do you like me

I found out later that my parents signed the contract for a one-year term. Fortunately, half a year later, I finally had the opportunity to meet them.But when that day came, I couldn’t be happy, and I didn’t look forward to it. Yes, I had looked forward to it, looking forward to the day when they suddenly remembered me, suddenly felt that this was not a disease, and then took me home.

But not once...

On the day we met, my mother shed tears almost the moment she saw me. Her eyes were red, and her hands were trembling, tightly holding my arms that seemed to be broken if I squeezed them.And my dad didn't make too many intimate movements, just stood aside, with tears in his eyes.

"Why are you so thin, why have you lost so much weight?"

I didn't want to waste too much time, just said: "I want to go home."

They looked at each other and didn't answer immediately, they just turned their eyes to Dr. Zhang standing behind me.

He was still the same, he raised his glasses, held something in his hand, walked up to me, and said to my parents: "Your child has a stubborn temper. He has used many different scientific methods, but the effect is remarkable." After finishing speaking, he also leaned over apologetically, "It may make you feel distressed later, but there is no way to do it." After speaking, he showed my parents what he was holding in his hand, and my parents He gave me a complicated look, and then the thing slowly turned to me again.

That photo turned around at an extremely fast speed in my eyes, and in an instant, my brain issued an order like an electric shock, and everything swept away like a silent film.

Fasting, sleep deprivation, confinement, vomiting, electric shock...all kinds of things were drilled into my brain desperately, and my stomach suddenly felt disgusting, which made me desperate, and then I vomited like crazy* in front of my parents When I woke up, I couldn't control my physical reaction, and felt disgusted by the smiling Shen Qiuhan in the photo.

In fact, this phenomenon happened before. That day I broke down and cried all night, and the next day I used a hunger strike to express my dissatisfaction, to protest their inhumane practice. I was looking at the humble ants, and then punished me more severely.

Yes, I like Shen Qiuhan so much, but when I saw the photo, I felt sick, this feeling is too painful, more painful than any torture.

I felt guilty and helpless, I couldn't forgive myself for being like this, but I was helpless, so every time they induced vomiting, I never compromised, endured the nausea and said I liked it.

This is the only remaining avenue for me to resist.

But now, I have such a violent reaction in front of my parents, no doubt telling them that I have been very successful here, telling them that the decision to send me here is correct.

The expressions on my parents' faces were extremely rich, with distress, but also joy.

Dr. Zhang's hollow voice was next to his ear: "But the cure has not been completely cured yet, and you have to wait for a while."

I froze for a while, what do you mean?Is it still a while?How long am I going to stay in this horrible place?

"Mom! I want to go home!" I hadn't recovered from the disgusting physical pain, and I reached out to grab my parents' hands, but was blocked by Dr. Zhang.

"Hey, it's only been a while. You can see that you've already seen results." My mother's voice trembled, and the crying sound was obvious in her tone.She reached out to hold my trembling shoulders and patted my back gently.

Really like a mother.

"Mom! Do you know what they did... They beat me, they didn't let me eat, they put me in a black room! They are not human! They are torturing me!" My voice became louder and someone came up I was too emotional to hold me, and pushed my mother back slightly, and I gently supported her.

When my parents heard this, they were obviously touched. My father let go of my mother and asked seriously, "What does he mean?"

Dr. Zhang just smiled lightly: "It's true that he didn't give him food. After all, he resisted fiercely at the beginning, but don't worry, it's just a punishment for not cooperating with the treatment. I hope you understand."

"You can check to see if your son is injured. Many people use this method to trick their parents into softening their hearts. This is the content of yesterday's physical examination. If you really don't believe us, you can take him home now, but the treatment may All previous efforts will be in vain." He said as he took out the medical examination form and handed it to my parents.

I was stunned, watching him holding the medical examination forms and slowly handing them out.Yes, they have treated so many people, there must be a way to deal with the unexpected.Sure enough, my parents couldn't relax after watching it.

