Spring Summer Autumn Winter

For several days in a row, Yang Siyuan didn't have much energy, he talked and laughed a lot less, but he was more clingy to Li Yu'an than before.

Li Yuan didn't dare to put too much pressure on him, and he didn't dare to ask him what happened before he took the initiative to tell the reason, let alone come out.All he could do was give him closer hugs and kisses in return, and none of that would solve anything.

It wasn't the first time that he had the idea that he was not capable of sharing the pain for Yang Siyuan, but this time it was clearer and sharper than every time before.

He looked at Yang Siyuan as if he was seeing an old man who was dying and wanted to fulfill all his wishes for the rest of his life at this moment, but Yang Siyuan's list was full of "Li Yu'an", and as a person who could fulfill his wishes, he couldn't. Extend his lifespan by one minute and one second.

In just a few days, his Yang Siyuan seemed to have been swallowed half of his soul.

The answer came in late February, a rare sunny day.

Li Yu'an didn't see Yang Siyuan picking him up when he got off work, but when he got home, he was slumped on the bed, hugging a ball of quilt, his eyes were empty and he didn't know where to look.Maybe it was the gorgeous sunset glow outside the window, or maybe it was the fragile phantom on the ground, anyway, when Li Yuan came in, he never looked at his lover.

Li Yu'an put the milk tea on the table, completely opened the curtains, and covered him with pink and purple golden light, like a brocade garment bestowed by the gods.Yang Siyuan really liked watching the sunset, but when Li Yuan turned around, he didn't move at all.

He thought of the analogy he had made, and it couldn't be more apt to do so—an old man who was dying.

He had to pull him out of the coffin.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Li Yuan sat beside him, brushed the slightly longer hair on his forehead, and asked softly.

Yang Siyuan didn't speak, just took his hand and rubbed it gently on his face, as if cuddling with his only possession.

With the broken light just now, Li Yu'an saw that the quilt buried under his head was a little wet, and he would rather believe that it was his drool when he fell asleep, even though he knew he didn't have this habit.

He couldn't see Yang Siyuan crying, it was more uncomfortable than crying himself.

Torn in his heart for a few seconds, he finally couldn't help asking: "What's wrong?"

Yang Siyuan moved forward, hugged his waist, and buried his head in his stomach.

"I'm so useless."

The belly was tickled by his breath and voice, but it turned into a heart-piercing pain that pierced through the flesh and blood.Li Yu'an discerned the low-pitched, desperate self-blame for a while, and the answer became a little clearer in his heart.

He patted Yang Siyuan's head, hesitated for a while and asked, "Yes...does Auntie know?"

Yang Siyuan's arms tightened again, almost wanting to embed himself into his body and find a warm organ to hide.

"No."

"What's the matter? Is it convenient to say?"

Yang Siyuan shook his head clumsily: "She can't accept homosexuality, she...is very tough, I seem to be in a hurry..."

Li Yu'an remembered that he ran into Chen Limei in the bookstore, and what she said that day was still clearly engraved in his mind, like a cannibal's spell.

Unsurprisingly, she was unlikely to change her mind during those years.

"It's okay, it's okay..." he said palely.

Of course he knew that Yang Siyuan should be comforted now, and he wanted to suggest even a feasible solution, but for a person who had almost no normal contact with his parents, he couldn't say anything except a ridiculous and useless "it doesn't matter".

If Chen Limei can't agree anyway, he can actually accept the breakup, as long as Yang Siyuan can let him go.But he knew it was impossible.

He was worried about gains and losses, and he was ready for Yang Siyuan not to love him one day. Although he still had this idea today, it was just an instinctive protection because of his lack of security.

Having known each other for so long and dating for so long, he knew that he couldn't do without Yang Siyuan, and Yang Siyuan couldn't do without him either.

The person in his arms moved slightly, Yang Siyuan let go of him, propped himself up feebly, turned on the phone, and handed it to him.

He kept his head down the whole time, not looking into Li Yuan's eyes.

Li Yu'an hung his heart, took the phone, and even prepared for a breakup letter on it.

