this is love

【Love is a very bad sailor. Once you take a boat, it will be haggard. —— Maugham]

The silhouette of that person seemed to be blurred in a dream, but he neither smiled ambiguously nor turned mercilessly, he just stood there, tall and straight as before.

The moonlight was so bright that he couldn't tell whether the time and space he was in was illusion or reality for a moment.It's like a teardrop falling down the cheek, soaked in the air and being pieced together in fragments, refracting the weak light in slow motion one second before the stillness, but it is endless.

Like this love goes on and on.

How can tears be just used to describe pure joy or sadness, the feeling you can't understand is always hiding in an unknown corner and waiting for an opportunity, waiting for a wonderful opportunity to sweep your soul, and then you will know, it turns out There will also be such a mood, a enthusiasm that rises from the bottom of my heart from dryness to boiling.

The mood that has been vacant for a long time can be settled.

At the moment when the soft sigh raised ashes in his heart, Park Xingxiu's shoulders sank with all his strength.He felt tired at this moment, as if waiting too long had hardened the bones, the burning fire between the muscles was faintly visible, numb all the way to the fingertips, with slight tremors.He raised his hand, keenly grasping the awe-inspiring expression of the person in front of him, the next moment he just loosened the tie around his neck, and then stood in place refreshedly again.

How to speak, what gesture to make, and what posture to stand, all of these have to be considered, but he didn't care, just looked at the other party like that, as if secretly competing to see who could be the first to disarm and surrender.

The atmosphere in the dark corridor is too obscure, as if someone is hiding in the dark and peeping quietly. A subtle sense of sight comes from all directions, which makes people feel a little annoyed. This silence is natural, but with a vague The tension, as if time and air alone are enough to bind a person to death.

Park Xingxiu thought that they would stand in front of each other like this until eternity, but the fact is that he far underestimated the other party's ability to bear it. The man looked at him gradually from the initial surprise and surprise to three points indifferent and seven points cold. There is a Xiao Li that he has never been familiar with.Before he had time to react, Gao Nanshun turned around, allowing him to see his thin back again.

That's a sign to leave.

In the next second, he stepped forward and grabbed the man's wrist with his right hand.The force almost shattered the bones of the wrist, even he couldn't control the force, and he successfully stopped the step that was about to leave.

The touch and temperature that is actually held in the hand can also permeate silently through the overlapping cuffs. The long-lost sense of connection makes Park Xingxiu's consciousness slightly out of line, as if returning to which year and day in a trance In the afternoon, did he hold his hand so hard and hard.It's just that before the charm of that memory lasted longer, the clenched wrist in his hand suddenly exerted strength, and he struggled with his backhand.

"open."

That person's voice diffused in the air and sounded inseparably. Even though the excessive disgust and irritability in the tone made his heart chill, he had to admit that even this voice was something he longed for but could not get.

The tense strength of the fingers relaxed half a minute, and Gao Nanshun took the opportunity to shake his hands sharply and then withdrew his wrists.Turning sideways and moving his eyes along Park Xingxiu's feet from bottom to top to his face again, Gao Nanshun pursed his lower lip without showing any trace, watching him let go of his hand and still standing there looking at him without making any further moves Inexplicably, there was a fire rushing wildly from the bottom of his heart. The scorching feeling made his brows wrinkled, and his eyes fell to the ground weakly, staring at the moonlight that was cut into squares.

What are they doing?

Even if the sword is on the verge of breaking out, we can't just use silence to confront each other.

He was about to lift his feet to leave again, but he paused because of the whispered greeting coming from behind him the next second.

"Are you ok?"

"..."

I don't want to admit that it was the overly hoarse voice that made him stop, but Gao Nanshun did inexplicably hesitate for half a second before being caught again. It's just that he didn't show eagerness to that person, but he could be called that After the calm gaze, he felt a little unwilling, and the instinctive isolation and coldness all came back to him.

"Don't bother you."

What is the matter of the silent and smudged pain in his heart, those dots rolled and slid across the nerves with sharp tactile sensations, making his voice distorted unnaturally, even his self-esteem was not enough to restore, he was ashamed of his gaffe .Staggering his gaze so as not to look at that person's gaze, he still couldn't escape the encirclement brought about by that gaze.

