this is love

[What do you want to do in the future? 】

[...to become a football player.Then, sponsor you to be the president of the comic club, and go to your place to get comics to read at any time without paying. 】

[... Brat, do you want to squeeze me for the rest of your life? 】

【Yes, brat.Squeeze you forever. 】

【The burden on us is not the hurt and cruel separation we gave each other, but I don't know how to approach you again without any scruples, at the closest distance, with a lifetime promise. 】

The orange-red color slowly flowing inside the closed eyelids is full of warmth. Even if the eyes have not yet been opened, the mind gradually becomes clear. Gao Nanshun forced himself to fall asleep again, but opened it resignedly after 10 minutes of hard work to no avail. Both eyes, as expected, the whole room is brightly illuminated by the sunlight that fills it, and he, who has always been lethargic, has unconsciously formed a biological clock to go to school. In the past few days after leaving school, there is not a day when he is not going to class Wake up naturally at the right time.

Gao Nanshun lay on his side under the quilt with his arms pillowed on his head, quietly staring at a corner of the room in a daze.For some reason, from the moment he woke up, the faces of Teacher Zheng, Teacher Jiang, and Park Xingxiu kept appearing alternately in his mind, and everyone was trying to persuade him to go back to school.I have to admit that these persuasions are very attractive to him, especially after being rescued by Park Xingxiu yesterday, the desire to go back to school began to be uncontrollable.

If I say, I really want to come back to you, will you believe my sincerity?

After the morning meeting started, Park Xingxiu was still in a state of distraction. He raised his eyelids and looked at the podium until he heard the three words "Gao Nanshun", which was extremely sensitive to him. Teacher Zheng pointed out Gao Nanshun in a low voice with a little disappointment. Still did not come to school fact.This fact is like a thorn, piercing deeper and deeper in his heart, all the pain that should not have been felt, and the chest tightness that should not have lingered in his heart from beginning to end.This self-contradictory self made Park Xingxiu even more upset.

In a trance, the morning meeting is coming to an end. The so-called collective "truancy" incident that happened yesterday was fortunately only punished by cleaning the school. While the whole class was relieved, Park Xingxiu was ordered again, and he was treated the same as Li Zhixun. He was once again facing the consequences of being absent from school outside of school, and he had foreseen this in his heart, but he would not regret yesterday's decision anyway. It was 100% worthwhile to save that guy once for an absence.

The silent atmosphere of the whole class was suddenly broken by the sound of the door opening, as if he had a premonition for a moment. Seeing the expressions on the faces of the two teachers, Park Xingxiu had the answer in his heart.Gao Nanshun.Looking back at the back door, I saw Gao Nanshun standing there in school uniform.As if something in his body finally relaxed from the tense state, Park Xingxiu turned his head and stopped looking at him, but it seemed that he could feel the existence of that person all the time.Just like every day many days ago, because of his strong sense of existence, I was forced to feel every bit of him every minute.

It's like there's nowhere to run.So he couldn't help but want to break free, trying to drive him away from a safe distance.

But when he was really driven away, the air around him was suffocating as if it had lost oxygen.

Gao Nanshun opened the back door and walked into the classroom. Under the eyes of the whole class, he bowed slightly to the two teachers on the podium, and took a deep breath, as if he had returned to a familiar environment again. It felt much more intimate than being at home.Seeing him cheering excitedly, Bian Kid sang "Troublemaker" specially, but Gao Nanshun didn't pay attention to his welcome, and walked to his place, his eyes kept looking at the person who didn't look at him anymore, hesitating in his heart. How should I explain my backlash to him, but my determination to go back to school cannot be shaken at all.

I should have understood a long time ago that the only thing I can do for you is not to leave your side again, but to stay by your side closely and do my utmost protection.

"President Gao, you have to come anyway, so why are you late?" Mr. Jiang's habitual teasing still didn't get lost once. Gao Nanshun hesitated for a moment but told the truth honestly: "Thinking about whether to come..."

"Oh, that's amazing. Everyone else is definitely going to come to school, and you still have to think about whether to come. Do you think you should come?" Because Teacher Jiang's words were so superficial that they completely covered the drop-out accident. The teacher couldn't hide his smile and smoothed things over: "I'm going to be safe and sound today, do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay, that's it."

