this is love

【When love becomes a prairie fire, you turn sideways slowly.Accumulated fertile riverbeds, I am a pilgrim, I am a geese on a journey, but I am deeply in love.Since then, I have no intention of chasing, the new green spring. ——Zhang Yusheng]

It took all my energy to look at each other once, as if you were by my side from the rising of the sun to the setting of the moon.

But we missed it, and one mistake may be a lifetime.

Looking at him standing in front of him, he was dreaming.But after reviewing all the things that can be missed, there is only a frail body dragging a broken heart to wander.When fate's arrangement was exhausted, he was exhausted.I don't want to move anymore, I don't want to struggle anymore.

So be it.

"What are you doing."

When he looked away from Park Xingxiu's face, he was still pretending to be understated, as if the blush that rushed to the corner of his eyes just now was just an illusion in the blink of an eye, he was still so indifferent and unapproachable, any familiarity would not be recognized, Gao Nanshun The defense is natural.Naturally, he would not forgive anyone, let alone Park Xingxiu.

After the fleeting fragility and nostalgia passed, this door became his bottom line.

He thought of simply closing the door to see off the guests.But after meeting Pu Xingxiu's silent and stubborn gaze, he couldn't help frowning and patiently retreating a step.

The coolness in his words slowly dissipated in the air with the ending of the circle, and finally what was spread out was only a barrier, invisible and tenacious.

Show no flaws.

Pu Xingxiu pondered for a long time, watching him unwilling to speak or leave.But it seemed that he would not forcefully choose to ignore it, and just waste time confronting him like this.He let his eyes linger on the man's face, from the corners of the eyes to the brows, from the hair to the neck, greedily sucking bit by bit, and finally stared at his shimmering and cool pupils.Can't help but sigh lightly.

Finally, I saw you again.

Finally... finally.

"Let me go in and talk."

The heart trembled, as if something was slowly shattered under the slow-motion shooting, like the petals hit by particles, showing a broken shape like a cocoon, and the tiny flower foam rolls floating in the air with the lingering aroma, Gradually fall again.

Both gentle and bleak.

The lines on the side of Gao Nanshun's face were taut for a moment without showing any trace, and finally let go impatiently.The slightly frowned brows never let up, he just turned his head away and didn't look at him anymore, turned around and walked into the house, leaving the door wide open.Park Xingxiu stood there and looked at him for a long time, then walked straight into the house without politeness and closed the door behind him.

The decoration structure of the whole house is not gorgeous, but it has a unique and elegant temperament, just like Gao Nanshun, who has not seen him for many years, his gestures and gestures are no longer the gentle and plain atmosphere of the past. Xuan Ran, that is a kind of charm that only increases but does not decrease, which confuses people.

Attracts you, yet resists you.

Following his steps into the living room, Park Xingxiu looked down at the patterns on the carpet for a moment, then raised his head to look at Gao Nanshun who was sitting silently in the corner of the sofa. Even the sitting posture of that person was subconsciously defensive, with his hands clasped With an unspoken irritability in his chest, he waited for him to speak.

"You've been living here?" Park Xingxiu stood in front of the sofa, and didn't choose to sit down. He just stood there, looking at that person two steps away.The location of this apartment is not far from where he lives, but it is not a place he often passes by. In addition, the lives of the two people are very different. He never imagined that the person in front of him is here. In a land that is both familiar and unfamiliar, he lived quietly like him.

"..." Gao Nanshun's eyes fell on the floor one meter away. The floor lights were dim, and the figure that had been reflected was so lonely that he was afraid of people. Even if there was a warm breath floating around him, he would feel lonely. Once he returned to the past The years in the past were full of coolness penetrating the bone marrow, stirring loneliness and aggression, so he always refused to recall.Damn Park Xingxiu, the first sentence teased his scar first. "It doesn't seem to have anything to do with you."

"...Can't you be more sincere?" Park Xingxiu felt tired, and the conversation had not yet begun. He was really longing for a sincere conversation, which had nothing to do with entanglement or resentment.But Gao Nanshun never let down his vigilance at all, defending against him is like defending against enemy invasion.Even the gloomy and dark air is mocking him, a one-man show, which has been performed for so long, still can't get out of it.