Too sincere and burn others.

He began to tire of Park Xingxiu's persistence.

But there was clearly a thorn deeply embedded in his heart, and the tougher he was, the more poisonous he would be, and he couldn't help becoming angry.

When will he let his life be out of touch, it is obvious that he is unshakable.

The silhouette of the man in a trance was also stunningly beautiful. Park Xingxiu approached silently, closing the distance bit by bit, and the raised fingertips stopped the moment they touched the sharp shoulders. Gao Nanshun responded. His eyes were too condensed, and for a moment he felt that the sky was icy and snowy, and even his heart trembled.

he's changed.

Become sharp and cold.Like a sword inserted into the wall, no one can touch it.

No one can pull it off.

His eyes flickered, his pupils contracted, he hesitated and glanced over the corners of the person's face, and the specious sense of dust suddenly fell to the ground, and the beauty that was once turned into strangeness, it was no longer gentle and mellow, they became desolate Xuanju.

As soon as his heart moved, he opened his mouth to make a sound.

What interrupted him was the sound of footsteps from far to near.When Gao Nanshun looked back, he followed his gaze and looked up. The strange young man approached quickly with his mobile phone in his hand. He was slightly stunned for a moment when he saw them, and then the lights in the corridor turned on.

The moonlight was obscured by floating clouds.

The cold voice of that person still echoed in my ears. He was interpreted as an inexplicable stranger after all, and his back following the young man left carried a natural alienation, as lonely as a bleak autumn wind.He was pinned in place and couldn't move, and his hands and feet began to gradually become cold.The heart is numb, without the slightest feeling, like a pool of stagnant water.

For him, this night was both a gift and a trick.

When trembling fingers groped his body to search for a pack of cigarettes, he realized that he had long been against those choking and decisive smells, but at this moment he was only seeking a peace of mind, and his nerves were tense. The moment he starts to feel suffocated.

The deep panting time after time brought only more and more difficult suffocation pain. Park Xingxiu bent down mechanically as the pain spread wantonly. If he could not curl up, he could only bow into a defensive posture. He just wanted to protect Own.Protect yourself from being eroded by pain and falling down in embarrassment.

But what can be done?

The person he longed for with the greatest affection in his life could not belong to him, no matter how much he poured into it, it would not help.He can only watch him decide for himself whether to return or leave.

Looking at the lines on the palm of his right hand, he began to recall the strength with which he held the man's wrist.As if imitating a vivid gesture, he finally covered his dark eyebrows with the palm of his hand.

The sadness that can't even stop sighing.

After all, it is still conquered by loneliness.

When he returned to his own world, Park Xingxiu didn't turn on the light, but walked slowly to the window and fiddled with the curtains, until the full moon was slightly out of the head and shed half a handful of light, reflecting on the floor and lengthening his shadow.He stopped moving and stood still.

The hour hand of the clock hanging on the wall silently pointed to 3.

After the last trace of restlessness in his heart calmed down, he felt that the moonlight was broken and gentle.

Everything returned to the dead silence again, and returned to the calm.It's just that after the more and more images of peace of mind took shape, he understood what he was being filled for.It seemed that the rags that had lasted for too long were finally covered, and he regained the ability to sleep peacefully.

It turns out that what time has stolen will be returned to you in another form.

Gao Nanshun was very anxious.Anxiety like never before.

He didn't understand how these unreasonable negative emotions would occupy such a high place in his heart, but when his nerves were tortured and sensitive, he didn't know how many times he put the coffee cup on the table.

The sound of "bang--" was too abrupt, and the little assistant sitting on the sofa not far away with his head bowed was like a frightened sparrow. After entering the mode, I couldn't help but understand a little bit.

This is troublesome.

But being able to easily touch Xiao En's mood is really a remarkable existence.

