this is love

[Jealousy is a painful emotion, but the tenderness and intimacy of love cannot retain all its strength and fervor without it. — Hume]

"How? Are you still trying to be brave? Let's see who has a cold and a fever now?" After hanging up the call to ask Gao Nanshun's boss for leave, Park Xingxiu opened the door of the room sideways with the prepared medicine and water and walked in.

Gao Nanshun, who had just taken a hot bath, still felt cold and weak all over. It wasn't until Park Xingxiu took his arm and touched his forehead that he realized that the person's body was hotter than usual.After arranging the dizzy Gao Nam-soon to his separate small room, Park Heung-soo was busy packing the rest.

When he entered the door again, he saw Gao Nanshun sitting cross-legged on the bed wrapped in a thin quilt, with the thermometer that was just given to him still dangling from his mouth.Hearing his words, he just hummed unhappily, as if he had lost the strength to even talk to him.

"Let me see how hot it is." Putting the medicine and water on the table, Park Xingxiu took the thermometer from Gao Nanshun's mouth and looked down at the light.Gao Nanshun lowered his head depressingly, wishing he could bury his face in the quilt and never see anyone again. It was just a rainstorm, a summer rainstorm, and he fell ill in such a weak state. Who would believe it was a tsunami...

"...Gao Nanshun," Hearing the voice of the man calling him, Gao Nanshun's muffled response came from under the quilt. He was waiting for his next words but he didn't see him continue. He raised his head in doubt and saw Pu Xingxiu frowning Standing in front of him and staring at him, the forbearance on his face seemed to have strong anger but there was nowhere to vent it. Seeing his signs of getting angry, Gao Nanshun immediately pretended to cough twice, and sure enough, he saw Park Xingxiu sighing heavily Handed over the medicine and water: "The fever is not light, hurry up and take the medicine and sleep."

Obediently swallowing his least favorite medicine with water, Gao Nanshun secretly observed Park Xingxiu's expression from the edge of the water glass. The expression of the man was no longer tense, but there was still an element of anxiety between his brows.My heart is like a sponge that has absorbed lemonade, and I taste the sour and sweet taste with every breath.Even though he was dizzy due to the fever, Gao Nanshun's mood improved inexplicably.

"Ah, I'll be fine once I sleep, really. Don't think too much, it's just a cold." Gao Nanshun said while lying down meekly, still trying his best to smile at the person who tucked him in the quilt Park Heung-soo tried to reassure him of his worries.

"..." Looking at Gao Nam-sun who was feverish but smiling brightly, his fair skin was a little sickly flushed, squinting his eyes and trying to appease him like a baby, Park Xingxiu was suddenly enveloped by the feeling welling up in his heart, Just like that, I wanted to cry inexplicably.

"Got it, fool." Kissing his forehead lightly, Park Heung-su closed his eyes for a long time and refused to leave. When he looked at Gao Nanshun's obediently closed face close at hand again, he couldn't help but kiss his lips again. Skip a superficial kiss. "Sleep, I'm here."

He should be content.

He never wanted any extravagant, thrilling love.

He just wanted the loyalty that man gave him.

This is enough.

Gao Nam-sun really had a serious fever. The temperature of 39.4°C should not be so easy to subside. Maybe it was because of the body itself that he didn't feel extremely uncomfortable, but it didn't mean that Park Heung-soo should rest assured.Even though Gao Nanshun has survived the pain since he was a child, but now he has escaped from those scarred worlds, he just wants to let him live comfortably and comfortably.

Sure enough, Gao Nanshun had a vague reaction shortly after he fell into sleep. He made a sound in a trance as if he was struggling in a nightmare, and the fine cold sweat gradually seeped out of his cheeks, and even his breathing became a little disordered.Park Xingxiu kept wiping the sweat off his forehead and cheeks with a wet towel, and seeing the man's darkly frowning brows as if he was struggling to breathe, he felt that the feeling of being distressed but powerless was frustrating.

Loving you is like wishing to hurt you, suffer for you, and bear a lot for you.

But I only want to give you all the sweetness and joy, without reservation, all of it.

The time has passed zero without knowing it. I thought it would be more comfortable for Gao Nanshun to sleep on the bed in his small room, but now Park Xingxiu is worried about leaving him to sleep in another room, so he simply hugged the quilt and came to sleep in the On the floor beside his bed.Pour another glass of water and put it on the table in case Gao Nam-sun woke up thirsty in the middle of the night, Park Heung-su went to the bathroom to cool down the wet towel one last time.When passing by the living room and intending to enter the room, I vaguely heard the sound of a suspected mobile phone vibrating.

After looking around for a week, I realized that the vibration came from Gao Nanshun's school uniform that was placed on the low table in the living room. Park Xingxiu walked over to pick up the school uniform and fumbled for it, then found Gao Nanshun's cell phone that was vibrating from his pocket.The moment the name on the screen came into view, he stopped all his movements as if standing still.