"Sincere what? I'm telling the truth."

"..."

Looking at each other without words is not only a romantic and tacit understanding, they have no tears in their eyes, and they have never been speechless. This silence has sharp thorns. , Even time has become an unnecessary waste.

The hustle and bustle of the city is blinded by the neon lights and the whirling wind in the dark night, like diving into the deep sea to feel the magnificence of the waves or the silent breathing of the undercurrent. The whole world is quiet, pretending to be still for a moment time and space.

The lights were dim and blurry, and the scene inside the window was just a plain two-faced look.Time moves carefully, for fear of disturbing the newly accumulated feelings of the person you like.At the moment when the will was tense and the heartbeat was chaotic and fluctuating, their movements changed, as if someone had quietly pressed the start button.

The moment Pu Xingxiu approached, Gao Nanshun nimbly stood up, the movement was unexpectedly quick, as if the nerves that had been waiting for a long time were finally reflexed, as if he had been waiting for this moment, when he could stand After avoiding the arm that was touched by that person, he felt relaxed, safe, safe?

In the next second, he was tightly grasped by the arm. He was no longer soft, and he was not allowed to react again. With one force, he was dragged to the front of him, breathing and smelling each other close at hand, and seeing the piling up in the other's eyes. Panic gradually squeezed between the brows, forming a bored gesture, as if troubled.

Pu Xingxiu was silent, but his expression was inexplicably tinged with sullenness, the line of his lips was lightly closed, and he pursed into a stern depression. After a long time, he said in a deep voice: "Do you think it's useful to avoid it?"

The strength on the arm has not been reduced, and the scorching hot boiling has been burning all the way to the heart. Knowing that the psychological effects of those powerless restraints have made the senses infinitely magnified, Gao Nanshun is still powerless, unable to break free, unable to escape.The man in front of him forced him to face the facts, and the close distance made him suffocate. He could see the looming clean collarbone in the man's neat collar, rolling upwards and past the Adam's apple along the side of the well-defined neck. A clear masculine symbol, with a hormonal cologne smell.

He has changed, changed.

It became more and more difficult for him to cope.He felt weak all over, and the cut wound on his fingertips was aching.

"Let go." The voice became feeble, as if a dying struggle had turned into a begging, Pu Xingxiu's heart moved, and he felt extremely unbearable, as if he had bullied a person to the limit, and even he himself felt cruel.Then the fingers slowly loosened, allowing Gao Nanshun to pull out his arm.The man lowered his head slightly, looked at an unknown place, and spoke again, but he was a bit cold again: "What exactly do you want to say? To make a long story short, let's go."

Now it was his turn to be speechless, the words that had been brewing in his heart for many days were in a mess, and the congestion in his heart was unbearably painful.Feeling that the emotions were getting more and more ups and downs, Park Xingxiu hinted from the bottom of his heart that he could restrain the emotions that were going to collapse, and he took a long rest before he could speak steadily.

"Even if you don't want to face it, I will do it. You left without saying goodbye, shouldn't you explain the 'sorry' to me?"

"Heh," Gao Nanshun suddenly chuckled in a low voice, his lips filled with sarcasm, and for the first time, the eyes that raised his head and looked over had a fresh breath, but it was completely bitter: "You still have to ask these questions until now. Something meaningless?"

"It doesn't make sense? How do you know it doesn't make sense?"

"It's been so long, and now that we're all living well, is it still meaningful to talk about these old things?" Gao Nanshun took a step back to open the distance between the two, like a person who couldn't catch each other even if he raised his hand At an interval, Park Xingxiu watched him go to the wall and lean against the window, looking out at the night through the glass.

"...What are you afraid of?" Gao Nanshun looked cold and overly rational. This wasn't the ease with which he looked down on life. He was just afraid, trembling in the core of his soul, afraid that others would see his weakness, but he didn't know how to guard it own urgency and longing.He just kept living in the throes of struggling.This feeling made Pu Xingxiu's heart ache. He loved that person, and he also loved himself.

