Spring Summer Autumn Winter

Long-term insomnia and sudden illness made Yang Siyuan's mental condition worse and worse. When he was a second model, he naturally performed abnormally, and his ranking dropped a lot, falling out of the top [-] in the city.His situation made the school leaders very embarrassed. After all, the teachers all saw his situation and knew that there were objective reasons for his poor test performance. Treating him, I still encouraged him in the end, and at the same time, I was prepared to lose a good grade.

In three weeks, the countdown has changed from double digits to single digits. When Yang Siyuan looks up at the countdown every day, he feels a little unreal.

How time flies, I actually have to take the college entrance examination.

After 18 years of ignorance, it was only in the third year of high school that he truly achieved the word "effort". However, this effort eroded his health, including physical and psychological.Most of all, he didn't know where hard work would take him.

Before the college entrance examination, No. [-] Middle School had a two-day holiday as a routine, and returned to school for a day to adjust the status, and then the official college entrance examination.

"We are the key liberal arts class of a key middle school. We have been tested many times and proved to be the best students. As long as we are not afraid, there is nothing to be afraid of! In the last few days, adjust the state and use the best spirit Appearance in the examination room! Gold list title!"

"it is good!"

After the vigorous pre-examination mobilization meeting, many students shed tears, maybe they were happy that they had finally finished their long and difficult study, or maybe they were sad because of the upcoming separation.Yang Siyuan walked through the crowd, watching them holding hands, hugging and cheering each other up, he felt as if he was in another world.

During the two days at home, Chen Limei came over after work to ask about his health, as if Yang Siyuan was a sick patient who was extremely weak.

"Okay... I'm just not in good spirits, and it's not that I'm still sick." Yang Siyuan looked at the millet porridge that Chen Limei brought over, and smiled wryly.

"If you are not in good spirits, it means that the illness is not completely cured. Do you want to sleep a little longer?" Chen Limei put down the porridge and said.

Yang Siyuan shook his head, he had slept all afternoon, and his head was a little dizzy.

"I'm going for a walk, I feel a little dizzy." Yang Siyuan got up and said.

"Where are you going? Don't go far!"

"I'll just walk downstairs."

It was getting dark, he didn't want to go outside, he just wanted to get some fresh air and sober up, so he just strolled back and forth in the courtyard.

There are a lot of flowers and plants blooming in the yard, and the grandpas and aunts take care of it from time to time, and it looks pretty, like a small garden.Yang Siyuan squatted in front of the flowers, playing with a rhododendron, a little lost in thought.

This spring, he has no time and thought to experience the changes of the seasons during his study, illness, and recuperation. Now he is squatting in the yard to enjoy the flowers. The past few months have been wasted.

After squatting for a while, his legs felt a little numb, so he got up and sat down on the porch to cool off.

The spring breeze was warm and mixed with a faint fragrance of flowers. Yang Siyuan didn't know what the smell of flowers was, but he just felt that the fragrance made him very comfortable, so he closed his eyes and felt it quietly.

However, when he closed his eyes, the picture of winter appeared in his mind.

It was here that he listened to Li Yuan.

The phrase "things are different from people" is really well coined, and it expresses his current mood most vividly.The porch and the stone bench are the same, but the people are already different.Although he is still here, he is just a shell. There are two souls in this skin, and now this painful and helpless soul is leading, and the relaxed Yang Siyuan is almost on the verge of death.

He leaned on the stone pillar beside him, and wanted to cry, but he couldn't cry.

Countdown to the college entrance examination, one day.

Yang Siyuan sat quietly in the training room and misread the question book. He even admired himself. It was only 24 hours before the college entrance examination, and he was not nervous at all.

"Are you feeling better?" Yu Fei asked him after class.

Yang Siyuan put away the notebook and nodded: "Yes. It's nothing to do."

"I don't think you're an ordinary vain these days." Yu Fei said.

"I'm not in a good spirit...it's okay now."