Gao Nanshun looked at the students, stood up and adjusted his posture, "Sit upright and salute." He bent down and stood upright again, as if the ceremony was completed, and a new life began again, but this life would no longer be what he was afraid of In that empty and lonely life, even if he still has unredeemed sins and forgiveness, but that can't stop him from yearning for hope, because he will return to the side of the most important person in his life.

This kind of life is like embracing the sunshine every day.

Walking out behind Teacher Yan, Park Xingxiu couldn't guess what kind of situation he was going to face again. After entering the consulting room and seeing Gao Nanshun, the confusion intensified.It wasn't until Teacher Jiang and Teacher Zheng also came in that Teacher Yan began to ask about the service situation of the two people in the school.With 7 days left to work in the school, he had to face the cleaning punishment with Gao Nam-shun who returned to school. This almost everything-connected situation was about to completely defeat his defense line. Park Xingxiu felt his own powerlessness, as if he could only What remains is a fateful compromise.

but……

Nothing is more trouble than on-campus service.

There is nothing more troublesome than performing an on-campus service under the supervision of Kang Se-chan.

Teacher Jiang almost exhausted all kinds of methods to punish them in a disguised form, and it was even more appropriate to say that they were tricks.Continuously carrying discarded tables and chairs back and forth between the roof warehouse and the downstairs warehouse, even two people with good physical strength can hardly lift their aching calves and arms.They wanted to take the teacher's elevator opportunistically but were caught by Mr. Jiang in the elevator. Park Xingxiu and Gao Nanshun endured the unhappiness of being played in their hearts and accepted their fate to move the tables and chairs.

But when Mr. Jiang, who completely forgot about the two guys who were punished and cleaned up, went to the rooftop to check under the reminder of Mr. Zheng, they still quickly completed the task of moving.Looking at the dirty cat-like cheeks of the two, Jiang Shican resisted the urge to burst out laughing, looked at the warehouse where tables and chairs had been piled up into mountains, and exclaimed jokingly: "Is it all done? So fast. Still That's a lot of strength. Huh? Clean out the warehouse tomorrow. Put these back in place."

As soon as the words were finished, Park Xingxiu and Gao Nanshun stared at him with wide eyes, jokingly, the deliberate manipulation of people was exposed in these words, who would go to such lengths to put mountains of tables and chairs on several floors just to clean the warehouse Moving up and down the stairs.Jiang Shican looked at the two people who had nowhere to go, pretending to be innocent and talking to himself: "Thank you, let's go."

Park Heung-su resisted the urge to roll his eyes and left the rooftop first. Seeing his figure disappearing at the entrance of the rooftop, Jiang Sechan turned around and called Gao Nam-sun who was also planning to leave. "Hello, Gao Nanshun." Looking at Gao Nanshun, he turned around and asked, "What did you do after dropping out of junior high school?"

"Stay home."

"What are you doing at home?"

"I've been sleeping all the time." As if everyone was very concerned about this question, Gao Nanshun answered honestly even though he was curious why he asked this question.

"Oh, that's amazing. After waking up from sleep, he passed the appraisal exam and entered high school." Jiang Shican looked at Gao Nanshun's speechless expression, and after a moment's pause, he chose to comfort him: "Park Xingxiu, he must be very heavy. "Even the question is in an affirmative tone. Seeing that Gao Nanshun became preoccupied when he heard this sentence, he basically understood the entanglement between these two people. "It won't be easy. But you can bear it if you work hard."

Gao Nanshun couldn't figure out the hidden meaning in these words, and looked at Mr. Jiang with searching eyes, but the serious person who was looking straight into his eyes suddenly changed the subject: "So that is to say, wipe your face clean Then go out." Unable to hold back the corners of his mouth and laughing, Jiang Shican stepped out of the rooftop.Some things, after all, still need to be slowly explored by the parties themselves.

Because of Mr. Jiang’s words, Gao Nanshun stood there in a daze, and the cold that continued to surround him on the rooftop couldn’t resist the gloomy memory of three years ago breaking through and squeezing into his mind, and that image was imprinted in his heart with a branding iron Memories that have been entangled for many years, every time I look back, it will be painful.

