this is love

Every time I fall into those memories, I can't extricate myself.And every time I come back to reality, it's like going through a long trek, and the only thing that's exhausted is the sound of my heartbeat.

Every memory is full of mixed flavors, bitter and astringent, sour and sweet, which makes people tired.

Park Xingxiu took out the cigarette case, took out a cigarette and placed it silently, the smoke soon lingered in the still silent warehouse, and rolled out of the window along the airflow.Gao Nanshun didn't make a sound, just lowered his head and gently twisted his injured wrist. The two of them sat in silence for an unknown amount of time before the sound of footsteps and locks being unlocked came from outside the warehouse.

As soon as he heard the sound of the lock being unlocked, Park Heung-soo immediately stood up and stamped out the cigarette butt in his hand, and waved his hands to disperse the smoke that hadn't dissipated. Gao Nam-sun simply took off his school uniform and shook vigorously, and the warehouse door was opened in a hurry.Looking at Teacher Jiang who was standing outside and staring at them, both of them froze.

Jiang Shican walked into the warehouse and observed them back and forth. As soon as his eyes fell on Gao Nanshun's left hand with fine wounds, he nervously hid it with his school uniform, and then looked at the tables and chairs that had fallen into one piece. He had already fully expected these two guys. What happened while locked in the warehouse.Looking down at Gao Nanshun's foot that was deliberately stepped on a fixed position, as expected, after kicking it away, a half-burned cigarette butt was revealed.

He leaned over to pick up the cigarette butt, and found that it was a more expensive brand. Jiang Shican stared at the two people and said sarcastically, "Smoking such a good cigarette, you are like the rich second generation. Huh?" Guys, I was about to teach a few more lessons when I was interrupted by a serious question behind me.

"What are you doing here?"

Teacher Yan came to the door of the warehouse with a straight face, nodded with Jiang Shican, looked at Gao Nanshun and Park Xingxiu with scrutiny, and then said in an unquestionable tone: "Come out if you smoke."

Pu Xingxiu paused in his heart, looked up at Teacher Yan, hesitating whether to stand up or not.Unexpectedly, he was still caught. What Gao Nanshun said before is not impossible. It is not such a small mistake to skip the exam and smoke.

"Can't you come out?"

Hearing Teacher Yan's more stern tone, Park Xingxiu lowered his eyelids and wanted to step out, but was unexpectedly interrupted by Teacher Jiang's words. "Mr. Yan, that, I thought of my experience of smoking when I was young, so I..." Jiang Shican raised his hand and showed the cigarette butt in the palm of his hand to Teacher Yan, subtly replacing Park Xingxiu's behavior.

Gao Nanshun and Park Xingxiu looked at him in amazement at the sudden cover-up behavior of the teacher who always loves to tease people. Teacher Yan's eyes flicked back and forth between the three of them. Finally, it seemed that he finally realized Teacher Jiang's painstaking efforts, so he simply opened his eyes. Turning a blind eye and following him explained: "These are the guys who skipped the exam, you should educate them well."

Seeing the back of Teacher Yan walking out of the rooftop, Jiang Shican turned around and looked at Park Xingxiu and Gao Nanshun, who were obviously relieved, with a smug smile on their faces: "Good boy, you are my dinner now. Come with me .”

If someone said that he is a cold-blooded teacher who only knows about learning efficiency and grades, wouldn't that be unreasonable?Jiang Shican smiled and took the lead towards the office, and casually threw a sentence to someone following him: "Take your hands out of your trouser pockets."

After meticulously cleaning the office under Mr. Jiang’s supervision, he was sent to the counseling room to write a confession letter, because he was saved by Mr. Jiang once, and he threatened Mr. Yan with him, and he didn’t want Mr. Zheng to be sad again. , Gao Nanshun and Park Xingxiu obediently sat in the consultation room with papers.Meeting Jiang Shican, the nemesis, really made them succumb. By the time they came out of the consultation room, night had already fallen quietly, and the school was almost empty.

The two walked towards the outside of the teaching building one after the other. Just as they were about to step out of the building, Gao Nanshun caught a glimpse of the gangsters who turned over from the main entrance of the school and wanted to teach them a lesson, and then grabbed them. Park Xingxiu, who was walking out, pulled him back with his schoolbag. Regardless of Park Xingxiu's resistance, he covered his cursed mouth with his hand.

Park Xingxiu stopped struggling until he saw those people coming from the main entrance, and shook off Gao Nanshun's hand, and carefully hid behind the pillar to observe the approaching gangsters. "Come with me." After Gao Nanshun finished speaking, he turned around and took him into the teaching building again, ran out from the back door of the teaching building, and then reached the railing outside the school.

