this is love

[Spring is here again, winter and spring are at least the better part of the vicissitudes of life. 】

After entering spring, the weather is gradually warming up, just as the trajectory of life becomes stable and gentle, even the cold that has been frozen for a long time begins to melt gradually, and the components of sunlight become more and more bright.Park Xingxiu actually likes this kind of weather very much, it seems that even his mood will become happy, and there is a more secret and unspeakable reason, he likes the feeling of standing in the sunshine and looking at Gao Nanshun.

That person's face, under the reflection of the sun, was even fairer, as if coated with a layer of light, quiet and dazzling, the moment when the person smiled with eyelashes drooping, almost always made him lose his mind.Park Heung-soo doesn't know how to define the word "beautiful", but in his heart, Gao Nam-sun is indeed the most beautiful existence in life.So he always wants to hold on to him and never let go.

Just like what he has tried before, once he misses it, it may bring a devastating blow to his life.

He is like the lamp hanging in his life.

Unique and shining.

"Huh? It's raining."

Gao Nanshun's voice came from not far away, and it was hazy and inaudible. Park Xingxiu tried hard to concentrate on trying to figure out his location, and finally realized with difficulty that he should be talking to him near the window.The moment he struggled to open his misty eyes, there was no glaring light in the room, but instead, it was somewhat gloomy and gloomy, with a slightly depressing atmosphere.

"what time is it?"

Sitting up with his arms on the floor, Park Xingxiu rubbed his hair, blinked his eyes vigorously, and waited until he was fully awake before turning his head to look at Gao Nam-sun who was lying by the window looking out at the rain.

"It's past six o'clock." Gao Nanshun replied as he lay by the window without turning his head. The back of the long-sleeved T-shirt on his body was wrinkled a lot due to sleeping, but he could clearly see the thin bones of the man under the material.Obviously, he has tried his best to make him eat better, but it seems that he hasn't gained much weight in the past few months. Park Xingxiu stared at his waist that became thinner because of the lack of clothes, and frowned with some distress.

"Hmm...how can I make you fatter?" The arms that suddenly circled from behind the waist were tightly attached to his sides, and Gao Nanshun relaxed for a moment, and habitually arched back and leaned against him The temperature of the man's chest, which was slightly higher than his own, spread from behind.Park Xingxiu leaned her face against his shoulder and neck and spoke lightly, with some headache and helplessness mixed in her tone.

"Why do you want to be fat? Now it's not like the wind blows, don't underestimate me, the tsunami is just retreating." Gao Nanshun pretended to protect his self-esteem and refuted the words that he should not be underestimated. Park Xingxiu understood that he didn't want to worry about Liang After working hard, he simply stopped bringing up this topic, and looked up at the continuous rain outside the window with him.

"Today... what date is it?"

"Well, it's number 2."

"It's the 2nd..." Gao Nanshun repeated the date in a trance, and then stopped talking for a long time, and Park Xingxiu didn't say anything again, because he knew that their thoughts were all on the Ching Ming Festival two days later .

Tomb-sweeping Day on April 4 this year is the first Tomb-sweeping Day that Park Heung-soo and Ko Nam-soon will spend together since their reunion.Pu Xingxiu didn't know how Gao Nansun spent that day since he separated from him. In the past, he had his own company, and he could find an arm to rely on in missing his mother, but during the years of separation, how did Gao Nansun Relying on his own ability to survive the bone-piercing longing that day, he couldn't even imagine and didn't dare to think deeply.

So he secretly vowed in his heart that every year in the future, he would accompany him and walk with him on this lonely and melancholy road of missing his mother.

Dad probably won't come back this year...Gao Nanshun looked at the window that was wet by rain, water droplets were sliding down the glass surface quickly or slowly, and when those water droplets brushed against his face reflected on the window, it was like crying.

In his memory, since his mother left, when it was time to visit her every year, his father would leave home for various reasons, as if avoiding to face the fact that his mother had left, fleeing to the ends of the earth I don't want to go with him to talk to her.Is it because of resentment, or because of pain, because of reluctance, because of longing, he has been unable to distinguish.The fact is that Gao Nanshun himself walked that journey alone every time.No, it should be said that after being separated from Xingxiu, Gao Nanshun himself was alone.

Slightly tilting his head to look sideways at Park Xingxiu who was hugging him, Gao Nanshun lowered his eyes again. For some reason, after a few years, it became so difficult to say "Come with me to see my mother". He knew that Park Xingxiu also needed to go with his sister that day. Looking at his parents, he doesn't know if his request is really appropriate...

