this is love

Seeing the police car whistling away like that, as if it took his heart away, Gao Nanshun stood there, flustered so much that he didn't know what to do, the winter wind was so bitter that it seemed to tear people apart one by one Come, but he can't feel anything anymore, his red eyes just let the tears spread a little bit like that, it doesn't matter if we cry, it doesn't matter for anyone to see, patience or something is nothing at this time, because the most important thing in his life What matters, the one who is above all, even above himself, has been taken away.He was taken to the coldest and most ruthless place in their eyes, but he was helpless, because he was obviously the culprit, he was the devil, the devil who let the person he cared most destroy.

Walking back step by step with difficulty, Gao Nanshun didn't know where he should go, where he could go, wanted to see Park Xingxiu, wanted to see him more than ever at this moment, and wanted to ask him if he had ever felt scared, because he was very scared now, afraid of him Can never bring him light and happiness.Afraid that he would no longer be qualified to stay by his side because of this crime.

He walked past the door of the class, but he didn't want to go in. Now he just wants to wait for the guy he misses so much in the quiet area alone.Leaning against the wall, closing his eyes and chewing on the panic and heartache in his heart, no one can understand what he is feeling now, even he himself does not know how to take over the feeling, he has never experienced such pain, and wishes to escape far away , but I can't give up even if I die.

Even if the pain is unbearable, even if the guilt is entangled, I can't let go of the hand that is holding you.

Don't drive me away from you like this, okay?

The policeman in front of him kept talking to Teacher Zheng, but Park Xingxiu didn't care to listen at all, his eyes shook so much that he couldn't hide the anxiety in his heart, obviously what he should be most worried about was how he should get rid of it because he had a criminal record in this incident. Suspicion, but all rational thinking is always squeezed away by the red-eyed and panic-stricken face in my mind.He couldn't resist the frightened look in Gao Nanshun's eyes. What he was most worried about now was whether that guy would feel guilty again, and then quit his life with bullshit reasons such as doing his best.The fear came roaring in, taking over all other emotions and making him fidget.

It wasn't until Teacher Zheng patted him on the shoulder that Park Xingxiu reacted and stood up. Looking at Teacher Zheng's slightly relaxed expression, he understood that he could leave here with peace of mind. While he was relieved, he still couldn't relax. He seemed more afraid of facing that guy now than facing the police station.

After having a heart-to-heart talk with Teacher Zheng, the suppressed depression dissipated a lot. After saying goodbye to the teacher, Park Xingxiu walked home slowly.He took out the phone from his pocket, stared at the dark screen for a long time before making up his mind to press the unlock button, but unexpectedly, there was no message from that guy displayed on the screen, and he felt a little relaxed at the same time. Feeling faintly uneasy, if this is the case, it means that tonight I must force myself to face the person I least want to face now.Gao Nanshun has always been stubborn, especially when it comes to important people or things, he knows this best.

So I deliberately slowed down my pace, and even took a long detour, just hoping that the road home would be longer, longer, and farther away from the possibility that I was most afraid of.But when he walked up the slope and saw the familiar figure leaning on the railing, all his luck was shattered by reality.

After dragging his heavy steps to the guy who was leaning on the railing with his head lowered, Park Xingxiu suppressed the panic in his heart and pretended nothing happened.Discovering the feet in front of his eyes, Gao Nanshun raised his head. After seeing the person who hadn't left his mind for a moment today, he was a little at a loss for a moment. He barely stood up straight and met his gaze. Gao Nanshun suddenly had The urge to cry.

Xingxiu, right now, I suddenly want to hug you.

"Why did you come back now?" Qiang asked this sentence with a steady voice. Gao Nanshun observed the person in front of him carefully. It has been a while since Mr. Zheng sent him a safe message. Park Xingxiu who came back must not be as calm as she looked.

"Who made you wait?" Park Xingxiu teased him pretending to be relaxed, hoping to ease the slightly dignified atmosphere now, looking at Gao Nanshun's eyes, but still unconsciously became gentle, with a little smile.

Gao Nanshun ignored his words, but lowered his eyelids again and tried to brush past him, "Let's go."

"Where are you going?" For a moment, his heart seemed to sink to the bottom of the lake. For the first time, Park Xingxiu didn't want to go with him. He looked down at the place where he had just stood, and his voice subconsciously sank along with his emotions.

Gao Nanshun, who stopped in his tracks, raised his head and looked at him firmly: "I have something to tell you." Every time, when talking to him, Gao Nanshun's eyes were always tightly locked on his face, as if he was always I am using my own eyes to convey feelings that cannot be expressed in words, but maybe I am even more so. Every moment, I want to put my eyes on him, even if I don’t say anything.

