this is love

【I stare at you like staring at an old wound. 】

If the air doesn't automatically compress, then there must be something there, filling it up little by little, making it tighter and wrapping around the body tightly, forcing Park Xingxiu to hardly breathe.Gao Nanshun seemed to finally feel a little discomfort, and slowly let go of the hand that was holding onto his arm. He looked away for a second and then looked at him again, but Park Xingxiu avoided him abruptly.

After confirming that he heard the footsteps of the security uncle walking away, Park Xingxiu couldn't bear to stay in the cabinet for a second, kicked the door open and stepped out.The fresh air surrounded in an instant has a bitter coolness, which makes people feel refreshed and at the same time can not help but feel a little cold.Park Xingxiu impatiently lowered his head and patted the dirt on his body. Gao Nanshun stood aside and watched his movements, but couldn't help but said: "Smoking and skipping exams, don't you know that if you are caught again during the punishment period, you will be punished harder? This is Unconditionally forced transfer."

Looking at Gao Nanshun with a serious face, Park Xingxiu's irritability came back again. For some reason, he couldn't see how worried he seemed to be for his own sake. He didn't bother to give a reply, so he turned around and pushed the warehouse door thinking Get out of this wretched place quickly.When he found out that the door that couldn't be opened no matter how he pushed or pulled it was locked by the uncle, Park Xingxiu almost couldn't help yelling.

Reluctantly raised his head and closed his eyes, Park Xingxiu tried his best to be patient and turned around to look at that person again: "Hey, call your friends." The current situation can only be pinned on the group of guys in the class But after Gao Nanshun groped for a long time and couldn't find the mobile phone, he realized that the mobile phone that he had to hand in because he had to take the English test in the next subject was not with him at all.

Because of this unlucky situation, Park Xingxiu felt that even the strength to swear was worn out. He just wanted to find a quieter place to smoke to relieve his mood, but so many damn bad things happened in a series, and he was finally trapped. He was in such a small and cold space, and he couldn't find anyone to support him, but what bothered him the most was being locked in this space with this person, together with Gao Nanshun.

"Why don't you pass the exam?" Gao Nanshun looked at him, and the breath from his mouth quickly dissipated between the two, "You guys are so good at studying..."

"Just to find that guy who can't figure things out."

"That's right." Looking at Park Xingxiu's penetrating eyes, Gao Nanshun almost didn't have the courage to look at him again for a moment, "That kind of guy can't do anything."

"Then what should we do now?" It was beyond his expectation to come to this point. Park Xingxiu began to hate their fate, as if they were being teased and ridiculed all the time, living in grief and loneliness.

"I know everything. I know everything about the past and three years ago." Seeing Park Xingxiu's appearance of suppressing his feelings, Gao Nanshun hesitated for a moment before deciding to face each other frankly. The state of you chasing me to avoid colliding words is completely different from the return to the past that he longed for.If he keeps this state, he doesn't know when he will be able to find the courage to look into his eyes to express himself again, and he doesn't know when he will be able to be alone with him again in a space where the other party can no longer escape.

So right now, I want to tell you my heart.

Be patient and have a look at it, will you?

Xingxiu.

Almost reaching the limit of endurance, Park Xingxiu turned his head and exhaled, staring fiercely at the infuriating bastard in front of him: "I ask how you know, brat."

He lowered his eyelids and took a few breaths gently, as if he wanted to mobilize the courage in his whole body. Gao Nanshun suppressed the urge to cry, raised his eyes to look at Park Xingxiu's eyes again, and spit out the sourness that had been brewing in his heart for many years. Those three words: "I'm sorry." It's not enough to say it many times, I understand, I understand, but I don't want to be that bastard who can't even say "I'm sorry".

"Did I tell you to shut up?" Why are you always apologizing, always repeating these three words that I hate the most, "I just pretend I didn't hear it." Sorry?Do you think I want to hear your sorry?Do you think that hearing your sorry I will no longer suffer and no longer have such a heavy past?Gao Nanshun, what do you think you did.

