He is not worthy

Twitching, my throat was sore, my whole heart was hurting, I covered my throat, buried my face in my knees, my spine trembled, I waited for a long time, I looked up at him, he was still standing there obediently, even Neither posture changed.I got up from the ground and stumbled towards him. I hugged him and bumped my head into his arms. I breathed in his scent greedily, and I said, "I miss you too."

His body trembled, he didn't speak, he clasped my waist with his hands, and hugged me tightly.

I pulled him into the house, pushed him on the couch, and lay on top of him.

I put my arms around his neck, and he raised his head and said to me, "I can't breathe."

I let go of my hand a little bit, but it was still the same movement, he was helpless, I stared at him without blinking, and leaned over to touch his eyebrows with my hand.

From the brow to the tip of the brow, he touched it with his fingers over and over again. He smiled and said, "Are you trying to bald me?"

I took a breath and rested my fingertips on the tip of his eyebrows. I sat on his lap, and the tip of my nose lightly rubbed against his nose. I saw the light in his eyes, and there was me in the light.

I like to touch his eyebrows very much. I used to do this often. When I got up early and couldn't sleep, I would touch him secretly. He used to laugh at me like this, saying that I was going to pat his eyebrows bald.I said, yes, I want to make you a hero without eyebrows.He just came to tickle me and we laughed together.

He said exactly the same thing, and I looked at him, and I smiled, and I said, "Yeah, how about turning you into a hero without eyebrows?"

He raised the corner of his mouth, stretched out his hand and hooked my chin.

I didn't ask how he came back, I didn't want to know, and he didn't mention it.

I told him that these two years were like a dream, a nightmare.

He told me sorry, I said it was not your fault.

34

I moved back and went to the furniture store with him to buy. I also bought a lot of flowers and put them all over the house.I became his tail, and I have to be with him all the time. I take a shower in the bathroom, and I sit at the door, through the glass door, staring at the dense water vapor above. I am a bit perverted. He is often scared by me. Jump and scoop me up so I don't sit on the ground.

We seem to be back before the accident, he made me breakfast, I tasted his cooked noodles, and laughed at how his craftsmanship has deteriorated so much?He scratched his hair, smiled awkwardly at me, and said, "My hand is raw."

After nightfall, he would occasionally kiss me carefully, tenderly and tenderly. I hugged him, he bit my lower lip, and dropped several kisses on the side of my neck.

My body was under him, he hugged me, his palms were hot, I shivered, his breathing gradually became heavy, and I heard his voice, "Zhao Wenjia, I love you."

We didn't make it to the last step. He solved it for me with his mouth. I ejaculated in his mouth, my body trembled and my spine went numb.I reached out and pulled his arm to make him spit it out, and he turned his head to pull the tissue.The light was dim, I stared at his face, he closed his eyes, his whole body relaxed, frowning slightly.

I lowered my head, and the voice sounded vaguely. He was taken aback, looked at me sideways and asked, "What are you talking about?"

I curled myself up, pulled the quilt, and shook my head, "It's nothing."

He just smiled at me, showing that the pointed canine tooth on the left side is different from the past, a little cute.He said he still had some taste in his mouth, so he went to rinse his mouth, and I waved my hand.

I heard the sound of water in the bathroom, and buried my head in the quilt, my back arched.

We watched a movie before, about the password war. After watching it, Shen Yan said to me that he also wanted to make a code word with me, in case something would happen to me in the future, and I would say this word when it was inconvenient.Later, it became a secret between me and him, I love you, "qamuSHa'" in Klingon, which he never heard again.

I like him so much, I really like him so much, I kept telling myself that my Shen Yan is back, but it didn't work.

He was on a voice conference that night, and I leaned next to him, listening to his voice.

After we took a shower, we smelled the same. If it was before, I would kiss him. We haven't kissed for a long time.

I tentatively leaned over, just as my lips brushed his cheek, he froze for a moment, looked at me sideways, slightly staggered.I didn't kiss him either, I leaned into his ear and said, "Shen Yan is gone, right?"

I felt his body tremble, as if he was afraid, and I said to him, "Don't lie to me again, you don't act like you are."

He turned off the audio conference, put down his laptop, and turned around slowly.We sat on the sofa and looked at each other. He took off his disguise and said in a low voice, "Wen Jia, I'm sorry."

