sunk into the earth

Cheng Sheng was in a semi-enclosed hospital. The hospital allowed family and friends to visit him, and allowed him to use his mobile phone and computer during the day, but all sharp objects were confiscated on the first day.At that time, he had just changed into a striped hospital gown, and the hospital staff searched the suitcase up and down in front of him, and found a sharpened Swiss Army knife and an ordinary fruit knife in the interlayer of the suitcase. and some pens.The nurse was not used to these sharp objects used for self-harm, so she skillfully threw them into a sealed box, and warned Cheng Sheng in a gentle tone: "Tell me when you really can't stand it, but don't feel self-harm. They will be tied up and given electroshock."

Cheng Sheng drooped his head, looked at the confiscated knife and pen in the box in the nurse's hand and nodded obediently.

When the nurse was explaining the precautions, Cheng Sheng suddenly received a text message. As soon as he glanced at it, his expression changed drastically. The original sleepy expression disappeared, and the next second he put on his coat and rushed out the door, heading straight to the door at the end of the corridor. Run by the window.

Seeing that this man didn't even say hello and ran out like a desperado, the nurse hurriedly followed him and shouted: "I haven't finished the precautions just explained!"

She ran to the balcony and finally caught Cheng Sheng who was muttering to the phone, panting behind him and said, "Mr. Cheng? We will have a full body examination tomorrow to rule out the possibility of organic disease."

Just halfway through the nurse’s talk, the strange man hung up the phone in a hurry. He glanced at the nurse in a daze, and quickly turned his head with a frown. He typed, deleted, and deleted on the phone with both hands. Looking back at her again, "Sorry, I have something urgent just now, please say it again."

"It's okay, it's okay." The nurse also ran panting heavily, and walked back with Cheng Sheng while stroking her breath, telling him on the way: "Get a good night's sleep today, and have a full-body examination tomorrow to rule out the possibility of organic disease." , Remember not to eat or drink water after getting up in the morning, we will have a laboratory test. In addition to taking medicine for the next month, you will also need biofeedback therapy and EEG therapy. EEG is non-invasive, so don’t worry.”

Speaking of this, the nurse freed up a hand to show Cheng Sheng what to do with the EEG on the spot behind her ear, "Stuck here, it won't hurt."

Cheng Sheng nodded, went back to the room and sat down next to the bed, raised his head and listened carefully to the nurse's instructions on the precautions for the next month. After listening, she took out a sheet from her hand and handed it to him, "Cognitive ability test , this is optional, if you are interested, you can fill it out, we will make another arrangement during the hospitalization.”

As she was talking, a man with thick eyebrows and big eyes came in from outside the door. Frank rushed to see Cheng Sheng, carrying a box of milk and fruit in his hand. As soon as he stepped into the door, he heard the last order from the nurse, put the things away. After serving the table, I asked the nurse: "I am his friend, can you tell me the precautions again? I can usually supervise him."

The nurse held the sealed box, which contained the knife and pen confiscated from Cheng Sheng's suitcase. She had no objection, and repeated it seriously. Nothing serious.After sending the nurse away, he leaned closer to Cheng Sheng's hospital bed, and said mysteriously, "It turns out that your illness has been resolved after such a long battle. No wonder just taking medicine before was not effective enough."

Sitting on his single bed, Cheng Sheng patted his legs and warned Frank: "Remember what we said, if Zhang Chen comes to ask you, you can't be tricked into telling the truth."

Frank clicked his tongue, "How could I be deceived by him, only you will be fascinated by him."

After seeing off Frank, who was dressed in business, Cheng Sheng lay alone on the bed for a while. The ceiling above his head and the surrounding walls were all pure white. I got up slowly, took advantage of the fact that I could still use the computer before 08:30, and tried my best to deal with the remaining work of the previous few days, until 08:30 when I handed in my mobile phone and computer on time, fell into bed and fell asleep for a peaceful sleep.

The next day, Cheng Sheng followed the nurse for a full-body examination, and spent the whole morning in this place. Fortunately, the results were surprisingly good, and the doctor did not find any organic disease on his body.In the afternoon, Cheng Sheng met the doctor who was in charge of him this month. It was the same female doctor who was outpatient that day. When she saw Cheng Sheng who opened the door and came in, she raised her head and smiled softly at him: "How do you feel?"

Cheng Sheng is most likely the patient in the hospital who hopes to be cured as soon as possible. He is very energetic, and he is actively cooperating with the treatment written all over his body. As soon as he sat down, he smiled at the doctor opposite: "I'm getting used to it, I hope you can hurry up." Get better."

The two had a face-to-face conversation about the basic knowledge of diseases. Cheng Sheng had a wide range of knowledge. He could extend ten sentences from what the doctor said. , Cheng Sheng leaned on the chair, carefully observed the smiling lips of the female doctor opposite, guessing in his heart that she was following him on purpose.

