hell cycle

The author has something to say: "The Pretender" has come to an end. I saw a sentence on Weibo, to the effect that although the actors will act in other plays, Minglou, Mingcheng, Mingjing, and Mingtai are really over. Yes, um, it's a pity, to be honest, there are not too many domestic dramas that can really make people into the drama, I really don't want to part with it.

However, in fact, one of the big reasons for loving and even writing about doujin is that you can’t bear it. You don’t want your favorite characters to end like this, and you want them to live longer and longer in your own stories.

Well, the lyrical end is over, what I really want to say is, I went, I really wanted to die ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!The same person of the spy war drama is too fucking difficult to write, especially for people like me who are addicted to textual research. I have followed the full version of the pretender in the past two days, and then read the original work. The whole structure is too complete and tight, and some The feeling of having nowhere to start.

Grab your hair, it's f*cking hard to write a spy war fanfic.

Do your best.

Every time it starts with Aunt Gui, the woman he used to call mother, he is actually a little tired, facing this woman, he neither hates nor loves, all love and hatred are worn out in the cycle of reincarnation , It’s just that he doesn’t understand, why every time he starts, he can’t avoid this woman, why can’t his life start from other places?

The first thing Aunt Gui did when she brought him back from the orphanage was to give him a bath. In the large bathtub, Aunt Gui wiped his body while pouring warm water on his head with a kettle to give him a warm bath. Shampooing his hair so gently and carefully reminded him of the last time Mingjing washed Mingtai's hair.

He remembered standing there watching that scene, many times.

He remembered the first time, the crazy jealousy in his heart, why do you have a sister to wash your hair, I don't?Why do you have someone who loves me?Why are we the same human beings and orphans, and our destinies are so different?

Just as he was jealous of Mingtai's position in Minglou's heart, he was also jealous of Mingtai's much luckier fate than himself.

Because of this jealousy, he killed Mingtai.

The second time, he was still jealous, crazily jealous, but he had the same doting smile on his face as Ming Jing. The most beloved little brother.

In that life, he was kind to Mingtai, very good, both hard and soft, because he was younger, and Mingtai would tell him many "men's topics" that he couldn't tell Mingjing, and the troubles he couldn't tell his elder brother Minglou. He endured the jealousy and darkness in his heart, helped Mingtai clean up the mess, made jokes with Mingtai, and did some not-so-magnificent things together.

He died in that life, and died at the hands of the Japanese. Hey, after spending so much time, I don't know if Mingtai was sad for him in the end.

……

Thinking about it now, Ah Cheng felt that he put too much thought on the Ming family, so much so that he ignored too many other scenery. In fact, Aunt Gui also gently washed his hair before knowing the truth.

Stretching out his hand to fiddle with the water in the tub, Ah Cheng thought, maybe in this life he can try to keep Aunt Gui from becoming a lunatic.

Is it because he feels sorry for Aunt Gui?Because he forgave Aunt Gui?

neither.

It's just that he was a little tired of playing this kind of dramatic game of mother-son rivalry with Aunt Gui.

Aunt Gui was poor and couldn't afford the high-end Western washing products of the Ming family, so she could only wash his hair with soap and water to clean him. Aunt Gui picked him up with a bath towel made from old clothes, Said: "The fragrance is fragrant, and the washing is in vain." Speaking of coaxing the child in this way, Aunt Gui looked at his eyes full of love and tenderness, and said, "Ah Cheng, your name is A Cheng. Name, come on, Ah Cheng, call me Mom."

He looked at Aunt Gui without moving or speaking.

Aunt Gui was not angry, she smiled and said, "Okay, I can't speak now, it will get better slowly."

At night, he was lying on that little bed, and Aunt Gui was still asleep. Under the lamp, Aunt Gui was making clothes for her. Under the dim light, Ah Cheng thought: How can I become the most important person in Minglou's heart? ?

The most important thing in Minglou's heart is always his belief, followed by Mingjing and Mingtai, himself...he has been with Minglou in several lifetimes, and only he has been with Minglou from beginning to end, but he doesn't know and dare not ask In Minglou's heart, what is he?

He knew that Minglou would show him a side that he didn't have in front of others, would show his fragility and exhaustion, but so what?Minglou will eventually get married, have a wife and have children, and he will gradually become a person who is as close as brothers and sisters, but in the end...he is not the one who will form a family with Minglou until he grows old.

Suddenly, Mingcheng was startled.

He never felt that Minglou had ever fallen in love with anyone. Unlike Mingtai, maybe Minglou once really loved Wang Manchun, but that was only at that point in time. When Wang Manchun changed and became a traitor and lackey, Minglou His love is also dead, with layers of masks on his face, and as the situation becomes more and more critical, Minglou has no chance to express his feelings, even if there are a few times, Minglou finally gets married and has children, He also didn't feel that those women had really walked into Minglou's heart, at most they were just plain companionship, like watery family affection.

Maybe being a pretender for too long, Minglou has long lost the ability to love.

What if he made Minglou fall in love with him?

In that case, would Minglou regard him as the most important person?

"It's ready, Cheng, come and have a try." Aunt Gui's voice interrupted his train of thought. Since she planned to take Cheng home, Aunt Gui went to buy a new piece of cloth and wanted to send a piece to Cheng. The new clothes, the clothes that have been sewn for several days are finally ready, and Aunt Gui is very happy to ask Ah Cheng to try them on.

Ah Cheng obediently let Aunt Gui put clothes on him, still thinking about the earth-shattering idea just now.

Can he make Minglou fall in love with him?