"It was a mistake. Just like I did at that time..." Seeing Park Xingxiu turn around and push the door of the warehouse again, looking like he didn't want to listen to him anymore, Gao Nanshun sped up his speech, eagerly hoping that he could Hear, can hear all his heartfelt voices, stop ignoring him like that. "Even if I am an asshole, I never thought that this would be the case."

Heck!

Unable to suppress the anger that almost burst in his heart for a moment, Park Xingxiu pushed the door that he knew could not be opened a few times as if to vent, then quickly turned around and grabbed Gao Namsun by the neckline, gritted his teeth and spit out the words that he was forced to The words in his mouth: "I know! I said I knew it was a mistake!" Looking at Gao Nanshun's eyes full of guilt and sorrow, he gritted his teeth and couldn't stop trembling, and tried his best to resist the urge to punch him , Park Xingxiu lowered his voice: "Shut up for me."

"But that's also my fault." Looking straight into Park Xingxiu's burning eyes like this, Gao Nanshun's eye sockets gradually turned red, and he blinked lightly to force back the urge to cry quietly, and tightened his jaw With a steady voice, but unable to hold back the tone that started to become low, "I was wrong."

"Whether it's a mistake or your fault, what's the difference?" Nostrils trembled slightly, Park Xingxiu's voice seemed to be hit by the pain of the past, and he could no longer have a sense of trust in anyone, just like Gao Nanshun wanted The approaching heart is fiercely blocked by the high wall.

Don't do this, please.

Can no longer bear the warm liquid eroding his eyes, Gao Nanshun watched the person in front of him gradually being blurred in the water, with a familiar and painful silhouette, and the persistence that he has always missed deeply And hot eyes.

"So, nothing will change. This is not something that can be changed with hard work." Gao Nanshun gritted his teeth and looked at Park Xingxiu while enduring the pain. He didn't dare to look away for a moment, as if once he looked away, he would never look away again He stared deeply as if he couldn't see it anymore, with tears trembling slightly in his eyes, maintaining the final balance and not slipping off in an instant.

"I'm sorry, brat." Unable to hide his choked voice anymore, the corners of Gao Nanshun's mouth trembled so much that he almost wanted to cry out, "I, I'm going to die of guilt." Do you know, do you know, I'm about to be tortured died.These thousands of days and nights, I was corroded by the guilt and heartache, leaving me with only a shell. I would tremble when I stood like this. The empty wind was blowing inside my body, with sharp edges and corners. Bloody wound.And every day, I look at these wounds repeatedly like this, and then torture myself with everything about you.

"I'm sorry I can't say I'm sorry..."

Can no longer bear the bursting anger, can no longer look at those eyes with determined grief, Park Xingxiu punched Gao Nansun in the cheek, "Shut up! Bastard!" Gao Nanshun on the stacked tables and chairs, Park Xingxiu took deep breaths to calm his fluctuating emotions.

As if he had finally found a way to vent his anger, Gao Nanshun even hoped that Park Heung-soo could beat him hard, hard enough, and impose all the punishments he should bear at least, even if it could make him feel better, it would be better not to be like that again It hurts like hell. "You should have done this long ago. When you meet again at the school gate, you should hit me when you see me."

"No, that was three years ago. If you say it at that time, you will definitely do it, and you will have to bear it all."

Looking at Park Heung-soo's gritted teeth and fierce eyes, Gao Nansun eagerly hoped that there was something he could do to make up for him, as long as he could do it, he would definitely do it.In a panic, he caught a glimpse of Park Xingxiu's left hand who had just hit him, and grabbed his fist and pressed his fist against his chest. Gao Nansun stared at him intently: "So, you hit me again, brat. Just treat me as a Hit me again three years ago."

But Pu Xingxiu just wrapped his gaze around him, but didn't move for a long time.As if he could see the struggle hidden in his heart from his eyes, Gao Nanshun laughed in his heart almost in a disastrous defeat. This combination of sorrow and joy made him want to cry uncontrollably.

You obviously, obviously can't let me go, bastard.

