed deeply: "Why are you home now?"

"I have something to do at home. What are you going back for?"

"Get something. I didn't have the key and thought you were there."

"What should I do?"

"I have to go back to the company, let's find a locksmith." An echo came from the receiver, probably coming downstairs, "Call me where are you going in the future, sometimes I forget to read the text messages."

"I can't answer four out of five calls to you. What can I do if I don't send text messages?"

He said impatiently, "Can you talk nicely?"

I crushed the cigarette butt on the concrete floor, and the charred tobacco dust rolled all over the floor: "What's wrong with me? How do you want me to talk?"

"What's wrong with you again? What did I say to you?"

"Meng Qiansheng, we haven't seen each other for more than a month. It is more difficult to ask you to answer the phone than to petition. I know you are busy and tired, and you have to earn performance to avoid being kicked. I don't bother you. But I am not idle, okay? No one took care of the messy things for me last time, so can you be considerate of me?"

"I don't understand what you are. He Yujun, you are in a bad mood and come to me to vent your anger, don't you? You are in your twenties, can the young master change his temper, I will be tired of talking to you."

"Okay, I'm the one who has the most free time, are you satisfied?"

"Don't be so cynical, do I owe you?"

"Meng Qiansheng, you fucking forgot to take your medicine! Are you going to argue with me today?"

"Stop talking, there's something to do."

A middle-aged man's rough voice in dialect came from the other end, and the phone was cut off right after.

I gripped my phone tightly and restrained myself from throwing it against the opposite wall covered with small advertisements for painless abortion.

Oh shit.

I don't understand why I keep arguing with Meng Qiansheng recently, and it's like today, talking about trivial things for a few seconds, and then quarreling without warning until my face is blushing and my neck is thick.

Ever since a prince from an unknown family was parachuted there, and the number of regular candidates was reduced by one, the originally amiable intern colleagues were like chickens pecking at red eyes—no one wanted to work hard for several months. What's more, I have already missed the recruitment period of a good unit when I came out at this time-I can't wait to chop up the rest of the people.In addition, Kong Yingguang, who had a narrow Yuanjia Road, was also there, and I heard that he was very good at flattering the prince, prodding him openly and secretly. It just so happened that Wei Qiao was transferred to another place with no one to support him. Meng Qiansheng's life might not be easy.

He was in a state of desperation, so naturally he didn't have time to look after me.

I know I'm annoying, and I'm a little too clingy to him, after all, I'm not as good as him when I'm with others.I walked around the living room aimlessly, and Meng Qiansheng knew what I wanted to do.I am a lazy person, and I am no exception emotionally. If I can save a little effort, I will save a little.What's more, I have a weird temper. My mother often said that when I was "abnormal", I would be pinched and flattened, and everyone would smile when she saw it;

I never asked Meng Qiansheng if he wanted to strangle me.

When we were young, we always quarreled, and occasionally we would fight when we were in a hurry.But Meng Qiansheng is easy to coax, even though he tends to sulk, telling you "I'm not angry" with a cold face.As he got older, he got angry less and less often, and when he was really anxious, he just put on a posture that he didn't care about me, as if he was dealing with his own cat that scratched the sofa.

This kind of comfortable life has been too long, and I can't even remember that he will be angry again.

Still making trouble like this.

"We both felt that the other side was vexatious."

The demons danced wildly in the bar, Guan Ting shook the cigarette ash: "I haven't spoken for three days. Hey, now I know why my parents scolded each other every day."

I poured myself another glass of beer: "Huh?"

"Because there are too many bad things that people have to encounter in a lifetime. When I was young, I didn't see any ghosts and snakes. Even a little bit of oily skin can collapse the sky. Did I tell you that my father and mother are in high school My classmate, how innocent people were at that time, they didn’t even dare to pull a hand, and dared to kiss, my mother was so scared that she ran home in the car the next day, thinking that she was going to be pregnant. What do you say, childhood sweetheart, golden boy and jade girl, I'm so envious.

"Later, the two of them were doing business and agreed to take turns watching me at home, but sometimes they forgot to come back to take care of me, and when they couldn't eat, they quarreled, asking why you didn't cook for your daughter, why didn't you take your daughter to see a doctor, Why don't you care about your daughter's studies, and you don't know how to take care of your daughter's early love... You quarrel every day, every year, you feel that you are busy, what you are doing is serious, and the other party is acting like a bastard. My dad ran around with pneumonia, didn't close his eyes for three days, and had to come back to ask for a teacher. As soon as he lay down, he received a call from my mother, because the car tire had blown out, and he scolded his head and face. It’s unreasonable to lose your temper for every little thing; my mother told me that she finally got hold of a big boss after talking for several months, and his plane was going to Hong Kong, and he was in a hurry to sign a contract, but my dad’s car was parked nearby On the side of a construction site, a tire was punctured by glass when I went out, and I didn’t catch up; the boss changed his mind as soon as he arrived in Hong Kong, and the business of 10,000+ was in vain in a blink of an eye. He's a bastard."

