The helplessness of the carousel

34.

That night, I indulged myself, but hurt Chunjin...

The next day, I woke up with a satisfied smile, only to find that Junjin was sitting on the edge of the bed holding his naked body.

I reached out to hug Chunjin into my arms, but was pushed away the moment I touched him.

"Zin'er?"

Disgusted expressions, defensive movements...

"Why... destroy... my last trust..."

The sadness and disappointment in Chunjin's voice made me panic, but rather than panic, I was more at a loss...

I don't know how to make up for the harm I did to Chunjin last night...

Junjin began to refuse my touch, everything I gave...

And Chunjin's anorexia became more and more serious, and his vomiting became more and more severe. Even when he didn't eat anything, he couldn't stop retching.

Dongwan and Shanhao have visited Chunjin several times, and they are the only two former friends who still have contact with me.

In the past, when they came to visit Chunjin, Chunjin's vomiting symptoms would be slightly relieved, so I would also like Dongwan and Shanhao to come and talk to Chunjin more...

But now, even the company of Dongwan and Sunhao can't make Chunjin eat anything, I even deliberately created an opportunity for Zheng Yunhao to get in touch with Chunjin, but the result is still in vain...

Dongwan tried to use some traditional Chinese medicine methods, acupuncture and moxibustion on Chunjin's acupoints, in order to stimulate Chunjin's appetite, but unfortunately, there was still no effect.

Dongwan and Shanhao feel sorry for Chunjin, but they also know that I don't want to let Chunjin go...

One day, Dong Wan invited me out for a drink, and Liu Shanhao accompanied Chunjin.

"Jing Hyuk, do you still not understand your feelings for Chunjin?"

I can't answer Dongwan's question, I really don't understand, my feelings for Chunjin...

"Jing Hyuk, do you know what love is?"

Love... I shake my head slightly, I have never loved...

"I didn't understand before..."

Dong Wan took a sip of the wine in his hand and continued,

"But from the moment I met Xiaohao, I understood. I love Xiaohao. Seeing him happy makes me happy. Seeing him sad makes me sadder than him. Seeing him hurt and crying makes me happy." I would rather hurt myself. If I can’t see him, I will miss him. When I see him, I will be in a good mood. He is intimate with other people, no matter men or women, I will feel very uncomfortable, and my heart feels as uncomfortable as a cat’s paw. I hope he belongs to me, only laugh for me, even cry, only for me..."

Is this love?

Listening to Dong Wan's words, I seem to have a source for the chaotic emotional lines in my heart.

Repeatedly breaking the precept against Chunjin, seeing his inexplicable anger when he was intimate with Yunhao, doing everything for him that I would never do before in order to get him back by my side...

It is because I fell in love that I am willing to dedicate everything to him, but I am reluctant to let him go. Even though I know that this kind of feeling will hurt him and myself at the same time, I am still reluctant...

"Dong Wan, do I... love Jin'er?"

Some uncertain opening, am I really in love with Jin'er?

"Jing Hyuk, you are really an idiot when it comes to feelings!"

A little helpless, Dongwan seems to have decided that my EQ is negative...

"Everything about you towards Chunjin, Xiaohao and I can see it. You not only love Chunjin, but you love Chunjin terribly! It's just that you, an idiot, didn't realize it, and let your own jealousy hurt Chunjin again and again! "

"Is that so? From jealousy?"

Did you hurt Junjin repeatedly because of jealousy?Because he couldn't understand Chunjin and Zheng Yunhao's intimacy, he drugged him and wanted to punish him, but he lost his light.Because he knew that he was with Zheng Yunhao, he used all means to attack the Zheng family's business, just to force Zheng Yunhao to return Chunjin to himself...

It seems that I was really jealous, that's why I lost my mind and did so many crazy things to Chunjin...

However, the damage has already been done, what can I do now?

"So... what should I do now?"

At this moment, Dong Wan has already become the military advisor of an emotional idiot like me...

"I asked Sun Hao to inform Min Woo and Hye Sung, and took Chunjin to their place."

"what!!!"

"Damn it! Kim Dong Wan! You wouldn't deliberately ask me out for a drink to distract me, just to let Min Woo and Hye Sung snatch my Jin'er away!"

My eyes are about to burst into flames!damn it!Dong Wan actually helped them lie to me!

"Calm down, Jin Hyuk, sit down first."

Dongwan patted me on the shoulder and asked me to sit down and listen to him first. I would like to see why he had asked Minyu and Comet to pick up Jin'er.

"Jinghyuk, the most important thing now is to cure Ozu's illness, obviously, with you around, Ozu's condition will only continue to deteriorate, so I asked Minwoo and the others to pick him up, and you can go to see Ozu. "

Seeing that I was not as excited as before, Dong Wan continued talking.

"You understand your own intentions now, so you have to give Ozu space and time, use your sincerity to impress Ozu, and let him accept you again. Although Yunho is a very good boy, I can tell that Ozu I still have you in my heart, so Xiaohao and I are definitely on your side."

"Do you still have me in Jin'er's heart?"

I have caused so much harm to Jin'er, if I hadn't insisted on keeping him by my side, he would have escaped a long time ago... Does he really still have me in his heart?

"Yes! Jinhyuk! You have to believe me!"

Dongwan's firm gaze gave me great encouragement.

Jin'er, it doesn't matter even if you lose me in your heart, I will definitely make you fall in love with me again!

Will!