do you like me

The person wearing glasses was Dr. Zhang. Seeing that I hadn't moved, he smiled kindly at me, "Let's go, I'll show you your room."

I followed him all the way to the dormitory building. When I walked in, I realized that this dormitory was very strange. There was one room for each person, and each door had a number and a glass window.Dr. Zhang led me to one of the rooms with 30 written on it.I walked in and took a look. The room was very small, with a bed, a sink, a toilet and a shower head. There was only one light in it. The window was on the top of the wall. It was very small and basically absorbed less than sunlight.In short, my first feeling was depression, like a prison cell, an airtight cell.

Doctor Zhang adjusted his glasses and pointed to the class schedule hanging on the wall: "You should have a good rest today, and follow this schedule for class tomorrow."

I nodded, and Dr. Zhang said a few more words before leaving.I came to the form and looked it over carefully. The form is a bit strange. There are only three classes in the whole day, and the other time slots are empty, but there are clear time rules. I think it should be I didn't care about the freely arranged activity time.

I wandered around the neighborhood, and it was quite free, a bit different from what I imagined. The only thing that made me feel weird was the people with me. Their expressions seemed very numb, and their behavior was even worse. Like a puppet being manipulated by someone, its every move is upright, not like a person.Even if I took the initiative to go up and chat with them, they just glanced at them and then lowered their heads and went about their own business. Basically all people are like this, and some people even stay away when I get close.

The entire precept center was eerily quiet.

In the evening, I went to the canteen for a meal, and the environment inside was the same. No one spoke during the whole process, and there was only the sound of eating in the whole canteen. I didn't like this kind of atmosphere, it was too depressing, so I turned around and wanted to ask The big-eyed boy sitting next to me, but as soon as I opened my mouth, he looked at me with fearful eyes. The inside was gray, like a gloomy sky. Eat and leave in a hurry.

I watched him leave in surprise, and the meal was quite uncomfortable.

After returning to the room, it was getting late. I went to bed early without a mobile phone. As soon as I lay down, something hit my neck. There seemed to be something under the pillow. I reached out to touch it suspiciously, and sure enough, I pulled it out. When it came out, it was a hardcover book with a bird printed on the cover. Thinking that I had nothing to do, I turned a few pages.

It's only a few pages, but it made me tremble with fear.

The whole book talks about the evil of homosexuality, uses a lot of examples to accuse homosexuality of harm to today's society, and uses data to illustrate the substantial increase in the probability of disease transmission. This is just the first few pages. I remember it after a cursory reading. Yes, I almost closed the book immediately after seeing that homosexuality is a mental illness, and threw the book under the bed. I sat on the bed, sweating profusely.

I didn’t sleep well that night. First, I was affected by the content of the book. Second, I seemed to hear a faint scream, but at that time I was in a half-asleep, half-dream state, not sure if it was real. I heard it, but it was only a dream.

The next day I got up early with apprehension, but at the end of the day nothing happened, everything was peaceful, but the anti-gay remarks in class made me very uncomfortable, I didn’t listen to the three classes at all, but other things I am diligently taking notes, and I heard from the teacher that there will be an exam in half a month, and those who do well in the exam will have the opportunity to meet their parents.At this time, I realized that entering this school is equivalent to cutting off the relationship with the outside world. He will let you talk to your parents every day for the first half month, and then you have to rely on your performance to get the opportunity to contact your parents.

Afterwards, I lived without twists and turns, and when I talked to my parents, I just expressed my boring thoughts. In fact, I wanted to say that I didn’t like the courses here, but every time I mentioned this, my mother would cry and cry. I talked a lot, and gradually I stopped expressing my discomfort, thinking that I just don’t listen to it anyway, and half a year will soon pass by.

Soon it was the day of the exam. After a whole day of exams, I didn't write anything and handed in a blank paper.Not only because I haven't listened to a single class in the past half a month, but also because the topic is really disgusting.For example, there is a question: In 1990, the World Health Organization's disease classification had already removed homosexuality from the list of diseases. Is this phenomenon correct or incorrect?Obviously correct, but I'm sure the correct answer must be wrong, so for me, answering this kind of question is a waste of my time.

In the evening, I went to bed as early as usual, but in the middle of the night, my door suddenly rang, and I was awakened from a restless sleep, and then a dazzling flashlight shone directly on me. On my face, I instinctively raised my hand to block it. Before I woke up from the hazy drowsiness, my whole body was dragged out of the bed, and my knees hit the ground heavily. The man who came was very strong. And it was two people, they didn't explain, they just picked me up and walked outside, no matter how sleepy and drowsy I was, I woke up.

