He is not worthy

Said, "You can keep the money. We have been together for five years, and it will be the breakup fee."

"Breakup fee?" I repeated these three words, I smiled, and I said, "I never thought of asking for your money when I was with you."

He didn't say a word, and my heart turned cold. I asked him: "Do you think I'm pestering you just for your money, Shen Yan, what the hell are you talking about? That's what you think? That's how you see it mine?"

He opened his mouth, I saw how he was silent, and felt that there was nothing in my heart, I couldn't help crying, I really couldn't help it, why do I live so uncomfortable every day, not because I love him .No one is born humble and humble, not because of loving someone who doesn't love themselves.

I undid the seat belt and punched him.He didn't resist, and the back of his head was chiseled on the window glass, making a dull sound.

I pulled off the necklace hanging around my neck, and the silver ring on it shook, and I said, "You gave it to me back then, and I'll give it back to you now."

I threw the ring at him, and his hand lifted slightly, but he failed to catch it and rolled under the car seat.

He asked me, "Wen Jia, do you hate me?"

I said, "Now I hate it."

He sat up, wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, and said to me, "It's fine."

-

not sick! he!No change of attack!

15

He said to me, I want to leave you and start a new life.

This is a strange Shen Yan, I don't exist in his re-planned future.

Very good, really good.

I got out of the car, it was very windy by the sea, and I walked along the gradually darkening coastal road, it was very cold.After walking for a while, I called Bowen and asked him to pick me up.

In the car, Bowen asked me why I came here.I curled myself into a ball, trembling slightly, and Bowen stopped asking me.

When we got home, Bowen stopped the car and went around to help me.I pushed his hand away and got out of the car. He followed me and said to me, "Wen Jia, go see a psychiatrist, you need help."

I didn't say a word, I walked all the way inside, I was lying on the sofa, and he was boiling water.I heard the "sizzling" sound of the water boiling, and I said to him, "OK."

On Friday, I went to the clinic for medical treatment, made an appointment in advance, and went straight in when I arrived.

It was a female doctor who spoke very softly. I sat on the sofa and we seemed to be chatting. I felt very comfortable.After that, I would go there every Friday, and I became less depressed and uncomfortable, and lived a stable life until the next spring, when I saw the report of Shen Yan canceling the wedding in the news.

16

He is now a new rich man in the business world, and the news of his marriage to a big business lady was also very lively and lively in the news that day.But now the news about the cancellation of the wedding is even better. Actually, I don't quite understand him anymore. He is already a stranger to me.

I crossed out the news link and acted like nothing happened.

Bowen and I were planning a trip to Italy, where I was going to take part in an exhibition.

"I'll pick you up at ten o'clock tomorrow. You should have a good rest and don't stay up late." He paused, then grabbed my face, "It's easy to grow old if you don't sleep well."

I clapped his hands away, shrank into the sofa, lay down with a soft pillow in my arms, and lazily said, "I see."

I stayed in Italy for two months, and the year after I came back was over. My parents were worried about me, so they called me and asked me how I was doing recently.I said it was ok.

They know my sexual orientation, and they may not understand it at first, but they can't put a knife on my neck and make me marry a woman, and they can only accept me after a year or two.In addition, I don't go home very often, and I don't see them twice a year. If I see them more, I will be annoyed, and if I see them less, I will start to miss me.

I told them that I would go see them when I returned to China, and my mother told me not to put pressure on myself, as long as I earned enough money, I said yes.

They cooked a table of dishes, but didn't mention anything about Shen Yan and me.

I went out for a walk with the dog after dinner. The dog was 11 years old, and the hair on his face had turned white, but he was quite energetic.I trotted out and found a piece of grass for him to play, and I stood by the side.

The weather was not very cold and the wind was not strong. I felt my throat was a little itchy. I touched my pocket and turned my back to take out the cigarette case.

I'm not addicted to cigarettes, but occasionally feel annoyed and want to smoke.The smoke was mint-flavored, very light, just like smoking for fun.I found a trash can and shook the ashes into it, and as I exhaled the smoke, I heard voices behind me.

"Wen Jia..."

I froze for a moment, with a cigarette in my mouth, and looked back at him with a stiff body. Shen Yan was standing in front of me. His hair was longer than before, he was unshaven, and the corners of his eyes were slightly drooping. He looked at me with pitiful eyes.

I didn't react, the cigarette fell down, and the sparks brushed my clothes and burned a hole.I frowned and put out the cigarette and threw it away. I looked at him and asked him, "What's the matter with you?"

