Jean Love

I turned my face away, locked the door, and sat down on the edge of his bed. After a while, he came and sat next to me.For the first close conversation, we babbled on topics that people who are talking to for the first time can relate to.Got up to say goodbye, I wrote down his number, and he also left my mobile phone number.At the moment when I was about to close the door when I left, I said, "If I don't need to go out in the car, I'll make some dishes tomorrow night and let's have a meal together."

The next afternoon, his car was not in the factory next door, and I didn’t know whether to buy his vegetables, so I had to call him, and he said on the other end of the phone: “No, I’m going to eat outside. Please".

Because of work, sometimes it is normal for him to go out for three or four days and not come back, sometimes even a week, but most of the Sundays, he is still at home.Slowly, I almost forgot about inviting him to dinner, but he remembered.

That afternoon, at about three o'clock, I received a call from him: "Xiao Chen, don't you have to go to work today? Come to my place for dinner tonight. My fellow villager came and brought some cicada chrysalis from his hometown. You can't buy them here. Come and have a taste." I called again at four o'clock, and I told him that I got off work at 05:30, and it was almost six o'clock, and I received his third call.

The kindness is hard to come by, so I went, bought a bottle of 50-year-old muddle with a temperature of more than [-] degrees in the supermarket, and went to his residence.In the room, he and his fellow villagers were cooking. The two old men were shirtless. The kitchen utensils were very simple, but the cooked food was full of color and fragrance.

At that time, their casualness and kindness made me feel very cordial, and I felt like going home.The food and wine are on the table, the three of us sit around the table, the dishes of the big names, the wine of the big names.Different places, different customs.

I remember that his hometown is very talkative, but the most we talked about that day was about the Wenchuan Earthquake, disaster relief, disaster relief funds, and the human touch of the Chinese people.His fellow villagers also said that through the earthquake, he saw the compassionate side of Cantonese, which changed his view of Cantonese.

And he seldom speaks during the whole dinner. When he asks my opinion on a certain status quo, Lao Zhang always says: "Yes, yes, yes, yes." Simple answer, more to persuade me to drink and eat vegetable.Very enthusiastic.I was also surprised that I was driven by him to perform super-level that day when I usually don't drink well.We drank a century of muddled, Beijing Erguotou, and beer.

Full of wine and food, his fellow villager proposed to play Guangdong mahjong, just happened to have a colleague opened a small mahjong parlor downstairs, I took him there, the three of them went downstairs together, his fellow villager was at the front, and I was in the middle, He was behind, and by the light of a dim five-watt light bulb, I went down to a corner on the third floor. I stopped, waited for him to approach, and caught him off guard.

Just this action, my heart is like a prisoner waiting for trial, waiting for the verdict: First, if he rejected me with words, in front of his fellow villagers, the only thing I can do is to say that I have sex after drinking with the cheek, Forgive me, forgive me.Two, if he had silently thrown a strong arm back then, I would have remained silent.

No matter which way he chose at that time, it proved that he was sacred and inviolable. I would cancel the evil thoughts about him mixed with sex, and associate with him in a different posture.

But no, he was the same as usual, just as peaceful, just as calm.We lived in peace with each other, we came to my colleague's mahjong parlor, and called two other poker players to start the game.

He didn't know how to play mahjong, so he sat next to me, watched two games, stood up, handed out a cigarette to everyone present, nodded, and bowed: "Play slowly, I'll go back first."

After he left, to be honest, all my thoughts followed him, so there was no interest in playing cards.After barely playing two rounds, my head hurts a little, indeed, because I drank too much wine, my head hurts a little.In order not to be rude to his fellow countrymen, I left two hundred yuan and asked a colleague who was standing on the sidelines who didn't really want to fight to fight. Tell your colleagues.

Walking out of the mahjong hall, to the right is my work place, and to the left is his residence. It’s almost ten o’clock in the evening. I should have gone back to the factory to take a shower, but there seems to be an invisible traction, so I went straight. his residence.Knocking on the door, he was still asleep, sitting on the edge of the bed, resting his chin on one hand, as if he was waiting for his fellow countryman, more like thinking about other problems.He opened the door and let me in. There was no surprise or repulsion. He just gave up his seat, gave me a cigarette, and asked me to drink water.

I sat down next to him this time, with one hand on his shoulder and the other holding his hand on his lap. There was no one around but the two of us, and the house was eerily quiet. , But my heart can't be calm, it's beating, what are you nervous about, what do I want to do, and what do I dare to do.