The sky outside the window is still gloomy, and the continuous drizzle seems to dispel all thoughts, dense and cool, persistent and bitter.

"Three days off, that's great! I can..." Before Bian Kidd finished cheering, he was choked by Li Jiangzhu's chestnut: "Ah! This holiday is for us to worship our ancestors, okay? You just want to play! You are already in the third year of high school, do you know?"

"Of course I know, I will devoutly offer incense to my ancestors on Ching Ming Festival, but you can't stop me from relaxing my tense nerves in the hell life in the third year of high school~ Right, President Gao?" Bian Kidd imitated by shaking his body After offering incense, he smiled and looked at Gao Nanshun to the side, only to see him looking out of the window in a daze, wondering what he was thinking. "President Gao?"

"President Gao has been completely deep in the past two days. What are you thinking about?" Jin Zhongxian also noticed Gao Nanshun's appearance, and frowned and poked his head curiously.Hearing what they said, Li Jiangzhu looked at Gao Nanshun who had been sitting silently in his seat. He didn't ask but couldn't help worrying. Gao Nanshun was in a low mood, which seemed to be obvious to everyone. ... Then he looked sideways at Park Xingxiu who was not far away. Li Jiangzhu looked at him staring at the math workbook and turning the pen in his hand, thinking seriously. This guy should be able to see it.

Tomorrow is Tomb-sweeping Day, and the words he hesitated to speak are still hidden in his heart. Gao Nanshun doesn't know whether such hesitation is meaningful, but every time he sees Park Xingxiu's gentle smile and soft eyes looking at him, he suddenly doesn't know how to speak .In fact, it is not too much to ask, is it?But...it seems like it will deprive Xingxiu of the time to miss his parents.What used to be a matter of course in his eyes has now become unspeakable.

"Nan Shun... Nan Shun?"

"Huh?" Came back to his senses suddenly, Gao Nanshun quickly looked at the person who had called him several times, only to find that it was Park Xingxiu standing beside him and observing him carefully, "What, what's wrong?" Park Xingxiu's expression was a little bit Unnatural, he thought it might be that he was too distracted to worry him, so he tried his best to look back at him with a smile on his face, Gao Nanshun pursed his mouth and habitually put on a coquettish gesture.

"What are you thinking? It's time to go."

"Oh, let's go, let's go..." After hearing his words, he realized that school was over. It seemed that he ignored even Teacher Jiang's words that the president didn't need to stand up. Fortunately, there was no other situation. Packing up the schoolbag that didn't have much, Park Xingxiu stood aside and waited patiently for him without asking too much.

The two walked slowly back to Gao Nanshun's house side by side. It was very rare that they did not exchange a word, but just walked back silently following each other's pace. His mind was average, and he didn't take the lead in mentioning any topics.When Gao Nanshun stood at the door of the house and found the key from his pocket to open the door, Park Xingxiu called his name.

"Nan Shun."

"What?" Gao Nanshun let go of his hand on the doorknob, turned around and shifted his gaze to his face.

"..." Park Xingxiu looked at him with inexplicably soft eyes, which seemed to be mixed with some complicated elements. He just looked at him in silence for a long time, until Gao Nanshun was about to ask again in doubt, but he suddenly raised his hand to wrap his arms around his shoulders. She leaned over her neck and kissed him directly.This kiss came so suddenly that Gao Nanshun couldn't respond for a long time, and this kiss was too gentle, with a familiar temperature and breath on his lips, without any other movements, just wanting to be warm His lips usually meet together quietly.

"Ah! Someone will see..." When Gao Nanshun realized that the two were standing outside the door and kissing, he quickly raised his hand to push against Park Xingxiu's chest, trying to take the hand that was behind his head, but he was caught off guard. I was hugged full.

"..." He gave up struggling in just a moment, how could he know that he needed his embrace very much now, the only familiar embrace that could calm his hesitant and restless heart.Gao Nanshun gently wrapped his arms around his waist, relaxed his body and snuggled into his arms, closed his eyes and did not make a sound.

"Nan Shun," Park Xingxiu's voice sounded close to his ears, and that voice moved his heart and made him feel at ease.Feeling the warm kiss lingering on his ears and cheeks, Gao Nanshun moved his chin and leaned closer to his neck. "Today I need to go home for one night, but, can you wait for me tomorrow? After seeing my parents with my sister, I will rush back to you as quickly as possible... so can you wait for me, wait for me Going to see mom, huh?"

When the tears rolled down, he sobbed and nodded vigorously.The strength of the hug was tight and tight, he wished he could become one with him, with the man who loved him to the extreme.