The person who knows the current affairs is Junjie. Feeling the tense atmosphere in the room, he knows that it is not suitable to stay here for a long time. As an assistant, he has been with Xiao En for a long time, but he also understands his nature to some extent. At this moment, he is left alone. Space is the most sensible choice, so he got up softly, took the folder beside him, and tiptoed out the door.

Once the room fell silent, Gao Nanshun felt that even the sound of his own breathing was so clear that he could not detect it. Gradually, the tremor of his heart beating blatantly crawled from under the chest to the temple, and the beating was repeated again and again, making his head faint. ache.

It was just a damn coincidence that caused such a series of sequelae.

This reason is the fact that he is least willing to admit, but has to admit after tossing and turning again and again.

Once he closed his eyes, something gradually emerged from the warm but lingering darkness, getting closer and closer until he could see all the details clearly.He saw a person standing in front of him, handsome and refreshing, with a strong character.

It was like a Pandora's box that had been dusty for a long time was accidentally opened, and he panicked holding the key in his hand.

It would be a big lie to say that this inadvertent encounter on a narrow road did not leave a ripple in his heart.It's just that the line of defense that had been laid for a long time was hit to a certain extent after all, and he was burned by the strength of the man's grip on his wrist.

Six years later, the temperature is as hot as ever.

Like the hot tears falling between his brows every midnight dream, hot and determined.

The document that I looked through for a long time but didn't take any information into my mind was neatly marked with the name of the designer and the overview of the works of this fashion week, and the last part stated the information of all the models on the catwalk.Gao Nanshun endured the irritability, suppressed the itching feeling of depression and flow in his heart and forced himself to watch it until the last model's profile came into view. As soon as the name "Cui Yingmin" came into view, he was rampaged The clamoring mood was completely defeated, he slammed the file folder and threw it on the table, stood up and walked out of the lounge.

The company corridor in the afternoon was inexplicably silent, as if all the staff had a corner to live in, and he was the only one left alone walking in the corridor filled with sunlight, thinking about being alone.Going to the floor-to-ceiling windows next to the stairs, Gao Nanshun looked out of the window at the busy traffic downstairs, and felt for a moment that he was isolated on the side of the world, stuck in front of a misty mirror, watching, but touching less than reality.

As soon as such an idea of ​​weakness was formed, he spurned himself in his heart.It's been a long time since I've seen such a sensitive, delicate and fragile consciousness. I don't know what day it is, but it actually releases all the subtle emotions, making him loathe himself again and again, unable to break free from the self that cannot be liberated.

Obviously it was three days ago, why can't I still remember it.

That person is obviously doing well.

Fortunately, it was just a chance meeting, a greeting.

When Park Heung-soo set foot in the M-STAR modeling agency again, he was bombarded by Choi Young-min's serial calls.This familiar yet unfamiliar name was finally recalled after that night.He thought of that rainy summer day, as well as that inadvertent coincidence.

Unexpectedly, that person actually made this opportunity come true.

He couldn't help laughing at himself, a person's life is still full of unknowns, and he never imagined that they would be in such a completely different situation today.All this made him feel strange, like a thorn stuck in his throat, he didn't even dare to breathe easily.

He was in no hurry to come to see him.He just lived his life calmly.

This afternoon, he walked past the corner where they had stood together again, and he walked calmly without hesitation in his steps.As the elevator ascended, he stood still in the empty space, looking slightly sideways at the mirror beside him.He saw the peaceful and calm expression of the people inside, and then smiled softly from the bottom of his heart.

After so many years, he has never changed.

Cui Yingmin saw him again after many days, and originally wished to directly punch him in the face, but after seeing the soft and beautiful light in the man's eyes, she couldn't help being startled and buried it all in the bottom of her heart.No matter how he thought about it, he never felt that he had seen such an expression.With a heartbeat, he felt that Park Xingxiu carried an unusual aura and sparkling gentleness.

"What are you thinking about?"

Park Xingxiu raised his hand and curled his index finger to lightly tap his forehead, watching the man frown as if he just woke up from a dream, and quickly dodged sideways as the man frowned and hit his abdomen with his backhand. Glancing at him with disdain, he turned and took the coat on the sofa, and walked out of the lounge while wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

"Go, I want to kill you well to relieve my hatred."