I looked at them in horror.

My mother looked at me, with tears streaming down her eyes: "Hey, it's almost there. If we bear it any longer, if we bear it any longer, Mom and Dad will come to pick you up."

I looked at them incredulously, the only hope was shattered in front of my eyes, and was crushed alive by my biological parents. I widened my eyes and asked loudly: "Are you sick? I don't believe even a single outsider My son." I couldn't control my emotions and became excited again, "Zhao! Are you brainless! They hit me! There are so many ways to not see the wound! Are you..."

"Enough!" My dad shouted, "Don't you feel ashamed enough! If you want to go home early, you should cooperate with the treatment!" After speaking, Doctor Zhang nodded knowingly.

My words were interrupted, and I stared blankly at my father's expression of hating iron and steel, my mother crying into tears, and looking at me with pity, and lost all strength in an instant.

I was helped away by someone, as if I had lost my bones. I was getting farther and farther away from them, and getting closer to the iron gate. The feeling of helplessness gradually spread. I began to fear and regret. I should have a good relationship with them. As I said, I shouldn't be so excited: "Mom! Help me, I don't want to go back, you help me. Mom..." I was pulled into the iron gate and shouted this sentence with all my voice, I seem to see my mother walking towards me, the iron door has not been closed, my mother seems to be moved.

But in the next second, my dad stretched out his hand to hold down my mom, and the iron door was stuck at this moment for a long time, heavily...

"Mom!" I yelled.

closed.

"……help me……"

In this meeting, no one saved me, no one saved me.

Another long torture awaited me, and they threw me into the room like a piece of trash.I don't know how long I lay on the ground before I stood up numbly.Then I saw him again, more than once.

Shen Qiuhan sat on my bed with a sad expression on his face. After I felt disgusted towards him, he would look at me very sadly every time he appeared.

Sure enough, I started to vomit again with nausea. The pain caused by the electric shock had not disappeared, and then my stomach throbbing with nausea began to twitch violently.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I apologized to Shen Qiuhan over and over again, but my body became more and more uncontrollably nauseated, and I instinctively moved further and further away from him until there was no way to retreat.

"Don't you like me?" Shen Qiuhan asked, "Why do you hate me?"

Huge guilt spread up, like a huge wave slapped on me vigorously, smashing my body to pieces, and sank to the bottom of the sea in an instant.

"I... I'm sorry Shen Qiuhan." I covered my face, not daring to look at him.I hid my eyes between my small fingers, I was afraid to see him, I was afraid...

"Zhao Xinhe, you said you like me, but why are you not happy when I come to you?" His tone was sad, this is Shen Qiuhan that I can't see in reality.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I was still reluctant to look up at him.

"Zhao Xinhe, don't be afraid." He said, "Look at me, I miss you so much."

His tone was begging, and he seemed to be very close to me, so close that I could feel the breeze when he squatted down.

"Look at me, I won't make you feel bad, trust me." He stretched out his hand and gently covered the back of my hand, his voice was too gentle, bewitching, leading me to put down my hand.Shen Qiuhan in front of me is wearing a mask, only his eyes are exposed, but because of this, I can see the thick layer of sadness in his eyes more nakedly. It is like densely packed needles, piercing through all my pores.

"Zhao Xinhe, I miss you so much," he said.

I stared at him blankly, and I clearly knew that the person in front of me was just my hallucination.But I'm still stuck in it.

I bit my lip and said in a nasal voice: "I miss you too, Shen Qiuhan, I like you so much, can you like me for a while, just for a second, okay?" This is my extravagant wish, When I spoke out of my nightmare, there was no warning, I just pleaded instinctively, hoping that God would have mercy on me, and let this Shen Qiuhan, whom I imagined, like me a little bit.

