Pretend to be straight

I should have found out earlier, when I told Shi Jinghe to calm down and not contact her for three days but did not disagree, I should have found out.

It was discovered that Shi Jinghe's reasoning was far-fetched, that Shi Jinghe had other difficulties, and that Shi Jinghe was uncomfortable.

Xiao Xu turned to me for everything, he was a bit "nosy", but I am very grateful to him, this is the second time, the second time he helped me, without him, I don't know such immaturity I have many shortcomings, how to persevere.

I didn't send Shi Jinghe a message to ask if she was there, because I was afraid that she was pretending to be very nice in front of me again.

So I quickly got dressed and went downstairs, and drove to Shi Jinghe's apartment.

I brought the key, but after I opened the door, the living room was very dark. I turned on the light and looked in the bedroom again, and confirmed that there was no Shi Jinghe. Afterwards, I drove to the residential area where Shi Jinghe’s home is located. .

I haven't been here in so many days, the security guard changed to someone I don't know well, he was very responsible, he didn't let me in, but asked me first, and then called Shi Jinghe's family.

Not long after, I drove the car in and stopped downstairs at Shi Jinghe's house.

It was still a building that I felt very familiar with. I entered the gate and then entered the elevator, and my hands kept grabbing the hem of my clothes.

After getting out of the elevator, I thought I had to ring the doorbell, but I saw a small gap between the two doors of Shi Jing and his house, and then a small head came out.

It was Shi Jinglan, she was looking at me with wide eyes.

I walked up to her, bent slightly, and asked her softly, "Maomao, is your sister at home?"

The security guards all called landlines, and I knew just now that it was Shi Jinglan who answered the phone.

"Yes." Shi Jinglan "hush" at me, "But she is asleep, sister Zhizhi, please keep your voice down."

I lowered my voice again: "Then is your mother there?"

Shi Jinglan shook her head: "Mom isn't here, she said she won't be back until nine o'clock." After she finished speaking, she pulled my wrist, "Sister Zhizhi, come in."

"Okay, thank you."

It's not the first time I've come to her house, and I'm not that nervous, especially now that I'm thinking about Shi Jinghe's affairs, and I don't have any extra attention.

Jiujiu lay lazily on the sofa, saw me coming in, glanced at me, gave me a "meow", then wagged his tail and stopped giving me the slightest look.

The light in the living room was turned on a little softer. After I looked around, I saw some textbooks on the coffee table, and the TV was playing cat and mouse.

Seeing my eyes, Shi Jinglan smiled a little embarrassedly: "Watching TV while doing homework is a combination of work and rest."

I didn't refute her: "Yes, it makes sense."

Getting closer to Shi Jinghe's bedroom door, Shi Jinglan raised his index finger and put it on his lips: "Shh, sister Zhizhi, let's not disturb her."

I lowered my voice: "Did your sister come back today or yesterday?"

"She came back last night, and Mom went to pick her up." Shi Jinglan's small face wrinkled, "I hate Dad."

Shi Jinghe only mentioned her father twice, once explaining Zhong Nian to me at the playground, and once last night.

I never thought that Shi Jinghe's father would be such a person, because when I heard Shi Jinghe talk about his father before, I thought the other party would be a serious but cute middle-aged man.

But no, the other party started after drinking and beat his own daughter.

Thinking of this, I felt my heart throbbing. I suddenly remembered what Shi Jinghe said when Shi Jinglan was three years old, her parents divorced.

In fact, I was a little surprised at the time, why did the child have to be divorced when he was still so young, and if he knew that he would divorce, why did he have to have a second child.

The answers to these questions came to me today, and with a twinge of heartache.

Shi Jinglan tugged on my sleeve and pulled my thoughts back: "Sister Zhizhi, please keep your voice down when you go in to see her, my sister didn't sleep well." She pointed to her back and Thigh, "She hurts."

Her childish voice made my eyes turn red suddenly. After taking a light breath, I tiptoed open Shi Jinghe's bedroom door.

Then it closed slowly again, and before closing it, I saw Shi Jinglan gave me a worried look, she was worried about her sister.

I said with my mouth: "I will keep my voice down."

She nodded, turned around and went back to watch TV and do her homework.

It is now around 07:30 in the evening, and the winter night has already arrived. Shi Jing and the French windows of the bedroom can only see the dark night that cannot be illuminated by street lights.

There is a cabinet-type air conditioner in the corner of the room, and a few buttons are on, running non-stop, bringing warmth to the room.

Shi Jinghe is sleeping on her stomach on the bed, her head is sideways, I can only see the back of her head from this angle, her waterfall-like hair covers her ears and everything else.

A table lamp on the side was turned on, warm and soft, adding light to the room.

I have already changed my shoes, and I stepped on the ground lightly, for fear of waking up Shi Jinghe by accident.

Not long after, I walked to the other side, Shi Jinghe's right hand was clenched into a fist, her face was still half buried in the soft pillow, and her hair also covered her side of the face, I could only Look out for a little outline.