However, it was just a chat interface, and the other party was Chen Limei.

Li Yu'an's heart tightened and he looked down.

"Find a girlfriend before graduation, it will be hard to find after you go to work."

It took a long time for Yang Siyuan to reply her.

"Didn't you say you're not in a hurry?"

"It's different now, you're about to graduate."

"But you just said a few days ago that you are not in a hurry."

"It's good to find someone like Chen Miao."

Chen Limei began to change the subject.

"Can we talk about this kind of thing later?"

"By the way, stay away from your roommate in the future, the one who reads to gays on the radio."

The answer is not the question, the conversation ends here, and there are many similar words above this record.

Looking at it like this, Yang Siyuan should have discussed related issues with her, but he didn't reveal his sexuality.Obviously, Chen Limei held an attitude of complete resistance, and looking at the wording... Li Yuan had an intuition—maybe Chen Limei had already begun to doubt.

It's just that she wants to delete the unfavorable options before seeing the answer, to kill the possibility of "deformity", and let Yang Siyuan grow into the most gregarious appearance without knowing it.

Li Yu'an's heart sank slowly and fell into a bottomless abyss.

He understood why Yang Siyuan would say "I'm so useless" instead of "she disagrees", and why he, who has always been positive, would be so depressed.For a long time, he has tried his best to be a protector, to protect Li Yu'an well behind him, no matter what it is, he wants to take care of it by himself, and then praise a perfect result.

His loss and despair were not all because of Chen Limei's attitude, because he would never give up no matter what.Chen Limei was just an introduction, what really made him criticize himself was that he felt that he couldn't give Li Yuan a good answer quickly this time, and he had to let Li Yuan wait until he didn't know when, he still couldn't give Li Yuan a sense of security.

Li Yu'an touched his slightly trembling shoulders with one hand, wiped away a few tears from the corners of his eyes with the other, leading him to look up at himself, and then gave him a gentle smile.

It is the figure of a protector.

He wants to protect Yang Siyuan.

"Don't worry, take your time, don't cause too much conflict. I won't leave, don't worry." He said in almost the softest voice in his life.

Yang Siyuan was still chanting scriptures without thinking, and said: "I think I'm so useless. I don't make much money, and my job is not stable. Chasing you made you wait for four years. We were together or in different places, and now..."

He spoke without emotion, spit out word by word, neither choked up nor cried, just tears kept flowing, like the instinct of the body.

This look is really familiar, if he holds a knife again at this moment, wouldn't it be himself a few years ago?

He once changed because of Yang Siyuan, but why did the person who changed him now become like himself?

Yang Siyuan never talked about his pressure, never talked about his difficulties, did this illusion confuse him?

Li Yu'an has never, never felt so distressed as now.

"Siyuan."

He uttered a title, which he seldom called because of his ridiculous, shameful shyness.

Yang Siyuan's eyes moved slightly, and the lost three souls and six souls seemed to be called back a little bit, and they gathered in the pupils with difficulty.

Li Yu'an moved back, then bent down, cupped his face, and pressed his lips against his.

They often kiss, but Li Yuan rarely takes the initiative, also because of his ridiculous and shameful shyness.

From then on, he will abandon that selfish self.

The winter was dry, Yang Siyuan didn't like to drink water, his lips were a little chapped, Li Yuan licked it lightly as if he was healing his wounds, and tried his best to moisturize him.He hoped that his initiative could also nourish his dry heart.

Yang Siyuan changed from being helpless just now to being dazed now, with his mouth slightly open, allowing Li Yuan's tongue to come in, lick and suck.It's a bit sweet, like milk tea, but it's more of Li Yu'an's taste.

The sound of tongues entangled in water loomed, and Yang Siyuan finally recovered from being kissed. After realizing what Li Yuan was doing, he immediately hooked him around his neck, and responded deeply.

Like an indulgence on the eve of the end, Yang Siyuan kissed very violently. At the end of the kiss, both of them had difficulty breathing and lack of oxygen in their brains. They couldn't see each other's faces clearly when they looked at each other.