After getting such an answer, I actually relaxed.During this period of time, I have been observing him, he pretended to be hard, and I also suffered from acting.Now he gave me an answer, a fact, I don't feel much pain in my heart, it's like rotten flesh that has been rotting for a long time, it has been necrotic, and I don't even feel any pain.

I leaned on the sofa, and I said to him: "He came to see me before, right? At that time, he told me that he canceled the wedding. He was so sad, did he know that he was going to disappear? He came Looking for me, he said sorry to me, he actually understood that he can no longer accompany me."

I recalled those moments, covered my face, and my voice seemed to be poured into a sealed glass bottle, "but I told him that I hate him."

35

I moved out of this place twice, and the last time I cried badly, thinking that my sky had fallen, but now, when the sky really fell, I realized that it was nothing more than that.I'm still alive, I can still breathe, but my heart beats very slowly, like an animal hibernating in winter.

When I left, Shen Yan was sitting on the steps of the door, and I was standing in the yard, and he was sitting in front of that door, and I said to him, "Sell the house, the sunset is nothing to see, it attracts mosquitoes in summer, It's too cold in winter."

He didn't seem to hear what I said, and the red-brown gate behind him became a falling shadow. After a long time, I walked out of the yard, and he called me, and he shouted: "Zhao Wenjia, I seem to like... about you."

I turned around, smiled politely at him, and said, "I don't like you."

He showed an expected expression, sat back again, his back slowly curled up, and he said: "I know, I'm annoying, it's normal if you don't like me." He waved to me and said to me , "Zhao Wenjia, be careful on the way back, don't walk in the middle of the road."

I turned my back and waved to him, I said to him: "Shen Yan, goodbye."

36

I have been dreaming recently, dreaming about him.

We are still in Tanzania, the sun is not too big, but it is very hot. He said that he wants to see lions, giraffes, large grasslands, and the sunset falling into the bushes.He was like a kid most of the time, we were laying on the bed in the tree house and I was sweating a little after we had sex and he rolled me over and kissed my back.

He told me about his childhood. He said that he was not happy when he was a child, he was afraid every day, his family was very strict with him, and if he did not do well, he would be punished and locked up in the basement and not allowed to come out.I turned around and hugged him, running my hands through the top of his hair, his face against his belly.

I comforted him, don't be sad, you have me now.

He rubbed my belly with his nose and lips, and said, Wen Jia, you are hungry, and your stomach is growling.

I just laughed, and I hit him, just a little, on the head, and he died.

I was awakened by that absurd nightmare, lying on the bed, kicking off the heavy quilt, I sat up and looked around, it was so dark.

I yelled into the air, the clock beside the bed went "da, da, da", and I threw the alarm clock away.

The temper came for no reason, I yelled, made a meaningless sound, and then threw all the quilts on the ground.

I think he is so miserable. When others die, there are tombs and monuments, but he is gone, and there is no one who will remember him.

37

I also dreamed about him today, it was a good dream, nothing is immortal, we simply stayed together, I cooked him a bowl of noodles.He said he never had a birthday, I said, I will give you a birthday every year in the future.

That dream was a bit long, for five years, and I spent five years with him on his birthday.

My noodles are not delicious, every time they are either lumpy or too hard, he can especially praise me, there is not even soup left after eating it all.He said it was delicious, and he also said that Wen Jia's cooking skills are good.

I cooked noodles for him all night, and then I woke up. After opening my eyes, I got out of bed and went to the kitchen. I put water in the pot and started cooking noodles by myself.The noodles I cooked were really bad, the noodles were mushy, I tasted it and poured it all out.

All of this can be eaten, Shen Yan is really a god.

38

I can't dream of him often. When I'm busy at work, I sleep soundly at night or after taking sleeping pills, I can't see him.

One month, two months, three months... After a year, I went from dreaming about him every week to seeing him only once a month.Sometimes we were talking, sometimes we were traveling, I remember he said to me once, Wen Jia, have you come out yet?

I said, no, I still miss you.

He shook his head, he reached out to me, and he was sitting on a blue sofa, I don't remember having a blue sofa in our house.I walked up to him, knelt on the ground, put my face on his knees, I gently rubbed against him, and said, Shen Yan, take me away.

He didn't speak, just put his hands on my hair and sighed.

After that, I didn't see him at all.

I went to buy a blue sofa to put at home, I