[Wen Ye] Hell changes

When Osamu Dazai saw Akutagawa Ryunosuke for the first time, he was sure that he had seen through him.Seeing through Akutagawa Ryunosuke doesn't take any effort, not even a lot of brainpower.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke is obviously living a terribly lonely life, but he will not choose death easily, and has been looking for the meaning of life.Of course, it is not ruled out that it is because of his sister Akutagawa Yin.Therefore, the appearance of himself will make him define the meaning of existence as himself, which is also expected by Osamu Dazai.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke will not hide his temperament and sharpness. After all, if he is smooth, he will not have such a painful life in the slums.He always frowned at people he didn't like, his tone was high-pitched, his attitude was cold, his words were sharp, coupled with his tragic character, and his pursuit of cleanliness, all of these were doomed for him to only get better and better. Live more lonely.

Unlike Osamu Dazai who was already in loneliness, Osamu Dazai had already learned to eat, drink and have fun in loneliness, and smiled heartlessly, as if he didn't care about anything.Akutagawa Ryunosuke is still in the process of loneliness, and will be shaken by the increasing loneliness and pain.He is still young, still young, still naive, still doesn't know what is tactful and shrewd, straight to the point, no matter how much he is hurt, he doesn't know how to repent.

Maybe it was precisely because he saw that he was still in the process of being lonely, and because he saw that he would continue to be lonely in the future, so Osamu Dazai chose to hold his hand.

The port mafia knew that Osamu Dazai picked up a young apprentice back, with black eyes, white skin, slender waist, slashed shoulders, eyebrows and eyes a little like Monica, but even more beautiful and softer.It's strange that he, a child from a slum with nothing, was picked up by Dazai Osamu. He also heard that he will directly have a high position after graduation.Then think about it, maybe only Ryunosuke Akutagawa betrayed his hue is more reliable, otherwise how to explain all he got all of a sudden?

Anyone can see at a glance that many people are jealous of Akutagawa, and everyone can immediately understand that Akutagawa is walking on thin ice.But what if everyone knows about it?Akutagawa really doesn't know how to be shrewd and exquisite, he really has no popularity, he really doesn't have any achievements yet, and his temperament is really cold enough to make people feel cold.No one can deny that, at least everyone is first attracted by Akutagawa's dangerous beauty and lifeless gaze, and will not first think of his tragic life experience and dark past, so everyone will exclude him first, and will not first think of him. to sympathize.

Everyone knows it, including Osamu Dazai.

At that time, Osamu Dazai hesitated, whether to help Akutagawa who was coldly violent, but he still did not choose to lend a helping hand in the end.

He thinks that he is not loyal to the port mafia at all and will not stay here for long, and once Akutagawa leaves the port mafia, he really has nowhere to go.With Akutagawa's temperament and life experience, even if Osamu Dazai is really willing to leave Japan and take Akutagawa to other places or wander, where can Akutagawa adapt and be accepted?Only the Port Mafia is the best place for Akutagawa to work.If Osamu Dazai really leaves one day, Akutagawa must learn to face this fact and learn to be independent and self-respecting.

So rather than being dependent on Akutagawa, Osamu Dazai actually wants to be hated by Akutagawa.He hopes that Akutagawa can be alone, can get rid of his own shadow, and can live his own life without him as the center.

He did not choose to help Akutagawa.Whether Akutagawa was excluded, verbally attacked, slandered and contested, or some bold people stained his clothes and wrote some vicious notes, he just watched from the sidelines and did not intervene.

Osamu Dazai felt that he was cruel to Akutagawa because he could live without him, so all actions were correct and there was no need to explain to Akutagawa.

Osamu Dazai has completely indulged in the behavior after self-beautification.

At the same time, he believes that he is the kind of person who will persist until the end once he decides to do something, and it is impossible to fall in love with Akutagawa Ryunosuke.How could he think about treating Akutagawa better one day?How can it be.How could he... have wavered in his actions?

Until now, Osamu Dazai still remembers the last time, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, who was bullied to the point of tears, called Mr. Dazai Mr. Dazai in a soft voice, and then looked at him with those foggy eyes.

Akutagawa rarely showed a fragile look, with his shoulders shrunk, and he kept blinking his eyes that were itchy with tears, his eyes were filled with the shame and indignation that he felt after being humiliated.He gritted his teeth as if unwilling, but he had to sniff his nose, muttered sorry, then lifted the corners of the black coat with both hands, and walked towards Osamu Dazai step by step carefully in order not to step on the gravel next to him. The attitude is extremely slow, probably because he doesn't want to make another embarrassment.

At that moment, Osamu Dazai suddenly felt that Akutagawa Ryunosuke, who had always been defined by him with the reason of "needs to be ruthless and therefore disapproved of all advantages", was blooming with a beauty that would never be seen again in eternity.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke turned away disappointed because he could not get the compliment from Osamu Dazai. The light like milk froth floating on Akutagawa's body began to tremble violently as it stretched and stretched along Akutagawa's waist. Every shadow on the face and every fold of clothes on the body rustled back.When he left there, the light was mixed with a bit of dark gray, and it fell limply and colorlessly on the lonely wall.