After this pass, Yang Siyuan seemed to be really broken, and he was still staring at Li Yu'an.

Li Yuan took a steady breath and said, "I know it's difficult for you, I... I can't do anything, but I will never leave you. Don't worry, don't panic, even if it doesn't end well, I will accompany you looking at you."

Yang Siyuan looked at him with tears in the corners of his eyes. Since he was with Li Yu'an, he became more and more prone to crying. He didn't know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing for him who once wanted to cry but couldn't cry.

The Xiaguang gradually dimmed, and only a ray of light was gifted, which was still hanging on one side of Li Yuan's body, like an unfinished painting.

He is like a god, coming from hell, but still gentle.

He is Yang Siyuan's god.

After a long time, Yang Siyuan gathered all his strength into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"Your hair is long, go and cut it."

"No, you cut it for me."

So before school started, Li Yu'an cut Yang Siyuan's hair for the first time, clumsily but carefully, just like Yang Siyuan did for him many years ago.

At the end of February, Yang Siyuan was about to start school, so he rarely agreed to let Li Yuan take him off, like a child who has just entered kindergarten and is reluctant to let go of his mother.

At that time, not long had passed since his collapse, and he still had some remaining emotions. Li Yu'an watched him gradually blend into the crowd at the station, and suddenly wanted to drop everything and go with him.

He is worried, he wants to be with him.

But I'm too bad, I don't have any capital, how can I go to another city to take care of him?

It is obvious that he is one year older, but he has never looked mature.

After the train left, he walked slowly home, thinking constantly in his mind.

I just thought about this way, three 10 minutes? 25 minutes?No idea, he only knew that he was not impulsive, and he had to make this decision.

That night, after get off work, he found Fang Yunling and offered to resign.

"Ah? Why? Do you think the salary is not enough?" Brother Ling knew that Li Yu'an still had some debts and was struggling, so he couldn't help being a little surprised.

Li Yuan shook his head: "No, the salary is already very high."

"So you found another job?"

Li Yuan shook his head again: "No. I want to be a full-time author."

Brother Ling was stunned for a moment, his face suddenly became serious, he put down his wine glass and said, "Yu An, even if you don't like to hear this, I have to remind you. I think you also know that it is difficult to succeed in writing, and it takes a long time. That's fine. I'm not saying to deny you, I just think...you still have some debts to pay off, have you survived that long?"

Li Yu'an's fingers slid around the mouth of the empty cup.

"I've thought about this. I... I'm going to accompany Siyuan, I can't just stay in this place. You take good care of me, and I care about this job, but... I will be distracted. I need time to study. "

His voice is always deep and his words are always flat, making people lack the courage to refuse.

After knowing the reason, Brother Ling laughed and said, "You really like him."

The mouth of the cup was already warmed by his body, and Li Yu'an was still circling it endlessly.

"I've never seen you so active before. I thought you'd just lived like this all your life."

This is wrong, without Yang Siyuan, he would have no life.

Brother Ling slapped the table again, and said loudly: "Success! You can make your own plans. In this way, I will reserve a place here for you. If you are unsatisfactory, you can come back at any time. If you have any troubles, don't dare to save your face." Said, come to me directly, and you, Brother Ling, can handle matters with a radius of a hundred miles!"

Then he raised his wine glass to touch Li Yu'an's empty glass, and drank the wine with a crisp sound.

"That child is worthy of you, live a good life, don't spoil yourself."

"Ah, you too."

Fang Yunling is a very good person, and Li Yu'an felt so from the beginning to the end. In his monotonous life, he actually had a great influence on him, and he was a friend he was very grateful for in his life.

After resigning, he would often come back here to chat and drink. He was incapable of drinking, and his former colleagues never felt sorry for him. In the days when he was struggling to catch up with Yang Siyuan, this noisy place was his habitat for relaxation. .