Shen Qiuhan didn't answer, even if he was in the hallucination, he was unwilling to say the words "I like you" according to my wish.I broke free in some pain, and scratched my hair frantically. When I realized it, I realized that the palm of my hand was full of hair that I grabbed from my head.

"You don't like me, you don't like me at all." I muttered to myself.

"Zhao Xinhe, don't be like this. You are the most important friend in my heart. No one can replace your position in my heart." Shen Qiuhan said seriously.

With tears in my eyes, I listened to his words in a daze. I didn't know whether it was true or not, but it made my exhausted body recover a little bit.

"Zhao Xinhe." He raised his hand and touched my head. His eyes were also red, and I knew he was starting to be sad again. "Does it hurt? They treat you like that, does it hurt?"

Does it hurt?

I reached out and hugged myself, not daring to think about it, nor willing to think about it.

"Does it hurt?" he asked softly.

Shen Qiuhan's voice was a bit coaxing. My already tearful eyes couldn't bear it any longer. I covered my mouth and began to cry. Sadly, I didn't even dare to cry too much, for fear of attracting those people.

"Shen Qiu...Han...I...I'm in so much pain...I'm in so much pain, it really hurts...My head hurts...Stomach hurts...All...My whole body hurts..." The voice came from my palm Come out, intermittent, dull, "You... come... save me, okay... don't..." Before I finished speaking, the person in front of me disappeared without warning, and the whole room fell into silence and In the darkness, I looked at the empty space in front of me, unable to think, and finally I could only whisper in despair, "Don't...leave me alone, I'm so...so scared."

I got up the next day in a state of depression, and today there is no electric shock or vomiting.It's just that I took some brainwashing courses. After class, I have a free time for activities. This time is a privilege only for controlled people like us.

During the period, I also saw a father passing by me with his child. The man should be younger than me, his eyes were full of fear, and he cried and told his father that he did not want to be treated.

How I want to run to that father and tell him, go!run!But there are too many people around, even an unknown old man passing by may drag me into that disgusting punishment room.

I was thinking like this...but suddenly I was startled...then something slowly spread up, I stood where I was, and my limbs suddenly went numb.

I call the room full of Shen Qiuhan's photos, the room where Shen Qiuhan can be seen, the disgusting... punishment room...

Those photos that I carefully took secretly, the photos that were once regarded as treasures, now become my fear and nausea.There was a thought that I didn't want to think about spread out... The fact that I didn't want to admit, the thing I deliberately avoided, gradually occupied my brain.

I have a resistance to Shen Qiuhan's photos, and I also have obvious rejection of Shen Qiuhan's hallucinations, does that mean that even if I get out of this prison, I will not be able to see Shen Qiuhan... Otherwise, how can I explain my vomiting reaction... …

Shen Qiuhan's sad face flashed in my mind involuntarily, he asked me if he would be sad.

Zhao Xinhe, did you forget me?Zhao Xinhe, why did you suddenly hate me after you disappeared for a while?Zhao Xinhe, are you disgusting me?

My head was too messy, for a while I flashed Shen Qiuhan, for a while I skipped Dr. Zhang, for a while I watched myself being tortured like watching a movie, for a while it was my mother scolding me with red eyes, and for a while it was my dad's old back.A lot of things got into my head and invaded my nerves.

I... I don't want to forget Shen Qiuhan, I can't not like Shen Qiuhan, I can't cure the disease, no, it's not a disease, I don't have a disease.

it hurts...

Who, who will save me.

The sound of vomiting, the sound of electricity, and the sound of needles piercing flesh came from the ears.

I can't dislike Shen Qiuhan, I... Zhao Xinhe can't dislike Shen Qiuhan.

It's not sick... I'm not sick...

Cured, how to cure?How else to force me not to like him...

I do not want!

I frantically rushed upstairs.

I really want to dig my brain out, it hurts so much... so noisy...

Shen Qiuhan, I like you, but I hate you...

What should I do, what should I do...