She sleeps on her stomach, this position is not good for her health and has many disadvantages, but why do you care about it at this time?If it wasn't for her back pain, she definitely wouldn't choose to use this sleeping position.

I wanted to see her face, but I didn't dare to stretch out my hand to brush her hair, and I didn't dare to sit on the edge of her bed, for fear of waking her up when the bed sank.

I even breathed lightly, fearing that my heavy breathing would wake her up too.

There was a chair not far from her bed, I gradually moved to the chair and sat down, then lowered my head slightly, and began to blame myself.

I was always the one who was wrong about this matter. Although Shi Jinghe's handling method was immature, the root of the fault still lies with me.

If I insisted on that day and didn't go home, I went to Shi Jinghe's apartment, then it wouldn't be like this.

Shi Jinghe has already given me a chance, she gave me two days to wait for me to explain, I was thinking, how has her state of mind changed in these two days?

Could it be that she was still expecting me to pass by at the beginning, or that she had already figured out how to forgive me at the beginning.

But I didn't go, I was sick at home and took medicine, and her heart sank to the bottom of the sea little by little.

I used to think that I was quite an obedient person, especially when I liked Qiu Yu, she basically said what she said, and it was almost the same when I was with Shi Jinghe.

And this time I hated myself for being so "obedient".

in case.

If only I persisted a little longer, I didn't fall ill right away, did I?

It's a pity that if there is no if, the current situation is caused by me.

I shouldn't have not confessed in the first place, I shouldn't have contacted me when she told me not to contact me, and I shouldn't have treated her badly after she came back.

I fell into deep self-blame, especially when I saw Shi Jinghe clenching his fists when he fell asleep, I felt even more regretful.

It's me, I made her like this.

It was me, it was me who hurt her.

In the past few years when I didn't meet Shi Jinghe, I thought that I had lost the habit of crying whenever I was in trouble, except when I had to cry when doing tasks.

But after meeting Shi Jinghe, my eyes got wet in front of her at every turn, and I showed my fragile side in front of her many times.

And what about Shi Jinghe?

What she showed in front of me was always invulnerable and invulnerable, and I took it for granted that she was such a person.

Like a big sister, she is gentle and intellectual, and she is cute even when she is jealous.

I ignored so many of her feelings, and I ended up blaming her for ignoring mine.

She is such a person that makes my heart fall in love with me, but today I have the idea of ​​breaking up with her, I am too selfish.

What Shi Jinghe said before is correct, I am a scumbag.

More and more bits and pieces popped up in my mind, and finally stopped when I came to her house last time, and she and I were sitting on the hanging chair beside her.

The two were so close that they almost kissed each other.

I'm here again now, but the distance between me and Shi Jinghe is so far away, even though she is right in front of me.

Where is my turn to talk about whether I will forgive her?From beginning to end, it should be whether she will forgive me or not.

I just sat like this, and my phone was already on silent, in order not to wake Shi Jinghe up if someone else called me.

If it would be more comfortable and feel better to sleep, then I would rather she is sleeping all the time now.

She doesn't need to greet me when I come, I am the culprit.

Her chair was upholstered, so I didn't feel my butt hurt after sitting for a while, but it was true that my back was a little sore.

I put my hand on my waist and wanted to rub it, but I didn't dare to make a big movement, but there was a little movement from Shi Jinghe.

I immediately focused on her side and didn't dare to move anymore. I wasn't sure if she was awake or what, so I just sat upright on the chair and kept my eyes locked on her.

I sometimes feel that I don't know how to act, and compared to Shi Jinghe, I am completely inferior, especially when she came back yesterday.

Even though he was hurt so deeply, he apologized to me like a normal person in front of me.

But at this moment, she can't act anymore. After I know the truth, after I see her like this, Shi Jinghe will never want to act in front of me, the three golden actresses of the people.

I don't want her to live so tired with me, what she sees is the real me, so why don't I want to see her true face.

I don't know if I called her name too many times in my heart, but Shi Jinghe made a small sound.

It was a painful voice, a voice that made me feel painful too.

Her right hand tightened slowly, much stronger than before. Although I couldn't see the expression on her face, I could feel her discomfort.

I stood up, walked to her side, wanted to hold her hand, wanted to brush her hair down, but in the end I did nothing, not even caring about me in a soft voice.

I didn't know how to relieve her pain, I drooped my eyelids weakly, feeling lost and desperate for my incompetence.

After a few seconds, Shi Jinghe made a few whimpering sounds again, and then shouted something, I couldn't hear it clearly, so I slowly moved my ears to try to hear it clearly.

It was so close that I might have covered the light of the desk lamp, and I could hear what Shi Jinghe said clearly.

She was screaming for pain, and all of it hit my chest, as if a loudspeaker had been installed on my body, making her cry of pain louder and louder.

I sniffed, and finally asked her in a low voice, "Where does it hurt?"

