Confession

Lin Xu took the medicine, and his drowsiness got better, but he was lazy all day long and didn't type or look at his mobile phone. When he was awake, he would sit on the edge of the floor-to-ceiling window in a daze, and sometimes he would hug Lele sleeping pad, and sometimes holding Lele's toys.

The mobile phone was turned off all the time, and he didn't even listen to the radio drama "Chess Pieces". He completely cut off contact with the outside world, didn't read the news, ignored the information from the publishing house, and stayed on an isolated island only accompanied by Jiang Yang.

On weekdays, if Jiang Yang doesn't talk to him, he can stay silent all the time, and occasionally curl up on the sofa to watch TV, but his eyes are dull, and he can watch one channel all day long.

Jiang Yang saw it in his eyes and was anxious in his heart.

The previous suggestion to take Lin Xu out was also rejected. He was afraid of going out, afraid of the crowd, and didn't want to see anyone except Jiang Yang. When Yang Xiaoling came, he was very resistant and kept silent. When his mouth was dry, he hummed, and then lazily said something inconsequential, which made Yang Xiaoling unable to catch up.

Most of the time Lin Xu is very obedient, and when his mind is clearer, he will hug Jiang Yang for kisses, like a fish short of water thirsting for Jiang Yang's fluid.

Later, Jiang Yang was kissed a few times and wanted to develop a more in-depth entanglement, but found that Lin Xu lacked interest and didn't get hard.

Lin Xu wrapped his limbs tightly around Jiang Yang, desperately asking for a kiss, and then cried while kissing and asked, "What should I do Jiang Yang, will you not want me in the future? Can I give you a kiss? Don't dislike me... …do not leave Me."

Jiang Yang felt as if he had been burned by magma, his internal organs were hot and painful, he hugged Lin Xu and kissed him repeatedly, repeatedly promising: "No, I don't want you, I only want you, only Xu Xu."

Since then, they have had no sex life.

They kiss many times every day. Lin Xu has no lust and can't get hard, but psychologically he is very dependent and needs Jiang Yang. He wants to get Jiang Yang's attention to him through kissing, and wants to constantly prove that Jiang Yang loves him.

Jiang Yang contacted Zhao Xiwen in private, told him about the situation, and asked whether Lin Xu's inability to get hard was also caused by excessive psychological pressure.

Zhao Xiwen thought for a moment and said, "He is still avoiding the cyberbullying."

"It was difficult when he came out of the shadows. I pulled him, carried him, and told him to try to be brave like a toddler. He learned it, and he did it. It took him five years to walk. Come out, this is already all his energy." Zhao Xiwen sighed, "Lele died in his arms, and the family who accompanied him day and night saw it die in front of his own eyes because of his own mistakes. Such a shock is for him. , hurt him more than the death of his parents back then."

His parents have rarely accompanied him since he was a child. Although they are connected by blood, they are not as good as Lele when it comes to emotions.

Few people can accept the coldness of death calmly, let alone a person like Lin Xu who is already very fragile psychologically.

He suffered the heart-wrenching pain of losing a loved one again, and the pressure of being misunderstood and criticized by the outside world swept him away like a wave hitting a rock, sinking him severely into the bottom of the sea, unable to turn over.

"So what should I do?" Jiang Yang pressed his eyebrows, and looked through the crack of the door at the person smoking on the sofa. There were a lot of cigarette butts in front of him, and the smoke was heavy. He smoked two packs in half an hour.

Lin Xu was very anxious before, as if suffering from palpitations, his fingertips were trembling, even if he was hugged by Jiang Yang, he still panicked.

He said that he wanted to smoke. When his depression was at its worst, he used to rely on alcohol and tobacco to survive.

Jiang Yang agreed, and the result was this desperate way of drawing.

"Have you tried to mention this?" Zhao Xiwen asked.

