please let go

Desolate into the liver and spleen, the last tear has not yet dried, and new tears are added, one line after another, feeling that this life will never end.

Jiang Chen is not a person who loves to cry, but he cried several times because of He Chuan, and each time was more heartbreaking.

He Chuan seemed to be constantly challenging his inner defenses, always leading people into the abyss of pain.

Just looking at the clothes in his closet, Jiang Chen can remember that He Chuan can remember that he likes gray, so he turned around to tidy up the bookcase, and he can also remember that He Chuan can remember that he likes Edogawa Ranpo, how can people who don't love him Possibly remember those details?

Tang Miao knocked on the door and asked him to eat.

Jiang Yiming at the dining table looked at him, put down his chopsticks with a "snap", and scolded: "Why are you crying! You look like a dead face, do you look like a man?"

Jiang Chen smiled wryly, "Can't a man cry? I'm a human too. I lost my favorite...Can't I cry? Shouldn't I cry?"

Tang Miao frowned at Jiang Yiming, implying that he should not speak harshly, "Chen Chen, let's eat first!"

"Dad, Mom, I'm sorry..." Jiang Chen knew that this would make his parents sad, but he couldn't adjust his state well and couldn't control his emotions. He felt uncomfortable thinking about the days without He Chuan.

"Silly son, what are you apologizing for?" Tang Miao rubbed his head, "It's not wrong to like it."

"If you like men, why not..." Jiang Yiming closed his mouth after receiving Tang Miao's warning.

"Is it wrong?" Jiang Chen murmured, "But I can't change it..."

"Eat first, eat first. You haven't eaten well these days, and you've lost weight again." Tang Miao kept picking up vegetables for Jiang Chen, and he ate whatever he picked up.

Before he finished the bowl, Jiang Chen felt sick to his stomach and rushed into the toilet to vomit it all out. When he came out again, Jiang Yiming had already returned to the room, only his mother was still sitting on the sofa.

"Chenchen, I made pumpkin porridge for you." The woman patted the sofa, "Sit with me for a while."

Jiang Chen sat down obediently, "Mom, I have a feeling that I will always like him..."

"We've only known each other for a year...why did you start talking about your whole life?"

"I do not know either…"

Jiang Chen always felt that he should treat He Chuan well, but he really didn't know what he owed him in his previous life, and he was rushing to repay the debt in this life.

"Mom, can you... tell me more about what happened that day?" Jiang Chen asked.

"...On Valentine's Day, our family went out to eat hot pot, and then you ran out to play when you were full. Li Yuxiu found us and started making a fuss at the hot pot restaurant. Your father didn't act out of his composure when he knew about these shitty things. , we found you after we sent people away. I'm sorry for your dad, I said I want a divorce, but your dad disagrees."

Tang Miao sobbed and began to wipe away tears, "The more tolerant he is to me, the more uncomfortable I feel. I want to pack up and leave that night, but he pulls me and doesn't want me to go. You see me crying sadly, thinking that your father bullied me , At that time, I went to grab your dad's sleeve. When he pulled his hand away, you were thrown away vigorously, and your head hit the corner of the table..."

"We thought it was just amnesia at first, and then we found out that you only lost the memory of that day. Since then, I have never had any contact with the man. We moved to the city center for work, and the days are getting better. , You were trying to persuade someone to have an accident, thinking that the school was like a national key high school, so you moved back."

"We've been running away for so many years, but I didn't expect you to run into me. I'm sorry, Chenchen..."

"Mom, it's all over." Jiang Chen said so comfortingly, but he couldn't make it through.

"Chen Chen, I always wanted to be a kind person, but I became a bad person and broke up other people's families. I didn't know he had a wife and a son..."

Jiang Chen: "So you talked to him in the living room the night you came back from traveling in Shanghai, didn't you?"

"I told him about your amnesia, and he didn't show much shock. Before I could say anything, he said that he would not let you recall, nor would he explain the truth to you."

"He Chuan is a good boy. If it wasn't for my relationship with Li Yuxiu, maybe I would have agreed with you to be together."

"You two children are very kind. You were calling his wife when you called in the room before? Did you go out with him during the Chinese New Year? For him, you even finished eating six glutinous rice balls."

"I'm not such a rigid person, I love this thing... Just let it be..."

Jiang Chen paused: "Did you say anything the day I lost my memory?"