The information in his head is too messy, like hundreds of machines buzzing.

When I was covered in sweat, I opened the door to the roof, and when I breathed the air with the smell of sunshine, I suddenly calmed down.

I see myself standing on the edge of the balcony.

What am I doing here...

I asked myself.

I watched the figure swaying downstairs, and the sun in the distance was scorching hot and dazzling.I saw the tallest tree among the dead trees.

Why is it winter, I can't even see any life, no green... nothing...

Cho Shin Hyuk, what are you doing here?

Who is asking me?

Puzzled, I raised my hand and nodded to myself, and said to myself, "I...seem... don't want to live anymore. Zhao Xinhe doesn't want to live anymore."

After I finished speaking, I smiled.

The people downstairs should have seen me, it was a bit noisy.Noisier than the machine in my head.

After a while, someone rushed in, I turned my head and saw Shen Qiuhan standing at the door panting.

I asked myself, Shen Qiuhan, are you real?

Shen Qiuhan said: "I am real."

I looked at him and smiled bitterly. If it was true, how could I hear the voice in my heart.

"Shen Qiuhan, I like you." I said.

Shen Qiuhan was wearing a mask, his eyes were bloodshot: "I know, come down quickly!"

"Why? I'm so tired, I'm in pain, don't you know?" I asked.

"Zhao Xinhe, as long as you admit that you don't like me, you won't be in pain and tired when you're sick."

I took a few steps on the edge, shaking my body: "Why? I'm not wrong?"

"Zhao Xinhe! You are obedient! I am Shen Qiuhan, look at me, I don't want you to die, don't you care about me the most? You listen to me." Shen Qiuhan stretched out his hand, I saw his fingertips trembling, I saw tears streaming down his eyes.

I tilted my head and tried to pull the corners of my mouth. The sun was so dazzling that I wanted to cry again. I opened my mouth and said, "Don't lie to me, I know who you are..." I paused, deeply Looking at him deeply, he said in despair, "You are... me..."

I saw Shen Qiuhan startled for a moment, then took a few steps back, and slammed his back against a solid wall. The mask on his face slowly disappeared, his face twisted slowly, and gradually turned into me.

I laughed a few times, bent over laughing, my eyes were red from laughing, and my tears were like beads that couldn't be strung together.

laugh at myself.

You see, even if the Shen Qiuhan I came up with is myself, I clearly know that I can't let "Shen Qiuhan" say the words "I like you too".

The voice downstairs was much closer, and my only sober reason told me that if I was caught this time, I would be punished severely, and I would lose the chance to leave this place forever, and I would also welcome people who didn’t like Shen Qiuhan. ending.

If only it were spring now... so I can see the lush tree, I can see the beautiful flowers, I can smell the flowers, hear the birds, maybe... See something like this Vitality... I want to live again...

But...it's winter.

The sound is getting closer...

The moment they burst in, I jumped.

They all say that people will see their happiest moments before they die.Maybe I have quite a lot of happiness. I saw a lot of myself when I was a child, myself when I grew up, my parents, and of course Shen Qiuhan.

"Bang"...

I saw Shen Qiuhan turn around, with the setting sun behind him, he asked me if I want to go home together.

I moved my fingers and wanted to say, okay.

The light gradually disappeared, and I begged the gods with the last bit of my life, hoping that someone could tell Shen Qiuhan and tell him for me.

After I die, please bury my ashes in the soil, and I will grow into the tallest tree in a corner that no one knows, and then find you among the dense crowd.

--Finish--

The author says:

This is the end of Zhao Xinhe's story.I know that many people will be very sad, but this is his ending. I actually wanted him to be reborn more than once when I wrote it, and I wanted him to pass through quickly.But I don't want to write too fake.There are not so many likes in real life will be together.Many crushes never end.There are many reasons why Zhao Xinhe committed suicide in the end, including mental problems, parents' disbelief, and his own persistence and uncompromising.