"Don't you understand?" A light flashed from the darkness of the street corner outside the window, flickering on and off in the night, like stars.The wind was slightly louder, rustling the treetops.Tonight will probably be a sleepless night, he secretly sighed in his heart. "Things have changed."

It's a good thing.

Park Xingxiu's clenched fists were hanging by his side, and he continued to exert force until he suppressed the rampant anger in his heart.Slumped, he sat back on the sofa, arched his shoulders and supported his knees, looked down at his fingertips, lost in thought.He was also unaware of the gaze quietly spreading from the window.

He didn't know what to do, such a word "things are right and people are wrong" easily knocked him down, yes, why did he forget that people will change.But he, a person who has lived without desires and desires for many years, can still hold on to this chance.What kind of obsession has been supporting him and not driving him crazy.

After a long silence, he dug out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, took out one and lit it quickly, and the thick smoke was inhaled into his lungs. Only then did he feel the pain of suffocation eased slightly, and he began to be obsessed with the dream of nicotine again, so that he didn't have to worry about it anymore. Obsessed with dead alleys, there is a moment of escape.

But in the next second, there was a sound smashing into the air.

"Didn't you quit smoking?" Gao Nanshun's frowning brows were cut into dark and unclear shadows by the twisted and disordered light, but his gaze was extremely sharp and straight. Park Xingxiu looked up at him, then lowered his head again, choosing to ignore it. his question.

"..."

As if being silently forced to the end of the road, making his clothes wet and embarrassed, Gao Nanshun laughed at himself and felt deeply powerless at the same time.Facing this person, he always compromised, time and time again, to everything.In the end, where did you bury yourself?There are not even bones to be seen, not a bright flower to be found on the grave.

"I don't want to hurt you."

This sentence seemed to come from a foreign space. For a moment, Pu Xingxiu felt that it was probably an illusion. When he couldn't hear any more words, he raised his head and saw Gao Nanshun's lonely and drooping expression. .

"Why do you use me as an excuse." But he couldn't stop, the moment he uttered the words, he realized how deeply he cared. "It's my fault, not enough for you to have the courage to face it."

"...Are you blaming me?" His heart trembled, and Gao Nanshun couldn't even control his voice mixed with trembling.

"...More than that."

"..."

That's it.He didn't even think about avoiding this resentment, but when he really faced the facts, he didn't just easily confirm his expectations.He felt that he was loved shallowly and hated deeply.

"Forget it, just take it as if I'm blaming myself."

The cigarette held between his fingertips had accumulated slightly long ash, and he searched the coffee table but found no ashtray. Park Xingxiu laughed at himself from the bottom of his heart. This was a sign that it was time to leave.You better go, there is no place for you here.

"No need to send it away, goodbye."

When he opened the door and stepped out, he burned his finger with a cigarette.The pain came clearly.

This time, I walked away by myself.

Years of regrets are self-eating bitter fruit.

The river of life meanders by, not staying for anyone, not regretting for anyone.

A conversation exhausted half a lifetime of expectations, and returned empty-handed and melancholy.

When I arrived at the host venue of this season's Seoul Fashion Week, there was still a long time before the opening.Park Heung-soo didn't want to come at first, but he learned Gao Nam-sun's identity from Cui Yingmin, and it turned out to be the Sean they had talked about not long ago. After discovering this fact, Cui Yingmin asked him about his relationship with Sean in doubt, but Rejected by Park Xingxiu's silent state.

And the main show of this fashion show is Sean, also known as Gao Nanshun.

The conversation between the two of them a few days ago finally broke up, and he was always overwhelmed by the suppressed bitterness, unable to get rid of it, and now facing him again, he really didn't know how to deal with it.But under Cui Yingmin's ignorant pleading, he reluctantly agreed with the idea of ​​"just seeing him in the catwalk".

As for other tormenting and repeated emotions, I don't want to worry about it anymore.

Even the emotion that made him deliberately pass it off was actually the desire to understand any aspect of that person.