Yu Fei let out an "oh" and sat down on the table again.

"Are you nervous?" Yu Fei asked with his pocket in his pocket.

Yang Siyuan shook his head and laughed, "I don't have the energy to be nervous anymore, so hurry up and finish the exam."

Yu Fei also laughed along, jokingly said: "You are quite open-minded. But yes, your grades are fine, unlike..."

In the middle of speaking, he suddenly lost his voice, as if he suddenly realized that he had said something wrong, so he stopped talking.

"Huh? Not like who?" Yang Siyuan asked knowingly.

Yu Fei didn't speak, but took a sip of water to cover up.

"Oh..." Yang Siyuan sighed and said, "Aren't you going to see him after the exam?"

With a "bang", Yu Fei slammed the cup heavily on the table, coldly said "Look at the fart" and turned and walked out the door.

Yang Siyuan looked at his back, feeling helpless for his duplicity.

"..."

He lowered his head and rubbed his face, trying to make himself less tired.

He or Yu Fei, who is more ridiculous?

The night before the college entrance examination was not mandatory for self-study at night. He didn't read a lot. He drank the medicine early and climbed into bed to brew sleepiness. Perhaps because he really didn't feel nervous, he actually slept well.

During the waiting time of more than ten minutes before the exam, he was still a little nervous by the environment, but after ringing the bell and writing, he could only focus on it, which was no different from the usual monthly exams and mock exams, thanks to the One of the crazy exam modes.

"Jingle Bell--"

After the last exam, the bell rang, announcing the official end of 18 years of youth.

Innocence, happiness, sadness, sourness, pain... and thousands of unspeakable emotions are all injected into this crisp ringtone, which echoes in the sky along the wind track, drawing an imperfect picture for them. period.

Everything is like a dream, and the ringtone is the warning when you wake up from the dream.

There were people inside and outside the school gate, most of the parents ran over to pick up their children, and some congratulated with flowers.

Chen Limei had to work overtime, so she couldn't come here.

Yang Siyuan was pushed back and forth among the crowd, and it took him a long time to finally come out, his school uniform and jacket almost being wiped off.

He walked slowly against the wall, going against the flow of people going to meet their children at school, feeling that he hadn't woken up from the dream.

Already finished the college entrance examination?Is this over?

He straightened his school uniform, feeling empty in his heart, as if something was missing.

……

On the second day after the college entrance examination, boarding students can continue to go back to school to pack their things. Yang Siyuan didn't pack up on the day after the college entrance examination, so he had to return to school that day.

Two of Peiyousheng have already left, and the remaining three are still packing their luggage.

Yang Siyuan made the bedding for a long time, went up and down several times, felt a little tired, so he wanted to sit down and rest for a while.Just as he was about to sit on the bed, he suddenly remembered that the lower berth belonged to Qi Ming, so he glanced at Yu Fei and sat on the suitcase beside him.

"Why didn't your mother come? You can handle it alone?" Yu Fei asked.

Both Yu Fei's parents came to help him tidy up, and the speed was much faster, and there was nothing missing at this time.

Yang Siyuan took a sip of water and said, "I'm working overtime. I asked for too much leave before. It's hard to ask for it now, so I didn't come. I have arms and legs, so I can't figure it out."

Yu Fei was all right there, so he moved down directly when there were fewer people downstairs, and the family of three sat and chatted.

After sitting for a while, Yu Fei got up suddenly and came over, looked around and asked, "Is there anything else I haven't done, is there a big one, I'll figure it out for you, don't get dizzy here again in a while."

Yang Siyuan smiled and said: "Why, am I so weak now?" Then he waved his hand and said: "It's nothing, I will come by myself later."

Yu Fei raised his eyebrows, looked up at the bed, suddenly leaned over and asked in a low voice, "Where's your doll? Where did it go?"

Yang Siyuan was startled, his stomach throbbed, he restrained himself and replied, "Throw it away."

