this is love

[Even if the two sides of the strait are separated, the boundary of subversion cannot be crossed forever.I'm looking at you too, in every dim moment. 】

The darkness in front of the eyes seems to be entwined with mist and light and shadow, which makes people feel in a trance.It is like a predecessor that goes back in time, but clearly tells in the haze that this is reality and the future that is so close.

Time is connected to a straight line, and so many years have passed in the floating life like a dream.When passing through the torrent of time, what did they lose and what did they gain in exchange?How precious what passes through the gap between the fingers, leaving a little regret.

Those who are at a loss and ask, who should I go to.

The loneliness when whispering exhortations, after all, there is no way to tell.

They seem to have been lonely for too long.

There was a warm breath on the side of the ear, which awakened his heartbeat that had been silent for many years.

The smell of cigarettes came clearly from the man.Permeated with inexplicable vicissitudes and sadness, it seems that the nostalgia for life is almost exhausted.Limbs and bones sank slowly to the bottom of the lake, out of sight.Nothing can save him.

What about him?can he

How did he live?

After six years, he began to seriously think about this issue.

His finger moved slightly, and the next second he was about to lift it, he suddenly retracted due to shock.The voice from behind seemed to split open the already solidified air around him, and even the temperature became chilling in an instant.

"What are you doing?"

When he pushed away Park Xingxiu and took a step back, Gao Nanshun didn't turn his head, and just ran into Park Xingxiu's gaze impartially.The man's eyes that should have been burning were gradually subdued and covered, until finally, like a candle flickering in the wind, he couldn't hold back the lingering pain, and he struggled a few times before ending sadly.

It wasn't straightened out, those eyes just looked straight at him.So, was he the one who blew out the light?He didn't know, but he couldn't help but feel a dull pain in his heart.Now that he decided to avoid it, why didn't he also block that person's painful eyes.Otherwise, how could I end up with a sudden stubbornness and heartache far-fetched.

It was burning hot in his ears, with a lingering ambiguous atmosphere, the temperature and touch seemed to be fresh, and he was unwilling to leave after living in his ears.His heartbeat hadn't completely calmed down, and coupled with the secret of being witnessed and discovered, his always indifferent aura began to become disordered.

"Why are you back again?" It was Park Xingxiu who took the lead in sorting out his emotional state, and the demeanor he put on again in the blink of an eye did not reveal a single bit of fragility. The man looked behind him calmly, and Gao Nanshun followed him. Turning around after asking the question, Ji froze when he saw the person behind him.

"..." Cui Yingmin's frowning eyebrows can be clearly distinguished even in the backlight. After putting on makeup and styling, the whole person has an unusual cold aura. In the dimness, it also shows eye-catching capital, which is even better than Gao Nanshun.He seemed to hold back some boiling emotions and pondered for a long time before responding again: "I'm done preparing, come and see you before going on stage."

"Well," Park Xingxiu responded softly, stepped forward and wanted to talk to Gao Nanshun, but just as the words came out, they were hurriedly interrupted: "You..."

"I went first."

Involuntarily, even his voice became hurried, Gao Nanshun cursed in his heart for his abnormality, for whom did he lose his mind, he just fell into a swamp that he hadn't set foot in for several years just because of a momentary impulse and a momentary trance.That out-of-control clamoring emotion was too dangerous, and he would never try it a second time.It's just that looking at Park Xingxiu will slow down his thinking.That's just a side effect of being caught in the shadow of the past.Just, just.

When passing by Cui Yingmin, he felt another emotion.

He doesn't like to be scrutinized, and he doesn't like to make enemies in his heart.

Whatever the mood, he doesn't want to give energy.

"..."

The man seemed to be running away, as if he was a cannibalistic demon.The warmth from a moment ago was wiped away, which almost made him doubt whether the docile acceptance belonged to the imagination in the dream.Pu Xingxiu lowered his eyes, and the sigh that came out was barely audible.