Osamu Dazai suddenly felt that the light could no longer shine on Akutagawa, which was really sad.

It's like he can no longer silently pay attention to himself.

He is really a beautiful person, because the gaze that does not get his approval is so real and touching, and he is not blind, how could he not see it?But he must not show any sympathy for that gaze, because it would reveal his secret joy at Akutagawa's affection for him.

Yes, he is happy that Akutagawa loves him.

I don't know when to start, and I don't know how to face this fact.Maybe I discovered it too late, maybe Akutagawa is really slow... No, not maybe, Akutagawa is really stubborn and slow, but he is also really attractive.

Osamu Dazai suddenly understood why everyone knew the horror of Akutagawa's abilities and wanted to hurt him, and suddenly understood why everyone knew Akutagawa was lonely and miserable and wanted to add scars to him.Because he is so charming, so fragile and innocent, so people can't help but want to see his more miserable and morbid beauty.

He shouldn't be greedy for Akutagawa's infatuation, but he hopes that Akutagawa can continue like this forever.He should have abused Akutagawa all the time, but if he continued to treat Akutagawa like this, one day Akutagawa would understand that he was just venting his inner conflicting emotions in the name of training.

If he continues to be so cruel, Akutagawa will leave him.

If you don't want Akutagawa to leave, then respond to Akutagawa's expectations.

But responding to Akutagawa will only bring consequences that are completely contrary to his original intention.

Osamu Dazai himself began to hesitate and contradict what is good for Akutagawa.

He sometimes hates himself for meeting Ryunosuke Akutagawa.If he had never known each other before, he would not have heart palpitations and wanted to bring this child to him. If he had never known each other, he would not have had a little stupid expectation flashed in the bloody storm of adult life.

Things were getting a little out of his control.

I don't know when it started, Akutagawa Ryunosuke's eyes lit up.Akutagawa's eyes used to be completely empty and wary, but now they are gradually soft and human.Dazai Osamu is not the only person that Akutagawa cares about in his heart. Originally, Dazai Osamu planned to let Akutagawa learn to be independent slowly, but now it is very likely that Akutagawa will leave him earlier than he expected.

But what can he do?Showing selfishness that you want Akutagawa to be distracted?Or is he secretly hinting that Akutagawa minds it?

No one can fully understand his heart, and sometimes he doesn't even understand his own heart.When he chooses to believe the truest desire in his heart, his heart tells him not to trust his heart blindly, because it sometimes lies.

How should he treat Akutagawa now, he doesn't know what is the true thought in his heart, and he doesn't know if his heart is lying at this moment.

One day, Akutagawa said that he finally received the task sent to him by Mori Ogai.This is the first opportunity for Akutagawa to make a performance. It is not only a test of his ability, but also a foundation for his future status in the port mafia. Therefore, when Akutagawa told Osamu Dazai about this matter, he looked very serious.

Just as he was about to say something, Zhong Yuanzhong jumped out of nowhere and said to Akutagawa, "Hurry up, I've been waiting for you for a long time."

He couldn't help but lament the coincidence of fate.It turns out that Akutagawa and Chuya were assigned to this mission together. Isn't this just adding salt to his sore spot?It's hard to argue that Mori Ogai didn't do this on purpose.Okay, so what can he do?Can he still go up and strangle Mori Ogai's neck to make him replace Chuya Nakahara with himself?This is obviously unrealistic.

Akutagawa nodded to Nakahara Nakaya, then said "I'm leaving, Mr. Dazai" to him, and then walked forward.

That step is full of joy and voluntary, and there is no reluctance and difficulty.

That step is towards the Central Plains.Not toward him.

Osamu Dazai inexplicably recalled the night when he first met Ryunosuke Akutagawa.He still remembered that when the moonlight from the upper world suddenly came to the lower earth, Akutagawa's heart was full of joy and happiness, but he was still not satisfied.Now the light is as bright as the moon, as before, he looked at Jie Chuan, his heart was shaken and sore, but he couldn't tell.He couldn't do anything but stand still and look at the backs of Akutagawa and Chuya. He knew his position and his image in the eyes of Akutagawa and others.

But, why does it have to be Zhongye in the Central Plains?Why?

Is it because this person is gentle and patient with you?If gentleness and patience can gradually knock on your heart and open the lintel that you are always wary of outsiders, then I, who has never been nice to you from the beginning to the end, am I doomed from the moment I met you? Happy ending?Is it from the moment I met you that we are doomed to have only rigid respect and monotonous concern?maybe.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke has strands of white hair, is dressed in black, and has a slender figure, while Nakahara Nakahara's ocher red figure is even more dazzling.Osamu Dazai watched them leave from behind, feeling that their backs were like a moon and a sun.Light black and white and rich orange.This discovery almost made Dazai Osamu almost unable to put on a smile.

It was supposed to be where I was alone.Osamu Dazai didn't dare to say this.

Longing for fulfillment, yet refusing.Looking forward to forever, but then push back.Thinking of Akutagawa, he denied it again.Love Akutagawa, but also repel.Fascinated and punished, enthusiastic and dumb.