Walking to the elevator just in time for the elevator door to close, watching the digital number displayed next to it keep getting smaller and smaller, the two of them looked at each other, Cui Yingmin frowned and "tsk" and led him directly around the corner to the stairs, typing Exercising to defend the motherland is ready to climb down the 12th floor.

The space in the whole building is the brightest in the stairwell. The sunlight wrapped by the continuous glass windows refracts brilliantly on the ground. The two chatted and strolled downstairs. Cui Yingmin tried to pry it out of Park Xingxiu's mouth The reason why he released his own pigeon three days ago, it can be seen that the man was silent, so he had to suppress the doubts in his heart and calm down, but the situation of being ignored and not being explained made him really unhappy, so he simply stopped doing unnecessary things Patience, and whispered in a tone that pretended to be disdainful but even more sinister: "Okay, count me as unlucky, I deserve to be let go, and when you encounter your old top priority, I have to be a master who doesn't ask why. .”

Seeing Cui Yingmin even holding his shoulders to show that the two brothers are good, Park Xingxiu couldn't help but feel funny. This master is not easy to serve, and it can't be regarded as unreasonable, but he asks for everything. Clearly clarify the facts, he doesn't blame you for doing something wrong, but he doesn't mind if you don't give him a reasonable explanation.Besides, this time it was also his own fault for letting him dove. Park Xingxiu raised the corner of his mouth and chuckled, and raised his hand to wrap his arms around his shoulder first, but the man forcibly twisted his shoulder away and walked downstairs straight away.

"Can I be wrong? Little ancestor, don't be angry."

Deliberately pinching his throat to imitate the weird tone of apologizing to each other after every mistake they have been together for several years, Park Xingxiu quickly walked a few steps to catch up with the man's pace, and did not break free from the arm he hugged again.The other party's squinting eyes showed that he was ready to listen to his explanation, Park Xingxiu regained his calm expression, pondered for a moment and only said a word softly.

"Meet an old friend."

"..."

Those words echoed in the air crisply, but the man's expression was no longer purely peaceful, but mixed with a bit of indescribable subtle sourness, which could be captured sensitively even by someone as handsome as Cui Yingmin. It was rare for his friend to have such ups and downs in his deserted aura over the years, and he couldn't help feeling a bit sad.As if wanting to help him get rid of those complicated and dry emotions, Cui Yingmin raised her hand and pinched his cheek, pulled it out slightly, and smiled narrowly: "Stop pretending to be deep, just say it straight, my lord." Can I still forgive you? Well, let me make up for the previous celebration this time, I invite you."

Because of the sudden pain on his cheek, Park Xingxiu really interrupted the thoughts he had just been immersed in. In just a second, he reflected his friend's intentions, and simply relaxed along with his emotions, but secretly stretched his backhand to his waist to scratch his itch deliberately. .

"Ah! Brat, you're so good at being cheap!"

The two of them played and walked downstairs through the stairs. The sunlight filtered through the window and illuminated every corner. The faint dust in the air was scattered and suspended with the flowing air, reflecting a rare and beautiful afternoon in early spring. .

There was a long and narrow figure standing still, motionless as if frozen in place.

Are you ok?

How are you after all these years?

I don't want to answer that question.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Gao Nanshun."

"Gao Nanshun?... This name, wait, I seem to have heard it before, but it's a bit vague..." Cui Yingmin frowned and murmured the name repeatedly, but it always felt like a layer of veil, hiding in the corner of memory Reluctant to show up.

Park Xingxiu looked up at his contemplative appearance, lowered his head and ate a few mouthfuls of food in silence, before speaking again: "It's okay, you can tell me when you think about it."

"...Let's do this." Looking at his appearance, he knew that this could not be some innocuous name. Cui Yingmin felt that the man's breath became lonely when he mentioned this name, but there was a slight fever of returning to life. Does he worry too much? He feels that the person opposite has encountered an important bridge. "I'll check it out for you when I get back to the company. Once I find it, I'll tell you. How about checking his birth date for you?"