"What's wrong? Can't you do it? You can't even do it, why do you want to avoid it? Let me not pretend to know you, you'd better be honest, you clearly want to kill me a thousand times in your heart!" Following his pretense and saying the completely opposite words, Gao Nanshun was about to be defeated by such a struggling and chaotic situation. What was the reason for, so that they could no longer be honest with each other.

As if being peeped into the most hidden corner of his heart, Park Xingxiu pushed Gao Nansun away and pulled back his arm, "That's right, you bastard! It's not enough to kill you a thousand times! What can you do? What can you do?! Pushing hard to Gao Nanshun's chest with both hands, Park Xingxiu hated him for seeing himself through so easily, and could no longer find a place to hide, and could no longer easily deny that he had always cared, as if all these years of hard work were in vain , After seeing him, he was defeated in an instant.

I can't forget you, and the damned fact makes me hate myself even more.

Why do you keep pushing me?Why? !

But he forgot one thing.

When the tables and chairs in Chengshan collapsed and smashed on Gao Nanshun in a chaotic manner, burying him below, when all this happened clearly before his eyes, when Gao Nanshun lay on the ground with his eyes closed and lost consciousness, he Only then did I know what I had done.The fear and panic that suddenly rose in his heart was like an explosion, and the loud noise woke him up, but it left his mind blank and almost unable to think.

Pu Xingxiu stood helplessly next to the collapsed table and chairs, looking at Gao Nam-sun who was lying there motionless, his heart ached to the point of paralysis as if he had been shocked by an electric shock.

Don't, don't, don't have an accident.If something happens to you... I...

Nan Shun, Nan Shun...

"Namsun!" Rushing up and throwing the tables and chairs to the sides, Park Xingxiu desperately wanted to get close to Gao Namsun who was buried under the tables and chairs. The panic in his heart was like a ghost, almost swallowing him, making his voice choke. Unbearable, even calling his name trembling. "Nan Shun, Gao Nan Shun!"

Kneeling down to the ground and hugging Gao Nanshun, Park Xingxiu shook the person in his arms and kept calling his name, but he couldn't get the slightest response.He finally experienced that kind of pain, just like the very young Gao Nanshun three years ago, who used his own hands to personally hurt the person he cared about the most. The pain this brought to him was definitely a hundred times more severe than the person being hurt a thousand times.

Please wake up, I can do whatever you want, as long as you are okay.Why don't you open your eyes and look at me, call me a coward, just open your eyes and look at me.Nan Shun, don't punish me for being cruel to you like this, okay?

I am now, really scared.

"Hey! Hey! Nam... Nam Shun..." The crying voice couldn't bring Gao Nam Shun back from the coma. Park Heung Soo was almost on the verge of collapse, and he was unable to hide his inner feelings anymore. At this moment, Gao Nam Shun The worry and heartache made Park Xingxiu no longer restrain his emotional fluctuations like a child, and tears were about to burst out.

After Liushen yelled for a long time, Park Xingxiu forced his already messy mind to calm down. Thinking of finding someone to open the door to take Gao Nanshun out, Park Xingxiu wanted to get up in a panic, but he didn't forget to gently support Gao Nanshun's head to put him away. Put your body flat on the ground.

Frantically banging on the warehouse door, hoping that someone might hear his call for help, Park Xingxiu kept shouting with a hoarse cry that had already broken down, "Hey! Open the door! Come on! Open the door! Hey! "

I don't care, I don't care about anything, as long as someone can save him.

Come and save him, please.

Quickly save him.

I don't want to lose my most important person in this world ever again.

"Open the door! Come here! Hello..."

His thoughts were gradually pulled back in a blur. Accompanied by a dull pain in his temple, the first thing Gao Nanshun saw when he opened his eyes was the white ceiling covered with dust. Looking at his rare out-of-control appearance, Gao Nanshun complained lightly in a low voice: "Ah...it's so noisy." But the warmth that couldn't be concealed rolled out of his heart, and now Park Xingxiu, who had taken off his mask, seemed to be only in He will only appear when he is in danger, and it will be so vivid that he feels that he has finally regained the Park Xingxiu who belonged to him back then.