How should I describe it, you are like the salvation God has given me.

All I got was love, all love.

The moment the sky began to rain again, someone held up an umbrella over his head.

Gao Nanshun looked sideways at the people around him, and couldn't help but smile again and again.Previous years should have been the loneliest and most melancholy days, but today I actually tasted a bit of sweetness.Park Xingxiu clasped the ten fingers of his hand with a little force, and the palms of the two were tightly together.

"Mom, how are you doing? Xingxiu and I came to see you together."

On the simple but not desolate tombstone is the woman's gentle smile, as if she can see the happiness of the child at this moment, and she smiles with satisfaction and joy as if she empathizes with her.Gao Nanshun looked at the appearance of his mother who stopped time at the moment when he was young, and suddenly he could understand the reason why his father didn't want to visit his mother every year. The feeling of being separated from the one he loves cannot be accurately summed up in words. What it expresses is an emotion that penetrates deeper and deeper into the flesh and blood with the passage of time. The older the time, the stronger the brewing of that emotion.

Parting from life and death seems to have always been the pain that the world is least willing to bear.

He has experienced life and death, and he has also experienced death.But the difference between these two kinds of pain is subtle and sour.Just like at this moment, Park Xingxiu, who has been separated from him for three years, can still return to him, hold his hand and stand here with him.But the mother who said goodbye many, many years ago is an existence that cannot be reunited no matter how powerful the power is to reverse the fate.

But I know, Mom, you have been watching me, all the time, watching me grow up, experience pain, experience youth, and then stumble to find my own happiness.

"Mom, I'm very happy now." Gao Nanshun held the hand intertwined with Park Xingxiu even more tightly, and said softly while looking at his mother's tombstone.That voice spread over the silent cemetery, merged into the sound of the pattering rain, but it rang clearly in the hearts of the two of them.

Park Xingxiu looked at Gao Nanshun chatting with his mother, and suddenly felt that they had passed their whole life.Every year, every year, just holding each other's hand and supporting each other, we walk on the road of missing the old man and stepping out our own future without stopping.Then when both of them have gray hair, they can smile and agree to engrave each other on the stone tablet in their hearts, and greet the end of life together.

This is my happiness.

I will bring him happiness.

Mom, I want your son to be happy.

I will make your son happy.

Please trust me.

The bus was swaying on the way home, and the sun that had already entered dusk turned orange, dyeing the sky a fiery red. The light slanted through the window, showing warmth and nostalgia in front of our eyes .Gao Nanshun looked sideways at the receding scenery outside the window, slowly savoring the unprecedented peace and tranquility at this moment.Today is the simplest day, but it is also the most unique day. He seems to have felt a lot and realized a lot.Those are extremely important and unique possessions for him.

When his left hand was gently grasped, he knew that the source of warmth was always by his side.

Park Xingxiu took his hand, slowly slid his fingers into his, and then pressed them together vigorously. This gesture seemed to the two of them the most attached and persistent.Gao Nanshun turned his head to look at him, and he met Park Heungsu's warm gaze and moderate smile as expected.He always knows when to give him the warmth of a hand, or the strength of a hug, or the arc of a smile and the depth of a gaze.

Seeing Gao Nanshun responding to his light smile, Park Xingxiu slowly leaned over and kissed him on the corner of his eyes. He didn't care how many people would see his movements and be amazed by his behavior. He only knew that this person was his treasure, yes He always kept in his heart the treasure that he couldn't bear to look away from.

"are you sleepy?"

Seeing that Gao Nansun's slightly narrowed eyes were a bit tired, Park Xingxiu lowered his voice and leaned into his ear and asked softly. Sure enough, he nodded slowly, adjusted his sitting posture and straightened his shoulders. She took his head and rested it on her right shoulder.

"Go to sleep, I'll call you when I get there."

Feeling the furry head rubbing against the ear, he stopped moving after finding a comfortable angle.Looking down slightly, you can see the man's closed eyelashes, and under the reflection of the setting sun, the softer nose line also has a cute and quiet atmosphere.Park Xingxiu raised his right hand that was clasped with him, turned his palm and raised the back of Gao Nanshun's hand, and pressed it lightly to his lips, imprinting a long kiss.

Go to sleep, my love.

I will accompany you through countless springs, summers, autumns and winters in the future, and accompany you to see all the prosperity and coldness of the world.

Then when all the warmth dissipates, hug and warm each other with you.

Believe me, I swear in the presence of the dead.

My love will last forever.