Shen Yan opened his mouth, he frowned, he looked like he wanted to say something to me, but his expression changed again in the next second, he took two steps back, pursed his mouth, his lips were a line, his eyes were so sharp that he wanted to poke me Die like me.He looked at me like I was his enemy.

"My wedding has been called off," he said.

"I saw the news." I don't know what he thinks, and I don't want to know anymore.

I felt his gaze on my face, and I felt a little annoyed. I turned my back, called the dog over, and said to him, "I'm going first."

Shen Yan paused, he seemed to want to get closer to me, but he stopped, I heard him whisper: "Wen Jia, I'm sorry."

I felt quite inexplicable when I heard his tone suddenly softened. I felt aggrieved and couldn't bear it after walking a few steps.I turned around, looked at him with red eyes, and said, "It has nothing to do with me that you don't get married, and you don't need to come here to tell me this, we're okay, it's you who said it."

He didn't say a word, he stood under the tree, with a shadow on his shoulders, light and dark merged on his face, like two indistinguishable shadows.

I didn't want to see him again, so I turned around and walked away quickly, leading the dog.

17

When I came out from my parents, my mother put a bunch of New Year’s goods in the trunk of my car, including her side dishes and bacon.I think those are enough for me for more than half a year. When I was about to leave, my dad hugged me and asked me to go home and live more, and I said I would come back when I was free.

After I went back, I resumed psychological counseling, but due to work, Friday was changed to Wednesday.

I was temporarily transferred, and when I arrived, the front desk told me that there were still people inside.I just sat on the sofa outside and waited, flipped through a few pages of psychological magazines, the door opened, I looked over, and it was Shen Yan who came out of the room.

We looked at each other, I said nothing, and he walked out in front of me.

Afterwards I was absent-minded, and when it was my turn to go in, the doctor saw what was on my mind, and she asked me what was wrong?I know it's wrong, but I still can't help asking her about Shen Yan.

She was a little surprised, "You know each other?"

I paused, "He and I... are friends."

She smiled, "I'm sorry Mr. Zhao, this is the patient's privacy, I can't tell you."

I waved my hand, "I should say sorry."

I got out of her and went to the garage to get the car.

The light in the underground garage was not clear, and when I approached, I saw a figure standing beside my car, and Shen Yan came out of the shadows.

I felt something was wrong with him, I frowned, "Why are you here?"

Shen Yan seemed to wake up suddenly, he was taken aback for a moment, his scattered eyes focused on my face, he looked around sideways, then frowned, he whispered: "It's nothing." Immediately, he rubbed shoulders from my side However, he looked like he was on the run.

18

I am a little concerned about Shen Yan's matter, but even if I do, it has nothing to do with me.

I said to myself in my heart, don't be mean again.

I was interviewed by a talk show in July. I’m not a public figure, and I haven’t opened any social network accounts. I don’t go out to play now. I usually only sleep when I paint. Bowen said that I have become a cave animal. I think this description is quite vivid.The interview was so lackluster that I thought it was about to end when the host asked me, "Mr. Zhao, do you know any rumors about you?"

I was taken aback, "What?"

He showed me the tablet and clicked on a video of me singing drunk in the box after the auction that night.

It was crazy and chaotic, someone was yelling, I was lying on the sofa, and someone fell over me.I forgot when it happened. When I looked through the video comments, some people said that I was on drugs, and there was a lot of abuse, saying that I am a painter who corrupts culture, so don’t go to my exhibition in the future.

"Mr. Zhao, do you know this?"

My throat was dry and I wanted to drink water, I squeezed my parched lips and said, "I don't know."

Bowen told me not to take it seriously, he has asked his publicist to clarify, he will sue whoever spread the video.

I find it embarrassing because it's not fake either, it's real.

I am indeed an alcoholic, and my life and schedule are very chaotic, and they didn't scold me indiscriminately.

Although Bowen told me I was fine, the negative news got to me and my solo exhibition was postponed.Later, someone said that I smoked marijuana, so I went to the hospital for a urine test.In fact, everyone doesn't care about the test results. Those who are irrational and unable to think independently will just follow suit and take the harm as a no-brainer.

I was overwhelmed by this series of events, but at this moment, I received a call from Shen Yan's assistant, who said that Shen Yan had a fight with someone and was sent to the hospital.

I felt baffled, and I said to him on the phone, what's the matter with me?Then hung up the phone.

I had insomnia that night, and lay on the bed with my eyes wide open watching the moonlight floating