The staff at the venue were busy coming and going. He stood in the corner and looked around. The insider pass that Cui Yingmin had given him on his chest allowed him to freely enter and exit the venue.After searching for a long time to no avail, Park Xingxiu took out his mobile phone and dialed, and was quickly connected.It wasn't until he followed the instructions to find the lounge of the backstage models that he realized why Cui Yingmin's tone was so low and depressed during the call.

After staggering a step to make way for the staff who were about to go out, he carefully stepped into the lounge.The next moment he felt the wrongness of this move, he even forgot that the model lounge was where Gao Nanshun was.

The man stood in front of the mirror with his arms folded, and looked down at the man sitting on the swivel chair with a frown. His expression was rarely irritated and bored, and his expression became stiff.Following his gaze, Park Xingxiu saw clearly who the man was sitting on the swivel chair with his back facing him.

Before he was allowed to move, the man raised his right leg and placed it on top of his left leg, looked up at Gao Nanshun and said sharply, with an even better tone of gunpowder: "Why? Because you are the main show, you think you can Are you covering the sky with one hand? Don’t pull me like that, so what if I bring my friends in? Is it in your way? You..."

"Yingmin." He interrupted him neatly, stepped forward and pressed his right shoulder.The man looked back when he heard his voice, and was slightly surprised when he saw him.Park Xingxiu didn't speak again, but slowly raised his eyes and looked at the person standing not far away.

His brows were furrowed more and more, as if encountering something unbearable but he had to bear it, he was full of frenzy, and there was a bit of blame in his eyes, and the tense jaw line trembled slightly, Park Xingxiu Waiting for him to speak, he held his breath unconsciously.

"The organizer stipulates that outsiders are not allowed to enter the backstage." As if explaining specially for him, Gao Nanshun looked right into his eyes. In the chaotic and noisy lounge, he forgot the hustle and bustle because of this time. .He felt that he had read Gao Nanshun's heart, but he was even more confused.Only a long breath remained in the haze.

"You don't need to preach here, I know that there are regulations, and that is to ensure the confidentiality of the designer's work before the fashion show. Since I brought him in, he is someone I can trust. It is my fault for violating the regulations, so there is no need Question me with the appearance of committing a serious crime." Cui Yingmin suppressed his anger when he saw Xiao En who was defiant but bored and picked on other people's mistakes. He knew who made mistakes. Naturally, there are things that need to be criticized, but to find fault with such a contemptuous demeanor somewhat ignores the self-esteem of the other party.He never hurt others' self-esteem because he valued his own.

And this time, Xiao En, who was hitting the gun, made him unable to bear the anger he had suppressed for many days.

"you……"

"Yingmin, stop talking. We violated the rules, and we were the ones who were at fault." Park Xingxiu suddenly tightened his hand, suppressing the words of friction that Cui Yingmin was about to utter, and when he looked at the person standing in front of him, he Thinking that he clearly caught the gloomy gloomyness in that person's expression: "Sorry, I must come in and take a look, don't blame Yingmin."

"What are you talking about!" Cui Yingmin stood up and wanted to break free from the hand that was pressed on his shoulder, and wanted to refute his made-up rhetoric and take back those apologies for "defeating power and humiliating the country", but was dragged out of the rest by Park Xingxiu's arms room.

It wasn't until the two people pushing and pulling out of the lounge that the make-up artist who had been waiting by his side stepped forward to ask Sean. He looked at the direction where the person was leaving with Cui Yingmin in his arms, and stood there for a long time as if in a trance, before putting down his arms Turn around and sit facing the mirror.He looked at himself in the mirror, and said again as if nothing had happened: "Let's start."

The person in the mirror has lonely eyes and brows, which is really ugly.

Cover me up, cover up.

"What's the matter with you?" Cui Yingmin tried his best to break free from the arms on his shoulders, stopped at the exit of the safe passage and stared back at the man who pulled him here. "What is the relationship between Sean and you? Are you so complacent?"

