sleepy sand

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For a period of time after that, I devoted myself even more crazily to various club activities, and even studied in the library until late every day. vent everywhere.Lulu also came directly to the school because he couldn't find me on the phone.

Without waiting for her to speak, I asked right away: "Lulu, if you love someone, you will be attached to him. Is this person all your thoughts?"

Lulu was stunned, she didn't understand what was wrong with me, and she would ask her such a question.

"Yeah, it can be said that if you love someone, you will only think about him, want him to be good, want to see him every day, want to hold him, and never let go."

After listening to her words, I just felt a splitting headache.The heart is as uncomfortable as being strangled.

"Nanying, what's the matter with you? Have you been in contact with Xu Dong recently? He said he wanted to introduce his girlfriend to you..."

"Stop it!" I yelled at Lulu for the first time in my life.

"What's wrong with you?" She grabbed me and asked loudly.

"Lulu, have I ever been attached to anything?"

She was stunned, and said, "I haven't seen it before. Except for hearing from your mother that you were attached to a pacifier when you were young, it seems that you have never been attached to anything."

This time I suddenly figured it out, the dark clouds in my heart cleared, and I was finally able to look directly at myself. Such a simple question took me so long to think about.

I laughed, knowing what I mean, what else can I suppress?

"Lulu, I'm finally beginning to experience persistence."

"Nan Ying?"

"I finally found out that I have been attached to one person for a long time. I fell in love with him. I never thought that people like me would be attached. I thought I would never learn to be attached in my life?"

Lulu grasped my hand tightly, his voice trembling slightly, "Who? The one you fell in love with... No, don't tell me that name!"

"Xu Dong." I actually fell in love with someone of the same sex, "You should know."

"I, I didn't think you would really fall in love with him, he is also a boy! You are the same sex! You just mistook friendship for friendship!"

Faced with Lulu's anxiety, I was calm instead. "I'm not mistaken, I have always cared about him, followed him, forced him to be my friend, and followed him to the university here. I heard that he had a girlfriend and even cried in heartache. I want to catch him. Hold him tightly, and I only want him in my heart, isn't this an attachment? Isn't this a sign of loving someone?"

"No, no! You're not gay!" Lulu cried, turned around and ran away.

Am I gay?I think so.I really like Xu Dong who is the same gender.Yes, I fell in love with him, his completely different personality from mine, and his dedication to his favorite studies, these are the qualities that attract me.However, he and I are both boys and should not be together. If I tell him that I love him, then I will lose him as a friend forever.

Once I understood and accepted the fact that I fell in love with Xu Dong, I couldn't control myself to miss him, wondering if he took good care of himself, what he was doing, and him and his girlfriend.Damn it!I'm actually jealous, I'm really jealous of the girl who can be by Xu Dong's side.I never knew the feeling of jealousy is like slowly slashing my heart with a blunt knife, so hard that I just want to kill their school, separate them with force, grab Xu Dong's hand and tell the girl : "Xu Dong is mine, you don't have to dream anymore."

But I can't.

Love is making the other person happy.

That's what the lovelorn golfer said.

I believe his words, so I can't hurt Xu Dong with my unreasonable love, he is so pale and rigid, he will be scared to death by me.

Since I didn't mention my feelings for Xu Dong again, Lu Lu didn't say anything anymore, we are still good friends.But we all know in our hearts that I am not joking.

And the feeling of forcing myself not to see the person I love and isolating myself from all his news is unimaginable to others.When I happened to meet Xu Dong on the street during the winter vacation of my sophomore year, tears almost welled up in my eyes. I said hello and fled in embarrassment, otherwise I probably couldn't restrain the urge to hold him in my arms.

As soon as the second semester of my sophomore year started, I received a call from Xu Dong. His voice was very weak, and he said that he had broken up with his girlfriend.I was almost excited to shout "Long live" here. I admit that I am inferior, but no one will sympathize with my rival in love.Xu Dong asked me, can he come to my place, my answer is of course no problem.He will come to show that I am still important in his heart.