"Next time." The fear in his heart showed up again, and Pu Xingxiu closed his eyes helplessly.But Gao Nanshun's unwavering attitude pressed him, leaving him nowhere to retreat. "Come with me, brat." Seeing him walk past with his head bowed and shoulders, those drooping eyelashes didn't know what emotion was hiding.The first time I couldn't see through him, maybe my insight was confused by the panic in my heart, or maybe I refused to notice even a trace of determination in him.Walking out behind Gao Nanshun after a certain distance, Park Xingxiu felt a sense of powerlessness when he was caught and could no longer escape.

"Where are you going?" After all, he couldn't help asking, he didn't like this feeling of being uncontrollable, especially when the other party was the person he cared about the most.The person walking in front paused, turned around and met his gaze, stared at each other for two seconds before answering word by word: "Go eat ramen."

Seeing the back of him turning around again, Park Xingxiu felt defeated and surrendered. He seemed to be unable to do anything about this guy all the time. Ramen, that was their common memory many times. "It's always ramen." He muttered pretending to be disgusted, but he couldn't help the softness in his heart. He actually liked Gao Nanshun who was so persistent.Resigned to his fate, he raised his foot to follow his pace, but unexpectedly stepped into the snowdrift on the side of the road. The cold and wet snow and ice instantly poured into Park Xingxiu's right shoe, making his socks soaked. "Ah, really!" Because of this unlucky situation, Park Xingxiu couldn't help cursing in a low voice.He stomped his feet on the spot and quickly followed the person in front.

People who walk slowly one after the other seem to be living life like this. I have always been behind you, no, we have always been by each other's side. The life decided in this way is no longer destiny, but ours. expect.

Watching Gao Nanshun open the door in front of him, this place exudes an all-too-familiar aura just like three years ago.Park Xingxiu stood outside the door and stopped moving. Gao Nanshun walked into the door and dragged his shoes on the entrance, turned around and looked at the person standing outside the door: "Come in."

"Didn't you say you want to eat ramen?"

"It's enough to cook, I haven't eaten for a long time." Gao Nanshun looked back at the house, then turned back to put on a gentle expression, and walked into the house after speaking.Park Xingxiu stood outside the door in silence for a moment, then closed the door and walked in.He walked into the house cautiously because of his wet right foot.

While sitting on the floor in front of the low table and waiting, Park Xingxiu looked around the whole room little by little. This is the area Ko Namsun and himself shared three years ago. It's about spending time together here that belongs to two people alone.Did he live alone in this place during the three years when the two of them were blank? Did he also spend sleepless nights in this place because he missed himself?

Because of this daydream, Park Xingxiu couldn't help laughing out loud, this kind of self is really not at all like the image of a cold and tough guy in the eyes of outsiders. "What are you laughing at?" Gao Nanshun, who came out with the cooked ramen pot, asked curiously when he saw Pu Xingxiu who was sitting there smiling suddenly, wondering what he was thinking.

"It's nothing." Park Xingxiu hid his embarrassment with a cough, sat upright and looked at the ramen pot on the table.After Gao Nanshun opened the lid, the steaming ramen could not help arousing his appetite when he saw the steaming ramen. He was really hungry even after he hadn't eaten so late.But because of Gao Nam-sun who stopped talking and just silently picked up a chopstick ramen and put it in a bowl to eat, Park Heung-soo's momentary ease disappeared again.

Just staring at the person in front of him who was eating with his head down, Park Xingxiu waited for him to speak first.Sensing that gaze, Gao Nanshun raised his head to meet his gaze, and stopped chewing on his cheeks bulging because of the ramen in his mouth, and just looked at him steadfastly.After all, he still couldn't wait any longer, Park Xingxiu looked at the slightly pitiful and distressing Gao Nanshun, and asked with a sigh.

"Didn't you say you have something to say?"

Swallowing the ramen with difficulty, Gao Nanshun lowered his eyelids to avoid Park Xingxiu's question: "Let's talk after eating." It has always been his wish to eat ramen with him again, so many times, even if he mustered up the courage, he couldn't say it Yes, the desire to eat ramen with him, who had the opportunity but was interrupted, would be great if it could come true today.I am a greedy person, I knew it very early on.Such a hateful, such a hateful me, can you eat ramen with me?

After finishing speaking, he continued to gorge on the ramen, but stopped again because of the continuous gaze from the opposite side. Gao Nanshun hesitantly raised his head to meet that gaze, and saw his eyes that seemed to have never been far away. Explosive emotions, trying to stabilize the voice to ask that sentence.

"How the hell do you live?" Are you punishing me?

"..."

"Why didn't you live a good life?" Punish me with your pain and mine?

"...I wonder if there will be another guy like you."

It's so painful to live like that.It was really painful, and I tortured myself all the time.For my sins against you, I took my own punishment.Now you come and tell me the punishment you've been giving me elsewhere and I'm going to break.But I deserve it, don't I?Because the sinner is all I, and only I.