"Ah..." Tang Miao recalled carefully, "You went out to play and dragged me to save people, but your father and I were in a hurry to deal with Li Yuxiu, so we didn't take care of it."

"Save people? Save who?"

"It seems that a child was trapped in the small house, and I don't know what happened afterwards... I saw that there were a lot of people in that place, and I thought there would be others to rescue..."

Valentine's Day…

Li Yuxiu...

Child……

house……

save people...

What Tang Miao said later, Jiang Chen didn't listen to a word. In the air-conditioned room at 27°C, his blood froze all over his body, and his eyes seemed to have lost all senses for a moment, and then the warm liquid blurred his vision.

"Chen Chen? Jiang Chen?"

Jiang Chen was trembling all over, his teeth were chattering non-stop, his eyes were already bloodshot after crying all afternoon, his eye sockets were like a dam that had burst, and the flood surged out, "Mom...what did you say..."

"You go... what's wrong?"

That's He Chuan...

He is Jiangshan.

He was the one who lived in He Chuan's heart from the beginning to the end.

He Chuan has always known, but in order to help hide the past, he pretended that they met for the first time, pretended to let go of the past, but he liked Jiang Chen from the beginning to the end, how could he let go?

Jiang Chen is like a frog at the bottom of a well, thinking he has glimpsed the light of the sky, he tries his best to climb up until he jumps out of the dry well and finds that there is boundless affection outside.

"Chen Chen..."

"Mom, I'm alone." Jiang Chen sat up from the sofa, couldn't stand still and almost fell to the ground, then staggered a few steps, leaning on the wall and returning to the room.

He actually blamed He Chuan for not loving him enough, how could he say such stupid words, there is no second person in the world who loves him so much.

Jiang Chen wanted to send a message to He Chuan, but when he saw the red exclamation mark on the screen, he remembered that he had been blocked, and He Chuan's phrase "There will always be someone who will love you well" lingered in his mind.

He looked at the bright screen, tears formed countless shadows, and the last line in the phone chat history was harsh and blurred.

"You idiot! You have been studying me for six or seven years, why don't you continue to hate me! This way I feel better..."

"Aren't you a small belly? Don't you have to repay your spare time?"

"I lied to you! I didn't save you!"

"Why don't you hate me?"

Jiang Chen's voice trembled so badly that he couldn't speak clearly, "Why... come to love me?"

He Chuan has been waiting for him for six years.

This unprecedented emotion, no one can empathize with, no matter how detailed the explanation is, no one can feel the pain of piercing the bone.

If He Chuan really hated Jiang Shan, he wouldn't do so much.

Love has been traced from the beginning, He Chuan's game ID, that software nickname, but Jiang Chen never boldly imagined that it was He Chuan's confession again and again.

Jiang Chen still couldn't resist sending He Chuan a message, even if all he got was a system notification that the message was rejected.

[Jiang Chen]: I'm an idiot, I don't even know I lost my memory, you are an idiot too, why didn't you tell me?Are you not tired of pretending to be seeing me for the first time?I actually ate my own vinegar for so long.

[Jiang Chen]: This time I'll wait for you instead.

"Pumpkin porridge is ready, I'll put it on the table to cool, remember to eat it!" Tang Miao said softly outside the door.

Jiang Chen took a deep breath and pretended to answer calmly: "Understood, thank you Mom..."

At 45:[-] in the morning, Jiang Chen was still asleep, holding his mobile phone to look at the photo album in the mobile phone.

From the first sneak shot in the room, to the sneak shot on the bus, to the aboveboard GIF of going to the small waterfall.

Every frame of the GIF is so good that it can be used as a wallpaper, and He Chuan in every frame is only looking at Jiang Chen, not knowing what the camera is.

Jiang Chen was crying and laughing with mixed emotions, and he watched the screenshot of a video call nearly a hundred times.It's a pity that I didn't take many photos of He Chuan, only this memory, and suddenly remembered that there are many photos of handsome guys in school on the wall.

After graduating, Jiang Chen never checked that account again. Now that he clicked on it, the latest news was actually on June 6th.

A class is taking a graduation photo. The perspective of the photo is not the front, but the back of the class.

The last row of teenagers stood straight shoulder to shoulder, only a pair of similar heights interlocked their fingers, closer than anyone else.

[Sichuan Upstream]: Why isn't the account updated?

