sleepy sand

I want to see him, but it's just in vain. My thoughts don't weaken, but accumulate day by day.After Xu Dong broke up in love, I often went to their school. People thought I was looking for Lulu, but Lulu and I both knew that I was for Xu Dong.

Xu Dong was studying every day, so I didn't dare to disturb him, so I brought my books to accompany him to the self-study, and I would definitely go on the road.Sometimes, I just pretended to pass by where he was with Lulu, chatted a few words and left in a hurry.Don't let others notice it, let alone make Xu Dong suspect it.It was so secretive, and the days of traveling between the two places passed for a long time until the end of the junior year.Although it was hard work, I was content to see him.

In the long-term love, I have been satisfied with this state, longing for the stillness of time.

I am also worried that such a time will be broken, once I face that day, what kind of things will I do?

In the senior year, we were all busy looking for jobs, and Xu Dong was busy reviewing for the postgraduate entrance examination.During the winter vacation, Lulu and I went to a company in Guangzhou to check the situation. Both families hope that we can stay together all the time so that we can take care of each other.

When I got home during the Chinese New Year, I immediately called Xu Dong, and I asked him to meet after hearing that his tone was very listless.Waiting for Xu Dong in the slightly cold wind, I was always worried about him, when I saw him coming, my body went over and hugged him before my thoughts.Xu Dong pushed me away nervously, his pale face suddenly flushed red.He glared at me, then walked away silently.

"Xu Dong, it's a joke! What's wrong with you, you have a gloomy face, like a big girl."

I immediately calmed down and followed him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

But he walked a few steps quickly, avoiding my hand.

"Hey, brother, what's wrong with you?" The atmosphere seemed really wrong, but I really didn't know what happened to him.

"Have you already decided on your job?" Xu Dong suddenly became concerned about my job, and my heart became excited. This was the first time he asked me about it.

"Yeah, Lulu and I signed the contract together this time. We are together, and the company is not bad." I don't want to walk away from Xu Dong's side, but he will definitely be admitted to graduate school and will study for a doctorate in the future... I don't want to stagnate, otherwise I will not be qualified to stand beside him. I want to succeed and become a person who is not inferior to stand beside him.Even if I am destined to be only a friend by his side, I will also be a friend worthy of his pride.

"You and Lu Ping have such a good relationship."

"When..." Turning my head suddenly, I found that Xu Dong's face was as pale as paper, and his expression was painful and depressed. "What's the matter, are you sick? Why is your face so bad?"

I stretched out my hand to pull him, but he shook my hand away and said loudly, "Leave me alone!"

I was stunned. In the five years I have known him, he has never lost his temper. It should be said that he rarely has emotional fluctuations, so I didn't know how to treat him like this, and I panicked for a while.

"Xu, Xu Dong, don't scare me, what's wrong with you?" If a hippie smile is useful, then I will definitely use what I have learned all my life, but it is a pity that Xu Dong always has a cold face. "Can you give me a good time, seeing you like this, I am anxious!"

Xu Dong glanced at me, turned his head away, and said in a low voice: "You are really kind to Lu Ping. You often visit her at school, accompany her in self-study, take her to football games and concerts, and help her deal with pestering her. Her suitor, even found a job together. I really envy her, it's great to have a friend like you."

He is for this?Wait, did I hear you right, is he jealous of Lulu, or am I getting it wrong?

"Lulu and I are good friends."

"Good friend?" Xu Dong raised his voice, "Yes, she is your good friend, she is the only one who can attract your attention among all the people, you who are never attached, always attached to her!"

"No! What you said is wrong!" I was suddenly agitated, and I felt that my brain was congested and I almost lost my mind. "Lulu is not the person I am attached to, no, no! You are wrong, how can you misunderstand me!"

I grabbed Xu Dong's shoulder hard, causing him to cry out in pain, but my reason was not awakened.

"It's you, the person I'm attached to is you, it's you!"

My words frightened Xu Dong, he looked at me in surprise, his eyes full of panic.

"Everything I do is for you, I dare not tell you, I want to see you every day, I want to see you! But I can't let you know, I can only pretend to look at Lulu, and then look at you, I can't let others Discovered, let alone let you know."

"You, don't be kidding..."

I frowned and sighed. "I may often joke, but now I definitely don't. I was going to never let you know, but now I tell you clearly, I love you, Xu Dong."

"You, you're crazy!" Xu Dong shook off me, his voice trembling, "How could you, you..."

"I'm not crazy, I'm sober, I've always only had you in my eyes, I've been persistent for you to this day, for you and me..." Now that I've said it all, let's just say it clearly.

"Stop talking!" Xu Dong got angry and yelled.

"You made me say it, didn't you?"

"No, I never said anything! How can you like me?"

"Why can't I like you? Just because we are all men? Love is so superficial?"

"You?! You're crazy! So, such a disgusting thing..."

I was also irritated. "Disgusting? You think so!" At this moment, I finally understood the feelings of that golfer whose heart was broken into powder. My heart was also blown away by the cold wind, and there was nothing left. "Yeah, disgusting, that's right." After saying this, all my strength was pulled away, and my weak legs could hardly support my body.This is my feeling, a feeling that cannot be accepted by the world, what else can I justify for myself?The only thing to do is to exit and disappear from Xu Dong's presence forever.

In the last half year of college, I didn't know how I made it through. I was completely cut off from Xu Dong's world, and I completely lost the qualification to be close to him.I seem to have spent those half a year in various send-off parties, drinking hard.It was also at that time that I practiced the extraordinary ability of not getting drunk after a thousand cups. It turned out that the saying "one drunk can solve a thousand worries" is a lie. Drunkness is elusive for me. People who can't get drunk can only suppress the pain and dare not cry.

After graduating from university, I frantically fled the city with Xu Dong, and never dared to touch his life again.

The class reunion lasted until late at night. Most people were slightly drunk, but I was still sober. After ten years, I still couldn't get rid of it.

"Time flies and we all change."

"Yeah, everyone has their own new direction, a new life."

Hearing the remarks of my old classmates around me, I was stunned.

"But Han Nanying is still the same, she is still so chic, I am so envious!"

"Me?" Something exploded in my head, "I haven't changed, I'm still the same."

Like sand trapped in an hourglass, voluntarily trapped in the hourglass that Xu Dong played with repeatedly that night.

Everyone is changing, everyone's time is constantly moving forward.

only me……

When I left, I leaned on Lulu with my whole body.As she has been for so many years, she is always there for me, not in love, not just in friendship.

How much do I owe...

"Nanying."

I froze, it was his voice.

turn around -

"Thank you, and I'm sorry."

After he finished speaking, he turned and walked away quickly.

I could see clearly that he was crying, and at the same time that tears were falling, he left...

(end)

In fact, this article was conceived when I was working on my graduation project. At that time, the school was closed due to SARS, and I was a little unhappy. I felt that life was actually like this, and it came to a full stop where there were many regrets and self-consciousness.