"What's going on?" Cui Yingmin seemed to have just lost her cover-up mask, and Cui Yingmin's brows furrowed even better, and she stepped forward a few steps to force him in front of him, her questioning tone was clear at a glance.Pu Xingxiu looked up at him for a moment, but finally turned sideways and refused to speak.

"Park Xingxiu, you talk." The feeling of being concealed is not fun at all, not to mention that after discovering the hidden truth, Cui Yingmin felt angry when he saw his silent appearance, the anger was mixed with worry, and it came out of nowhere The reality made him feel unbelievable.

The figures of those two people cuddling together were half-wrapped in the darkness, which was so profound that it caught his eyes and hit his heart directly. He stood still and digested the shock for a long time before he was able to organize his words to speak.In such a situation, no one would casually find excuses to prevaricate.As Park Xingxiu's close friend, it is even more impossible for him to choose to sit idly by.

"What do you want to know?"

"...you should explain."

"...There is nothing to explain," Park Xingxiu fumbled in his pocket and pulled out another cigarette, lowered his head and lit the lighter slowly.The tone of the words seemed to be telling an earth-shattering fact casually: "He... is the person I love, that's all."

"Are you kidding me!" Cui Yingmin grabbed him by the neckline with considerable force, causing him to lean slightly, and the hand holding the cigarette fell down feebly. Park Xingxiu looked at his friend with angry eyes, and suddenly laughed at himself like a self-deprecating Voice.

"Is this funny? I just love someone..."

"..." As if stung by the bitter and ironic tone full of pain, Cui Yingmin's heart tightened, and he slowly let go of his hand with a slightly surprised expression. For the first time, Park Xingxiu felt that he was so strange, like a person from a parallel universe, with a life and thoughts he didn't know at all.At that moment, he felt a little sad. "You...be more rational, and say love to a man, it's not like you."

"Then what is it like me?" All his emotions seemed to be ignited in an instant. What Park Xingxiu said was full of struggles and difficulties. He was shackled by the rules of the world for too long, and no one thought about it. Give him real gasp oxygen.Everyone is building his life with his own ideas, he is manipulated, defined, overthrown, and completely reshaped.Under that resplendent and resplendent body, hides tremblingly, is the soul that is hunted and killed all the time, it is his self. "How do you know what I am?"

"..."

"Don't define me by your own thoughts. If you want to know, I will tell you, Gao Nanshun, that is the only person I have loved so far. No matter what he is, it can't change this fact. You think I'm just Are you willing to do this? But I can't help myself..."

"..."

"I probably... really love him so badly..."

That person left him out of love, but cruelly used time to verify his love.

He lost a lot.

Gao Nanshun found out afterwards that Park Xingxiu did not watch the fashion show, and he left the venue directly.

During the intervals between catwalks, he inadvertently looked around the venue countless times, only to discover this unintentional search after aftertaste. While spurning himself, he felt very lonely because of the disappearance of that person.He began to not understand himself, nor the other party.This past that covered the sky and the sun, and the power that extended almost covered the sky with one hand, leaving him nowhere to hide.

Why is it, can't escape?

"Sean, Sean?" Someone called his name repeatedly, and it took him a long time to pull him away from the trance and turn his attention back to the person in front of him, who patted him on the shoulder: " Are you listening?"

"...Sorry, what did you just say?"

"...You haven't been quite right recently," Li Chengxian frowned slightly and looked at him, crossing his arms and examining his chest carefully, trying to dig out even the slightest reason from his behavior and demeanor changes, but Xiao En is after all Sean, Sean who does not allow others to spy closely, even the manager who brought him all the way here can't do anything about it.While talking to him, he used winks to suggest that the assistant sitting next to him should tell him the relevant information, but the boy also looked at him with an innocent and ignorant expression. This situation made Li Chengxian sigh: " Is there something on your mind?"

"No. It's just a momentary distraction, let's talk about it."

Gao Nanshun looked down at the information in his hand, his indifferent and calm expression swept away the previous daze, leaving only a solemnity that no one could argue with.It's just that the spirit that had just been concentrated was disturbed again after a while.The mobile phone vibrated for an unknown number of times, humming slowly by the table, showing a sense of presence that cannot be ignored.Can't help frowning and "tsk", Gao Nanshun quickly picked up the phone, only glanced at the strange number displayed on the screen, and then slid the hang up button neatly.