"Oh, since when did you work as a part-time fortune teller?" Because of the humor in his tone, Park Xingxiu couldn't help but feel lighter, and his slightly drooping eyes slowly closed and then opened again. He felt that life was like opening his eyes again. Even though there is still smog in front of him blinding his vision, he is no longer in a state of bewilderment and confusion, and he begins to grasp the center of gravity of balance.

Is this magic?

It's a little subtle.

He looked out the window, and suddenly found that the greenery began to bloom at some point.

"SHIT!"

The flesh was cut open by the sharp blade, and just as the pain nerves started to reflex, blood quickly surged up from the slightly opened knife mark, and within a moment, it slowly flowed down on the fingertips.Gao Nanshun frowned and looked at the wound on his fingertips, forgetting the next move for a moment and just staring intently.

Ten fingers connected to the heart, the pain has been faintly burning on the fingertips, climbing all the way up the fingers, and it is slightly itchy in the heart.What was he thinking that made him panic so much that the blade that was supposed to cut the fruit went straight into his fingertips.He didn't wake up suddenly until the pain exploded at his fingertips.

Those images lingered in my mind for a long time.Even with the sunlight as his companion, it was so bright and dazzling that it disgusted him, as if his eyes were about to be blinded. He closed his eyes fiercely, but there were shadows floating in the darkness, unwilling to leave.

Heck!

This is different from the restlessness before, completely different, he had to find sadly that his heart ached.

How ridiculous.

It hurts when you can't see it, and it hurts more when you can see it.He couldn't find peace again and again, he wanted to escape and escape far away, but in the end he just stood still.

Stop being swayed by emotions.He warned himself countless times, but in the end he collapsed into a sea of ​​turmoil.These pale emotions, no one can fill, no one.

Gao Nanshun rinsed the wound with cold water. Regardless of the coldness and the aggravating pain of the wound, he washed away the blood as if masochistic, and then wrapped the whitish wound with a band-aid.He tried to curl his fingertips twice, and sure enough, he felt a tight and dull pain.

It seems that people's pain-sensing nerves will never be paralyzed at any time.

At least not heartache.

Abandoning those half-cut fruits, Gao Nanshun was lazy for the first time to tidy up, and went straight to the living room and lay down on the sofa. In the dark and empty living room, only one floor lamp was turned on. He curled up on the sofa and closed it facing the backrest. His eyes and temples were scolded again, and he felt that his nerves were tense to a certain extent recently, and he had a premonition that it was about to break.

Why did he end up in such a torment.

He obviously circled around in his own world and never went out of bounds, but it seemed that something was gradually eroding him, and finally grabbed his ankles and climbed up bit by bit, trying to restrain his whole body.It's not a good feeling to have all your weaknesses exposed.

That person, hitting his weaknesses impartially.

It's sad.

Hide till the end with nowhere to hide.

Let him take care of all the embarrassment.

Closing his eyes tightly, he longed for a sliver of clarity. He felt that his thoughts were gradually withdrawing, as if he could escape into emptiness in the next second.He felt that he was about to be free, as long as he entered that white illusion, he would no longer care about the difficulties in life.

Just one step away.

The faint voice sounded rhythmically, like knuckles knocking on the door, with the intention of those who came to wait.

He wondered in a daze, is this a dream?

But in a moment, with the continuous knocking sound, his consciousness was gradually revived. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the clock on the wall, 09:30, it was already dark outside the window, and the stars at night were indistinct.

Before opening the door, one-tenth of his consciousness remained in the suddenly blurred world, and he omitted even the step of peeping. He pressed the doorknob and opened the door. to him.

In an instant, it was like turning back time, and the quicksand in the hourglass slowly went back, with a rustling sound, echoing endlessly in my ears.He saw the boy in his memory, similar figures gradually overlapped, and they stood in front of him and watched quietly.

How are you?

I'm not good.

When his vision gradually blurred, he felt bitter in his mouth.The heart was full of soreness, and it ached densely.

It hurts, it hurts so much that my heart trembles.

I'm not good, not at all.

do you know?do you know.

I want to say something to you.

haven't seen you for a long time.