He didn't throw it, he just tucked it into the corner again.

"Oh—it's good to throw it away, and you forget it quickly." Yu Fei said.

He helped Yang Siyuan pack a box, and then he was called by his parents to carry the luggage. He greeted Yang Siyuan and went to work.

Yang Siyuan nodded and continued to pack after resting for a while.

More and more sweat flowed into his eyes, making him uncomfortable.While moving things, he tried his best to divert his attention so as to hold back his tears.

Strange to say, he was obviously very sad before, but he couldn't shed a single tear.But at this moment, the eye sockets seemed to be unable to hold the tears any longer, allowing them to fall drop by drop.

Throw it away, throw it away and forget quickly.

If so, toss it.

That night, he dug out the dusty rag doll from the corner, looked at it for a long time, and finally threw it into the trash can downstairs.

……

He didn't sleep all night, and so did Li Yuan.

After the college entrance examination, Li Yu'an listened to colleagues and customers in the bookstore talking about the topics of this year's college entrance examination, and used their few words to estimate Yang Siyuan's grades.

The difficulty doesn't seem to be very high, so Yang Siyuan should be fine.

Of course, Li Yu'an didn't know what happened to Yang Siyuan recently, and he was still using his grades in his memory as a yardstick. If he calculated this way, he could be admitted to a very good key university, and he might even get an ace major. .

What major will he study...

Li Yu'an was thinking while moving the book.

He only remembered that Yang Siyuan once said that he wanted to be admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts, but of course he knew that he had to be an art student to enter the Academy of Fine Arts, obviously Yang Siyuan couldn't apply.But other than that, Yang Siyuan didn't seem to have shown interest in any other majors.

He thought of Chen Limei again, and couldn't help frowning.

He knew that it was very likely that Yang Siyuan's application for the exam would be influenced by Chen Limei, or even completely dominated by her.After all, Chen Limei is such a strong person, and Yang Siyuan is not so rebellious. He has no other goals except the Academy of Fine Arts. If he wants to refuse Chen Limei's request, he has no other choice.

Looking at it this way, it is very likely that he will go to a university he doesn't like and study a major he doesn't like.

After studying hard for 18 years, I finally got such a wonderful score in the test, but in exchange for such a reward.

But he is such a good person, he must be treated like this.

Once Li Yu'an thought about it a little bit, he felt regretful and sad.

He was stunned, and was slightly touched by a person next to him, and the book fell to the ground.

The person who ran into him apologized, and hurriedly knelt down to help him.

He said "It's okay", buried his head in picking up the book, but his mind was still in a mess.

After returning home from get off work, he dug out the application guide issued by his school after the college entrance examination, roughly estimated the score, and then began to look for universities and majors based on the score.Although the admission scores are different every year, the overall student rankings and cut-off rankings should be similar each year, so he calculated according to last year's score rankings.

Flipping through the pages one by one, he circled a few pages and crossed out a few pages. After turning through the thick book, there must be twenty or thirty schools circled.After all, he didn't know the specific score, and the error in the rough estimate was too large, so he couldn't choose accurately.

The phone rang suddenly, interrupting his train of thought.

He answered a call, and it was the boss who informed that the bookstore would be closed for the day tomorrow.After hanging up the phone, he realized what he was doing as if he had just woken up from a dream.

He was showing Yang Siyuan the school?

Are you sick?Do you still have a relationship with Yang Siyuan?

How cheap is it that I still want to pester him?

Li Yu'an suddenly felt sick, and his heartbeat started to speed up again. The long-lost, strong sense of self-loathing occupied his brain again, making him hot all over, and he couldn't sit still no matter what.

His hands began to tremble, his breathing became heavier and heavier, and his body was covered in cold sweat. All the signs were so familiar and yet so strange, like an old friend who hadn’t seen him for a long time visiting at this time, but he was wearing a whole body of thorns, just to hurt him come.