Because of the collision of tables and chairs, except for the injured left hand, there was still some soreness on his body. Gao Nanshun struggled to sit up slowly, and the shouting and knocking on the door stopped, and he looked back at himself Park Heung-soo, whose expression was frozen, Gao Nansun asked him in a teasing tone: "Does your hand not hurt?"

"Aren't you injured?" Park Xingxiu almost froze on the spot, looking at Gao Nanshun who just fell into a coma and frightened him into a cold sweat.

"I'm injured." Gao Nanshun raised his left hand to signal after struggling to support himself on the chair behind him, and the corners of his mouth could not help but curl up slightly.

"..." Turning his head and exhaling deeply, Park Xingxiu began to feel the feeling of exhaustion, the emotion that tortured the heart made people feel weak all over, but unfortunately, Gao Nanshun was able to let him taste this rotten bone easily torture.He couldn't say anything anymore, such a crash-like emotional outburst seemed to take all his energy.Looking at Gao Nanshun who was just looking at him like that again, he could barely utter a few words: "You deserve it, brat."

The legs couldn't stop being weak, Park Xingxiu slowly moved to the front of the cabinet and leaned against it, struggling to calm the trembling heartbeat in the short silence.

"It's pretty scary."

Gao Nanshun suddenly broke the silence, thinking that he felt that the coma just now was terrible, Park Xingxiu slid to the floor leaning on the cabinet, lowered his eyes to see his hands that were reddened by the smashing of the door, and returned lightly: " Are you okay?"

"I'm afraid you will leave me and go to Seoul just to play football."

"..." Park Xingxiu looked at the corner in front of him and fell silent. It was the first time he heard Gao Nanshun tell the reason why he abandoned himself and ran away, and he felt a little calm in his heart. He couldn't forgive every minute and every second in the past three years. He hated it more every second than the last, but now he was able to face the fact that he had left behind him so calmly, as if because of this reunion, he had gradually healed the wound that had been ruptured all these years. "Didn't you go in the end, bastard. Why did you run away then?"

"I'm afraid you'll really abandon me." As if because of this pushing and coma, he finally dispelled the depression in his heart. He felt a sense of peace after a catastrophe. Gao Nanshun moved his eyes to the edge of the ceiling, mixed with slow breathing Slowly said the feelings that have been entangled with her since three years ago: "I'm afraid you really won't see a bastard like me again... At that time, I only had you. If you say that yourself, I have nowhere to go. Wherever it is."

"..." For a long time, he has been immersed in the devastating sense of despair and pain of losing football and being abandoned by Gao Nanshun. He lost all rational thinking as if his eyes were covered with blood and tears. Countless Why is he hovering in his heart, obsessed with his departure, questioning his feelings for him, unwilling to be as sincere as if he was passionate, but he has never been able to feel the pain of guilt and fear of losing himself from the perspective of Gao Nanshun.Just hated someone, found someone, and remembered someone for three years.

Back then, besides football, there was only Gao Nanshun.Even though Gao Nanshun seems to be more important than football, but if he loses Gao Nanshun, he can at least have football and dreams.But he never thought that if Gao Nanshun, who only had himself, lost himself, he would have nothing left.

No matter how long the days of being dependent on each other have passed, the reliance on each other that is deeply rooted in my heart is still indelible. Once separated, it is like the abandonment of life. Only by holding on to each other tightly can we carefully maintain this relationship. The balance of survival in the world.It seems that only the other party can bring me joy and happiness, and allow myself to embrace the most splendid youth.

No matter how beautiful the time is, it can't match the deeper feelings.

……

As soon as the door marked [Intensive Care Unit] was opened, he saw Park Heung-soo sitting on the floor wiping his feet with a towel. Asked with a smile [Why are you here again? 】He just took off his shoes, jumped on the floor and sat down.