"I mentioned it, he's not interested, but fell asleep in my arms." Jiang Yang frowned, trying his best not to rush out the door and throw away the cigarette butt in Lin Xu's hand.

Zhao Xiwen: "Bring him to my place, he has been holding back and needs communication and psychological counseling."

Jiang Yang said indifferently: "What you said is nonsense."

Lin Xu didn't want to go out, if possible, he wouldn't even go out of the bedroom.

Jiang Yang accompanied Lin Xu to the psychological counseling room several times before, but the results were not good. Lin Xu still only mentioned Lele's matter, and kept quiet about Guo Shule.

Zhao Xiwen intentionally guided Lin Xu, but he was still stuck in Lele's death, unable to get out, sad and heartbroken, and the communication effect was not good.

This time Lin Xu is different from being strong alone before, maybe this time with Jiang Yang, he is unwilling to set foot in the outside world, and just wants to stay in the comfort zone with Jiang Yang.

Zhao Xiwen said gently and steadily: "Jiang Yang, I understand your anxiety, but depression cannot be rushed. Medication and psychological counseling are all aids. The most important thing is to see the patient himself."

Jiang Yang hung up the phone, upset, and rubbed his temples wearily.

He had enough patience to accompany Lin Xu and would not dislike him, but he couldn't watch Lin Xu continue like this.

Both Jiang Yang and Zhao Xiwen knew very well that Lin Xu's real knot was Guo Shule and cyberbullying, and Lele's death was just an excuse for him to immerse himself in pain and sorrow with peace of mind.

He was hurt too deeply by the pressure of the outside world. Those unsightly words pierced his heart like countless sharp and cold knives. Black pus flowed out from the wound that had not healed for five years, and it was full of sores. body.

Lin Xu's state seems to be nothing, and things with Jiang Yang are just like normal people, but as soon as he leaves Jiang Yang's embrace and sight, he starts to torture himself.

Smoking and drinking heavily, Jiang Yang also found that he would scratch himself, get red marks on his arms, and sometimes scratch himself, bleeding out.

Lin Xu scratched the wound bigger and bigger as if he couldn't feel the pain. If it wasn't for Jiang Yang's sudden desire to bathe Lin Xu, Lin Xu's abnormal refusal made him wonder, and he couldn't find out about his self-torture.

Jiang Yang can no longer watch Lin Xu go on like this, he needs a quick and effective way to help Lin Xu get out.

He pushed open the door and walked over, coughing as he was choked by the thick smoke that lingered in the air.

Lin Xu held a cigarette in his hand. The smell of nicotine made him let himself go, and he got numbness and comfort. After hearing Jiang Yang's movement, he quickly put out the cigarette, like a child who made a mistake, nervously picking at his fingers , looking at Jiang Yang, waiting to be dealt with.

"I agree with you to smoke," Jiang Yang went to open the window for ventilation, and said helplessly, "According to your smoking method, do you still have lungs?"

Lin Xu pursed his lips, lowered his eyes hastily, and said sorry in a low voice.

"You're not sorry for me, but for your body." Jiang Yang stood leaning against the window, and it was rare that he didn't go over and hug him sticky, "How much wine have you drunk?"

Lin Xu rubbed his fingers, and quickly glanced at the empty bottles and jars on the ground, "That's all."

Jiang Yang looked at the empty cans, "That's all? Didn't you secretly buy them again while I was shopping at the mall?"

"..." Lin Xu blinked lightly, his thick eyelashes blocked the flash of hesitation, "No."

Jiang Yang watched his hair whirling, and said calmly: "Xu Xu, you don't like me. Is there something I'm hiding from you, right?"

Lin Xu hummed and raised his head, not understanding what Jiang Yang meant by saying this suddenly.

"Like you don't like me hiding it from you," Jiang Yang said, "I don't like you lying to me either."

Lin Xu's face turned pale, the clumsy lie was mercilessly exposed, and Jiang Yang's attitude was a little cold, a little different from usual.

