don't want to love you

Zhongli is very kind to me and often teaches me things that I don't know.

Once, Zhongli, who was playing with my fingers, found that my hands were very beautiful. He smiled happily and asked me if I liked the piano.But I didn't know what it was, and I didn't want to see his loss, so I pretended to be very surprised and nodded.

I forgot about that incident after that, but Zhongli shocked me completely that afternoon.

[Xiao Yan, come and see if you like it. ] I heard the sound and hurried to the living room.

Panting slightly, he froze when he saw the scene in front of him.

A pure white upright grand piano appeared in front of my eyes, with black and white keys interlaced, like an angel falling into the mortal world.

I thought Li was just a whim, but I didn't expect him to have a character of doing what he says.

[Xiao Yan, there will be a special teacher to teach you how to use it soon, so you have to study hard, and you will play it for me in the future. ] Zhongli embraced me affectionately into his warm embrace, and rubbed my soft hair with his thick palm.

[Xiao Jie will study hard, and will definitely play well. ] The teacher came soon. He was a very gentle looking man.

She has blond hair, a pair of gold-rimmed glasses on the straight bridge of the nose, and the blocked eyes have a kind of depth that makes people unable to figure it out.

[Ziye, Xiaojun will trouble you from now on. ] The teacher nodded, looking at me, [Don't worry. ].

[Xiao Yan, I still have something to do. I have to study hard with Teacher Zi Ye later. ] Zhongli goes out almost every day, but I don’t know what he does, I only know that he is very rich, and I only know that the place we live in is very big, so big that it’s so empty, so big that when we’re alone, we feel extremely lonely.

I have to be familiar with the piano first and feel the notes, but facing such a perfect thing, I am a little timid, for fear of breaking it, I stretch my fingers and quickly curl them back, repeating over and over again.

[Don't worry so much, as long as you take care of it, it won't be damaged, and you can't learn it just by looking at it this way. ] I was able to see my own thoughts, and secretly mocked my vulgarity in my heart, but how could it be damaged if my fingers were dancing on it.

Ziye is an unsmiling teacher. He just concentrates on teaching me to play the piano, and occasionally chats a few words, but he always talks inappropriately.Sometimes when I was thinking about it by myself, he would look at me with probing eyes, which made me very strange.

As time goes by, my piano skills have also improved a lot. Recently, my teacher is teaching me to play [tears].

The style of this song is very sad, as soft as flowing water, beautiful and soothing, it is easy for people to be intoxicated by it and fall into infinite reverie.I was going to play this piano piece to Zhongli, so I practiced it again and again very carefully.

[Teacher, do you think Li will like it? ] I turned my head and looked at the teacher expectantly, [Yes, I will. ] I secretly made up my mind that I must practice hard to make him happy.At night, Zhongli came back, and I happily held his hand, [Li, I just learned a piece of music and I want to talk about it with you. ].

[Okay, tell me about that little guy. ] I sat in front of the piano, my slender fingers gently attached to the keys.

The notes are drawn into the heart like clear flowing water, stimulating the dusty memory, and the withered heart feels instant pain.Memories floated in my mind like a tide, lingering, and the brisk laughter was like a whip, urging myself, and I couldn't breathe from the shackles that couldn't be shaken off.When the song ended, Zhongli was in extreme pain, and his slack eyes tried hard to find the focus.

[Li, what's wrong with you, am I playing badly? ] Seeing Li like that, I was frightened and ran to Li in a hurry.

[Who asked you to play this piece? ] He roared, a familiar face and a strange soul.I took his hand and wanted to ask him what's the matter, but I was thrown away severely.The immature back fell to the ground, but there was no pain, only cold, cold heart.

I got up, trying to comfort Li, to calm him down.When I touched his body, I kept trembling, and what came out of my pupils was viciousness that I had never seen before.

[Li, did I make you angry by doing something wrong, don't look at me like that, I'm afraid. ] I don't know why, at this moment, there is a feeling that Li will throw me away, give me up.

But Li laughed at the next moment, like a lost child, hugged me, sealed my lips, swept the inner wall of my mouth with a flexible tongue, sucking every bit of sweetness.With no fresh air to breathe, I gradually became a little hypoxic and my consciousness was a little fuzzy.Fortunately, Li left my lips in time to allow me to breathe freely, and I gasped desperately.

[You are so stupid, you can't even kiss, and you were almost suffocated to death. ] Li turned into his usual gentle look again, as if everything just now was an illusion.I looked at him suspiciously, [I didn't scare you just now, I just remembered some past events, you played very well. ] Is it, is it really good, so good that you are so crazy.But I dare not say, [Well, I will continue to work hard] What is Li's past that makes him so sad, if he becomes better, will Li be able to forget the past and no longer be the same as before? look.

I never knew what happened to Li that night and why it became like that.

I'm afraid that he will become like that again, so far away, it's too scary, and I dare not approach him.

Maybe it was just because that piece was too sad and reminded him of something bad, I wasn't playing that piece.

After a long time, Teacher Ziye taught me the piano as always, but this time he asked me to play the piece again.Even though Zhong Li is not here, I still don't want to play, but I don't know how to refuse, I am hesitating, "Why don't you want to play? ] [No... no, I just forgot how to play it. ] Out of instinct, I didn't want to tell the teacher the real reason.

[Is it the last time you played to Zhongli, what happened?] He explained it clearly, as if he already knew the reason, should he tell him, but so what?

[Don't you want to tell me, but I know more than you, don't you want to know? ] What does this mean? After thinking for a while, he replied, [Well, can you tell me? ] I want to understand Li, do not want to make him sad.He told me a lot about Li's past, and it took a long time before I could accept this fact. I couldn't understand why the teacher told me, and I also didn't know what I was in Li's eyes. The only thing I understood was that Li was to me. It is very important to say that it is difficult to give up.

In the past, I never expected love. I just wanted to have personal care, but people are always greedy. When I get care, I long for love.

The secular world full of profit and greed will always make people sink, even a humble orphan can hardly avoid it.