[Xixi] Reply to [Sichuan Upstream]: A sister bought the account.

[Chuanyou] Reply to [Xixi]: What to buy?Does the picture have many fans?

[Xuanxuan] Reply to [Sichuan Upstream]: @东双少士, new account, but without Jiang Chen and He Chuan, I'm not interested in watching it.

[Ayan]: Is there any other place where I can watch them?

[Shinnosuke]: I hope to see them get married in my lifetime.

[North and not south]: Ahhhhhhh!I love them

[javac]: Compared with the account number, I pay more attention to these two holding hands!

[Cheng]: Let me just say these two are true (crying loudly) (crying loudly)

[Someone]: It must be very hard to fall in love secretly...

[yy] Reply to [XX]: They graduated!No need to talk secretly!

[Yaya is so good]: Husband wife 9999999

【L0】: 999999

[Stars Herding Sheep]: 999999999

The number 99 is all behind it.

Jiang Chen wanted to comment below to say thank you for your 99, but now he is not eligible.

Another night without sleep, I went to call Chen Yunkai at six o'clock in the morning.

"Fuck, big brother, what time is it!" Chen Yunkai was a little impatient when he was woken up.

"It's okay, you can continue to sleep..." Jiang Chen wanted to hang up the phone, but heard Chen Yunkai say, "You didn't sleep all night, did you?"

Not only that, Jiang Chen has not closed his eyes for two days, and every time he closes his eyes, the memory is like a film, and the movie belonging to them is constantly playing, making Jiang Chen roll back and forth on the bed, with a splitting headache and unable to fall asleep at all.

"Jiang Chen, your matter...I heard what He Yi said."

"Ah."

Jiang Chen couldn't tell He Chuan's long-term love at all, just recalling those details was enough for him to feel uncomfortable, let alone sort out his thoughts and express it.

"You send me the address of your new home, and I will find you."

Before seven o'clock, Chen Yunkai arrived at Jiang Chen's new home. When he saw Jiang Chen standing in front of the door, he was stunned for three seconds, hugged him, and cursed: "Damn it, you don't even have a single person now!" Nothing!"

Jiang Chen was strangled a little, patted Chen Yunkai on the back, and persuaded softly: "Be quiet, my parents are still sleeping."

The two quietly entered the room.

"Jiang Chen, have you ever looked in the mirror?"

Jiang Chen shook his head.

"I only heard He Yi tell me about this last night, and I've been waiting for you to tell me about it." Chen Yun asked worriedly, "What's He Chuan's attitude?"

"He blocked me."

Chen Yun blurted out: "Grass! It's not a fucking thing."

Jiang Chen looked at him quietly, "Don't speak ill of him."

"Okay, okay, there must be a solution to things, right? What do uncles and aunts say?"

"My parents didn't object anymore, the main reason is He Chuan's mother..."

"Let He Chuan enlighten me!"

Jiang Chen shook his head two or three times.

This matter is simple to say, the grievances and grievances accumulated over the years cannot be exchanged for a few words to clear up the past.

"I'll ask He Yi." Chen Yunkai sent a message to He Yi while talking.

While waiting for any news, Jiang Chen began to laugh at himself: "After helping you to find out before, you said you were a man and you wanted to be together. I wondered how it would be so attractive to let you cross the border and eat this forbidden fruit." ..."

He lowered his head and smiled wryly, another tear fell in the blink of an eye, "I didn't expect it to be me in the end..."

"How long have you been up?" Chen Yunkai asked.

"Two days." Jiang Chen cried for two days, and the only two meals he ate were tears.

"Go to sleep first, maybe He Yi's message will come when you wake up." Chen Yunkai forced Jiang Chen to lie down and coax him to sleep.

Jiang Chen refused, "Chen Yunkai, how long have we known each other?"

"About six or seven years? I remember you had bandages on your head when you first moved! What's wrong?"

"I knew He Chuan a day or two earlier than I knew you..."

"Aren't you high school classmates? What's the matter?"

"I've lost my memory, but it's just such a coincidence..." Jiang Chen smiled wryly, "The one who lost his memory was that day."

"Impossible...do you really have the ability to forget as much as you want?" Chen Yunkai checked his phone, but there was no news of He Yi, and then read the information he found: "A study by the University of Oregon in the United States showed that if a person's heart is deeply Trying to forget certain things or suppress unpleasant memories, the result is likely to really forget the memories you don't want to keep..."