He panicked, and began to pick his nails unconsciously again.

Jiang Yang's eyes darkened, and when he stepped forward to hold Lin Xu, he yanked hard, "Don't pick it."

His tone was not kind, it was the first time he spoke to Lin Xu with such an attitude after being together.

Lin Xu was very sensitive, and immediately felt Jiang Yang's cold anger. He looked up at the man in front of him, flustered and a little scared at the same time, "You...are you angry?"

"Yes." When Jiang Yang just held Lin Xu like this, his thumb just touched his pulse, and he could feel his heartbeat gradually getting faster, "Why did you lie to me?"

Lin Xu's eyes turned red, and he explained, "I'm afraid you'll be angry."

"You're afraid that I'll be angry because you know it's wrong to do so. I allowed you to do this, just to let you vent, but I didn't let you do it in the direction of your life." Jiang Yang said, "Smoking, drinking , Self-torture, Lin Xu, what else can you not do? Are you going to commit suicide like you did five years ago? Lying bloody in front of me will make you feel better?"

During this period of time, the gentleness Jiang Yang gave was so comfortable that Lin Xu forgot that he was a wolf, his patience was exhausted, and he showed his ferocious fangs.

Jiang Yang's attitude towards him changed too suddenly, Lin Xu was terrified and sad, his eyes filled with steam, and he shook his head vigorously, "I won't commit suicide, I can't bear you."

"..." Jiang Yang's heart trembled slightly, resisting the urge to hug him, and asked coldly, "How much did you drink?"

Lin Xu sniffed and confessed in a low voice: "After you left, I... asked the canteen downstairs to deliver two more."

"Finish before I get back?"

Lin Xu hummed, Jiang Yang's oppressive gaze made him dare not look at him.

Jiang Yang asked again: "How did you throw it?"

"I didn't throw it away..." Lin Xu replied, "It's hidden in the cabinet in the storage room."

"..."

Jiang Yang was helpless, he didn't touch his mobile phone at ordinary times, and he didn't have any psychological shadow when he thought about stealing a drink and calling the canteen.

"You have such a good drinking capacity, did you just practice drinking like this?"

Lin Xu nodded stiffly, and looked at Jiang Yang uneasily: "Don't be angry... If you hate it, I won't drink, I won't smoke, don't be angry..."

He was very afraid that Jiang Yang would not want him after he got angry. They had talked for so long, but Jiang Yang hadn't hugged him like before.

"I'm very angry, Lin Xu." Jiang Yang frowned, with a serious face, "I don't like you lying to me."

Lin Xu was so panicked that he couldn't find Bei. The tears he had been holding back just flowed down like this. He stood up and hugged Jiang Yang, and said in a trembling voice, "Don't be angry, Jiang Yang...don't be angry, I'll change it, I'll change it right away."

After all, Jiang Yang couldn't bear to see Lin Xu in such a panic, put his arms around his waist, leaned all his body weight on him, and said sullenly, "I'll be angry if I change it."

Seeing that he was willing to hug her, Lin Xu calmed down a little, wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, and asked, "Then...how can you not be angry."

Jiang Yang thought for a while, "Come out with me to play."

"Okay." Lin Xu agreed to everything for Jiang Yang to calm down, with only him in his eyes and heart, "I will accompany you, wherever you go, I will accompany you."

"Really?" Jiang Yang rubbed his tone, helped him wipe away the tears from the corners of his eyes, and kissed his moist eyelids, "Why did you become a crying bag?"

Crying Bao raised his head to meet Jiang Yang's kiss, "Well, really, don't get angry, okay?"

Jiang Yang avoided letting him kiss, and said with disgust: "The smell of cigarettes is too strong."

This sentence was more effective than anything else, and Lin Xu never touched cigarettes again, because he knew that Jiang Yang didn't like the smell of cigarettes, and Jiang Yang wouldn't kiss him after smoking.