His fingers hurt from exerting too much force, but he dared not let go.He tried his best to adjust his breathing, trying to calm himself down.

On a night long ago, he was also in such despair and pain. The unbearable self-loathing tormented him, causing him to pick up a cold knife and suppress it with physical pain.

Drenched in blood, he was so embarrassed and dirty, and a person broke into the door and hugged him tightly...

"No..." These memories began to surge again, and he finally couldn't restrain himself anymore, and cried with his head in his arms.He habitually didn't dare to make a sound, but kept sobbing and whimpering, and the suppressed crying wandered through the narrow room, like a demon eating away at his soul.

After an unknown amount of time, he was tired from crying, his tears had all dried up, but his heart was still aching.Feeling powerless, he fell to the ground and fell into a deep sleep.One night passed, he caught a cold, and he could hardly stand up the next day, his whole body was burning like fire.

After searching for some antipyretics and swallowing them in one gulp, he fell on the bed and looked at the ceiling.

It seems that it is better to die.

……

On the day when the college entrance examination scores came out, Chen Limei was much more excited than Yang Siyuan, and she would ask every few seconds, which gave Yang Siyuan a headache.

When the scores came out, Yang Siyuan played normally and got a very good result.

When Chen Limei heard the score, she wandered around the room happily, and called one after another to announce the good news.

Yang Siyuan watched her hold the mobile phone, sitting and standing for a while, but he couldn't stop his excitement.

He sat on the sofa, sent Qin Ziliang a text message to inform him, and then held his phone in a daze.

Chen Limei couldn't sit still, he couldn't get up, he moved and remained still, one was excited and the other was calm, this kind of comparison was a bit funny no matter how you looked at it.

But what can he do?

Besides sending Qin Ziliang a message, who else could he tell?

He looked at the names in the address book, looking down one by one, and finally stopped at the name "Li Yuan".

The number is empty, he knows it.

The cursor flickered on the interface for a long time, and he finally acted like he was giving up on himself. He quickly edited a few words and sent a text message.

Chen Limei turned around when she heard the sound, and seeing him smiling, she thought he was happy, and hurried forward to shake his hand, laughing too.

Yang Siyuan turned his head to look at her, almost crying with laughter.

……

After the short-lived joy passed, Chen Limei began to volunteer for him.She has a wide network of contacts, invited several teachers to be his advisers, and finally came up with a seemingly perfect application for the exam, but the ridiculous thing is that this application for the exam hardly listened to Yang Siyuan's opinion.

When the teacher asked Yang Siyuan what he thought, his mind went blank, because he didn't study other majors except fine arts.I talked about some majors, such as design, media, and literature, which at least have some similarities with art, but they were all rejected by the teachers one by one, with undisguised contempt in their words.

The final volunteers were almost all about finance and trade. Yang Siyuan only felt that these words were cold and unfamiliar.

"Look, your uncle is a trader. Isn't he starting a company now? From now on, every business will have something to do with it, don't you think?"

"Then what kind of design and Chinese? It's not that Mom can't say it's bad, but think about it, can it support yourself?"

"Mom just hopes that you can find a job that makes money. You can be confident when you have money! Besides, those who study finance, how embarrassing it is to say that! This is an elite talent!"

"Ask the teacher if you don't believe me, do the teachers also say..."

Chen Limei analyzed it to him over and over again, and sent it to his ears in a soft tone, which made him unable to escape.

From dawn to dusk, from cooperating with the teacher to her own detailed analysis, Yang Siyuan only felt that the only burning flame in his heart was slowly extinguished at this time.

The moon outside is bright, the leaves are rustling, and the shadows are reflected on the windows, shaking.

He looked outside in a daze, as if he was gradually deaf.

After a long, long time, he felt so tired that he had no strength to breathe.

"Well, that's it." Finally, he said to Chen Limei.

So be it, so be it.

I don't argue.