No, it should not be called a strange number.

Because the text message belonging to this number clearly stated the identity of the other party.

That person's name appeared in front of him without hiding or hiding.

[It's me, Park Heung-soo.answer the phone. ]

He hated the tone.It seemed that the man knew clearly that he couldn't escape from his palm, and he would be eager to catch the olive branch if he stretched out a little.Even though it was true that he couldn't help going to see him before, letting him snuggle up and forgetting to push away, but he has already regretted it, how could he give that person a chance to make progress.

anything else?

There are also those grievances hidden deep in the bottom of my heart but buried.

He still remembers the look Cui Yingmin gave him after the fashion show and before leaving.

He felt as if his self-esteem had been trampled on invisibly.He felt cold all over.

He couldn't help guessing and slandering the relationship between those two people.He remembered the way Park Xingxiu coaxed that person with soft words, he remembered the look on the phone with Park Xingxiu, he remembered Park Xingxiu's hand on that person's shoulder, he remembered the word "we" that Park Xingxiu said, he He remembered the way Park Xingxiu suppressed the man's irritability and left, and he also remembered the depressed and annoyed look on the man's face when he watched him leave from the end of the dark corridor.

How could he not think about it, not suspect it.

But it was because of this suspicion and even jealousy that made him loathe himself even more.

After all these years, there is still no progress.

Not promising.Really useless.

Pressing the screen lock button of the mobile phone, Gao Nanshun looked at the sign of "17 missed calls, 5 unread text messages" displayed on the screen, and unknowingly immersed himself in boundless sorrow again, leaving a deeply inexplicable feeling. The agent and the assistant looked at each other.

Even if he doesn't want to admit that it's love, he still has to admit that it's the lingering sorrow in his life.

There is no defense, no escape.

The cold response of "the number you dialed is currently on..." came from his ear again. Even if he deceived himself, Park Xingxiu knew that this could not be explained by the wrong timing.That person deliberately avoided him, so naturally he wouldn't give him the slightest chance to catch him.

Staring at the person's name and number displayed on the screen, Park Xingxiu didn't know how to deal with the turbulent feelings in his heart, which seemed sour, bitter and sweet, as if he was pursuing the person he liked, but also seemed to be in a cold war with the person he loved... Actually Woolen cloth?When another wave of powerlessness mixed with helplessness rushed up, he had to face the reality, this was just the end of his strength.

I was just fighting with my back.

Go on the rampage with a stubbornness, even if it will be bloody.

Temporarily giving up and pressing the lock screen button, Park Xingxiu turned around and opened the sliding door of the balcony and walked into the house. Just in time, Park Zhixiu came to ask him to eat, and followed his sister to the dining table. Park Xingxiu's expression was no longer as lonely as before. Melancholy, but Pu Zhixiu is not a superficial person. How could her brother who has loved him so much not notice the strangeness in him.

It's just that she found another breath in him.

Lively, with a crazy desire to survive.

It was something she hadn't seen for many years, and it almost made her excited, but also surprised.She couldn't think of anything that would cause his state to fluctuate so much. The only possibility was hidden in her heart, and she didn't know whether she should take it out to observe...

"Zhi Bin is not at home again, I haven't seen him for almost a month, right? Does this kid miss his uncle?" Park Xingxiu put the food in her sister's bowl, and casually started the topic, with a rare lightness in her words Naturally, Pu Zhixiu was inexplicably startled, and the corners of his eyes wet unconsciously.

"He, he is going to take tutoring at the teacher's house today, thinking about going to your place to play on the weekend. This kid is always clamoring to play with you, but there is no suitable time recently..."

"Okay, okay, I know, don't be nervous, sister, I just miss that kid Zhibin." Seeing her sister explaining in a panic as if facing an interviewer, Park Xingxiu felt her cautiousness for a moment, almost instantly I was overwhelmed by heartache.How could he not know what was going on in his sister's heart, so he couldn't bear to make her flustered, and the tone of interrupting her was mixed with a smile.