It's just that when he returned to his hometown on occasional business trips a few years later, the dilapidated street was already extremely bustling, and the bar had become a restaurant. As for Fang Yunling's whereabouts, he never knew.He had contacted Pingping by chance, but Pingping didn't know where Fang Yunling went. He only remembered that he fell in love with a doctor later.The last time he saw Brother Ling was on Qingming Festival of a certain year. He saw Brother Ling sitting dryly in the cemetery, drenched in a heavy rain.

Li Yu'an felt ashamed. Fang Yunling helped him when he was helpless, but he failed to give him any comfort.

But this is something for the future, who can see the road ahead, it is already very difficult to just take each step well.

He told his editor about his decision, and after receiving some professional advice, he decided to take a very important step in his life—he was going to start writing a novel.

Writing a novel is not an easy task for him, it means learning from scratch, understanding the industry, finding a new platform...all brand new and inexperienced, but he can no longer hide in his own cocoon and wait Seeing Yang Siyuan sneak in, he wants to break out of the cocoon and become the umbrella of his sweetheart.

It was spring, and Yang Siyuan was no longer immersed in disappointment. He listened to Li Yu'an's words, put aside the matter of coming out for the time being, and shifted his focus to work.It is reasonable to say that the economic base determines the superstructure.The studio he signed is not very formal, and many businesses are still being explored, and there are often some minor disputes.In fact, he has no confidence in his heart, but his education and ability can only give him such an opportunity.

How can this work? You have to work hard. Only by working hard can you give Li Yuan a good life.

When the cherry blossoms were in bloom, Yang Siyuan sent the photos he took to Li Yuan, saying that he missed him very much.

The words I miss are said every day, but they are not repeated mechanically, but the truth.In this matter of missing each other, they have never been stingy with the slightest energy.

Originally, they used QQ to chat most of the time, and occasionally Yang Siyuan would make voice or video calls to him, but this time Li Yuan took the initiative to call him on a rare occasion.

The screen was filled with Li Yu'an's face, and Yang Siyuan suddenly felt that all the flowers he had admired couldn't compare to his smile.

"How many days off on May Day?" Li Yu'an asked.

Yang Siyuan withdrew his thoughts, looked at the class schedule and said, "Maybe three to five days, but I don't have any classes, so I can go out to play anytime."

"Then I'll go find you."

Yang Siyuan stayed for a while, and asked as if he didn't hear what Li Yu'an said, "What did you say?"

Li Yu'an on the screen didn't hesitate for a second: "I said I'll find you on May [-]st, is that okay?"

Although he brought a short sentence asking for opinions, judging from the determined, serious, and unquestionable expression and attitude, he never thought that Yang Siyuan would disagree.

If you agree, you will definitely agree, but...Yang Siyuan stared at Li Yu'an, always feeling that something had changed in him.

It's only been more than a month, how come his previous shyness and cautiousness disappeared?

Although this word is not suitable for Li Yu'an, Yang Siyuan still thought of this description in his mind - mature.

Li Yu'an in this appearance is really not ordinary charming.

But why did he become like this?Did you make him suffer?He obviously wanted Li Yuan to act like a child and not to bear anything, but it doesn't seem to be the case now.

Yang Siyuan felt a little uneasy.

"Yes, yes!" He nodded frantically, "But...why did you suddenly take the initiative? You used to..."

You used to be very shy.He wanted to say so.

But before he said it, he saw Li Yu'an pursed his lips slightly, which was a sign that he was going to say something terrible, so he shut his mouth wisely, and at the same time thought of countless answers in an instant to prepare himself.

As soon as his words stopped, Li Yu'an waited for two seconds before the next sentence, knowing that he was not going to say anything, so he said that incredible sentence without hesitation.

"Because I love you."

Time stopped, the fragrance of flowers condensed in the wind, the sun stopped on the tip of the hair, the music of the coffee shop was swallowed by the air, and the human heart was useless at this moment.

Everything is awakened, competing for beauty in the spring, but it is not as beautiful as this sentence.

At this moment, the war between words and pictures is over, and the former has won a big victory.

In the gentle sunlight, love swelled wantonly.

Yang Siyuan has a secret, he is loved by the best person in the world.