In the second half of the chat, the doctor began to dig into his past experience and the state of his parents when they were young. Cheng Sheng was very sensitive, and he understood the words as soon as he heard it, but he still became a little uncontrollably suffering. Leng Leng's hands kept tugging on the hospital gown, and his breathing gradually became short of breath.

The doctor on the opposite side noticed that something was wrong with him, turned around and poured him a glass of warm water to drink, and took advantage of his time to comfort him: "Take your time, don't worry."

Such slow words really slowed down Cheng Sheng, he gulped down a whole glass of water, rubbed his eye sockets a few times, and was about to speak when he heard the opposite doctor ask: "Tell me about your time studying abroad. "

The heart that had just been relieved was suspended again. This request caused Cheng Sheng to react suddenly, which was much more serious than before. He stood up abruptly, and even the empty cup was knocked down on the table and rolled around, leaving him naked ground.

The crisp sound of falling brought Cheng Sheng back to his senses, his originally stiff shoulders suddenly collapsed, he propped up the table with both hands, and kept repeating in his heart that what should be faced must always be faced, forcing the resistance in his heart , let the body slowly return to the seat.

"I never went out in my grad school years."

Cheng Sheng swallowed his saliva after saying this, and looked at the doctor opposite in confusion, the doctor gave him a look of encouragement, Cheng Sheng guessed what she meant: I can tolerate any extraordinary experiences.

Cheng Sheng stopped looking at her face, shifted his eyes to the table in front of him, and mustered up the courage to speak again, telling his past events that were not old, about the city he stayed in when he was studying: "The city I lived in used to be It's a steel industry city, it always reminds me of my partner's hometown, I lived there for several years, and lived with a mixed race. My roommate is much more lively than me, he always goes out to play, and tries to Persuaded me to go out with him for a walk. He drove to Los Angeles for vacation with a few good friends. When he came back, he described to me how beautiful the beach was, and urged me to see more nature. He saw that nature was not attractive to me and turned to me. Go in another direction and say that he went to Broadway to see The Lion King some time ago, thousands of seats were full, so I must go to see it. But I have never been there, I am in that shabby little apartment in Pittsburgh I study and study here. I am a computer student. It is normal to encounter bugs in our line of work, but I don’t know why. Once the program fails to run, I will crash, and I will be on the computer screen like a psychopath. Looking for what went wrong in the densely packed code, my eyes were dazzled after looking at it for too long, and I felt nauseous, so I ran to the bathroom to vomit, rinsed my mouth and washed my face, and then came back to do it again. The first year I met my mentor in a class, he gave me a lot of unexpected resources, I did a project with him for a while, in fact, I didn't contribute much in the laboratory, but he put my name Added it in the first work. He said that I am very suitable for academics, but I didn’t listen. I also told him that China is developing like a rocket, and there are many opportunities. I want to find a job after graduation. Seeing the pity in his eyes, that's when I should have realized that I might have made another wrong choice. No matter how careful I am, I'm always making the wrong choice."

The doctor on the opposite side listened carefully to him and never interrupted. Only when Cheng Sheng raised his head to look at her, she would give him an encouraging look, and then gently analyzed his past experiences.

In just one hour, Li Chengsheng has already developed great trust in her. He also talked about his family, the group of children he led when he was young, and how his father was worried about how he would live abroad alone. He knew that I was in a bad mental state and was afraid that I would die in the United States, so he asked a friend’s son who was also studying in the United States to find me. I know that person, and we always hurt the world together when we were young. Unfortunately, he is my most loyal little follower. I take him up the tree and up the chimney. When he looks down from the tree branch, he always pees his pants in fright. I sit on another tree and laugh at him. Make faces and laugh at him as a coward. The day he came to see me, he was accompanied by a beautiful girlfriend with an awl face. The two of them were very well dressed, wearing designer bags and hundreds of thousands of watches. The person who ran out. When I opened the door, I saw their surprised expressions, that person looked me up and down with incredible eyes, and the first thing he said was, "Cheng Sheng, how did you become like this?"

"And my partner, do you want to hear it?"

The doctor nodded, stared at his dry and bleeding lips, handed him a tissue, turned around and fetched him a glass of warm water again.

With his head held high, Cheng Sheng was not afraid of the light above his head. He squinted his eyes and looked at the ceiling. He waited for the doctor to sit opposite him again, and then spoke intermittently: "My partner, I love him and hate him. At first I hated him for forgetting me. Later, I hated him for having such a good memory. Do you know? In order to let him not forget that I smashed a scar on his back with a steel rod, but when we met again, he acted as if he didn’t recognize me at all. I thought it was because he had suffered too many injuries, and a mere scar was not worth remembering for ten years. But then I discovered his secret in a room in his recording studio, and we had already lived together at that time. The things that fell there some time ago accidentally broke into a room next to the musical instrument room. The room was airtight and didn't even have a window. I always have endless curiosity about my partner, so in the room After wandering around, I uncontrollably opened the big cabinet in the corner of the room. The wooden cabinet was stuffed to the brim, with an admission letter, a rusty radio, many old tapes and discs lying in the middle. Holding a delicate packaging box that didn’t fit in, I made another wrong decision—I opened the packaging box, and there was a drum stick lying inside, and next to the drum stick were scattered women’s hair clips.”