I seem to be slowly being redeemed.

I've been looking forward to it.

"... Mmm." Looking up at Pu Xingxiu who was sitting opposite, she felt that her language system was gradually becoming disordered, and after her throat that had been blocked for a long time was finally cleared, she immediately responded softly.

He was different, really different.

why?

【You, have you met him again? 】

These words hovered in his mind, murmured in the valley of his heart, rippling to his lips and swallowed whole.After hesitating for a long time and struggling, I finally chose to give up.She didn't know whether it was covering up the reality or covering up the scars.

In fact, she has been avoiding the harm that she personally brought to them.

She was afraid to face the scars in her life.

After Gao Nanshun got out of the car, the window of the passenger seat was lowered. Li Chengxian looked at him with a helpless and slightly stern expression on his face. After holding back for a while, he chose to sigh softly: "Take a good rest, go back and go straight to sleep Well, otherwise, you won't be able to keep up with your energy even more. You are really not in a good state recently, so hurry up and adjust."

"Yeah." Gao Nanshun turned sideways and waved his hands casually. His already irritated mood skyrocketed after hearing that his chaotic state was euphemistically exposed by others. He was so bad that everyone could see that he What kind of abnormality is this? The culprit who caused him to be in such a mess obviously didn't know anything about it.

Slowly moving towards the elevator door of the apartment, Gao Nanshun saw his blurred shadow reflected on the smooth marble floor, moving alone in the silent corridor, even the sound of footsteps was lonely.Suddenly I couldn't help laughing at myself.

Does he really want that person to know about his state?

Forget it, it will only add to the chaos.

After getting out of the elevator, he walked through the dark corridor. The fluorescent lamp with the words "safe passage" at the bottom of the wall was dimly lit. He didn't touch the light switch, but walked through the darkness skillfully and walked straight to his door.

The drowsiness in his head is still entangled with those complicated and complicated thoughts. In recent years, his other abilities have not improved much, but the problem of cranky thinking has become more and more ingrained.In a trance, he stood in front of the door and opened the door lock, and was about to press the password. The unguarded state made him tremble violently when the raised hand was held in the next second, and his whole body became stiff.

The abnormally hot temperature came from the tight fit of the palm covering the back of his hand, almost igniting him.

With a familiar yet unfamiliar touch.

As if his heart was scalded, Gao Nanshun felt that those chaotic thoughts were burned to ashes.He looked up along that hand, his eyes caressing his forearm, forearm, shoulder, neck and face all the way.After meeting that person's eyes, he felt that the blocked river in his heart was slowly navigating, and the rushing water flowed all the way to the end of his life, taking away all the difficulties that lingered in place.But at the same time, a certain string was tightly collapsed, and there was extremely tense and slight pain between pulling and pulling.

He was stunned for a long time before he finally realized that he withdrew his hand from the man's palm reflexively.But the touched skin on the back of the hand still has a hot breath, and that breath gradually penetrates into the blood, flowing between the mountains and rivers of the body.It scalded his heart.

"How do you..."

"I want to see you."

Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted directly.Those words were like shocking words, which made him completely stunned and unable to respond. Park Xingxiu's eyes became the brightest sparkle in this darkness, and he almost fell into it and couldn't extricate himself.

These words with a hint of affection knocked on the door of his heart again and again.Those originally impenetrable defenses centered on one point, and the cracks that spread were hit again and again, and the pieces were pieced together reluctantly to be broken, but he still attacked the city mercilessly.

don't say any more, don't...

I really, really can't take it anymore.

Quickly inputting the door lock code, Gao Nanshun lowered his head and opened the door, walked straight in and tried to close the door with his backhand. The speed and strength showed that Park Xingxiu was not welcome. guest means.