I looked at the two people holding me up, their faces were unfamiliar, and a sense of uneasiness pervaded me.

"What are you doing!" I struggled to no avail, "Where are you taking me in the middle of the night?"

No one answered me, the only sound in the empty corridor was my constant questioning, and soon they took me to a room, which was very small, only enough for a table, two chairs, and three people, and the walls were surrounded by walls. A long black cloth was hung.

"What the hell are you doing?" As soon as the words fell, I was pressed firmly on the chair by them.

Suddenly there was a cold texture on my hand, I was stunned, and I looked down, it was handcuffs.

"Grass! You..."

Before I finished speaking, a person came in outside. Because of the small space, one of the people holding me backed out.It was Dr. Zhang who came in. The light on his glasses prevented me from seeing his expression and emotion. He walked to the table unhurriedly, sat down, took off his glasses, wiped them and asked: "Zhao Xinhe, did you hand in a blank paper in today's exam?"

"What are you going to do in the middle of the night?" The handcuffs made a sound under my movement.

He repeated the question again: "Zhao Xinhe, did you hand in a blank paper in the exam today?"

I still ignored him, and I was still cursing, no matter what they did to torture me, it had violated my human rights.

"Very good, it doesn't matter if you don't answer." After finishing speaking, he took out the paper from the table and threw it in my face, "No paper, zero points, students who fail the exam here will be punished." His voice was still very loud He has a good sense of proportion and is gentle.

"Do you know why no one reported to us?" He stood up slowly, walked to the black cloth step by step, and slowly rubbed the edge of the black cloth with his fingertips, "Because anyone who leaves from us, It’s cured.” He looked at me, and I finally saw his eyes clearly, they were very black, as dark as black holes that could not be seen to the bottom, with a different ruthlessness than usual, I saw his fingers forcefully, The black cloth was torn off, fell slowly, and then fell to the ground, forming an ugly shape on the ground.

I glanced at the wall, and my pupils shrank violently.

Under the black cloth is actually the Shen Qiuhan I have secretly photographed. Some are sleeping, some are playing, some are smiling, some are eating... All of them were secretly photographed by me, and they were all of me and Shen Qiuhan together. evidence.The cloth on the other walls also slipped off one by one, all of them were Shen Qiuhan, all of them were Shen Qiuhan.

"Where did you get the picture!" I moved, and the handcuffs and the metal made a sound, because the chair was fixed, so no matter how I moved, the chair didn't move half an inch.

"The photo, of course, was given to me by your mother." He said, "I said that students who do not do well in the exam will be punished, and the same is true for children who are not well-behaved. Do you know what you will suffer when you hand in a blank paper today? "

I gritted my teeth and said, "How dare you touch me! If you do!"

"So what if I touch you? Don't forget, you can't contact your parents here. Unless you reform well, no one will come to rescue you." After he finished speaking, he walked to another person and whispered in his ear. a few words.Then he still smiled at me with a kind face: "I miss you this time as a first-time offender, and I won't do anything to you, but what should be punished will still be punished, so you can enjoy it in front of your favorite person." .” After finishing speaking, he left the room and closed the door.

Only later did I know what his so-called punishment was—the double torture of spirit and body.

I didn’t eat, sleep, or drink for three days and three nights, because I didn’t write a word on three papers, and I wrote my name on one paper, so it wasn’t counted.

During those three days, people took turns watching me. They didn’t give me food or drink. Every time I fell asleep, they would prick me with a needle to wake me up. At first I persisted, But gradually, I was hungry, thirsty, and tired, my whole body was numb, my brain was a mess, as if a stick was stirring it, and my consciousness began to become confused.

On the last day, I was so tired that I had to get needles several times, but they didn't wake me up.They started to pick my fingers, and forced the needles into my fingernails. I woke up screaming and sweating in pain. When I woke up, my vision was blurred. When I woke up, I could see Shen Qiuhan looked at me with a smile, my brain was so messed up, for a moment I thought I was back at school, back to high school, I turned around, Shen Qiuhan was still my back desk, still looking at him when I looked at him with me.

But my brain woke up too quickly, and immediately dragged me back to reality, it was still a small room, and the walls were still full of photos.

I only now know that the previous half month was all an illusion, an illusion created for my parents outside, and an illusion for me. The real so-called "abstinence from homosexuality" has only begun now.