dangerous road

Suqiu's small head was attached to her waist, and Ye Suqiu, who was almost 60 years old, had many silver threads in her hair, which hurt her eyes.Before that, she never felt how old Ye Suqiu was, but now she felt that the one who hugged her was a frail little old lady, and there was no one else to rely on except her.

So Shen Huan lowered his head, with red eyes, and said like coaxing a child, Mom, don't be afraid, I will watch over you from now on.

That night Zheng Yuanyang left under the watchful eyes of Ye Suqiu and Shen Huan, and was buried three days later in a cemetery in the western suburbs of the city.Shen Huan was so busy that she didn't rest, and she took care of all the funeral affairs by herself.Ye Suqiu was in charge of throwing out all Zheng Yuanyang's belongings at home, not leaving any clothes, bedding and utensils.She was anxious and sad, and she was dizzy at home, muttering about the things she wanted to clean up, but she kept getting more and more messy after tidying up.

Shen Huan ran for a day, contacted the funeral home to see the cemetery, and stood still in the mourning hall at night, and kowtowed to Zheng Yuanyang for the first time.The mourning hall is located in the living room, and the door is wide open, which is convenient for neighbors and family members to come to express their condolences.After finishing the incense, she sat on the sofa, watching Ye Suqiu rushing about the room like a headless chicken, her eyes turned red from anxiety or something.At that moment, Shen Huan was very uncomfortable, she saw Ye Suqiu aging rapidly under her nose, but she was helpless.

On the day of the funeral, Shen Huan led Ye Suqiu to the funeral home early to wait.When Zheng Yuanyang was pushed out from the morgue, Ye Suqiu was calmer than she imagined.Shen Huan took a closer look at her Uncle Zheng, and found that his body sleeping in the paper house was actually so thin, and his expression was as calm and friendly as before.At a certain moment, she even felt that Zheng Yuanyang was not dead, that he was just asleep, or that he didn't want to talk to her.

Shen Huan thought, first Shen Jialiang, then Zheng Yuanyang, then Ye Suqiu, and finally herself, everyone is heading towards death step by step.Living seems to be very difficult, but death is over at once, light and convenient.Even the burned ashes of everyone are the same, and the bones that have not been burned are all bright white and open.Ye Suqiu was scalded when she went to pick up the bones for burial, she didn't pay attention, and then she actually laughed, as if it was an interesting thing.Ye Suqiu lowered her head and said, "Old Zheng, I'm sorry for you, give me this before I leave.

She paused, her expression suddenly softened, and she said, don't think about us, let's go all the way.

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14.

Chen Huan resigned from his job, vacated his house, and disposed of his car, and returned to his original city with ease.She found a job in charge of logistics in a private company, working from nine to five, without thinking too much.The salary is enough for two people to live, and there is still a balance at the end of the month.

The new unit is fresh to work with.Shen Huan has to take care of everything, but he can't take care of everything.Look for her when you apply for a job, look for her when you quit your job, look for her when the elevator is broken, and even look for her when the security guard at the door quarrels.She was so busy every day that her feet didn't touch the ground, one head and two big ones, she fell on the sofa when she came back, wishing she could just sleep like this, and didn't even bother to eat.Seeing her like this, Ye Suqiu felt distressed, but it was hard to persuade her.That's right, she's still young, what else can she do besides work, she can't stay imprisoned at home all the time.

So Ye Suqiu became Shen Huan's loyal listener.When Shen Huan was traveling alone in other places, he seldom spoke after work.She often goes home alone, teasing cats and rushing to catch up with work. No matter how much she says, she rots in her stomach, and she loses the habit of sharing with others over time.It's different now, Ye Suqiu's dining table is a good place to chat.There are many girls in the new unit, and they can make a fuss over even the most trivial matters. They intrigue and divide into factions, and they all report to her.Shen Huan didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and didn't bother to get involved. He only tried to mediate a few words, asking what he should do when he was sent back.

At the dinner table, Shen Huan propped his head up and asked Ye Suqiu, eh, mom, what do you think the little girl is thinking about now, which nerve is wrong or what, she can play her temper in the work unit.

Ye Suqiu swallowed the food in her mouth unhurriedly, and glanced at Shen Huan with a look of disgust: Don't say that, you were the same before.

Shen Huan smiled mischievously, and finally stood up, consciously tidying up the dishes.Ye Suqiu looked at her silhouette washing dishes in the kitchen, her skillful movements and her lips pursed because of her concentration, and unconsciously sighed, satisfied and sad at the same time.Satisfaction is because her little daughter has finally been polished into what she is now by life, and so is sadness.Ye Suqiu felt a little guilty, guilty of not taking good care of her, not letting her maintain that unfettered and transparent appearance; but she also felt that she had a clear conscience.

