this is love

【We experience everything that comes up suddenly in our lives, without any defenses, just like actors entering the first row. --Milan Kundera】

"Nan Shun."

"Ok?"

"Come and stay at my house tomorrow night."

"Ah? Cough cough, cough, what?" Gao Nanshun stopped eating ramen abruptly, and the noodle soup choked in his throat caused a violent cough. The sound was very obvious in the small ramen shop, and he patted his chest hard Calming down the pain, he still didn't forget to stare at Park Xingxiu who was facing him with wide eyes in surprise.

"Ah, be careful, what are you doing so excited?" Park Xingxiu hurriedly stood up and patted his back, seeing Gao Nansun's frightened appearance because of his words, he still couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Is it so scary to go home with me? See how scared you are, whoops, is this still a tsunami?"

"Stop making trouble, why did you suddenly say that you want to live at your house? Sister...she is not..." Gao Nanshun's expression gradually fell along with the words in his mouth, as if he had fallen into the period of self-reflection again, because of anxiety and Apologetically curled up, not daring to look up.He has always understood, and he has been avoiding, thinking that one day he will have the courage to ask for forgiveness, but the fact is that it becomes more and more difficult to face the harsh eyes of Xingxiu's only relative.He still remembered the scene of standing in front of Pu Xingxiu's house a few months ago and listening to Pu Zhixiu's stern warning to him. He couldn't let go of the disappointed and sad eyes his sister cast on him.

That is the love and care for Park Xingxiu from the close relatives.

And that love is to block the hurt and pain he brought to Pu Xingxiu.

Just because of that love, he was always reminded that he had hurt him deeply.

Seeing Gao Nam-soon's drooping eyebrows showing a low breath, Park Heung-soo was silent for a moment, and finally sighed softly, got up and sat down next to Gao Nam-soon, because of the narrow space, Gao Nam-sun naturally moved his body to make room for him However, Park Xingxiu quickly stretched out his arms to wrap his arms around his shoulders, making the two of them cuddle up tightly.

The man's firm hug directly pressed on him, feeling the strength of his shoulders hugging him tightly, Gao Nansun raised his head to look at the profile of Park Xingxiu who was close at hand.It's all his breath. How should I describe this feeling? It's like being addicted to it and not wanting to extricate yourself, but there is a slight bit of bitterness mixed in the gap between the two of them. Gao Nanshun's eyes fell on the chest of his school uniform T-shirt. , In the chest under the cloth, the heart that had been stabbed severely by him was beating.

What interrupted his cranky thoughts was a soft kiss.The kiss lightly touched the center of his brow, then wiped across his right eyelid, and finally it was finished when it was printed on his tear mole.Shocked and heartbroken at the same time, Gao Nanshun subconsciously moved his eyes to quickly confirm the possible gazes around him, and did not calm down until the secrecy of the kiss was guaranteed, but was immediately grabbed by Park Xingxiu's right hand who was rubbing his hair attention.

"Fool, I want you to meet my sister, isn't it good?" Park Xingxiu's voice was heavily suppressed, like a whisper close to the ear, but it became more magnetic, even if he was used to him The various voices could not help but make Gao Nanshun's heart tremble slightly.

"But……"

"Don't worry, sister, she understands, and what I care about, she understands."

This man always fascinated him.

He loves him from the bottom to the bottom, melts all the hesitation and desolation in his heart for him, gently holds his hand, smiles at him gently, or gives him a kiss as light as a cicada’s wing at every moment when he feels at a loss .

Then use all the remaining strength and love to prove that there are always people in this world who will promise him a future regardless of the muddy life.

So he was caught and his soul couldn't break free.

In this way, every night is deeply trapped, which is both shocking and soul-stirring.

Time passed faster and faster in the unbearable anxiety and anxiety. When Gao Nanshun realized that he was about to embark on the journey to Park Xingxiu's house, he had unknowingly downed nearly three bottles of water.When Park Heung-soo packed up his things and came over with his bag on his back, he happened to see Gao Nam-soon digging out the empty water bottle left behind from his school bag, shaking his face with a sad face.

"YIXI! Seriously, there's no water at all..." Gao Nanshun muttered and threw the water bottle into the trash can, and his complaining appearance showed his inner anxiety and nervousness even more.

"Okay, how much water have you drank, do you have to run to the toilet non-stop when you get home?" Park Xingxiu smiled and hugged him and walked out of the school. It was already past seven o'clock but the sky was still bright, he specially chose this way Take Gao Nanshun home on a day when there is no evening self-study, so that my sister can have a good dinner with them.

But looking at Gao Nanshun's appearance, Park Xingxiu glanced sideways at the man beside him who was pursing his lips and obviously nervous, and couldn't help but smile helplessly in his heart. This guy really underestimated his influence on his sister.Park Heung-soo still remembers, when talking about Gao Nam-sun with her sister, facing her unwavering self, she smiled wryly and compromised after a long silence.This will be the memory he will keep in his life. Those closest to him should be able to understand how hard Gao Nanshun is to him.