Cleverly climbing up the railing and jumping outside, Gao Nanshun turned and looked up at Park Xingxiu who was still standing inside the railing.Park Xingxiu looked at the fence that was slightly higher in front of him so that his injured leg would be a bit of a burden and did not move. At some point, everything told him that he had a burden that was holding him back, telling him that he could no longer follow up as gracefully as before. By Gao Nanshun's side, catch up with his speed.

After watching him for a while, Gao Nanshun approached under the wall, raised his hand and patted his shoulder to signal him to step down on his shoulder.But after he supported the wall with his hands for a long time, Pu Xingxiu just barely crawled down the narrow edge of the wall.Looking at Park Heung-su who was exhaling softly because of the slight impact on his right leg from the jump, Gao Nam-sun helplessly scratched his cheek with his fingers.

Feeling upset at the thought of not knowing how long to escape like this, Park Xingxiu stood up straight but didn't want to look at the face of the person behind him, and just asked in a low voice, "When are we going to escape?" But Gao Nanshun just replied lightly He said, "I don't know. Run until you can't escape anymore." Because this sentence seemed to ignite a fuse somewhere in his heart, Park Xingxiu suppressed the anger that had begun to breed again and turned to look at Gao Nanshun: "Do you think Will those people give up? Seems like they know who we are here. What if we will be caught sooner or later?"

Why are you always running away?It is so now, and it was so at the beginning.Knowing that there will be a day when there will be nowhere to hide, why do you want to escape from reality like a coward?Are you really that good at running away?

You know, that's what I hate most about you.

"We'll talk about that later."

Seeing Gao Nanshun's expression of course, Park Xingxiu didn't want to continue arguing with him at all, sighed angrily, took one last look at him, strode away and chose to leave.Gao Nanshun turned around and looked at the back of Park Xingxiu who was leaving. Just as he was about to follow up, he was stimulated by the soreness from his lower back, "Ah, this is not a school but a labor reform camp." Looking up at the school inside the fence, he complained helplessly He said, "Oh, it's true." After speaking, he quickly stepped forward to chase after the person who was drifting away.

Jiang Sechan is definitely the most tormenting existence in the world.

When Gao Nanshun and Park Xingxiu sat back to back in the consultation room and looked at the test paper in front of them, they sighed in unison in their hearts.Teacher Jiang actually forced two people to seriously answer the test paper. Gao Nanshun, who had never focused on studying, and Park Xingxiu, who had been delayed for so long and had no intention of working hard, thought that the most troublesome thing was the exam, but they were forced to answer it.It was already a few hours after all the content of the test paper was taken away by Mr. Jiang.

Because she was asked to go to the evening self-study, Park Xingxiu stood up silently and walked out, but stopped because of Gao Nanshun's words behind her. "Are you going?" Turning around and looking at Gao Nam-sun who also stood up and looked at him, Park Heung-su could almost hear the tired voice of the heart under his left chest.

he is tired.Tossing for so long, because of the pain, because of the shattered dream, because of being betrayed and abandoned, because of loss, because of many, many, almost consumed all his vitality and mental strength.I don't want to be trapped in those huge memories and pain anymore. As for Gao Nanshun, the source of all his pain, he almost frightened him.

Whether it’s a mistake, running away because of fear, whatever, since he has got the answer he was obsessed with, since he has found that he can’t continue to hate, so be it, he doesn’t want to live through those too much. Heavy days.Right now, he only longs for peace.

"Let's stop here. No matter what you do, we can't go back to the way we were before. You and I can't pretend that it didn't happen, and we can't forget it. Can it be like this?" Seeing Gao Nanshun lower his head weakly, Park Xingxiu Still had to admit that he was feeling the pain of his heart being slowly squeezed.Even if it hurts, there is no way to go back to the past.We cannot escape from such a sad reality. "So be it."

Hope that was extinguished little by little is like this, Gao Nanshun lowered his head and tried not to show too much pain. Such a clear line made him too disappointed. He thought he could get back after confessing his heart like that in the warehouse. With the slightest improvement, I didn't expect that I would get farther and farther away from my extravagant hope.I'm not afraid that Park Xingxiu has always held a strong hatred for him, but I'm afraid that he no longer has too much affection for him.Such indifferent alienation is even more tormenting.

But that was Pu Xingxiu's wish, and he had to agree.