"What? Guys like me, you're going to hit every one you see?" Gao Nanshun tried his best to maintain a steady voice, but he couldn't hide the gradually reddening eyes and the tears that emerged, looking at Park Xingxiu like this, watching him in his own Speaking of all the hatred towards him in front of him, he was very afraid that he would not be able to hold on in the next second.

It's really scary, this kind of heartache scares him, looking at Gao Nanshun who resists to look at him even if he trembles a little, the intense heartache is more frightening than he imagined.The damp heat in his eye sockets made him collapse too.The bastard on the other side seems to be more inseparable from him than he imagined.

"...I want to make friends with that kind of guy, you brat." Gritting his teeth and holding back his choked voice, Park Xingxiu's eyes turned completely red when he uttered these words.

The corners of his mouth trembled, his Adam's apple slid, and he still shed tears after all. Gao Nanshun lowered his eyes, couldn't hold back his emotions anymore, and murmured in a choked voice, "Silly boy. I treated you like that, and you still..." Drop after drop Tears kept falling, and he lowered his head, unwilling to see the overly distressed eyes of the person opposite.

During Gao Nanshun's words, Park Xingxiu's tears had already rolled down. Once again, the two of them faced each other, watching each other cry wantonly, as if they could only cry at this time, as if they could only let you down when they faced you I am so heartbroken, as if you are the only one I can't give up even if I die.

Even if my life is ruined by you, even if my dream is destroyed by you, even if I am betrayed by you to the point of despair, even if you are such a bastard and finally abandon me, I still yearn for someone like you like poison .But no, no more, and then I realized that it seems that a person can only meet such an important and close person in a lifetime after exhausting all his strength.So after you left, I no longer have the strength and possibility to find a second you, and the only thing I can't forget even after trying my best is you.

Such a deep, such a deep bond, how much do you want me to hate, how do you want me to ignore you?

Life, dreams, the most important treasure... It seems that none of these can compare to having you by my side.If you say that I am the most important thing in your life, then we really have too much understanding.

Don't feel guilty towards me in this life, let alone leave me, okay?

"How did I treat you?" Hearing his words, Gao Nanshun looked up at him hesitantly, "I didn't even say a word of pain or discomfort, poor guy." It seemed that all the pain and grievances had been forgotten It was normal to find someone, and finally someone came to embrace the most vulnerable self. The feeling of being redeemed made Gao Nanshun bow his head deeply, but the trembling of the corners of his mouth became more intense, and tears continued to fall down. "We are each other." Park Xingxiu, who couldn't help choking because of tears streaming down his face, paused for a moment to stabilize his emotions, and then spoke softly, "So Nam Shun, don't feel sorry for me anymore."

Gao Nanshun lowered his head and couldn't say a word anymore, he just didn't hide his tears like that, the emotion surging in his chest almost burst out.The twitching nostrils were wet with drops of tears.Seeing him crying like that, Park Xingxiu felt as if all the burdens on his heart were instantly thrown away, and he saw the light of day again just like that.

Wiping the tears off his face with his hands, Park Heung-soo, who was trying to cheer himself up, reminded him that "the noodles should be rotten." Picking up the ramen and started eating, Gao Nam-sun wiped away the tears with the back of his hand, and followed him to eat the ramen earnestly. That warm feeling seems to be happiness that I haven't seen for a long time.

You really seem to be my destiny, brat.

The two slept together again after many years, obviously there should be a little embarrassment but there is no such thing.Naturally, it was as if the two of them slept soundly like this last night, even though it was no longer the soft bed he usually slept on, even though he was sleeping on this thin sheet on the floor, without pillows or quilts, but Gao Nanshun felt that this place was the best place to sleep. comfortable place.Just because of this person next to me.

Turning his head to look at Park Heung-soo, who seemed to be asleep with his arm on his head, Gao Nansun smiled.Even after 3 years, you still seem to be the Park Heung-soo I know.This war-like past has entangled him for so long, so long that he no longer wants to leave this pain, because that person is Park Xingxiu.What Wu Zhenghao said was right, this person, this person who fell asleep defenselessly in front of his eyes, was his Achilles heel.

Turning his back to Park Xingxiu, Gao Nanshun used the same posture to pillow his arm, but he didn't feel sleepy at all, his eyes were staring straight ahead, and he couldn't help thinking about all the things that happened since he met Park Xingxiu again. There are many things, as well as the ups and downs of emotional disputes between two of them.Gao Nanshun, who felt a bit of cold in the trance memory and curled up subconsciously, was drawn back to the warmth suddenly approaching from his back.