The moment when I stood in front of the door and waited for the verdict was completely different from before.Gao Nanshun didn't know why he was so nervous at this moment, as if this was a moment to decide the connection between him and Park Xingxiu, which made his heart work with overload.

"We're back." Park Xingxiu took out the key and opened the door and shouted into the house. Gao Nanshun followed him carefully into the living room, looking around at the completely unfamiliar furnishings, but in the end there was still a hint of Xingxiu's family. Unchanged preferences and styles.

After Park Heung-soo walked into the kitchen, Gao Nam-soon was left standing alone at a loss. After hesitating for a long time, he chose to wait. He nervously looked in the direction of the kitchen. Unexpectedly, at the next moment, Park Ji-soo took the lead to poke his head from inside. Walking out, Park Xingxiu followed behind her and smiled, rolled his eyes, and looked at him encouragingly.

Pu Zhixiu didn't approach him too much, but just stood a step away and looked at him for a moment, but just this moment made Gao Nanshun's whole body stiff as if he was holding his breath.He was tongue-tied when he wanted to say something, and in the end he just called out "sister" hesitantly and didn't know what to do anymore. Gao Nanshun looked at Park Xingxiu as if asking for help, but in the next second he heard Park Jisu's calm and indifferent voice.

"Come back, wait a moment, the meal will be ready in a while."

When Gao Nanshun was stunned and unable to respond, Park Ji-soo had already turned around and returned to the kitchen again. Park Xing-soo came over and looked at him with a smile and narrowed his eyes. He raised his hand and gently pinched his cheek, but there was no obvious protest. In the midst of joy and surprise, the rebound caused by the momentary relaxation of his heart almost forced him to tears.After actually meeting Park Xingxiu's eyes that were also full of joy, he couldn't help but raise the corners of his mouth and smile contentedly and movedly.

During the meal, Gao Nanshun's mood was complicated and delicate.The feeling is based on shocking joy, supplemented by emotion, but at the same time mixed with a little sour and astringent melancholy.It wasn't the first time that the three of them had dinner like this, but it seemed to be a few years ago since the last time such a dinner table was held.During the huge changes and pains experienced during this period, the three of them were hit by different degrees and types, and now they are sitting together to have a peaceful meal again, which was never expected by Gao Nanshun who was hiding in the shadows and did not see the sun.

Very happy, happy a little sad.

Park Ji-soo didn't mention any previous topics, but asked lightly about their recent life, and occasionally talked about anecdotes about her own experience or any stories she heard.Gao Nanshun could feel the slight stiffness in her words, and at the same time, he could also feel that she had been trying to wear away the stiffness that might turn into embarrassment. In this way, under the good intentions of each other, the meal was considered complete and without regret. Sadly it's over.

Gao Nanshun, who was rushing to wash the dishes after the meal, finally got busy in front of the kitchen sink with Park Heung-soo, and Park Ji-soo just stayed in the living room and watched TV without worry.Such a night became unprecedentedly comfortable and satisfying, something Gao Nanshun had never imagined, and he couldn't help laughing when he saw the foam on the plate.Seeing Gao Nanshun's smirking "hehe" with his head down, Park Xingxiu couldn't help but want to tease his desire, leaned over and bumped his body lightly, leaned over and lowered his head close to his face, and said with a smile like asking for credit: "What? ? Listen to me, right? Look at your joy..."

"It's so rare, you!" Gao Nansun gently bumped Park Xingxiu's forehead away, elbowed him aside, and turned on the faucet to rinse the plate in his hand.

"Ah! Shouldn't this be the time to reward me? No, I want rewards, rewards, rewards..." Park Xingxiu whimpered like a fool and kept leaning forward to rub Gao Nanshun's arm, leaning over to kiss his lips, Gao Nanshun While holding the plate to maintain balance, he wanted to avoid his kisses. He was kissed several times in a panic. He wanted to resist but was worried that his voice would attract the attention of his sister. In the end, he had to hide as much as possible in the corner of the kitchen and let Park Xingxiu kiss him. until satisfied.

"Ah, brat, you are really crazy! My sister is still outside!" Seeing that Park Xingxiu had sunk to the point where he didn't care about the occasion, Gao Nanshun immediately broke his arm to break the so-called reward kiss and reminded him in a low voice, Seeing his triumphant smile, he finally shook his head and walked back to the pool helplessly.

The sound of running water, the faint sound of the TV coming from the living room, and the intermittent voice of Park Xingxiu beside him, these voices mixed together and came to my ears, as if they were gradually filling up those empty times, leaving Gao Nanshun after a long time Feeling the charm of home, he lowered his eyes and stared at the water drops sliding across the back of his hand and smiled, that smile was clearly warm and soft.