"Do you know my reaction when I heard He Chuan's name for the first time? I think it sounds familiar."

At that time, I thought it was a duplicate name, but I didn't expect it to be a duplicate person...

Chen Yunkai patted him on the back, "Don't worry, it said above, selective forgetting is not fundamentally erasing memories, it's just subconsciously hiding memories or strategically blocking them, and you can't recall those memories in most cases. It’s just a memory, and it’s only possible to recall it under similar circumstances.”

The phone rings a notification.

He Yi sent a voice, "Are you with Brother Jiang?"

"Actually, my brother also tried, but..." He Yi sent a recording and said, "That night I was recording and practicing oral English, and my brother and my mother started arguing."

I clicked on the recording, and the first thing I heard was He Yi's voice speaking English. Ten seconds later, there was the sound of something breaking, followed by the sound of the door opening, and then Li Yuxiu's cry.

"Xiao Chuan... You don't like it... It's a mental illness. It needs to be treated. Be obedient... Let's go and treat it."

He Chuan: "Mom, I'm not sick, I just like men."

"What are you doing? What do you know? How can two men be together? Can you get married? Can you have children?"

"Mom, I'm with the man." He Chuan added in a low voice: "With...Jiang Chen..."

It's quiet now.

If it wasn't for the fact that the time number on it was still beating, the two of them thought they had accidentally pressed the pause button.

Suddenly a piercing female voice resounded through the room.

"Ah? Ah... What did you say? Can you say it again?"

Li Yuxiu's voice became louder and louder, "Ah??!! He Chuan!! Do you know what you're talking about!! Which one are you with? Ann? Which one are you with? Which one are you with!!!"

“啊啊啊啊————你…你，你和男的！还是和唐淼的儿子！何、川！你是不晓得我有多恨那贱女人吗？你真你妈的狼心狗肺啊你！ !! You want me to be a savage!!! I live frugally! I have suffered for most of my life... I raised a pervert!!! And... and... and Xiaosan's son!!!!"

He Chuan: "Mom...I..."

"Get out!! Don't come here!! You and that damned father of yours have the same virtue! You two fathers just want to kill me!! I, I spent so much money! It took so much effort! It was raised through hard work... raised a Homosexuality!! I get up before dawn to buy goods, I earn a penny and a dime, what am I trying to do! I am sick and can’t bear to be treated, what am I trying to do?”

There was another sound of a pile of things falling to the ground, pots and pans hitting the ground, crackling and crackling, which made people feel neuralgia.

"I don't have your son !!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"My son can't be gay, my son can't be gay!! My son can't like men!!! Ahh——my son can't like Xiaosan's son."

Li Yuxiu cried bitterly and roared: "I deserve to die in the hospital that day!!"

He Chuan spoke in a flustered tone, "Mom! Mom! What are you doing!"

Then came He Yi's anxious voice, "Mom, put down the knife first!"

Accompanied by the sound of footsteps, He Chuan's voice became louder, "Mom, what are you doing! What are you doing with a knife?!"

"Damn me! Damn me!! I can't control my man, my husband is cheating, I... I can't control my son, my son is actually with the enemy's son!! Ahh——"

"He Chuan! I have been laughed at for seven years!!! I will be laughed at for many years in the rest of my life!! I can't live anymore...I can't live anymore...I can't live anymore!! You are Want me to die!!!"

"mom!!!"

There was a muffled plop in the recording, and it was instantly quiet.

He Chuan cried, "Mom...I was wrong! I'm not..."

He Chuan choked up and said, "I'm not gay..."

"I don't like men..."

His tone became more and more desperate: "I don't like...Jiang Chen..."

When the recording ends, it will automatically pause.

The recording in just a few minutes was so depressing. Jiang Chen knelt down in front of the bed, closed his eyes and buried his face in the bedding. He pressed his head firmly with his hands. His trembling body betrayed his emotions.

Chen Yun hurriedly went to comfort him: "Jiang Chen, what he said was a lie, a lie."

"Of course I know he's telling lies..." Jiang Chen was almost out of tears, and no matter how hard he breathed, his chest was blocked.

That kind of tone, just listening to it is torture, what makes Jiang Chen most uncomfortable is... What kind of mood did He Chuan say these words at that time?

How did He Chuan spend those seven days?