Ye Suqiu once thought that Shen Huan and her were completely different individuals, and worried about Shen Huan more than once, worrying that she was going on a path she knew nothing about; now she knew that she was wrong.The two of them are so similar that in a trance Ye Suqiu can see all the details of what is going to happen on Shen Huan's face, see every wrinkle in her present and future, as well as the enthusiasm exhausted by life and the polished smooth skin. edges and corners.When she thought of Shen Jialiang occasionally, she felt that he would not be happy, it seemed that he couldn't bear Shen Huan to have such an old look in advance.But it was what life gave her, and she couldn't refuse it, nor could she bargain.

The days that followed were too simple, so simple that even the description seemed too pale.Shen Huan and Ye Suqiu are nothing more than living day after day, day after day, year after year, tirelessly repeating the trivial details that have to be done, without feeling bored, and without any change.

Everything is always so quiet, and all people pass in this simple loneliness every day.When Shen Huan was young, she never felt that this sentence was true, and she wondered if the person who said it was too negative and didn't understand the joy of life at all.Now that she is getting old, she slowly realizes some meaning.It's really a way of living, you know, living with someone close to you, living your life; but having company doesn't mean you're far from the center of loneliness.Shen Huan still had to walk her way alone, and when he was tired from walking, he looked at Ye Suqiu's back on the other road.They watched and encouraged each other, but never helped each other.

This is like the new sweater that Ye Suqiu knitted for Zheng Yuanyang.She had already finished it, but Zheng Yuanyang was unlucky and left suddenly.Since then, Ye Suqiu has competed with this sweater.She weaves during the day and disassembles at night, and she can always find something she is not satisfied with.Shen Huan knew that her Uncle Zheng's sweater might never be able to untangle.Ye Suqiu undid the weaving endlessly, just to save some thoughts for tomorrow; she didn't want to relieve loneliness, but to abide by loneliness.

Besides, Ye Suqiu is also old, deaf and blurred, sitting on the sofa all day long, not knowing what to watch with the TV on.Many times when Shen Huan came home from get off work, when he opened the door, he would see Ye Suqiu crouching on the foot of the sofa, with his head tilted back and his mouth open, the slight sound of snoring was completely drowned out by the deafening singing and dancing programs on TV.She looked at Ye Suqiu's old face, and suddenly couldn't remember her mother's appearance when she was young, as if she had faced this wrinkled and shrunken face since she was born.At this time, endless pity naturally surged in Shen Huan's heart, and she no longer understood why she insisted on going against this old lady before.

Regarding the cold war that Shen Huan fought for more than ten years after Ye Suqiu remarried, they never mentioned it to each other again.This is a kind of tacit understanding, a consensus to leave the past behind.However, Shen Huan had a trace of regret in her heart. When she was about to turn 40, she finally fully understood Ye Suqiu's actions.This has nothing to do with love or loyalty, its motive is just to live, to be precise, to let Shen Huan live better.That's all a mother can think about.

Thinking of this, Shen Huan developed unprecedented patience towards Ye Suqiu.She tried her best to take care of her and hoped that she would live comfortably, but most of the time Ye Suqiu didn't appreciate it.Chen Huan refused to let her do housework, so she did it while Chen Huan was at work, but she slipped and fell in the toilet, so anxious that Shen Huan taught her like yelling at a child.Another day late at night, Shen Huan caught her hiding in the toilet and secretly washing her underwear.As soon as Shen Huan entered, she saw Ye Suqiu sitting next to the toilet with a ponytail, rubbing her underwear vigorously with her hands.She became anxious when she saw it, and she said, Mom, what are you doing? It's late at night, you let me wash it for you tomorrow.

As a result, Ye Suqiu was busy with her hands, and said: I will wash myself from now on.

Hearing this, Shen Huan stepped over in two steps, and stopped or stopped, so he had to squat down and look at her and ask: Why, haven't I always washed you well.

Ye Suqiu's eyes dodged, she was silent for a while, and finally said awkwardly: I just wanted to go to the bathroom, so I got up quickly, but my legs and feet were a little slow, and I couldn't hold back, so... I got it on my underwear.She put on an ordinary look, but her voice was full of old people's shame that she was afraid that others would think she was dirty and troublesome.

This was the first time that Ye Suqiu had urine on her underwear, and the shameful expression she showed that was similar to making a mistake deeply hurt Shen Huan.Shen Huan lowered his head to sort out his expression, trying to suppress some emotions that were about to overflow, and this unintentional move happened to stimulate Ye Suqiu.She stopped rubbing her panties, and carefully explained: I am not... I am not careful...

Shen Huan raised his head briefly, and fixedly met Ye Suqiu's gaze, his tone of voice was light and soft.She put her hands on Ye Suqiu's hands covered with foam, and replied softly: Mom, I know, it's okay, it's okay, this...it's normal.Why don't you go to sleep and I'll wash it for you.

Ye Suqiu quickly shook her head, her attitude was firm and there was no possibility of discussing it.

The next night, Shen Huan took Ye Suqiu to the bedroom and handed her two packs of sanitary pads.Ye Suqiu was at a loss and didn't know what Shen Huan's intention was.Shen Huan saw that she didn't answer for a long time, so he took her hand and said, Mom, I will put a piece in my pants in the future, just in case.