As if anticipating his reaction, Park Xingxiu stretched out his hand against the door faster than him, resisting his force to close the door.The harder Gao Nanshun exerted himself, his hand was gradually clamped between the cracks of the door to bear the greater force, as if even the pain was shielded, his face full of determination ignored the pinched left hand and still resisted the tendency of closing the door until the door opened. The person inside was reluctant to use any more force, let go of his hands and conceded defeat.

"madman."

He laughed, and laughed happily when he was cursed hard.He knew that he won, he didn't win because of persistence, and he didn't win because of stubbornness, he just won in that person's heart, and if he won, he had him in his heart.

Gao Nanshun walked into the house and refused to pay any attention to him, so Park Xingxiu went in and changed into the slippers at the entrance. This was the second time he came to his residence.He still remembers how he left with an unspeakable mood when he first came here.This time it came, but I tasted the joy of being extremely excited.

He's really crazy, isn't he?

"What on earth are you here for? You've seen him, so leave if you have nothing to do." Gao Nanshun took out two cans of clear beer from the refrigerator, threw a can to him two steps apart, then walked to a corner of the sofa and sat down.

"..." Park Xingxiu caught the can of clear beer, and couldn't help but smile softly in his heart. Gao Nanshun didn't even realize it himself. Since he wanted him to leave as soon as possible, why did he give him a can of beer as if he was going to sit down for a long time? What about the attitude of talking.He looked at the man sitting on the sofa drinking beer with his head down, and suddenly found that he seemed to like to sit in that position. The last time the two of them had a conversation, he was also sitting there, with his back to the floor lamp in the corner. Stained with soft and unusual warmth.

Opening the beer can with a "pop--", Park Xingxiu swallowed hard with his head raised. He didn't feel that he had some courage until the refreshing coolness rolled down his esophagus and down his throat.He simply didn't hesitate any more, put the beer can on the coffee table and walked straight to the corner where the man was sitting.

When he knelt down on one knee in front of that person, he clearly sensed the other person's subconscious reaction of wanting to stand up and escape, but after realizing that he was just squatting in front of him, his original movements stiffened immediately, and he froze there in embarrassment looked down at him.His eyes were full of surprise and panic, which couldn't escape his eyes. Even since the reunion, the man had never been honest.

"Gao Nanshun."

"..."

"...Gao Nanshun," he slowly chewed the name out between his teeth, as if he wanted to engrave it in his heart, the person in front of him looked down at him, and the dim yellow floor lamp behind him outlined the contours of his ears Dyed with gentle fur edges, the eyebrows and eyes of that person in the shadows are also very soft and soft.The words spit out in the next second seemed to be greeting softly: "Do you know, I love you."

"..."

Does anyone know what it feels like to be destined?

When the only words that can embellish your life are always echoing in your heart, you are eager for someone to tell them, whispering affectionately in your ears, what you are thinking about is only the code words that can turn the gears of fate, and look forward to the fate People are coming to give you the answers you've been waiting for.

You haven't noticed it until he actually shows up.You are still struggling in the vacant anticipation and the tiredness of waiting, but at the moment you turn your head, you hear the words ringing in your ears every now and then when you return from your dream at midnight, and you are close at hand. hold.

The feeling at that moment is more beautiful than the flowers blooming all over the mountains and plains at the same time.

The moment when the petals stretch out in unison is the pinnacle of beauty created by the Creator.

And this unexpected encounter is even more majestic than the peak.

He opened his mouth silently, as if he had lost his hearing for a moment.He could no longer tell what Park Xingxiu was talking about.He just saw himself six years ago through his eyes.The self who is willing to sacrifice himself for love.

He has changed too much.

Only at this moment did I realize that the saddest person is the one who first chose to let go.

Because the moment he let go of his hand, there was nothing left of him.

He even gave up on himself, the poor and lonely self who was abandoned, who died on a street corner that no one cared about, and passed away with the wind.

Gao Nanshun lowered his eyes, stared at an unknown corner and was silent for a long time, so long that Park Xingxiu thought that his knees would touch the floor like this, and they would never be able to stand up when they grew together, but he didn't have the slightest intention to relax and move, He is fighting for it with all his heart, to win back that person's warm beating heart again.

"You go."

"..."

