I will die the day I want to die

Xie Ji's diary

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April 1

I've been thinking about something recently.

He has been in a bad state recently, sleeping with the quilt all day long, I can't talk to him because he doesn't care about me.

I asked him, do you still remember where did you put the ring you bought for me back then?

He just looked up at me and turned his back unhappy. I don't know if he still remembers me today, so I can only lean forward and kiss him.After kissing twice, he raised his hand and slapped me, looked at me indifferently and said, "Xie Ji asked you to come?"

For a moment, I felt that someone had punched my heart. The dull and heavy pain made me unable to blink, which reminded me that he used to do this action often.

I stabilized the pain and smiled at him, "...Shu Shu doesn't remember me anymore, I'm Xie Ji."

After hearing this, he frowned, looked at me suspiciously, got off the bed after a while, stood barefoot on the carpet, and said in an unhappy tone, "Xie Ji? Xie Ji will kiss me?"

He is very ill these days and he just doesn't recognize me, he will believe me when I say I am Xie Ji.

Immediately, I felt weak in my hands and feet, and got out of bed anxiously to hug him, "Because... because he loves you, so he will kiss you." I hugged him back to the bed and sat down, he still looked at me impatiently, "Nonsense! I'm not dead yet, how could he like me!"

This time, I feel like someone is hitting my heart with a different hammer. Many things I said before were angry words, but he remembered them all in his heart.what do I do.

April 1

He didn't sleep until midnight last night. I hugged him and slept until eight o'clock in the morning. Seeing his eyelashes trembling, I hugged him tighter with some trepidation.

He opened his eyes and looked at me in a daze. I was a little afraid that he would ask me who I was, and even breathed lightly. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a while, then suddenly smiled and said, "What's wrong with you, your eyes are so red."

At that moment, I felt all the sour and bitter taste in my heart welling up in my throat, and I was so choked up that I couldn't speak.

At noon, he cooked the meal. During the meal, he asked me, did you ask me any questions yesterday?I always feel like I'm forgetting something.

I asked that question again, he picked up food with chopsticks, he paused for a moment, I felt uneasy, but he just smiled, "Ring, you threw it under the viaduct at that time... I think I went to pick it up, but I was afraid of death, so I didn’t go.”

What happened next, I asked him.

He glanced at me, the smile on his face froze, and he said after a while: "I went to pick it up, and then when I went to find you the next day, I fell down the stairs and dirty the ring. Part of the bloodstain couldn't be wiped clean, so I threw it away."

Recently, there may be something wrong with my heart. When it hurts, it feels like being pierced by thousands of arrows, and then being pulled out one by one by someone, repeatedly piercing through.Half of my body was numb from the pain.

Seeing that I didn't speak, he picked a piece of braised pork for me, and just put it in my bowl, he quickly put it back, I looked up at him, and he stammered quickly: "I, I forgot you I don't like other people serving you food, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He smiled apologetically, stuffed the piece of meat into his mouth, and swallowed it eagerly.

Seeing him so afraid of me, I couldn't help curling up a little bit, obviously my heart was going to die of pain, but I still felt extremely tormented, it hurts, it hurts.

I dare not look at him anymore, and I dare not listen to him anymore.

It was me who killed him.

April 1

Today I accompanied him to the hospital to get medicine, he didn’t know Zhou Wanxing anymore, he just asked me secretly, this person looks familiar, do you recognize him?

I saw that Zhou Wanxing's hand writing the medical record trembled violently, he lowered his head lower, and the ink on the medical record was dizzy for a moment.

I told Yun Shu that we knew each other, he was our schoolboy.

Yun Shu let out a wow, and happily leaned over to look at Zhou Wanxing, and greeted him, I actually have such a good-looking junior, huh?What’s wrong with you?

I went out to pay the fee and asked Yun Shu to wait in Zhou Wanxing's office for a while. He nodded obediently, then lay on Zhou Wanxing's desk and asked in a low voice, junior, do you know him?He said he was Xie Ji, I always thought it was fake, how could Xie Ji treat me well?

I leaned on the wall outside the door, listening to his curious question, I was so sad that I couldn't even feel the pain in my heart, I just gently shook the jade pendant around my neck.

He often said, treat me better, just be better, and I will be very happy.

Be nice to him, I've been nice to him.

It's too late, too late, I treat him well and he doesn't know me anymore.

He doesn't know me anymore.