Why didn't I stay last night?Why didn't Shi Jinghe directly answer "yes" when he asked me if I didn't want her?Why don't I have the super power to predict the future or understand Shi Jing and the heart?

My heart is throbbing again, I'm sure I don't have a heart attack, I just feel sorry for Shi Jinghe.

Shi Jinghe heard my voice, she might be a little distracted, she just replied instinctively: "Back..."

I blinked my eyes, held back my tears, and asked her again: "Will Chui Chui feel better?"

Blow it like I did when I got the eye of the needle.

Even I know that I am deceiving myself, the pain she suffered is not comparable to the eye of a needle.

But I can't help it. Fortunately, I used to boast that I was smart, but now I am so stupid that I don't know what to do.

I don't know if Shi Jinghe heard what I said, she seemed to gradually fell asleep again, and never made that cat-like sound again.

I squatted next to her bed until my legs became numb. Although her face was covered by her hair, I couldn't see clearly, but I felt extremely relieved.

After a while, Shi Jinglan opened the door, looked at us with his head poked out, and then gestured to me to let me go.

I stood up slowly, waited until the numbness in my legs subsided a little, then looked at Shi Jinghe reluctantly, and immediately left Shi Jinghe's bedroom.

Shi Jinglan was much shorter than me, so I bent over slightly and asked her in a low voice, "What's wrong? Cat."

"Mom is back." Shi Jinglan also whispered authentically, "Mom said she wanted to see you."

"..." I panicked.

I don't know what the exact time is now, but it must be before nine o'clock.

Shi Jinglan gave me a "come on" look and took me to the living room.

There are still her textbooks and other things on the coffee table, but the TV has been turned off and the screen is now dark, but it reflects the current scene.

Shi Jinghe's mother was sitting on the sofa with her back to me. I only saw her coiled hair and the back of her neck, but even so, I still felt an elegant and dignified temperament.

Shi Jinglan walked over first, put away her textbooks in her arms, and left the living room, possibly going to the study to do homework.

I swallowed, looking at the shadows of me, Shi Jing and my mother projected on the large TV screen.

There were only the two of us left in the living room, so it was impossible for me not to be nervous, but when I thought about the first time I saw Shi Jing and her mother, I suddenly felt that there was nothing to be afraid of such a kind elder.

But I feel guilty because I hurt her daughter.

I moved around a bit, and finally stood by the sofa next to Shi Jing and her mother, and obediently called out, "Hello, Auntie."

Jiujiu was lying in Mama Shi's arms with a look of enjoyment on his face. He glanced at me again, gave me another "meow", then stretched himself and ignored me.

Shi's mother was sitting upright. She had a good posture and her back was straight. After hearing what I said, she turned her head and looked at me with a slight frown: "Did you wake up Jinghe?"

I shook my head quickly: "No."

It's different from the first time I saw her, she looks more serious now, but also, Shi Jing and the current situation are like this, it's strange to be able to laugh at me.

And just after I thought about it, Shi's mother curled her lips, and the pear dimple, which was exactly like Shi Jinghe's, was on her lips: "Why don't you sit down?"

I immediately sat on the sofa with my back straight.

Shi's mother touched Jiujiu while recalling: "When I saw you for the first time, I didn't expect that the next time we met would be like this." What happened to you before, but I sincerely hope that Miss Zhizhi can take care of my family and my family more."

She paused: "A little bit is good, it's better than nothing."

After she finished speaking, she stood up holding Jiujiu in her arms, and sighed softly: "Jing He will probably wake up in a while, she can't sleep well at all, you go in and be with her."

Shi's mother may have returned to her bedroom, I looked at her back, pursed my lips, stood up again, walked to Shi Jinghe's door, gently unlocked the door and went in.

I don't intend to stay overnight, I just want to do something, even if it's just to accompany Shi Jinghe or see Shi Jinghe.

During this period, Shi Jinghe's head had been turned to face the door, and he also showed a little face.

It's also possible that Shi Jinghe heard the low sound of the door closing just now, and I saw her head move slightly.

I slowed down and walked lightly, just as I was about to walk to Shi Jinghe's bedside, I heard Shi Jinghe's weak and uncertain voice: "Zhizhi...?"

I stopped in my tracks, looked at her exposed face, and confirmed it——Shi Jinghe woke up.

She was looking at me with her left eye half-opened, and as I approached slowly, I could clearly see the emotion in her eyes.

Her left hand was taken out of the quilt, placed on the pillow, and gradually clenched into a fist again.

I hurriedly bent down beside the bed, and asked her softly, "Is it hurting again?" I didn't hide my concern, "Do you need medicine?"

Within a few seconds, I saw tears gradually welling up in Shi Jinghe's eyes. She shed tears silently and did not answer my question.

I stroked the corners of her eyes with my fingertips, I felt so distressed by her appearance.

She gently raised her left hand, grabbed my wrist, and said in a nasal voice——

"Lu Zhi, it's your uncle's."