"Okay." Responding to his words softly, Gao Nanshun slowly raised his head and looked at his back as he walked out of the door. His heart was full of intertwined struggles. He didn't want to let go, wanted to be by his side tightly, and wanted to see him again Give yourself a smile, that deep desire has always been buried in the bottom of my heart, but now I have to be suppressed even deeper.The thought of the possibility of two people being estranged seems to be entangled in the heart, depressing and suffocating.

Really painful.

Gao Nanshun stood in the open-air corridor on the second floor of the teaching building and looked down at the sparse students walking outside the school. It didn't take long before he saw the person he was waiting for.After Gao Nanshun saw Park Xingxiu's figure, his eyes were locked on him right away.Such a distance made him powerless, as if he was close in front of his eyes, but he couldn't get close.Do we have to stand in the distance and watch silently in the days to come?

Gao Nanshun sighed helplessly and turned around to leave, but inadvertently turned around and found that the man who got out of the van parked outside the school was the gangster who wanted to catch them.Seeing that Park Heung-su was getting closer and closer to the school gate, Gao Nanshun hurriedly ran downstairs while taking out his mobile phone to dial his number.

He took out the vibrating mobile phone from his pocket, and found that it was Gao Nanshun's call, and Park Xingxiu picked it up impatiently: "What are you doing?" But the other party simply said, "Where is it? I need you for something, go to the rooftop, I will go there now." .” He immediately hung up the phone.Although he didn't know what the hell this guy was going to do, Park Xingxiu finally chose to suppress the urge to ignore him and go home directly, turned and walked towards the teaching building.

Looking at the back of Park Xingxiu who was walking back, Gao Nanshun was slightly relieved, and quickly turned around and walked towards the gangsters surrounding the road outside the school gate.As soon as he walked over, two guys grabbed his arms to prevent him from escaping. The leading man smiled and looked at him: "Here you come? Aren't you making trouble today?"

Like telepathy, there was a strong premonition in his heart for a moment, Park Xingxiu stopped walking towards the teaching building, turned around and looked at the school gate, which seemed to be safe and sound.The premonition in his heart was getting higher and higher, and he kept telling him that Gao Nanshun's behavior was too abnormal, and his apparent attempt to trick himself back to school must have covered up something he didn't want him to encounter.Following that too strong intuition, he walked towards the outside of the school again, and his pace accelerated with the growing uneasiness in his heart.

Looking straight into the eyes of the man in front of him, Gao Nanshun said calmly: "Change to another place first, there are many people in the school." After speaking, he shook off the arm that was holding him, and stepped into the car of the gangsters.

As soon as Park Xingxiu walked to the school gate, he saw the man who got into the car with those gangsters. He couldn't believe that he stared at the familiar figure, and waited until the door of the van was closed before reacting and quickly skipped over. The railing on the side of the road, trying his best to catch up with the moving van.

"Hey! Gao Nam-shun! Hey!" No matter how fast he was, he couldn't keep up with the speed of the car in front of him. Looking at the van that was getting farther and farther away, Park Xingxiu endured the tingling pain from his right leg and ran crazily, shouting to Gao Nam-sun name, but still could not stop the van from moving forward.

When it was no longer possible to catch up with the car by running, Park Xingxiu stopped exhausted, bent down and leaned on his legs, panting violently.The pain in his right leg spread like a protest. Park Xingxiu frowned and looked at the van that had already gone away, as if looking at Gao Nanshun himself: "Crazy."

Bastard boy, why do this, let me owe you.

Since he came here instead of Park Xingxiu, he had to bear the beating.Gao Nanshun took the initiative to kneel down and beg for a beating, which made the gangsters feel both funny and excited, and the combination of fists and kicks without resistance was even more refreshing. Five or six gangsters kicked Gao Nanshun who was kicked to the ground with both feet.

Every foot on the body, every pain made Gao Nanshun recall the "beating training" held by Park Xingxiu in order to help him restrain the poisonous impulse to beat others in the distant past.So much so that now his endurance skills are getting deeper and stronger, gritted his teeth and endured the pain caused by being kicked, Gao Nam-sun silently recited Park Xingxiu's name in his heart, like a curse, and patiently beating for him, it seems that Not as sad as ever.

When Li Zhixun, who had been watching from the sidelines, interrupted the "punishment" of the gangsters, Gao Nanshun was unable to stand up again, and he couldn't help but want to laugh when he heard the kid tell the truth. Finally, he was sensible. I felt a little relieved, as if I was looking forward to their improvement, maybe, since Teacher Zheng came to class 2, and since I met Park Xingxiu again, he seemed to be alive again, rekindled hope, and believed in warmth again .