……

No matter where he ran, no matter how fast he ran, the wind whizzed by his ears, with a strong tingling sensation, still couldn't offset the huge weightless feeling of emptiness in his heart, as if he hadn't had time to feel any pain, There was only panic that made his whole body tremble, and he was almost at a loss as to how to stop. He just ran forward like that, without destination or stop, as if he was being chased by the most terrifying thing in the world behind him. , full of fear in his heart, tears were almost forced out of the corners of his eyes.The burning heat in his chest was about to make him collapse.

It wasn't until Gao Nanshun sat down on the ground as if he couldn't lift his legs anymore, looking at the empty streets under the dim lights in the winter night that he was the only one left, did he feel the pain of extinction a little bit.At this moment, the unshakable fact was really before his eyes, he ruined that person, the only person in this world he wanted to protect.

The sound of bones breaking at that moment clearly entered his ears, coupled with the man's distressed cries, almost shattered his eardrums, it was too terrifying, there is nothing more frightening than this.He found that the man's bloody eyes were looking at him with strong eyes that almost pierced him. He saw his selfishness, his greed, and his sins that could not see the light of day.It seemed that in an instant, that person became what he feared the most in this world. There was a voice in his heart repeatedly urging him to run, to escape from here, otherwise he would die, he would die here alive and painful.So he started running, forgetting about that scream, that look, that person, and ran as if he was trying to catch his last breath.

Park Heung-su, Park Heung-su, Heung-su...

This fact scares him more than death.

I don't know how long I sat on the side of the dark street without people like this, before Gao Nanshun stood up little by little, leaning on the wall, his mind was in chaos, he didn't know what to do next, where to go.Liushen Wuzhu was distracted by the vibration of the mobile phone in his trousers pocket. Gao Nanshun mechanically took out his mobile phone and pressed the answer button without seeing who the caller was, until he heard all the excited words of the other party in his ears. Only then did I truly return to God.Hanging up the phone without saying a word, Gao Nanshun ran again and rushed towards the emergency center.

Seeing the ambulance parked downstairs in the hospital, Gao Nanshun's heart trembled heavily. Was this the car that brought him here just now?Surrounded by patients or family members who came and went, no one could tell him where Park Xingxiu was, and he was completely unable to think rationally about how to find him. The panic in his heart almost blinded his brain, and Gao Nanshun took two steps forward in a daze. , eyes wandering around without a target.

Xingxiu, where are you, where are you...

After the sound of heavy hitting glass came from above his head, Gao Nanshun raised his head to look at the source of the sound in a daze, but met Park Xingxiu's eyes.At that moment, it seemed that he had finally faced the fear in his heart. Gao Nanshun looked at Park Heung-soo's eyes full of hatred, and all the courage he had just ran all the way was exhausted, and he was unable to take a step forward.He raised his right hand weakly as if trying to block something, but he still didn't dare to meet Park Xingxiu's gaze. Gao Nanshun clearly heard the freezing sound of his heart being gradually sealed, as if being thrown into a bottomless cliff, with Seeing the coldness penetrating into the bone marrow, completely pulling away the soul.

Only by leaving here, only in this way can we barely survive.Yes, that's all.

As if he had lost his only remaining soul, Gao Nanshun tried his best to stabilize his shaking body, turned around and walked out along the way he came. He could feel the scorching eyes staring at him from behind, but he no longer dared and was unable to bear the almost To burn him to ashes at the sight, he had no choice but to flee.

After running out of the hospital quickly, he couldn't help but turned around and walked in again. Gao Nanshun lingered in the same place for a long time, but finally reached the limit of his patience, unable to support his already collapsed body, he sat down by the flower bed and turned his head Looking at the increasingly large and cold hospital, he could no longer bear the tears he had suppressed for a long time, the corners of his mouth trembled uncontrollably, and with the severe pain spreading from his heart to his whole body, he covered his face with his hands in pain speak out.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Heung-soo, I'm sorry.I know that I have said tens of thousands and billions of times I am sorry, but I can't make up for everything you lost.I almost want to kill myself for you, but this can't change the reality that I have ruined the highest dream in your life.I am the villain who destroys your dreams, I am the villain who destroys the dream of the most important and important friend in my life.I am...

you will hate me ?Are you already hating me?

terrible.I dare not stand in front of you. If I hear from your mouth that you want me to get out of your life, I will probably be exhausted, my life.I'd rather be a coward than the one-thousandth possibility of your rejection.

Please forgive me.