I swallowed my wine and nodded: "It was suitable at the beginning, but it may not always be suitable. People have to change."

"That's right. Thinking about it now, it's better to study stupidly. At that time, I swore to myself that I would love He Xiaochuan for the rest of my life. What happened? When he changed schools, neither of us mentioned it, and we broke up within two days. "Guan Ting laughed to himself at this point, "Sometimes the person you met a long time ago is not necessarily suitable for you. You think he is your destined true love, but in fact it is because you happen to be locked in the same cage.

"Look, Du Xun is two years younger than me. When I first met him, he was an intern during the summer vacation. He hung around me every day, which made me annoyed. He asked me why I was so busy every day, and he ignored him. People who hate me so much why don’t you quit your job, you have to do what you like... I laughed at him and said, ‘You know what a fart’, but he was still not convinced, saying that I was pretending to be old-fashioned. Sofa, never took a half-hour car ride to buy crystal buns for me again."

I drank the last bit of wine in the glass and said that Meng Qiansheng and I really had nothing to argue about.

Guan Ting clinked glasses with me, saying how wonderful it is, you can't ask for it, cherish it.

It was May in the second year of research, and there was a long spring.

I think I cherish it.

But today I had another argument with Meng Qiansheng.

The music on the dance floor was so loud it took me a long time to remember why we fought.

The manuscript I wrote earlier finally passed after a long time of pressing, but Boss Cha only signed his own name, not mine.I accidentally saw it from one of Boss Cha's doctoral students. At that time, I was so angry that I said some very rude words. The senior brother immediately turned his face and sneered a few words, to the effect that I really treat myself as a dish .I felt dissatisfied, so I planned to go back to school and talk to the boss. I complained to Meng Qian on the phone, and he told me to keep quiet, and I had better apologize to the senior brother.

I said Meng Qiansheng, you fucking bastard, you've turned into a beast out of society.

He didn't sneer back at such ugly words, he just said that you are about to graduate, and the power of life and death is in the hands of the tutor, and you can't help it.Since that paper is not that important, forget it.

What's so great about this broken degree, I don't want it anymore.I said.

I'm not trying to educate you, He Badger.But there are very few people who can have that fate.

I said, get out of here.

Meng Qiansheng is an out-and-out cynical bastard.

Society is really a big dye vat.

I remembered those words in a daze, and the fire in my heart was burning again, and I wanted to lift Meng Qiansheng's collar immediately and punch and kick him.Seeing me mumbling, the bartender asked me what I wanted. I asked him what time it was, and he gestured. I didn’t know if it was eleven o’clock or one o’clock. He took out the hot phone from his pocket and squinted his eyes. Try to focus.

There were four missed calls displayed on the screen, the first one was from Meng Qiansheng, the last three were from Qu Nan, and there was also an unread text message from her.

It was almost one o'clock in the morning.

The phone was running out of battery, so I just pressed the button to turn it off.

I walked to the hotel diagonally opposite the bar, and I was sweating a few steps away.When I first entered the room, the smell of the air that hadn’t circulated for a long time made my temples twitch and sour, and I immediately got into the bathroom and vomited. How did I take off my clothes and take a shower before lying on the bed? I have no impression at all. No.

It was the afternoon of the second day when I got home.

My father has already left, and my aunts and aunts are not there. The house is deserted, and only my mother is peeling bamboo shoots.As soon as she saw me, she proudly showed me yesterday's record, saying that my dad finally gave in and transferred my aunt to the provincial hospital.

"Our house is finally quiet."

I said "oh" and sat down on the cold sofa.The blood roared and poured on the Tianling Gai, and the whole person was top-heavy.

"I haven't asked you yet, where did you go to play yesterday? The phone was turned off when I called you, and I didn't know I went home. It's getting wild! You smell the clothes, did you go to drink? Who are there? Now outside It’s such a mess, you don’t even know what’s going on! You really don’t know the pain until you’re stabbed. If something happens someday, it’ll be pretty…”

I ignored her, charged my phone, and changed into a new set of clothes. Halfway through, my phone rang.

I said hello?

The other side said he was a policeman from a public security bureau.

I said, the police?

He said yes, and heard from my classmates and teachers that I was going home to run errands, and asked me if I was at home now and when I would return to school.

I said I would go back to school tomorrow and asked what happened.

Qu Nan is your postgraduate classmate, he said, your teacher and Qu Nan's former classmates all said that you have a good relationship.Are you guys and girls?

No, she is my senior sister, we are just ordinary friends.

He said that Qu Nan fell from the fifth floor of the Faculty of Arts of National Chengchi University last night and died on the spot.Please come back as soon as possible if it is convenient, we need to do some simple research.

I clicked on the unread text message, and it was sent at 27:[-] in the morning.

"Sorry, I can't take it anymore."