【How is mom? 】

[Every day is the same. 】Park Xingxiu wiped his feet and lowered his voice with a helpless wry smile.Try not to disturb the sleeping mother behind you.

【don’t worry.It will definitely be better tomorrow. 】

Because of Gao Nanshun's comfort, Park Xingxiu couldn't help but chuckled, 【I say that every day. 】

[Really, just trust me. 】Using the most sincere tone to want Park Xingxiu to hold on firmly to hope, Gao Nanshun raised his hand and smiled, bending his eyes: 【Good night. ] After speaking, she lay down with her back to Park Xingxiu.

After Gao Nanshun lay down on the floor between him and his mother, Park Xingxiu put one arm behind his head, looked at the ceiling but asked the people around him in a low voice: [How good are you when you go home and sleep, why do you come here every day? 】

[It's more comfortable here. 】

【Why? 】Because of Gao Nanshun's words, Park Xingxiu turned his face to look at him, and his eyes fell on Gao Nanshun's slightly red earlobes that had just entered the room and hadn't relieved the cold outside.

[There is loyalty, this is loyalty. 】

Inexplicably, like eating something sweet, I couldn't help but smile with the corners of my mouth upturned. Because of the overly rich warmth and happiness, I felt comfortable and satisfied. Park Xingxiu squeezed his lower lip while holding back his smile, and lifted Gao Nam-sun sideways. He put the towel under his head, trying to make him sleep more comfortably.After lying back on the spot again, she still couldn't help teasing him: [Lying.You didn't want to stay in an empty house, did you?Did you find no one but me? 】

Looking sideways at the person beside him, even with a teasing tone, the endless joy and satisfaction in his heart still tends to be saturated. Gao Nanshun's sense of dependence and affection for him has always made him deeply understand that being an ordinary person The most subtle happiness of a person is filled in life bit by bit.Even he himself couldn't explain where the sense of well-being that could be easily satisfied like this came from.But as long as Gao Nanshun is by his side is enough, don't think about things you can't figure out, Gao Nanshun needs him, he needs Gao Nanshun, so they should always be together like this, this is the most important thing.That's enough.

Because Park Heung-soo said all his thoughts, as if he was forced into a corner and everything was seen at a glance, Gao Nansun was speechless, and simply closed his eyes and snored deliberately to pretend to be asleep.The voice of the person behind him who was moving was amplified in his ears, he folded his arms and said nothing, and the person stopped deliberately teasing him.

Looking sideways at Gao Nanshun, who seemed to be falling asleep so quickly, propping his head up, Park Xingxiu noticed his trembling eyelashes, and couldn't help but curl his lips into a smile, pretending to be a sleeping guy.Staring at his sleeping face for a moment, he stretched out his hand over Gao Nansun and pulled the blanket over there to cover him carefully. Park Xingxiu finally stroked his arm and lay down flat.

【Good night. 】

This guy is like a baby he cherishes carefully.Sleeping between his beloved mother and Gao Nam-soon, Park Heung-soo felt like the happiest person in the world, no, not like, for him, this was the happiest life.

Under the dim light, he heard the slightly hoarse "Good night" from behind, as if returning to the most comfortable mother's womb, wrapped in layers of security flowing around him, Gao Nanshun closed his eyes and smiled, I moved my head and rested my head on the towel to find a comfortable angle, slowly welcoming the most peaceful sleep.

Because of the existence of the person behind her, the sense of security that has been lacking has never disappeared.It seems that only by his side can one experience a deep and peaceful sleep in the dark night.

so happy.

……

The warehouse that fell into silence again was still full of coldness, but it was as if they were warmed by the temperature of that memory at the same time. Park Heung-su and Gao Nam-soon shook their eyes, each chewing on the mixed feelings in their hearts.

No matter when, memories will not change.

The stitched or torn wounds are full of old pain.

Every time I see you, I can't stop my surging emotions.Repeated entanglement made us who we are today.

Have I been standing still.

but.

You must remember that we in our memories are the most beautiful appearance carved by time.

One day you will understand that what those represent is just one word.