lose

April 2011

Tong Yanxing

During the semi-finals, I came to the competition venue, sat under the stage, and watched the judges comment on all the works.

My work is temporarily ranked No.2. The author of No.1 is a woman with a flamboyant and confident personality, wearing a red suit dress.

She expressed her affection for me without hesitation.

I smiled, held up my left hand to show her my ring, and said, "I'm married!"

Although she was unwilling, she still smiled confidently and said, "Then, I will wait until the day you get divorced to find you again!"

I said, "You can never wait for that day!"

There will never be that day...

On the way home, more than a dozen cars passed by, they were wedding cars.

I watched them drive past with mixed feelings.

Their wedding is really grand, and they can show their happiness in front of everyone.

Thinking of my wedding with Zhanning, although it was simple, I never felt so happy!

In May, when our gowns arrived, Zhanning's health was getting worse and worse. He was so thin that he couldn't even put on the gowns, and his hair had already fallen out.

Zhan Ning was very sad, and also looked a little embarrassed. Every day when I came, he always put that thin sheet over his head, revealing his two big eyes.

Whenever I feel funny at this time, but very distressed.So I bought him a hat that he wears on his head every day.

He was looking forward to the wedding, guessing every day what it would be like and where it would be held.Whenever at this time, I raised my hand to rub his face and said, "Just as long as you are happy!"

I've never seen him so happy.

He can't get up now, and he can't take care of his daily life, so he can only rely on me.

Every time I help him wipe his body, he becomes skinny, and the butterfly bone on his back stands tall, as if a butterfly will really break free from his body and fly away.

Whenever this happens, I always feel bad.

Because of Zhanning's illness, I once thought about whether to advance the wedding date, but he just shook his head

Say don't spoil your parents' good intentions.

He said, I can get through it!

The day before the wedding, while preparing for the next day's affairs, Zhan Ning's condition suddenly relapsed, and the doctor issued a critical illness notice after several hours of first aid.

At that moment I really want to collapse!Why is God so unfair to us!

Looking at Zhanning's pale face, I couldn't stand at all, I could only lean against the wall to support myself.

Finally settled down, I tremblingly approached the bed and tucked the quilt for him.Looking at the drowsy Zhan Ning, the things that had been suppressed for a long time finally fell out of his eye sockets drop by drop.

"You will definitely get through it!" I leaned down gently, and pressed a kiss on his forehead, tears fell on the corners of his eyes.

I'm almost in the hospital now, since I established a relationship with Zhanning, I have to watch over him and take care of him every day.I don't find it bothersome and I'm glad he can rely on me.

When Zhanning woke up in the evening, he was very sad and felt that he would ruin the wedding.

I said no, as long as you are here, we can hold it no matter where.

Zhanning nodded, and I told him to rest obediently.Yan'an came over when I watched him until midnight.

He said you should go to sleep for a while, tomorrow is your wedding.

I don't hold back, I really need to be in the best shape to complete this process.

But I still woke up very early, I don't know why I feel a little flustered, I always feel uneasy, this can't be pre-marital phobia.But when I saw Zhanning, I knew the answer.

After eight o'clock in the morning, the sun shone warmly into the ward. Zhanning changed into his gown and sat by the bed.The cheeks were gently touched by the sun, covering them with a faint light.

He is in surprisingly good spirits today.

People who don't know will think that he is in good health...

but……

Isn't that...

I was about to cry almost immediately, Yan An elbowed me, and I forced back the tears.

Zhanning turned his head and smiled at me.

His face was very calm, except for the expectation of the upcoming wedding, there was no trace of...fear of death...

The wedding was held in the ward. There were not many people, but it was still full.

My father is the officiant.

Father's steady voice sounded in the room. He read a sentence, and we read a sentence.At the end, I said: "I, Tong Yanxing, will only love Xiao Zhanning for the rest of my life. Regardless of health or disease, I will live forever and never leave!"

Zhanning's eyes were filled with tears.

When it was time to exchange the rings, I gently raised his hand and slipped the rings in.Then I remembered a poem.

Hold your hand and grow old together.

When Zhanning put the ring on me, he... still fell down...

The panic in my heart finally spewed out, fear, panic, and the feeling of being cut by a knife occupied my heart.

Is he really going to leave me?

Zhanning didn't speak because he had no strength left.His eyes were red, and his eyes turned around among the people around him, as if he wanted to remember everyone firmly.

His body was still warm, I hugged him tightly, I didn't want to let go, I felt that if I let go, I would never be able to hug him again.

Zhanning also wanted to hug me back tightly, but he didn't have much strength, so he could only grab my arm.

Instead of spending all his time with us, he looked away a little bit out the window.

Following his gaze, a tree sprouted, very cute and full of vitality.

Wordlessly, I tightened my arms again.

He said, "Tong Yanxing, can I get some sleep?"

I understand what kind of concept this is, I choked up and pulled up his palm, clasping it tightly.

I said, "Well, go to sleep, I'm right here."

Zhanning smiled, he moved closer to my arms again, nodded, stretched his neck and whispered in my ear: "Tong Yanxing, I have always... always, loved you very much."

This is his first real confession to me!

This is also the first time for him to truly express his love!The relationship with me will last until death...

I know, I've always known...

Zhanning, even if you don't tell me, I still know...

I looked at him in my arms and smiled, closed my eyes, and exhaled my last breath...

His outstretched hand fell to the side...

At this moment, I heard the sound of my heart breaking instantly...

Since then, he is no longer in this world...

Since then, he has completely disappeared from my life...

From now on, I can never touch him again...

From now on...

I won't be able to see him again...

i forever and ever...

lost him...

I closed my eyes, the hot tears still broke free, drop by drop, dripping down on Zhanning's face...

There was a dead silence in the ward.

Auntie uttered the cry first, she wailed and struggled, uncle and Xiaoyu held her tightly, and she tried desperately to push them away.

The cries grew louder, and the sound of despair filled the room.

In such a crowd of voices, I stared blankly at the person in my arms, unable to say a word.

"Honey, I really... love you very much!"

I gently hugged him and pressed a last kiss on his cold lips.

I love you at the end, you heard that, right?

Tears welled up again, I didn't want to let him go, I really didn't want to...

I whispered, and said the last sentence in his ear, the voice was very soft, after all, I only heard my own voice...

Zhanning, we will continue our relationship in the next life...