0:23.morning.Song Xiajing's call.

Looking back at the room where Gao Nanshun was, the inside of the closed wooden door in the dark was the person who was sleeping soundly.On the other end of the cell phone that was still vibrating unremittingly in her hand was the girl who called because she didn't know what she wanted to express to Gao Nanshun in the middle of the night.

It was someone he had been secretly jealous of.

"……Hey?"

After hesitating for a long time, he couldn't find peace, so he made up his mind and slid the call key. The moment he connected, Park Xingxiu heard his own heartbeat, and there was a heavy and dull pain, as if he was going to cut his chest.

"..." Over there was a silence that sank into the boundless darkness. Park Xingxiu could fully imagine how complicated and frustrating it would be for a girl when her voice was transformed into electric waves and transmitted to the other end, and then turned into sound into Song Xiajing's ears. An unspeakable state of mind.

"Is something wrong?" Seeing that she hadn't spoken out for a long time, Pu Xingxiu could bear the patience and waited silently. It was just that he held his posture as if he was an intervener, which caused the stalemate. The silence lasted too long, and he couldn't help but let him have Annoyed negative emotion.

"Is Gao Nanshun there?" As if he had reached the limit of his patience through the radio waves, the girl's cool and cool voice came over faintly, but it seemed to be mocking his impatience.

"He's asleep. Is there something wrong at this late hour? I'll tell him for you if it's convenient." Has he done well enough?This is as it should be, there is no reason to explain the inexplicable anger, when did they become a state of hostility that is on the verge of breaking out.At this moment, it seemed that his mind was extremely dirty.

"Oh, it's not urgent, just remind Gao Nanshun that he still owes me a wish. Tell him, I've already thought about it."

"..."

It was because he underestimated the will of the other party, and now that the result of the first army was announced, he knew that sometimes being too kind is not a good thing.If two people look at the same target and have a conflict of interest, then after all, it's either you die or I live.It's just that when the contest of confrontation is not open to the public as it should be, the secret contest also allows hidden weapons and unfairness to appear.

"I see, bye."

The moment the voice of the call was terminated was cut off, it was more like an outpost for the outbreak of war.Those emotions that have been boiled and tormented for a long time have become infinitely exaggerated because they care too much. The torment of defending everything and fear of losing is a torture that only he can experience.

He finally understood what it meant, what was supposed to come, and he couldn't avoid it.

Gao Nansun has a little quirk when he sleeps. When he is dreaming, he seems to be talking to people non-stop. From time to time, he purses his lips as if he has encountered something that makes him very dissatisfied. That posture may be a bit funny in the eyes of outsiders, but in the eyes of Park Heung-soo It seems that it is a little habit that he likes more and more.

Rubbing his forehead with his hands, Park Xingxiu's fingers slowly smoothed his hair, then slid along his temples to his cheeks, wrapped Gao Nanshun's cheeks, and then used his thumbs to caress the redness on his face that had not completely receded .Gao Nanshun kept murmuring against his palm, and the next moment his lips pouted slightly, Park Xingxiu leaned over and kissed him lightly, watching him keep asking for kisses, and kissed him repeatedly.

The man finally seemed to feel something, frowned slightly as if he was disturbed from a good dream, and turned his cheeks. Park Xingxiu looked at him, his smiling eyes could not be stretched and relaxed after all. The bitterness was overwhelmed, he squatted down on the floor weakly, leaned against the bed, groped for Gao Nanshun's left hand from under the quilt, and slowly pulled it out.

Leaning his cheek against the man's slightly hot palm, Park Xingxiu slowly closed his eyes and sighed softly, moving his head as if Gao Nanshun was caressing his cheek, and finally couldn't help the choked up voice, Park Xingxiu almost seemed to see through everything he was facing. Talking to the warm beating heart lying beside her.

"Please, don't leave me."

Even if Gao Nanshun's body is made of iron, it still took a few days for him to recover from such a severe fever and cold. After he had almost no signs of coughing, Park Xingxiu let him wear the same big and fluffy clothes as before. T-shirts running around in the air-conditioned room.

In the rhythm of intense review every day in the third year of high school, only Gao Nanshun is the most lazy and relaxed existence.Sometimes seeing him lying on the floor reading manga without changing his face, Park Heung-soo felt that it was inappropriate for him to sit and watch like this, but Gao Nam-sun was still a stubborn and meaningless Gao Nam-sun, he seemed to have no worries, nothing It's not a plan, but it seems like it has its own ideas, and it can't be doubted by others.

I hope you have a plan that I don’t know about... Gao Nam-soon suddenly attracted his attention when he was sitting at a low table solving literature problems. The guy laughed helplessly.

