do you like me

"Number 30. Number 30." A familiar hoarse voice sounded.

I took a sip of the soup numbly and raised my hand: "This."

"It's your turn." The man took a stick and knocked on the door next to him. The whole cafeteria was filled with his harsh knocking sound.

I dumped the food I hadn't eaten into the trash can, and walked to the man mechanically. He lifted my chin with a wooden stick, looked at me, clicked his tongue, raised his head slightly, and moved forward. go.I followed him knowingly.

I have walked this road 45 times, and I can count how many bricks there are. I also know that there will be a pot of flowers at the corner, which should be replaced with yellow ones today.After walking a dozen or so steps, you can see the photos all over the wall, all of which have successfully left, a total of [-]. It took me half a month to count the photos, because I can only count a few of them every time I pass by. Sometimes if you make a mistake or forget to count, you have to count again.

After passing the photo wall, you have to go straight until you come to a mirror wall, and then turn around again, and you are there.

I stood in front of that door, obviously very ordinary, the ordinary one was just a white wooden door, but before I went in, my back was already wet, it was my uncontrollable physiological reaction, embarrassed and sad.

I turned my head and asked with my red eyes: "I have passed the exam several times this month, when can I talk to my parents on the phone?"

The person holding the wooden stick just smiled, his teeth were stained yellow by the dirt from the cigarette, he grinned and said, "There are so many people in the school, it's not your turn yet."

"It's been a month, isn't it my turn yet?" I tried to pull his sleeve, but when the man saw me stretching out my hand, his whole body trembled, and the wooden stick hit my shoulder hard. I had to snort, and I saw him say with disgust on his face: "Disgusting thing! Don't touch me! Be careful to pass your dirty disease to me!"

My face was ashen, and even after so long, what he said still made me hard to hear.But I have no strength to fight and argue with him.

I have done this before, when they insulted Shen Qiuhan with harsh words.I thought, the big deal would be three days and three nights without eating or sleeping.But that wasn’t what was waiting for me. They just locked me in a dark room with no sound, no light, and I couldn’t see my fingers.

I don't know how long I stayed in it, I only know that I was wrapped in black, and was discarded in a huge time rift, and there was nothing in it, just me.

Gradually, I started to be in a trance, and I started to be dazed. The feeling of being alone made me feel like I went back to the time when I was isolated in junior high school. I yelled and tried to use my voice to make them pay attention, but no one answered me, only boundless It's so black, it sticks to me, laughing at my self-righteousness.

It was another long endless night, I even saw Shen Qiuhan in such a dark environment, this was the first time I saw Shen Qiuhan not in a dream or in a photo.He was wearing a school uniform, and he still had an indifferent face, but the corners of his eyes seemed to be bent, so small that he still looked the same when I blinked.

"Zhao Xinhe, why did you leave?" He asked me, his deep dark eyes gradually turned red.

I shook my head and said I'm sorry, but I couldn't give a reason. I didn't want him to hate me.

"You actually left me. Didn't you agree to go to the same university together? Don't you care about my friend at all? Don't you want to come back and see me again?"

I opened my eyes wide and denied it with a hoarse voice. I raised my trembling hands and wanted to get close to him: "No, I didn't... Shen Qiuhan, I really want to see you, really want to see you. I really don't want to leave you." I walked towards him step by step, but it seemed that the distance between me and him would never be close, no matter how many steps I took, Shen Qiuhan would always be close at hand.

He wiped his eyes, the redness faded away, his expression was full of indifference, as if he had returned to the time when he first met him, he said coldly: "Since this is the case, I don't want you anymore. I will completely eliminate you from my mind." He The words were too serious, the eyes were serious, the tone was serious, and I could hear the choking he was holding back. It was just too real and serious, which made me ignore where I was, and where his body that disappeared little by little was. How unreasonable.

I broke down and cried, and my already hoarse voice was even more broken: "Don't! Don't forget me! Shen Qiuhan, you can't forget me. Please, don't forget me!" I rushed towards him madly, but I broke through. There is only endless darkness, and all that is left for me is black and the pain of hitting the wall.

When I opened my eyes again, I was back in the bedroom.My hands and feet were tied and they thought I was going to kill myself.

How could I commit suicide, I haven't seen Shen Qiuhan, I haven't gone out yet, I can't die here.

All the memories came to an abrupt end when the door opened.I looked at the man holding the stick, moved my mouth, and finally said nothing. Doctor Zhang stood inside the door, wearing glasses and looking at me with a smile.Made a please gesture.

Looking at the room full of Shen Qiuhan's photos, I took a slight step back as usual.Doctor Zhang didn't say anything, just stretched out his hand to hold my wrist firmly, and then pulled me inside with a smile on his face.

The people waiting inside imprisoned me who would still resist, and handcuffed me to a chair like an animal.

"It's still the same. You can resist on the way here, but you have to struggle when you enter the room." He pushed the mirror, leaned on the handle of the chair, and lowered his body to me, "Are you expecting to see him? Afraid to see him." His eyes were disgustingly drawn to me, and his words penetrated into my body through every opening, making me feel uncomfortable all over.

"Why are you trembling? The class hasn't started yet? Or... I got it right." After speaking, he roughly grabbed my hair, forced me to raise my head, and made me look at Shen Qiuhan on the wall, "It's so strange Ah, don't you like him? How can you be afraid?" He grinned harder, seeing that I didn't respond, he just smiled lightly, full of sarcasm, he let go of his hand and asked the person at the door: " How much did he eat today?"

"not much."

His face changed, and he looked at me with a wolf-like gaze: "You are not good. However, it is useless for you to eat so little, I will make you vomit even the acid in your stomach." He raised his hand, "Open your mouth."

The person next to me stretched out his hands calmly. I looked at the hands that were getting closer and closer to me, and trembled in fear. He ignored the pleading in my eyes, ignored my sorry, he was numb The ground seems to have done it countless times, opened my mouth alive, and then brought me a retainer so that I could not close my mouth.

Doctor Zhang slowly took out a silver glass stick from the table: "Let him look at the picture." The man pulled my hair without tenderness, forcing me to look at the picture on the wall, and then Doctor Zhang asked Me: "Tell me, do you like him? Just nod or shake your head."

The corners of my mouth were drooling in embarrassment because I couldn't close it.

I'm like a dog without dignity.

The man asked me if I liked Shen Qiuhan.

This is the simplest question in the world, a question of truth that I will never change the answer to.

I nodded.

Doctor Zhang's hand holding things trembled slightly, then returned to normal, shaking the glass stick in his hand: "You are the hardest bone I have ever seen." He said.

Immediately afterwards, the cold glass slid from the tip of my tongue to the surface of my tongue, and then stabbed hard into the depths of my throat. The huge foreign body sensation made my stomach feel sick... Obviously I should get used to it, but when it really comes , I still cowardly and uncontrollably shed tears...

I was covered in filth, with tears and saliva all over my face, Shen Qiuhan just looked at me quietly, such an ugly and dirty me.

i'm so dirty...

Dr. Zhang is still asking me over and over again, even though he has asked me this question many times, my answer has never changed, he will still ask, punitively without stopping.

Sure enough, Dr. Zhang is an honest person, and he does what he says.

Shen Qiuhan in my vision gradually blurred...

That's the reason I came here. If I can even go against my heart, it's tantamount to admitting that homosexuality is wrong.Shen Qiuhan is my heart, it is impossible for me to let my heart die in this dirty preceptor.