I feel that I already have Akutagawa.to feel owned by him.feel like losing him.feel love for him.feel afraid of him.Feel love for him sometimes.Feel afraid of him at times.

Therefore, Osamu Dazai at this moment can say the most helpless and stupidest sentence in the world: I fell in love with him, but he sometimes loves me.

On the night that Akutagawa Ryunosuke and Nakahara Nakaya left together, Osamu Dazai had a dream.

In the dream he entered a dark cave, and walked in it almost longer than the pain.

When he first entered, he was as tall as a giant, but the moment he bent down to enter the hole, he became the size that could just fit into the hole.As he walked deeper and deeper in the hole, he himself became smaller and smaller, until at last he was like a mud mark on the ground from a bent fingernail.

Akutagawa is at the end of the hole.

Akutagawa was tied hands and feet with countless threads, waist, neck, and hung on the cave wall in a large font. There was a huge red sun pattern painted on the cave wall behind him.All kinds of men and women walked in from all directions on the cave wall. Osamu Dazai couldn't tell who was male and who was female, because he felt that all of them were just a group of colors that could be identified as human beings. They held murder weapons or spoke into Akutagawa's ears. Attack, use sharp weapons or hands and feet to hurt him who is tightly bound by the winding red thread.

No matter how many wounds he suffered and how much blood flowed from his body, he closed his eyes and remained motionless, as if he was just a puppet hanging there.

The red sun behind him turned silently.

No, Akutagawa will die if this goes on... Osamu Dazai claimed that he would not interfere with his safety, but there is no way that the other party would not move even when he was about to die in front of him.

Osamu Dazai shouted hysterically below, trying to wake up the sleeping Akutagawa, but he had already shrunk to the size of fingernail marks.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke's blood dripped down, every drop and even the small particles in every drop, to Dazai Osamu, it was like an elephant that was kneaded into a red meat ball and fell from above.It rained elephants.In the rain there is an intoxicating smell of fire/powder, and there is also a smell of rust, showing a moth-like suffocating smell all the time, almost just inhaling for a moment can make people's lungs swell Tight as a blast.

Dazai Osamu kept shouting the same sentence in the feeling of weakness that his lungs were about to explode and the weightlessness of his increasingly smaller body: "Akutagawa, wake up!"

Osamu Dazai was tormented by the smell of blood and the powerlessness of his skin being cracked by swords and swords, so that blood bubbles popped out of his mouth every time he took a breath, but he still accepted the pain willingly, only when he saw Akutagawa being stabbed once, Only then will he regain the pain-like feeling of the pain from the choking of the heart and the bursting of the arteries.All are full of the loneliness of death.

When the pain, which was more terrifying than death, finally ended, Osamu Dazai returned to his original size, and the thread on Akutagawa's body also melted into a long blood-red river, which flowed away in a direction where he could not return. The glowing red sun set, rolling down in Akutagawa's arms like a hot ball.

"Akutagawa, does it hurt?"

He wanted to ask "Are you okay", but he couldn't say it, and felt that this directly exposed his concern.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke, who had regained his freedom, didn't look at him at all, but hugged the sun in his hand, huddled up as if he had gained a sense of security, and avoided him from a distance.

"It's a bit unreasonable, Akutagawa..."

It is impossible to say that you are not jealous. I am the one who has been calling your name. What did the sun that jumped out of the wall give you? Can objects be more reliable than people?

"Mr. Dazai?"

Akutagawa looked at him in fear, watching him snatch the sun from his arms but could do nothing.

The moment the sun was pulled out of his arms by Osamu Dazai, the sun suddenly turned into a pool of red water and flowed on the ground.Akutagawa immediately lost control of his emotions. He couldn't believe that Osamu Dazai actually killed his own Taiyo, so he cried on his back, looking for where the sun was in every corner, and kept calling a name that Osamu Dazai couldn't understand.

"You are not Akutagawa, who are you!"

It is impossible for Akutagawa to have such out-of-control emotions, let alone cry like this because he lost an item, this cannot be the Akutagawa he is familiar with!

So Osamu Dazai grabbed the collar of Akutagawa in front of him.

At first he just wanted to pull the collar, but the scene in the dream flashed, and by the time he realized it, he had already strangled Akutagawa's neck.

He changed from screaming desperately not to hurt Akutagawa's guardian to a murderer who wanted to put him to death.

"Mr. Dazai...it's so painful..." Countless wind knives and frost swords failed to make Akutagawa cry, but now Osamu Dazai just grabbed his neck and made him cry, "Mr. Dazai, I hurt you It's going to kill me..." He continued this meaningless and unstoppable cry for help with a hoarse whimper.

Only then did Osamu Dazai realize what he had done, and quickly let go of his hand in fright.

What am I doing?I destroyed Akutagawa's sun, and I plan to strangle Akutagawa to death?

"Akutagawa..."

Following his trembling call, he woke up from the dream, and what awaited him was the darkened ceiling due to the lights being turned off.

And Akutagawa Ryunosuke, who couldn't breathe because he was strangling him in the dream just now, just disappeared when he woke up from the dream.