Perhaps this is the kind of primitive, instinctive impulse that cannot be stopped by ordinary moral categories.I stared straight into his face, his eyes, let me take a good look at you, I almost begged, and unexpectedly he was still so calm and kind at this moment.His tall and burly figure, his dark red face, his simple and honest expression, and his calm and peaceful state of mind may be too obsessed and intoxicated. I seem to see someone who can let me jump in and have a good rest and indulge for a while. And a broad mind.

My hand held his hand tightly, with more and more force, at the same time his big hand was also tightly holding my hand, a feeling of electric shock rose slowly, and slowly spread all over the body.When the love is strong, there is no need to say much, it will be clear, but I still said: "I, Lao Zhang, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I think, I can't control it, hey!!! Am I sick, tell me frankly , I prefer men, like your type, I knew it very early on"

"You take time to see a psychiatrist." He was not in a hurry, neither complaining nor dry.

"I have been there, in the middle of last year, to a mental hospital in Baiyun District, Guangzhou. It was useless, useless at all, and could not solve the problem. I didn't know that I would be so bold in front of you. You would think I was frivolous. Pretty shameless, isn't it?"

Lao Zhang was silent for a moment, then frowned, "No, it's nothing, I also met people like you in Shanghai."

Just his words, like a gate opener, opened me up, and also released the strong desire flow hidden deep in my heart, which has gone through rotation and precipitation, but still has nowhere to vent.My little hand began to break free from his big hand, and I went to explore the virgin forest that I had been looking forward to for a long time. My head drooped on his shoulder, and my face was pressed against his strong body from shoulder to chest and then down slowly. After sliding down, the whole body quickly released, crisped and melted.

"Turn off the light." He gently stroked my back from top to bottom, stopped and stood up.His movements are very skillful and sophisticated. During the whole process, I enjoyed and was intoxicated. Time stopped and everything outside was thrown out of my mind.God!When the soul and flesh were cemented, I even forgot that his fellow countryman might come back at any time.

Fortunately, before his fellow came back, I went back to my residence, and it was almost twelve o'clock.If you want to ask me how I felt after I came back that night, I can only say that it is like eating for the extremely hungry, and adding clothes for the extremely cold, which is more real and happier than the kind of comfort after entering the illusory peach blossom garden.

Friends don’t say thanks, but they are grateful in their hearts. It’s enough to know each other well like us. At this time, even beautiful words are added to it, which is also insignificant.But before I fell asleep with sweetness, I still sent him a message, just two words "thank you".

What I want to express is not only gratitude, but more importantly, let him understand that what I said and revealed before is true, and it is definitely not a drunken mess.There was no reply, and I saw him from a distance in the factory area the next day. He honked his horn extremely loudly, and the car drove fast, like a strong young man full of energy.

In the next few days, the essence of my life and work remained unchanged, but from the inside, I felt a lot more fulfilled, and even the quality of my sleep improved a lot.As long as he is here, we will get together, eat together, drink together, chat together, talk about each other's past, talk about each other's current situation, he has two children, the older boy has already come out to work, young, just now When he came out, he encountered some troubles. He spent a lot of money to calm down the incident with his son. The youngest was a girl, who was already in the third year of high school and failed the college entrance examination.

Mentioning this, he has a kind of anxiety and sadness that cannot be concealed.Yes, if you don't raise a child, you don't know your mother's hard work, so pity the hearts of parents all over the world.I can understand that, but my little one is just over two years old and it will take some time to fully settle into his current role.I had no choice but to change the subject and talk about some topics that make each other relaxed and happy.

Unexpectedly, that kind of happiness will be so short-lived.The good times didn't last long. One evening in August, I received a call from him: "Xiao Chen, have you eaten yet? I'm leaving. I'm in a hurry, so I didn't have time to tell you."

I said, "It's okay, I saw your car going out this morning."

He said: "I should have invited you to lunch, but it was too sudden and hasty."

"Old Zhang, when did you learn to be so sensational? When you come back, I'll make you something delicious, and you can just drive properly now." I couldn't help laughing.

There was a pause on the other end of the phone: "No, I moved away, and my boss's business with this side has terminated."

I was speechless for a while, and I didn't react for a long time. Something seemed to be stuck in my throat: "What, you are saying that you are not living here, and even the house has been returned."

he said yes,"

I didn't listen to the next words, I choked up, the phone was on, but the words fell, I knew very well that separation would mean loss for us, the first reason is that he is not gay, he has a clearer family than me Responsibility, secondly, the secular world does not allow us to talk over the phone like a little lover without knowing what the other party is doing. Besides, I also have requirements for myself: okay, together, no, separate, No entanglement, no harm, long live understanding!This is not only the degree that two men must grasp in reality, it should be the basic premise for us to behave in the world.