"Stand up, don't look like this, it's not good-looking." Gao Nanshun raised his eyes to look at him, and there was no trace of warmth left in those eyes in a blink of an eye, as if he had just recollected his confession, but his heart and lungs gradually became cold.

This makes no sense at all.Pu Xingxiu felt that everything was extremely ridiculous, he couldn't help but chuckled, and looked back at him incomprehensibly: "What did you say?"

"...That's all you want to say? Then when you're done, go back." Gao Nanshun moved his body, staggered his squatting position and stood up, sneering as if he had just been cursed viciously instead of an affectionate confession.

"..."

He froze all his movements, maintaining a dry posture, staring at the empty place nailed to the spot, the light pierced straight into his eyes, almost sparking tears of blood.It seemed that the speed of the air flow was rapidly reduced, and in the end the air dried and forced him in the room.

He started hallucinating.Those mottled lights and shadows are fragmented memories from a long, long time ago.The sound of his heartbeat when he kissed him for the first time, he and he sat facing each other in front of the candlelight in the dark and made a wish with drooping eyes, he cautiously approached him who was asleep and tried to kiss him secretly, he was so angry because of that person's cold words Weeping endlessly, he leaned against the man's bed and tightly held his injured palm, he and he both ran in the dripping rain, he slammed his cheek hard with tears, he looked at the The three words "I'm sorry" sent by someone cried bitterly...

All the memories were mixed together, overwhelming and overwhelming.

His temples seemed to be hammered heavily by a hard blunt object, he was suppressed by the madness surging up from the bottom of his heart, and his limbs were suppressed. The almost destructive desire to destroy dominated him, his eyes were red, and he wanted to tear everything in front of him. Crack into pieces.

All die.

I hate you.

The moment Gao Nanshun was pushed down, the man didn't even have time to show a surprised expression before he was strangled by the throat.The feeling of suffocation spread to the brain for a moment, and his throat was so tightly squeezed that it hurt. He could clearly feel the force that the man used, which could almost break the skin on his neck.

"Ugh..."

The wailing was cut off in his throat before it took shape, and Gao Nanshun's cheeks began to turn red due to lack of oxygen. Sad eyes with blood stained eye sockets.

He pushed Park Heung-soo to the extreme.

So he was going to strangle him?

For a moment, he actually felt that the resistance in his hands had loosened, and he couldn't use any more strength to oppose this violence.He felt sad, too sad.Everything seemed to be a tragedy.That person was still saying "love" to himself a moment ago, but at this moment he choked his own throat as if he was about to die.

All this was forced by him.

Is he doing something wrong?

But he was just tired and wanted to rest.

Can no one forgive him?

You, can't you love me tenderly?

The moment I closed my eyes, my heartbeat rushed to the peak, the feeling of lack of oxygen made my brain chaotic, and the feeling of headache forced my ears to ring.He felt the moist touch slowly slipping from the corners of his eyes, hiding in the hair and moistening into the bottom of his heart.

so tired.

There is no such thing as a dead end in such a life.

In a trance, just a second before fainting, he regained oxygen.Like a fish on the verge of drying up, he coughed violently, and tears rolled down, continuously flowing down his temples and into his hair. The dim yellow halo of the floor lamp slanted against the ceiling, where the light and shadow gradually transitioned from light to dark. And so, forgetting where I am.

Until the next second, someone blocked his view, the person's face was facing the backlight, and the eyes looking at him hid the light, like a meteor gliding across the sky, and slowly landed a short distance in front of the tip of his nose.Then he felt the corner of his lips being touched gently.

Ugh.

Someone sighed softly in his heart, and he slowly breathed a sigh of relief.

Finally - tender and touching.

It seems that I have returned to my hometown that I have not seen for a long time.

The hot and wet liquid dripped onto his cheeks, fused with his tears and slid down together. He gradually heard the intermittent voice in his ears, it was that person who was crying.

Lying next to his ears, the sound of continuous crying seemed to be crying.

He suddenly began to miss the warmth of the light touch on his lips.

don't cry please

Tears are too bitter.