sun, fall

During those days, Chu Ling and I were always close friends, chatting and playing together almost every day, but at the same time, I was also careful to avoid breaking the boundaries of friends with him and becoming another kind of friend that I didn't want to be. Acknowledge emotions that you dare not even think about.

After Mr. Tu came to the school, he didn't bother me again.I specifically asked her two questions, and seeing her kind attitude towards me, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I study harder and harder.Deep in my heart, there is a kind of lingering fear; and the steady improvement of my academic performance has become my inner pillar, which can also be said to be an anesthetic.

In the final exam of the first semester of high school, I actually got the third place in the class and the top ten in the grade.However, my father and mother were still nagging as always: "In a school like yours, I'm afraid not even half of them can be admitted to a first-class undergraduate course. Besides, from university to major, there are three, six, nine, and nine grades! You can pass the entire exam." The top few in the grade are nothing special!"

My mother also asked me repeatedly: Is there a girl you like in the class?Is there any one that is particularly beautiful and attracts bees and butterflies?I categorically say no.After hearing this, my mother babbled a lot to me: "You must never be with this kind of girl, otherwise, your future will be ruined!", "As long as a girl is beautiful, she can find a good husband in the future, and even as long as she It's easy to earn money if you have a thick skin. But a man must not be worthless. You must live up to your expectations, and don't let people poke your spine and look down upon you!"

During this period, I began to like sports and fitness.Although in physical education class, no matter whether it is basketball or football, my level is very poor, and I am often abused by other students on the spot because of various mistakes.However, when I am alone, in addition to studying, I often lift my schoolbag, do some leg lifts in place or push-ups-at the beginning, I can do up to ten push-ups in a row. After two months, my single push-up The highest record has broken through 25. If I do it in several groups, I can do hundreds of them a day.

When I exercise alone, I always imagine that Chu Ling is beside me, looking at me with approving eyes.Sometimes, I still fantasize that I can also cultivate into Chu Ling's figure... Unknowingly, my body has become much better, and my appetite has almost doubled compared to the beginning of September.

Not long before the winter vacation, I went home alone after school. When I passed a somewhat remote corner, three or four little ruffians from other schools stopped me and asked me for money.My legs felt weak immediately, and I wanted to give him some money, begging him to let me go, but I did not bring any cash with me that day.One of the ruffians cursed, and then grabbed my neck. I was shocked, and with a sudden force, I broke free from him, and then ran at full speed without looking back.When I arrived at a crossroad, I saw Chu Ling who was 30 meters away, and shouted his name loudly as if I had caught a life-saving straw.When I ran to him out of breath and looked back, I realized that there was no one chasing me at all, and those ruffians just now couldn't even see their shadows.I hurriedly pretended to be calm, and didn't tell Chu Ling about the embarrassing things just now.

A few days later, all the students in the class, including Zhang Peng and Zhao Zhijie, who were always domineering, changed their attitude towards me and stopped bullying me.More than once, I heard some students in the class say in private: "Shao Yuan can't afford to mess with him! He and Chu Ling from class (6) of senior three..."

What exactly did Chu Ling do to make everyone so afraid of him?I really wanted to know, but I didn't ask anyone, including Chu Ling.

The day before the winter vacation, after the closing ceremony of this semester, Chu Ling and I walked together after school and came to a small garden not far to the west of the school.That's where we both hang out after school.My home is very close to the school, and it takes less than 15 minutes to walk, but my home is east of the school.As for the west side of the school, unless I go with Chu Ling, I seldom go there.

I put half of my face on Chu Ling's chest, and told him that I did well in the final exam, ranking third in the class.He looked at me tenderly, and asked me how my appetite was recently, and whether my stomach felt uncomfortable anymore.On the dry lawn in front of him, patches of remnant snow glistened in the sun, like Chu Ling's eyes.Just then, I heard someone calling me behind me, it was Dad's voice!I was shocked and wanted to explain something to my father, but my father didn't ask me anything, he just said "don't go home too late" to me, and hurried away-at that moment, I took a deep breath .Then, I hastily bid farewell to Chu Ling and returned to my home.

Next, during the more than 20 days of winter vacation, I felt indescribably lonely for the first time.Only then did I realize that I didn't have any contact information for Chu Ling, and I had never asked him before.

On the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, my parents and I took the bus six or seven stops to my aunt's house.On that day, I collected three or four lucky money from my uncles, a total of six or seven hundred.As in the past two or three years, I quietly "Mi" a hundred yuan and hand over the rest to my parents.Dad took out a crumpled 50 yuan from his pocket and "returned" it to me beamingly.I secretly scolded my father: petty!