How many days and nights have been hiding alone in the corner of the room where two people used to laugh and laugh, a pile of instant noodles and snacks to maintain the energy needed to eat every day, Gao Nanshun seems to punish himself with this almost abolished life, as if he can no longer Facing the sunlight outside the window with her chest upright, she could only hide in the corner with the once warm atmosphere and weep silently.Repeating all the memories over and over again, as well as my own sins, I kept torturing myself with the heart-wrenching pain.

The soul was crushed by pain, and the will was obliterated by longing.

Then shut yourself off completely.There are no more perceivable colors and emotions in the world.

Everything becomes black and white.

……

That period of memory was too heavy, with heavy darkness, which made him afraid to recall it but dare not not to remember it.Gao Nanshun gently wiped the dirt on his cheeks, and lowered his head in a low mood.

The on-campus service continued for several days, and it was not temporarily stopped until the day of the exam.During the break after finishing the two subjects, Park Xingxiu suddenly felt a little irritability in his heart making his breathing difficult, so he simply stood up and left the classroom.Before coming to the garbage disposal room, he wanted to smoke a cigarette to relieve his irritability, but he saw the uncle security guard who was cleaning, pretending to be innocent and brushing past the uncle, Park Xingxiu thought about it and decided that it would be more appropriate to go to the warehouse on the rooftop.Who knew that as soon as he entered the warehouse and took out a cigarette to light a fire, he was followed in by the guy who was chasing him.

Seeing Gao Nam-sun turn back and close the door, Park Heung-soo took down the cigarette from his mouth and sighed impatiently.It's really annoying enough, why do you have to follow him all the time like this.I had never noticed that this kid was so thick-skinned before.

"Aren't you going to finish the exam?"

"What's none of your business?" After speaking, he continued to bow his head and light his fire, Park Xingxiu didn't want to pay attention to this guy in front of him at all.

Just as Gao Nanshun wanted to persuade him to stop smoking, he heard footsteps approaching from outside the warehouse. In a hurry, he snatched the cigarette from the other party's hand and threw it on the ground, ignoring Park Xingxiu and glared at him dissatisfiedly, saying, "What are you doing, brat?" He pulled him hard to the cabinet in the corner of the warehouse.After Gao Nanshun lowered his voice and said, "Someone is here, go in quickly", Park Xingxiu got into the cabinet without any resistance. When Gao Nansun also bowed and squeezed into the cabinet and closed the door, there was a signal from the warehouse door. sound.

"Who threw the cigarette butts on the ground?" A voice resembling that of a security guard sounded outside the door, and Gao Nanshun listened intently to the movement outside the cabinet.Park Xingxiu beside him moved a little impatiently, worried that the uncle security would find out if he made a noise, so Gao Nanshun grabbed Park Xingxiu's arm with his hand, and whispered in his ear, "Don't move."

He wouldn't think of how uncomfortable Park Xingxiu is now.Because of the narrowness of the cabinet, two boys who are over 185cm had to squeeze close together. Gao Nanshun held his arm, and the voice uttered in his ear was infinitely amplified because of the small and dark space, almost In an instant, his whole body trembled.Slowly, as if something was burning, the gradually sweltering heat made him want to break out of the door immediately, but because the security uncle who was still outside the door had to listen to Gao Nanshun's words and stay still.

The aura surrounding him is still so familiar, which is unique to Gao Nanshun.He still remembers it clearly until now, and he didn't even think of it himself.The two people's body temperature was faintly transmitted through the heavy clothes between the two people next to each other, so they could feel a little warmth even in the cold winter air.Park Xingxiu couldn't help looking sideways at the side face of that person in the dark, but he bumped into the eyes of the other person who was looking over at the same time.

In the faint light coming through the gap in the cabinet, he was looking into his eyes so closely for the first time in many years.At that moment, his eyes seemed to be frozen, and he could no longer move an inch.Just like that, as if time had no end or time stopped, the silent gaze was stretched longer and longer.

How many times had he stared into his eyes like this.

How many times have my eyes lingered on the tear mole under the corner of my left eye.

It's been a long time, and he hasn't been so focused anymore, as if the world has turned blank in an instant, leaving only the other party behind, looking deeply into the other party's eyes.

It seems to touch the heart.

It seems to see my existence, being watched gently by you.