"What are you looking at? Write your own!" After noticing Park Heung-soo's gaze, Gao Nanshun raised his arm to the back of his head, pursed his mouth as if threatening him fiercely, and then plunged into the comics as if no one else was there. Amuse yourself.

Silly boy.

Still listening to his words with a smile in his heart, he bowed his head and concentrated on the exercise book again. Park Xingxiu turned the pen in his hand according to his habit, and frowned slightly because of a more complicated question. Menlei jumped all over as if woken up, looked up and saw him sitting up with his mobile phone, he didn't know who was answering the call, he stood up and went to the room.

Will it be her?

The feeling of living in fear swept over again, forcing him to stop for a moment. For several days in a row, he was panicked because of the school time during the day. He was always on guard against the situation that Song Xiajing would come to find Gao Nanshun, and only went home at night. Afterwards, there will be a moment of peace of mind, but often because of such a sudden call, my mind will be disturbed.

He dare not say.He didn't want to say it.

Song Xiajing's words seemed to be a code that concealed a secret to change the relationship between the two of them. As long as it was given to Gao Nanshun, he might open up a world that he could not set foot in.That sense of exclusion made him restless.

But hiding it like this, concealed the feeling of a certain fact that Gao Nanshun could have known smoothly, and made him worry about seeing that person's incomprehensible expression at the moment of being exposed.

What exactly is right?

When encountering such an intersection, no one can come and tell him the direction.

"Come out, I have something to tell you."

After leaving these words, Song Xiajing turned around and walked straight outside the classroom, because the awkwardness between the two people before was not embarrassing, Gao Nanshun was puzzled but had nothing to say, looked at Park Xingxiu but saw the person dodging in a hurry Opening his sight, he simply stood up and walked out behind Song Xiajing after deeper questions came.

Unexpectedly, the girl did not stop when she reached the stairs outside the classroom, until she silently followed her into the gate of the rooftop, Gao Nanshun sighed helplessly in his heart why everyone likes to walk so far to come here to talk.However, the content of the conversation with Wu Zhenghao that day flooded into his mind here made his relaxed state of mind disappear in an instant. There are some things that cannot be touched. Since he chose to escape and escaped for so long, he can't allow himself to touch it easily. .

It's just that when Song Xiajing stood opposite him and looked at him with arms folded, Gao Nanshun still felt a premonition, like insect claws slowly climbing up his skin, which made people shudder.

The girl looked at him too harshly, which made him dare not speak easily. Keeping silent until he didn't know how to deal with the situation was the best choice.Sure enough, it didn't take long for Song Xiajing to speak first.

"Pu Xingxiu didn't tell you, did he?"

"What?" Xingxiu?related to him?

"Sure enough... I thought it would be like this a long time ago." Song Xiajing's appearance of chuckling made Gao Nanshun a little unhappy. Even if he didn't understand the expression that seemed to be mocking himself but also mocking Park Xingxiu, he still couldn't understand it. Accept easily.

"What's going on? What are you going to say?"

"..." Song Xiajing stared at him with unprecedented penetrating power, which even made him a little panicked, but he quickly calmed down. Gao Nanshun thought of that person, who always acted on the premise of being good to himself People, he has always believed unconditionally, hasn't he? "Pu Xingxiu didn't tell you, you promised me that wish, I've thought about it."

"...Really, what is your wish?" What should I say? Gao Nanshun couldn't help but want to complain to that guy after he relaxed. She comforted him every time but still made him worry every time, how much did she not believe him?No, how unconfident is it?

"What's your relationship with Pu Xingxiu?"

"..."

Straight to the point, without the slightest sloppiness.Sure enough, it was Song Xiajing's style. Gao Nanshun looked into the girl's eyes and seemed to be able to see many fleeting emotions, but in the end they were all replaced by that inexplicable determination and sternness. She seemed to feel that she was doing something very serious. Solemn matters are therefore full of a sense of mission.Of course, the current Gao Nanshun can also find those feelings that he associates with himself, but it is still obscured by the pride and self-esteem of the girl.

"My wish is to see good friends Gao Nam-soon and Park Heung-soo who are like brothers. This should be you, shouldn't it?" She was just talking about the reality that should be taken for granted. The straight and neat boy suddenly felt a little sad slowly overflowing from his chest. Where did this feeling of emptiness and frustration come from?She has always been looking for candidates who can compete with herself. In this Victory High School, the school that made her feel the most dissatisfied, it turns out that there are still people who can make her feel the rare emotion of frustration.

"do you like me?"

"..." Damn Gao Nanshun.She didn't expect that the other party would give such a sharp trick, and she had to admit that in an instant she felt a sense of powerlessness that she couldn't resist.After several times of panic, she forcefully suppressed the boiling in her heart, gritted her teeth and controlled her expression, tried to keep calm but still revealed a bit of stiffness, wanted to speak but suddenly found that she had nothing to say.