Ye Suqiu looked a little embarrassed and a little annoyed.She took it over and said in a low voice, I still...

Shen Huan said categorically, I'll wash it for you, it's fine.

This incident made Shen Huan more and more aware of Ye Suqiu's old state.Until a long time later, when Shen Huan, who was also old, was trembling on crutches and couldn't even walk steadily, she could still easily recall Ye Suqiu's embarrassing expression, and also felt the indelible shame .It seems to be a matter of course that people will become confused and useless when they are old.However, seeing this incident appearing in front of my eyes was unexpectedly unacceptable.You may never be ready to face aging.

No one knows how old you are, you can only wait anxiously, waiting for death to pick you up.

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15.

Many years later, Ye Suqiu also left.

This is something that is bound to happen, the only question is when.Ye Suqiu walked quickly without being tortured at all.In the past few days, she said that she was not feeling well, as if she had caught a cold, and there was always phlegm in her throat, so she went to bed early.Shen Huan was a little worried, and said Mom, why don't I watch over you at night.Ye Suqiu gently waved her back, saying that I'm fine, just sleep and I'll be fine.As a result, Shen Huan got up the next morning and found Ye Suqiu lying on the edge of the bed, her body was still warm, but her heartbeat was gone.

The ambulance that was called by Shen Huan indiscriminately stopped in the yard.The doctor reassured her that the old man walked very peacefully, maybe it was just a mouthful of phlegm stuck, and when a person lives to this age, it is impossible to tell what happened.Die without a disease is a happy event, please mourn.

Shen Huan thanked her, finished the funeral, and watched Ye Suqiu enter the incinerator without shedding a single tear.She is over 50, and her heart is as calm as a bowl of flat water, without waves or traces.She just said to the incinerator, Mom, go all the way.So Ye Suqiu just ceased to exist, and was reduced to a few bones and a handful of ashes.

Shen Huan watched the staff put the bones into the coffin, and felt that this scene was a bit scary.It proves that apart from the spirit, human beings are just a pile of matter, which is no different from garbage, and will be burned in the end.

A few years later, Shen Huan packed his things by himself and went to the nursing home.She felt that her body was aging in sections, from top to bottom, her mind was confused, and her legs and feet were not flexible.Sometimes when I get sick in spring and autumn, there is no one who can even take medicine in bed.If this continues, one day he will die at home and no one will know.

There are so many elderly people in the nursing home, so many that Chen Huan is a little surprised.She thought that there were not many people, but when she went, she found that the beds were almost full.Shen Huan lives in the self-care area. Nurses come over regularly to cut their hair and wash their clothes. During the day, they also provide some activities, such as fitness, playing cards, and chatting about household chores.Shen Huan is very used to the life here, she feels at ease.She is more like a bystander, passing the time by observing the lives of other old men and women, and seeing a shadow of herself in it.

Nursing homes have a lot of time for her to waste.In the face of aging, Shen Huan is extremely calm, feeling the flow of his own life almost in enjoyment.She doesn't need to remember, and she doesn't need to continue to move forward. She just sits leisurely in the mottled light and shadow under the tree to complete her last journey.All the important people in her life were gone, and she was alone, sitting with other old people.The vigorous desire at the beginning has become a memory.

That afternoon, Shen Huan dreamed about the peacock again, the difference was that Ye Suqiu was not in this dream.She was walking alone on a long road with no end in sight, her steps were slow and panting.She was almost unable to hold on anymore, and wanted to give up, or go back the same way; however, there was always a force that kept pushing her forward.Shen Huan thought, when will this be a head.

Just as she was thinking this way, a little light suddenly appeared in front of her, slowly growing, slowly expanding, and then refracting the light to every corner.In a blinding white light, Shen Huan once again saw the peacock in his dream.It was still as beautiful as she remembered, with its long blue tail feathers dragging on the ground, its neck held high, and its manners.So Shen Huan, who had become an old lady, was inspired by such a scene.She breathed a sigh of relief, took another step, and walked towards the peacock uncontrollably, as if she had been drawn by some kind of mystery.

It's been a long trek.Shen Huan understood that she had no way out, she had no choice but to move forward.She walked towards the peacock, trembling but unwavering.The distance between them gradually shortened, and the appearance of the peacock became more and more clear, until Shen Huan could clearly see the details of its body, and every feather of it was filled in the white air.

In an instant, a feeling of joy descended on Chen Huan.The sky in the dream is very bright, just like the sky in life.In this constant joy, the peacock opened its tail again without warning.Facing Shen Huan, it shook its gorgeous green tail feathers, and thousands of eyes sparkled under the strong light.

Shen Huan stretched out his hand towards it calmly, his skinny fingers were like a few rotten branches covered with old skin.She felt that all the pain was over, that a world was being born for her, and she was not so surprised, because there was no pain in this world.

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