When Park Heung-su wiped his hair with a towel and walked into the room, Gao Nam-sun was sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking up at the wall in a daze.Curiously following his line of sight, only the school uniforms of the two were hanging on the wall. Park Xingxiu stretched out her hand and shook it in front of him twice, and asked with a smile, "Why are you so engrossed?"

"It's nothing." Gao Nanshun came back to his senses and shook his head with a smile. That kind of smile with squinted eyes and pursed lips is like a coquettish smile, which always makes Park Xingxiu irresistible, watching him still sticking wet hair on his forehead Si, Park Xingxiu took off the towel on the top of his head and stood in front of him and rubbed the top of his head.

"I wash my hair and don't dry it."

"Isn't it summer?" Gao Nanshun obediently lowered his head and let him rub his hair, closing his eyes because of the itching of the hair.

"You can't just sleep wet like this in summer."

It wasn't until the curly hair on one head gradually became disheveled and showed a basic brown color that Park Xingxiu stopped his movements and looked at Gao Nanshun who closed his eyes docilely. The broken hair on his forehead was messy and frizzy, making him look more and more like a cat Just as lazy.He couldn't help but sigh quietly in his heart, such Gao Nanshun would really only make him more unbearable to pamper him, making him unable to leave him, never to leave him again.

The two of them were lying side by side on Park Xingxiu's bed, which was neither too big nor too small. Only the small light beside the bed made the room dim. similar environment.

"Here...is it laid out according to the feeling of the previous room?"

"Well. I didn't do this intentionally, but I didn't realize it..." Park Xingxiu remembered that after moving three years ago, he wanted to forget everything with Gao Nanshun's imprint, but he did it after deciding on the room layout. I found that all of this still faintly imitated Gao Nanshun's previous appearance.Where they used to sit and play games, where he once applied medicine to Gao Nanshun's injury, even the bed where the two of them slept together was in the same position.

It's all his shadow.

It's always been there subconsciously.

As if he suddenly remembered something, Gao Nanshun suddenly turned over and changed his lying posture, leaned over on the bed and looked sideways at Park Xingxiu who was still lying on his back: "By the way, you haven't said yet, why did my sister suddenly accept me?"

Park Xingxiu looked up at the face that looked more gentle under the slanting light of the dim yellow light, raised his hand and rested his head on his arm, and thought for a moment with a mysterious smile, and then replied deliberately: "Well, just accept it like that .”

"Ah, don't be perfunctory. Tell me! How could you just accept it like this?" Gao Nanshun was upset when he saw that he was deliberately teasing him, so he grabbed his ears and pulled them up, but he didn't expect that Park Xingxiu was better than him The reaction was faster, and he directly attacked his waist with his hands. The tickling of his fingers made him uncontrollably let go and turned his body sideways as if surrendering, avoiding Park Xingxiu's persistently scratching hands.

"I was wrong, I was wrong, stop it, it's so itchy! Ha... ah! You..."

Seeing that Gao Nanshun was forced to cling to the wall by him, Park Xingxiu let him go, but seeing him relaxing and lying down on the pillow as if exhausted, he couldn't help leaning over Looking at him closely.Gao Nanshun closed his eyes and took a few breaths, then opened his eyes and looked back at him dissatisfied.

The glued line of sight becomes gentle and sticky with the movement of time and minutes, looking at each other is like looking at the stars of the Milky Way.Park Xingxiu smiled and bent his eyebrows in the next second, then slowly bent down.When the kiss touched the corner of Gao Nanshun's lips, he whispered: "I told my sister, you are the one I can never lose in my life..."

The touching lips are familiar with the temperature and touch. In this small dim room, it is like being in a rotating cosmic planet that only belongs to two people, and the kiss becomes infinitely long.Gao Nanshun closed his eyes docilely, silently feeling the tight breath on his lips.Separated again after a long time, the two couldn't help but looked at each other and smiled.

"Sleep?"

"OK, good night."

The two lay face to face, and Park Xingxiu turned off the only remaining light on the side with his backhand.When the darkness shrouded in an instant, Gao Nanshun groped to find his right hand and held it tightly, as if only in this way could he fall asleep soundly. The two breathed each other's breath, and slept in the room belonging to Park Xingxiu again after three years.

After gently closing the door, Pu Zhixiu stood there for a long time unable to move.Tired and closed eyes are still facing a boundless darkness, as if they will never be able to walk out of this path that highlights despair, which makes people feel sad.

Sometimes it's not that she refuses to choose to work hard and let go, but that the reality strikes again and again will eventually wipe out the remaining strength of a person.When she opened her eyes again, she walked back to her room quickly without any hesitation, but she did not forget to take her steps lightly.

How should I put it, it's like a catastrophe.

Lurking in time never disappears.

No matter which path she chooses, she is forced into a corner because of the inseparable pain and love.

Sadness and tiredness are overwhelming.

How exactly do you want to live.