Before he could react and look back, he was wrapped around his waist by a strong arm. Gao Nanshun looked down at his waist, the familiar arm, "What are you doing?" Just as he was about to turn to look at that guy, he was caught Hugged tightly from behind.The strength from that arm made him lean against the chest of the person behind him tightly, and he couldn't help but become a little warmer.

However, this series of movements made Gao Nanshun's body instantly stiff. After three years, it is not uncommon for the two of them to have intimate movements, but it always feels inferior to the tension carried by this movement. In fact, both of them have personalities that hate mother-in-law and mother-in-law. Even when they walk, they walk side by side in a refreshing way. Even though he likes to be closer to Park Xingxiu, considering Park Xingxiu's personality, even the usual love is sticky. Girls seldom move, so he really has to pay attention to it.

"You didn't fall asleep? What's the matter?" No longer trying to turn around, Gao Nanshun elbowed the guy behind him, only to hear a vague reply after a while. "Isn't it cold?" Park Xingxiu's voice became muffled because he buried his face in Gao Nanshun's shoulder and neck.The exhaled breath warmly itched the skin of Gao Nanshun's neck, making him shiver slightly.

In this case, although it is warm, it seems that it is even more impossible to fall asleep, right?

Gao Nanshun scratched his cheek with his index finger, and moved slightly outward, hoping to make some gaps, but Park Xingxiu immediately pressed closer.In desperation, he decided not to be awkward at all, but Gao Nanshun arched back forcefully, leaning closer to his body, so that it seemed that the breathing fluctuations of each other became the same, and the temperature of the body also fused together, making it difficult to distinguish each other. Even the heartbeat seems to be the same frequency.Putting one arm under his head, Gao Nanshun hesitated for a moment, and then slowly put the other hand on the one clasped around his waist.

However, to my surprise, this turned out to be the most sound sleep I've had in a long time.

The direct consequence is that the two of them both got up late the next day, and the two of them hurriedly dressed and tidied up did not forget to blame each other for not waking themselves up. Although they were irritable because they were late, no one could deny that this morning was as warm as the world. All the goodness poured in.Gao Nanshun urged Park Xingxiu while putting on his shoes, and couldn't help grinning when he bowed his head. He was so happy, as if he had been drenched in the rain, cried bitterly, and then fell into a deep sleep. The next day he was in the sun It's like reviving and getting ready to go, and there is only light left in life.

It wasn't until Pu Xingxiu's complaint disturbed his imagination that Gao Nansun recovered and saw him frowning and complaining while holding his right shoe. He took it over and looked at it, only to find that it was so wet and smelly from the snow that he couldn't wear it.Looking at Pu Xingxiu who kept nagging like a child, Gao Nanshun kicked off his shoes helplessly and entered the room again: "Wait."

"Why don't you come?" Park Xingxiu put on his school uniform and walked into the house, only to see Gao Nanshun came out with a pair of new shoes and threw them to his chest, quickly catching them: "Are these yours?" "It's you Yes, don't you remember?" At that moment, Gao Nanshun's gentle and overflowing smile made Park Xingxiu startled. "Before you pestered me and said that as long as I was recruited to Seoul, I would buy it for you, saying that I didn't want to be underestimated by the children in Seoul. Do you know how many leaflets I sent out for it?" At that moment, I was determined to make efforts for you, It seems that there are no distracting thoughts mixed in, just wanting to fulfill all your expectations wholeheartedly.

"Why didn't you throw it away?" "Where did you throw it away?" The two of them looked at each other and smiled, Gao Nanshun reminded him of the fact that he was going to be late, and thinking about Jiang Sechan's torture method, Park Xingxiu no longer hesitated to go to the entrance to put on his shoes, chanting casually "It's too young!" Under Gao Nanshun's urging, he reluctantly put it on and ran to the school after closing the door.

Every day, every day, if I can wake up from sleep together like this, and then run to school together, that should be my happiest imagination.

After rushing into the classroom with the best of his abilities, and the morning meeting had come to an end, Teacher Jiang threw it over with a merciless tease: "Oh, it seems that the relationship between you two is getting better and better, and you are late together. .A fair penalty to each of you. Come in and sit down."

After looking at each other, the two returned to their seats with Teacher Zheng smiling helplessly. Teacher Jiang looked around the class: "Now everyone has dispelled their doubts about Park Xingxiu, right?"

Among the classmates who nodded one after another, Park Xingxiu, who was a little hesitant for a moment, subconsciously looked in the direction he trusted the most. After seeing Gao Nanshun with a more pleasant smile than himself, all the remaining tension in his heart relaxed. , From today, it seems that I can stand beside that person with my head held high, embracing a smile that I haven't seen in several years under the most dazzling sunlight.

In my life, almost most of the time is covered by your existence.

Laugh because of you, suffer because of you, and grow gradually because of you.

Then you can face your true self.

In fact, you have always brought me endless light and happiness, you know?