lose

April 2010

Tong Yanxing:

My name is Tong Yanxing.I am 24 years old and married.Live in S City.

The person I like, that is, my partner is Xiao Zhanning, a boy with clear eyes and a bright smile.

Yes, boys.I never thought that there is anything wrong with falling in love with a boy, I love him, he loves me, it's that simple.

But he passed away and never came back!When I think about it, I just follow him away.

Now I go to work and go home mechanically every day.Although, it's not a home anymore.

Every day when I go back, I sit in the empty living room, drinking one glass after another.Get drunk so you won't think about him anymore.

When I miss him, I can only hold his picture.Seeing him forever frozen at the age of 20, seeing him wearing a white T-shirt, seeing him standing under a tree, smiling at me...

But now I can only anesthetize myself with alcohol. I try to stop thinking about him when I am drunk, but every time I see him in my dream when I am drunk, it is on the day of our wedding that he collapsed and died in my arms. look.

Whenever this happens, my elder brother will come over, take me to the bathroom, and spray water on me with the shower head.I know Yan An is angry with me, but there is nothing I can do about it.

I also know that my parents are very sad. When I fell in love with Zhanning desperately and wanted to marry him, my parents agreed to the marriage because they loved me and out of pity for Zhanning.After Zhanning passed away, they gently advised me to find a good girl.

But I can't do it.My heart has already gone with Zhanning, I can't think about him and live with other people.

On holidays I would always drive out to the meadow on that hillside and lay there all day.

This is the secret base of Zhanning and I, and it is here that he accepted my love for him.We'll run here as soon as we have free time.She sneaked out without telling her parents, doctors or nurses...

But... now, I'm really the only one left...

Thinking about it, I seemed to see Zhan Ning lying beside me again, smiling at me with his head tilted...

I smiled and closed my eyes, but the tears slid down...

Darling, I miss you so much...