"I'm sorry, I can't respond." Looking at her expression, Gao Nanshun could understand that his words had hit her weakness, and he didn't want to embarrass her, so he simply gave the established answer directly.

"Why? Because of him?"

"..." Gao Nanshun looked at Song Xiajing who was obviously sad but stubbornly concealed his resignation, and forced himself to deal with it calmly. He suddenly felt that she was so pitiful, but he thought about what he couldn't respond to seeing her like this. Ugliness and a sense of guilt still emerged. Although he understood that this was nothing to be sorry for, it probably would only make her self-esteem more frustrated, "Whether it is friends or others, Park Xingxiu is Park Xingxiu. No Park Heung-soo."

"..." She didn't expect it to be so unacceptable. She thought she was just being properly moved and attracted. She was obviously a lazy bad boy with no goals. She couldn't put too much effort into it, but it was difficult It is imagined that she felt a little heartbroken and a little distressed.So much so that he could feel that his vision was gradually blurred, and Song Xiajing quickly turned sideways to avoid Gao Nanshun's sight the second before he lost his composure.

Her heart aches for herself.She felt sorry for Gao Nanshun.

This guy, in the end, he still has to choose the world that hurts and hurts.

"It's almost time for class, let's go down." Gently patted the girl's shoulder, as if soothing her sad breath with that slap, and also expressed his respect, Gao Nanshun said lightly, and finally looked at her decisively Turned around and walked away.

He should thank her for such a favor.

But to him, there is always something that is incomparably precious to anyone.

But the other person's various speculations about the situation gradually tended to a pessimistic pace.

In the past few minutes, Pu Xingxiu was in a trance, as if he couldn't keep his feet on the ground. He couldn't hear what the people around him were talking about, but felt that countless noisy voices poured into his ears at the same time, filling the air. His auditory nerves forced his brain to explode.

This should be the extreme fear.

"Ah, don't you think there is something wrong with President Gao and the Vice President? Am I the only one who has a premonition of the unusual situation? The two of them communicate too frequently!" After seeing Gao Nanshun and Song Xiajing both leave the classroom, he jumped up and encouraged everyone to discuss the gossip news he smelled first.

"I also feel that something is wrong, ah, Jiang Zhu, didn't the vice president tell you anything?"

"No..." Li Jiangzhu was originally the most disdainful of Bian Jide's gossip, but at this moment, he suddenly recalled the reaction of Gao Nanshun and Song Xiajing after their unexpected kiss a few days ago, and he couldn't help hesitating.

"There should be a recent witness to this matter, our elder brother! Ah, elder brother and President Gao are the closest, so he should be able to know some inside information~" Byun Kidd pretended to be clever and leaned closer to Park Xingxiu, as if hoping to get What kind of secret report asked in a low voice: "Brother, do you understand the situation between the two of them? Did President Gao say anything?"

Park Xingxiu's originally messy mood was made even more depressed by him. He closed his eyes tightly and frowned, wishing to block out the voice of Byun Kidd shouting "Big Brother, Big Brother" in his ears, all emotions rushed into his heart at the same time. For a moment, as if all internal organs were slandered, he stood up abruptly, opened his eyes but ignored the surprised expressions of others, and met Gao Nanshun who was standing at the door of the classroom.

At that moment, it was like being nailed to the spot by an electric shock.

Can't move.

Someone murmured "President Gao is back, where is the vice-chairman?" disappeared, some people were talking about whether President Gao and the vice-chairman had a quarrel, the voice disappeared, someone cleared the room and said stop gossip The sound disappeared... There were only a few people in the crowded classroom, but he could only see the person who was standing a few meters away and looking at him.

The man's expression was a little stiff, and it looked a little obscure under the slanting sunlight outside the window. In an instant, his heart was uprooted to his throat, and the violent beating seemed to be pushed out of his mouth.The feeling of being paralyzed all over his body was uncomfortable, and he thought he would be punished after all.At the moment when all the trembling and carefulness that had been going on all the time collapsed, there was a sense of nothingness and emptiness after despair.

Should he feel relieved?Obviously at this moment is such a heavy heart.

But the next second, the next second, he saw the most beautiful sunlight.

He saw the most beautiful daylight again.

The man smiled.

She bent her eyebrows and softened the corners of her mouth, with a little bit of comfort, bright and silent.

That gentle smile directly wrapped him up, caressing the wounds in his heart.

Then propped up the corners of his mouth.

Park Heung-su smiled contentedly and happily at the person he loved.

Even if there is an injury, you will join, even if there is pain, you will share.

Stand in this flattened space, in this world where only you and I exist.

I almost shed tears because of the gains and losses in life.

my dearest.

come back to me.