Leaning on the edge of the pool table, Gao Nanshun couldn't help grinning even though he could feel the warm blood flowing from his forehead and the pain that kept screaming in his body.Once again successfully guarding Park Heung-su, the joy, the perverted pleasure after being beaten up and the smell of blood made him excited, as if a battle had been completed and he had won.

I said that I will be by your side to protect you, and I will definitely do it.

Park Xingxiu desperately ran towards the billiard hall. The coldness of winter became worse after the night fell, but he felt that his heart was full of heat, and the tormenting worry and slight anger made his whole body burn like pain. with.He quickly climbed up to the second floor and opened the glass door of the billiard hall, but he accidentally bumped into his arms, subconsciously stretched out his arms to hug him, and the two of them fell towards the stairs on the left.

When he saw clearly that it was Gao Nam-sun who was beaten and limp with blood on his face, Pu Xingxiu froze in place and could only stare closely at the person in front of him.Gao Nanshun gasped with difficulty and raised his head. The moment he saw Park Xingxiu, his eyes widened in surprise. After seeing the shock in his eyes, he closed his eyes and lowered his head, "I've been caught." I don't want him to find out, I don't want him to feel Apologizing, just wanting to guard him silently is enough, but he still bumped into him and can no longer hide it.

Gao Nanshun braced his body and wanted to stand up. The injuries on his body made him limp and weak. After all, they were gangsters in society. Almost all of his injuries were on his body.

Seeing his hard work, Park Xingxiu subconsciously reached out to support his arm, but after meeting Gao Nanshun's eyes, he reacted and slowly let go of his hands and straightened up, shaking his eyes in a panic.He still can't accept the facts in front of him. Even if he understands that Gao Nanshun will be beaten for him, he can't imagine how he will feel after seeing him.

He walked out like a dazed man, knowing that the man was staggering but stubbornly following behind him.His mind was almost blank, only the fact that Gao Nanshun was beaten for him kept circling, and he walked slowly towards home like this.I don't know how long it took, but when he reached the wall not far from the house, he slowly stopped, turned around and looked at Gao Nanshun, who was holding his chest and propping up his body, and followed behind him.

Because Park Xingxiu just looked at him silently like that without saying a word, Gao Nanshun no longer had the strength to support his painful body, and leaned against the wall beside him tremblingly.

Without moving his eyes following Gao Nanshun's movements, Park Xingxiu stared at the position where Gao Nanshun stood just now and suddenly said, "Did you get beaten for me?"

Sweeping lightly from the end of his eyes to the people around him, Gao Nanshun looked at the front and responded lightly: "I haven't been beaten much." I was worried that he would have such thoughts, worried that he would take the beatings "for" him, Gao Nanshun Enduring the pain, he worked hard to cheer up and stabilize his voice.

"Didn't we say it's okay?"

"I want to do that too." Gao Nanshun said weakly with his eyelids drooping, as if even his exhaled breath was trembling.

You won't understand, you can't imagine how hard it is for me to let go.It's not that easy, how could it be possible for me to act as if this is the end of everything?Even if there will be greater harm and pain waiting for me ahead, I can't just let you go, because I know that nothing hurts me more than losing you.I have already experienced it deeply.

As if being driven to the extreme by those madly growing anger and increasingly intense heartache, Park Xingxiu sneered mockingly, turned his head and fixed his eyes firmly on Gao Nanshun's face: "Oh, I really have you, why are you like this? Can my legs be healed? Can I play football again?" Why do you always think about compensating me? Compensating me?How can those facts that have been caused a long time ago be easily compensated? If I stay by my side with such a heart, will I not suffer?

Gao Nam-sun turned his head to meet Pu Xingxiu's eyes, his eyes were full of burning pain from not being understood or forgiven, and he just stared at the person in front of him, as if he had regained strength because of the turbulent anxiety in his heart, and suddenly He stood up straight and faced him: "What do you want me to do? You can't pretend that you don't know, and you can't pretend that nothing happened!" The sense of internal and external difficulties that was completely cornered made him collapse, and Park Xingxiu's request to part ways was simply against him. Threats made him stand still and could hardly find a way forward.

"So you mean to keep going like this?"

"I don't know. I'll do whatever I meet, brat! I know no matter what I do, I can't make it up to you, so I'll do it even if it's just pretending. It's me who broke your leg, yes I have ruined your future!" After all, he could no longer hide all the erupting emotions in his heart, Gao Nanshun could no longer restrain the strong desire in his heart, the desire to redeem and start over was too strong, and he was under pressure every day and night His heart was almost crushing him, and he would cry out with choked words, as if he wanted to reveal all his guilt so that Park Xingxiu could truly see his repentant heart.