Speaking of this, Cheng Sheng's lips trembled uncontrollably, but this is perfectly normal in psychological intervention treatment. Cheng Sheng knew it himself, took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, and then said: "He didn't forget, even hurt me. He didn't forget about it."

After talking with the doctor, Cheng Sheng's condition improved a lot. After he came out of the door with his big swollen eyes, he was still in the mood to joke with the nurse. The nurse who led him saw that he was in such a good condition, and said with emotion: "You can be regarded as the sweetest man in this period of time." An obedient patient."

Cheng Shengxiao: "I want to get well soon."

On the way back, he passed a double ward. As soon as he approached, he heard the sound of thumping and heart-piercing screams. Cheng Sheng stood still at the door and looked inside curiously. He saw a The burly man was pressed to the ground by several male nurses. He was holding a broken toothbrush tightly in his twitching hand. The toothbrush and his arm were covered with blood. The sunlight outside the window enveloped the twitching man on the ground. Sheng Sheng and the man who was pressed on the ground inadvertently met eyes, and saw him frowning and staring at him, babbling and yelling to give me a good time.Those eyes were filled with some kind of longing, and the scary thing was that Cheng Sheng could understand such eyes.He turned his head in panic, stumbled a lot out of thin air on the flat ground in the panic, but before he fell to the ground, he was forcefully dragged into the ward by the nurse in charge of him.

After returning to the room, Cheng Sheng kept thinking about the man who was pinned down on the ground, thinking about his eyes full of some kind of longing, and halfway through thinking about it, he felt scared, he was afraid that he would be affected by his patients to return to zero as soon as he got better.

This night was really difficult. All the mobile phones and computers were confiscated by the nurse at 08:30 in the evening. The nurse in charge of him supervised him to eat, take medicine and drink water like a warden in charge of prisoners. Go to the duty room by yourself.

There was only a small warm yellow lamp on in the room, and Cheng Sheng lay on his back in large characters, rolling over and over on the bed with his eyes wide open. It was so hard that he kicked the quilt and kicked the table with all his strength, making the whole room jingle .

After a while, the nurse was called by his movement. She pushed open the door with a bitter face, saw that Cheng Sheng fell silent when she saw her, and didn't say anything to criticize. After looking around the room and finding that he had no other self-harm behavior, she finally He breathed a sigh of relief, comforted him with a good voice, and returned to his duty room after a while.

It was almost twelve o'clock when Cheng Sheng sneaked into the corridor. In just two days, he was almost driven crazy by this small and confined space. Walked back and forth in the corridor for a long time before returning.

There are voice-activated lights in the corridor, and Cheng Sheng stepped on the floor loudly. When he passed by other wards, he heard the sound of banging against the wall. He guessed in his heart that all the self-harm tools were confiscated from the people inside, and he had to use this method to relieve the pain. .

He doesn't have any special views on these things. He is too aware of the pain of holding everything in his heart, and he only thinks that it is a good thing to relieve the pain at the moment.

Cheng Sheng didn't think much, and strolled back to the door of his ward. When he was about to open the door, he suddenly felt something was wrong. There was a faint light in the room slipping out through the crack of the door. When I came out of the dark ward, I didn't go in rashly.

Everything that could be used as a weapon had been confiscated long ago. Cheng Sheng bent over to take off a slipper tremblingly, and pushed the door through a narrow opening. However, before he could peek inside, the incandescent lamp in the room suddenly lit up.

Cheng Sheng was caught off guard by the sudden bright light, and just as he turned his head in a panic to call for the nurse at the top of his voice, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Cheng Sheng."

Cheng Sheng froze in place for an instant, his hand was still on the doorknob, but he didn't have the courage to turn his head.

The people behind didn't speak, as if they were waiting for him to speak up.

The two of them were deadlocked at night, and within a few minutes the hospital gown on Cheng Sheng's body was soaked in the cold sweat that just broke out.After a few more minutes, he finally had the courage to turn around, lowered his head and slowly opened the door in front of him.

Sitting in a bright room was a familiar person. Zhang Chen was leaning against his bedside, holding his medical certificate and homework notes from the past two days in his hand, looking straight at Cheng Sheng who was standing at the door with his back leaning on him. , shaking a few pages of paper in his hand, and asked: "Bipolar disorder? Ten years of medical history?"

Seeing that Cheng Sheng didn't move or answer, Zhang Chen nodded, and asked again: "Is the injury on your leg a self-inflicted injury? You didn't feel tired after working overtime a while ago, and you kept pestering me at night because you were in an irritable period? "

Cheng Sheng nodded stiffly, and just as he was about to open his mouth to explain something, Zhang Chen said, "I thought my sin was almost finished, but I didn't expect that there would be a bigger one waiting for me."