"It doesn't matter, it was our fault." Park Xingxiu lowered his eyes and straightened his slightly messy coat, and the corners of his mouth slightly raised into a faint smile, as if responding to his words casually. "I didn't even know that the organizers didn't allow outsiders to enter the venue. Seeing how confident you are, you thought it was a common thing. You were tricked."

"You!" He was kind enough to let him in to open his eyes, but he was beaten up. Cui Yingmin couldn't express his suffering, and had nowhere to vent his anger, so he could only lean against the wall on one side, cursing fiercely in a low voice: "YIXI! You bastard! "

"Don't be angry, when you will work together in the future, it won't look good if it's too rigid." Seeing his angry appearance, Park Xingxiu knew that if he didn't coax him, it wouldn't end easily, so he pretended to be natural and leaned against him to get along. Advise: "He probably has such a cold temper. If you don't like it, just ignore it. There is no need to confront him."

"Am I tit for tat? Have you made a mistake..."

"Okay, okay, he is tit for tat, then you have a lot of adults, don't worry about it."

"..." Cui Yingmin frowned and looked at him for a long time, that gaze made Pu Xingxiu feel uncomfortable all over, but he still had to bite the bullet and persist to the end, making the gaze looking back as sincere as possible. "My intuition tells me, what's wrong with you two..."

"..." Hearing such a sentence in a stalemate for a long time made Pu Xingxiu feel dumbfounded, and shook his head with a smile. He raised his hand and glanced at his watch, pretending to remind him unintentionally: "You still have about half an hour of preparation time. , can you make it in time?"

"YIXI!"

When Cui Yingmin left anxiously, watching his back disappear around the corner, Park Xingxiu's smile gradually faded from the corner of his mouth.The safe passage was dim, and only the light from the restroom not far ahead kept the light in the distance.Hiding alone in this dark corner, he felt relaxed.

I fumbled out the cigarette case and took out the cigarette, and turned on the lighter after repeated several times. There was a faint bright spot of scarlet in the dimness.A moment later, a heavy sigh was let out, and the lingering smoke diffused into the air.

When the cigarette burned to one-third of the way, there was a warm and cool sound coming from not far away.

"Why did you start smoking again?"

He raised his head and saw the man standing in front of him against the light.

Under the distant light, the blurred figure leaves a gentle and boundless silhouette.Like a silent movie, beautiful and silent.

Make him longing.

He was speechless, just gently snipped off the cigarette in his hand, threw it on the ground, and extinguished it slowly and vigorously with his toes.After all these actions were completed, he stood up straight and met the man's eyes that were still as bright as ever in the darkness.

He thought he laughed, and felt himself laughing.He didn't know, he couldn't tell what was right and what was wrong.It's just that such darkness is suitable for causing trouble, and he couldn't help but feel excited.He wants to touch him, he longs to touch him.

When stepping forward step by step, that person did not dodge or retreat.Standing there, as if waiting for his embrace.It's too good to be true.

When he was standing right in front of him, he could feel the man's breath brushing against his cheeks, slightly itchy, dotted with stars, like a temptation, caressing the tip of his nose in a detached way.

Pu Xingxiu lowered his head, not looking at his face. He stood still, but his body began to lean forward slowly, until he rested his chin lightly on the side of his neck.It was unusually warm there, with a lively beat that belonged to another living body.As if the rhythm of blood flow also made him feel, the place where their skin touched became hot.

There is no embrace around.He just leans on him.

The man silently let him rely on him.

The hand hanging by the side shook slightly, but the movement remained unchanged.The figures overlapped and reflected on the ground in a lingering mood.

The most beautiful heartbeat in the world is when you quietly hear the mottled heartbeat of the person you like in the dark.

again and again.

It's proof that he's alive.live by your side.

within reach.

"I miss you so much."

The words were finally spoken.Like the last message left in ancient times, you need to travel thousands of miles to fulfill an agreement and convey this heartfelt words, all the affection is self-evident.

Convey my thoughts, express my heart.

This sentence is my love words to you.

Take it.

That voice echoed in the chest cavity, and the lingering sound lingered endlessly.

For six years, I traveled thousands of miles just for you.

my dear.