But Park Xingxiu grabbed his collar with even more emotion and interrupted his shouting: "You idiot! I wish you were like this earlier..." Looking at the almost twisted and painful expression on his face, Coupled with the completely incomprehensible words that came out of his mouth, Gao Nanshun frowned and locked his eyes tightly, not daring to move an inch.His heartbeat accelerated involuntarily, as if he was about to understand a secret that he had never been aware of. Such a close-up gaze made him nervous and excited.

"No matter what happened, you shouldn't leave. Nothing is more important than football, except you," the words squeezed through his teeth almost used all his strength, Park Xingxiu trembled and tried not to let the corner of his mouth turn red Tears fell from his eyes, but he failed after all. At the moment when the warm tears slid down his cheeks, he looked at Gao Nanshun who had the same tears in his eyes, and completely gave up the desire to struggle. At this moment, he completely put his own Take out your heart and show it to him. "After I can't play, you should have stayed with me, brat."

I have lost football, how can you make me lose you again?You just leave me alone like that, I have nothing, nothing, you know?That is more painful than death, why do you want to empty out all of me?

No one knows better than me the feeling of the world collapsing in an instant.

Why do you just not understand?

Putting all the obsessions of love and hatred towards Gao Nanshun accumulated over the years into the words that he spit out, Park Xingxiu cried out with tear glands collapsing, but it was mixed with unsteady sobs, and even his jaw couldn't help shaking When he got up, Park Xingxiu looked at the guy in front of him who had almost defeated all his protective layers, and felt that he was going to take out his heart and lungs and stuff it to him, leaving nothing but giving it to him.Such a crushing feeling is no longer dependent, he seems to completely attach his soul to him.

Without him is dead.

Or life is worse than death.

Gao Nanshun, who had been looking at him and couldn't say a word, had already burst into tears, and the tears flowing in his eyes could not stop the empathetic pain conveyed in his eyes, and the desire to cry bitterly that he gritted his teeth also made him Lips quivered.In such an emotional atmosphere, Park Xingxiu no longer wanted to put away the question that was suppressed in his heart, and shouted at the person in front of him tremblingly and forcefully: "I'm asking you!...Don't you miss me? ?”

The choked sobs in his throat made Gao Nansun almost whimper, tears flowed from his eyes continuously, almost to the point of dying, and it was the same with Park Xingxiu in front of him, crying like never before Between the two, looking into each other's eyes is like dying of grief.This feeling of grief is too much for them to bear.How can we really fill the wound that continues to be empty in each other's hearts, and how can we satisfy the ever-expanding greed in each other's hearts.

So painful, so happy.He had never tasted such contradictory and complicated feelings. These few words of Park Xingxiu were almost the most beautiful and cruel words he had ever heard.He was cared about so far by him, but hurt him severely.He used his escape to draw a deep gully between the two, filling it with pain and longing, so that they could no longer see each other.

It's too miserable to be in a cocoon.

Life is so bitter.

"Which blooming flower never swayed in the wind.

Any beautiful flower bud in this world blooms in the swaying wind.

Swaying in the wind straight flower diameter. "

Gao Nanshun leaned against the wall weakly and slid to the ground. Looking at Park Xingxiu standing there, the shadow reflected by the dim streetlights overlapped with his own by a small part, and his eye sockets instantly became hot again, so hot that he could no longer support the world in front of him. He closed his eyes fiercely and immersed himself in the boundless but warm darkness, but he could still feel the ubiquitous aura of the person beside him.

"Which love has never been shaken.

Which blooming flower has never been wet.

Any shining bud in this world blooms after wet rain.

The buds that have been baptized by wind and rain bloom warm petals. "

Park Xingxiu climbed up the stairs step by step with heavy steps, tears evaporated in the air little by little, and the aftertaste of crying and venting his heart was accompanied by a sense of peace.There was silence all around, but he could clearly perceive the silent gaze behind him.

When he stopped, he heard the only wish in his heart, he wanted to see him, to see him again.Just as he thought, when he turned around, he met the man's following gaze.It seems that he has been longing and longing like him.

The condensed sight is like amber, covering all the emotions at this moment.

"Which life has never experienced wind and rain."

The love and hate, pain and injury in those years seemed to have all turned into tears, rolling down without stopping.

Each one represents you in my heart.

Who said it.

Love is like amber.