On the day Xu Dong came, I had an important basketball game. He was watching from the sidelines, and I was surprisingly brave. I scored more than [-] points and several rebounds alone, which caused countless girls to scream.But I was only for one person, and I was [-]% devoted only to win Xu Dong's smile. I always turned to look at him, and seeing his smile, I felt that I was full of strength.As soon as the game was over, I rejected the celebration banquet for my teammates and took Xu Dong back to the dormitory.

It was the weekend, and all the local roommates went home, only Xu Dong and I were alone.

When the two of us were together, he seemed very lonely. It seemed that being broken up was a big blow to him. He didn't dare to look at me because he was afraid that I would ask him.What kind of girl is that, how can she capture Xu Dong's heart, how can she hurt him!I also want to hold his heart firmly, and I will never make him sad.But I'm not qualified to say that, I hated that girl who didn't know how to cherish Xu Dong in my heart.

"Xu Dong, are you okay?"

"Huh?" He looked at me with a hurt expression, which made me want to hug him tightly.

"Where there is no fragrant grass at the end of the world, why bother to love only one flower."

I have always boasted that I have a brilliant tongue, why do I only say this to people who are broken in love?Probably because I am also a lovelorn person.

Xu Dong's expression contains too many things that I can't read, and I have never read other people's minds, right?

"I dumped that girl."

Hearing his words, I was taken aback for a moment, I was wrong.

"I feel bad, I feel so mean, I don't like her at all..."

He doesn't like her, so why would he?

We all stopped talking and sat side by side for a long time.

"That hourglass..."

Xu Dong suddenly looked at the hourglass on my bookshelf.

"That, it's Lulu's birthday present to me, the 16th birthday present."

Xu Dong reached out and picked it up, "Then it accompanied you through the three years of high school." His voice was low, "It records your time."

"Are you also so romantic?" I laughed, why did he sound a bit jealous, hehe, I really know how to comfort myself, how could he have such a feeling for a small hourglass inexplicably? Woolen cloth?I'm really nervous.

Xu Dong smiled shyly, and that smile stunned me.He rarely smiles, so I cherish this scene even more, wishing to engrave his rare smile in my heart.

"I know people say I'm a 'nerd.'"

Yes, I think so too, Xu Dong is a real nerd, his obsession with knowledge is unparalleled.

That night, I chatted with him all night.We've never been as close as we were that night. We talked a lot about our past life, the silly things we did as children, the books we read, and the dreams we had that never came true.But most of the time it was me who was talking, and he was just playing with the hourglass carefully, tilting his head and listening to me talking about my ugly things.

At that time, I hoped that time could stop. If time could stop at that night, I would trade everything for it.

Indeed, to this day I am still begging for time to stay on that day.Looking at Xu Dong, who is still not good at speaking and unable to blend into the crowd after more than ten years, my tears are about to flow down again.How could I, who was always strong and free, become so fragile when I faced Xu Dong?I want to cry at every turn, I want to hug Xu Dong tightly, and really cry aloud, but this is just my extravagant wish.Every time I look at the hourglass, it reminds me of Xu Dong playing with it that night, he quietly watched the flowing fine sand, that scene is the most tender memory in my heart, always surrounding me.

"Nanying, are you okay?" Lulu got rid of many old classmates around him, sat beside me, and put his arms around my shoulders. "I'm worried about you, do you know that from the moment Xu Dong walked through this door, your eyes never took off from him."

I smiled lightly and nodded.I don't need to hide it in front of her. She is Lu Ping, a woman who despises the world. She was finally able to understand my feelings, and she tolerated everything about me.I am only attached to one person in my life, except for Xu Dong, I have never spent so much energy on anyone. This kind of me, such emotions may not be tolerated in the world, and I don’t need other people’s approval. I will go my own way, I will Free and easy, but if my best friend can forgive me, how could I not be moved.

Holding on to a love affair that cannot be recognized, I am like swallowing bitter wine, unable to explain it to outsiders, and unable to dismiss it. At the age of 20, I am also a young and frivolous boy full of fantasies. I have no place to vent my energy and drive. Although I tell myself that I must never hurt Xu Dong with love that goes against the world, it erodes my love all the time and makes me crazy. , I played basketball desperately, participated in club activities, and even went to work, but I still couldn't suppress my feelings for Xu Dong.If I could, I would rush to Xu Dong's school and tell him loudly that I love him, but I can't.I have tried to make myself not