Suddenly, I thought of Chu Ling again.In my impression, the sportswear on his body, often with logos such as adidas or NIKE, is both cool and fashionable.In addition, his CD player is at least above the mid-range, even if it is broken, he doesn't mind, and he will replace it with a new one soon.I envy him more and more, he is handsome, in such a good body, and rich.But on the other hand, the same youth, why am I so miserable? !

After eating at noon that day, my parents and a few relatives rubbed sesame together (but I was not allowed to participate), and the room was filled with smoke.I went out to play alone, and walked to a small street not far away.There is a comprehensive wholesale market there.At this time, the Spring Festival is coming to an end, and many hawkers are wearing dirty old coats and come here to buy goods.

"Fuck your mother!" An angry shout came from the middle of the road.I turned my head and saw a fat man on a motorcycle slamming on the brakes in the middle of the road.That small intersection is facing the back door of the wholesale market. There are neither traffic lights nor pedestrian crossings, and there are often seriously overloaded tricycles passing through it quickly. "Looking for death!" The fat man on the motorcycle whizzed past while cursing.

Behind the fat man on the motorcycle, there were two flat-bed tricycles, carrying a lot of bulging things, passing through the small intersection one after the other. "Let's go, let's go!" The faint voice suddenly made my heart skip a beat.I stared intently, and on the other side of the chaotic road, the one riding on the rear tricycle was obviously a young man. ——That voice, and his back wrapped in a dirty military overcoat, for some reason, the more I look at it, the more I think it looks like Chu Ling.

How can it be?What are you thinking? !I deliberately smiled wryly to myself.However, in my heart, there is always a strange haze that lingers for a long time.Probably trying to divert my attention, I saw a magazine stand over there, so I walked over. Suddenly, a magazine about pop music caught my attention.On the cover of that magazine, three handsome young boys with a half-naked upper body were posing in both handsome and cute poses, showing sunny smiles, as if they were looking at me "with affection".The surrounding background is a gentle and pleasant pale pink.

The magazine is in plastic, and I don't know what's inside.In the past, I never bought this type of magazine, and never paid attention to it.In my impression, these magazines are mainly aimed at girls or young women-I think it seems to be so.However, this time, after a little hesitation, I "decisively" took out the money and bought it.Then, almost blushing, I left the stall in a hurry, unrolled the magazine in my hand, walked for a while, and finally found a "remote" place in a community, and hurriedly opened it Plastic.I stared at the three handsome boys on the cover for a long time, and at the same time looked around from time to time. I didn't open the magazine until I was sure that no one was looking at me.

To be honest, after only 2 minutes, I was very disappointed and regretted spending more than ten yuan to buy this crap.Although there are a lot of color pictures in the magazine, there are quite a few "exposed" pictures, and they are quite bold. Many pictures are almost "skimming the ball", but the more I look at it, the more boring I feel.Although there are many "hot photos" of those female stars, I didn't feel it at all after seeing it, it was just tasteless.

After a long time, I let out a long sigh.I found that I really have no special feelings for girls—even if they are beautiful—only handsome and sunny boys can make my heart move!

That idol magazine with a lot of pictures of beauties, after thinking about it, I took it home.

After that, I bought the Idol magazine several times to take home, and sometimes deliberately let my parents see it.My father never said anything, and my mother said to me several times: "Don't read useless idle books." She also warned me again and again: "Don't fall in love with girls early." I was nagged by my mother, but I was relieved in my heart- —In my heart, the more "serious" secret, I can be sure that Mom and Dad will never find out anyway, so that's fine.

When I am at home, I like to be alone more and more, and I like to fantasize about the sea and the sky.The content of my fantasies is almost all the "romance" between me and the handsome boy. The content of my fantasies, knowing that they are far-fetched and impossible to realize, but I can't help but indulge in them.

Every night, after turning off the lights, before going to bed, I prefer to lie on the bed for a while—holding or grabbing the pillow with both hands, so that half of my face is almost attached to my upper arm, and I smell my skin lightly. Yes, there is no taste, but there is a very real touch and body temperature.At this moment, I always use my fingers, or lips, or gently, or forcefully, to touch my immature chest, but I imagine: at this moment, it is another person who touches me, a gentle and handsome young man.This handsome man often has a different name and a different face in my initial fantasies, but not long after, "his" appearance and even all his features will almost "involuntarily" coincide with Chu Ling.

——It seems that every night, Chu Ling is by my side, gently "flirting" with me, sharing everything about each other's body and mind...